"What did Jack say?" he asked.

"He doesn't know. He had no idea where I'd hidden. He never went near the boat shed. He got mad at Sammy when he swung on the door." Nathan wrapped his hand around hers, and held her tight. "Jack more or less told me he'd slept with his mother. Maybe he and Steven did, maybe neither of them." He sighed. "I can't believe this."

Kate wanted to talk now. She'd opened a door and had to go all the way through. "I think Jack might have killed my mom." Nathan raised startled eyes to hers.

She took a deep breath. "Mom was a patient in Ashlands at the same time as Jack. She was found hanging with her dressing gown cord attached to the door handle of her room. They said it was suicide."

"Why would Jack kill her?"

"I think he recognized me when I visited her and I think he pursued her like he did Alison. He told me he'd slept with my mother, got her pregnant but she had an abortion. I don't know if that was true, but I do know she wouldn't have kept a baby. She regretted having me. I think Jack got angry at her because of the way she treated me."

She looked into Nathan's dark eyes. "I've had a long time to think about this, Nathan. There's something about mothers that's the key. One thing I know for certain is Jack adored his mom. She was the only person who ever loved him. The only one who ever will."

"Don't tell me you feel sorry for him."

"I hate him." Kate took a deep breath and let her thoughts run out of her mouth. "He's evil. He raped me and beat me. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. I think he killed his mother because he couldn't stand the idea of her loving a new baby. He's obsessed with the idea he's been abandoned. His father dumped him in a psychiatric hospital after his mother died and never visited.

Jack said something about wanting to show his dad he'd changed, that he was a family man. He wants his father to love him and he has some warped idea that by marrying me and giving me a child he was putting everything right."

"Christ," Nathan mumbled.

"Jack probably thinks you've let him down as well." He gave a short laugh. "Now I'm the one in the wrong?"

"Of course not, but you sought him out. All of a sudden, he has an older brother, someone who should love him. I know he did something terrible to you but he doesn't see things the same way as other people. He probably thinks he did you a favor, showing you Alison wasn't fit to be your wife. Then you dumped him.

He can't forgive people who do that, even if by killing them he loses them." Nathan shook his head. "I don't think I realized how crazy he is."

"Every time I asked him to let us go or tried to run away, the punishment got worse. The one time I ran without Sammy, Jack really hurt me." She shivered.

"Leaving Sammy behind was the worst thing I could have done. I was lucky Jack didn't kill me."

Nathan rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. Kate took a deep, shaky breath. "There's one more really bad thing."

"And what you've told me wasn't really bad?" Kate pulled her hand from his and hugged herself.

"Jack said it was my fault and in a way, it was." Her voice was a whisper. "We were in the car and I threw hot coffee in his lap. I ran across a parking lot and asked an old guy for help. Jack caught us. He made Charlie drive out into the desert. Jack said he'd leave him there and Charlie asked for a bottle of water...and then...Jack stabbed him and he...put his hand around mine and around the knife and...stabbed him again and again and...."

She fled into the bathroom and threw up.

Don looked at Jack sitting on the opposite side of the Citation V. A balding police officer sat behind him. Jack had his eyes closed and clutched a pink sweater to his chest with cuffed hands. He'd asked if they could go to the house on the way to the airport. The cop had agreed. It was a charred ruin, cordoned off by police tape flapping in the freezing wind. The black chimney breast rose like some giant insult into the sky. It turned out the kid had started the fire by accident. Don wondered if he should risk an insurance claim.

He'd watched Jack stare at the blackened timbers before turning away. He was lucky to have escaped with so few injuries. Jack opened the door of the Suburban and asked the cop if he could take Kate's sweater. He hadn't let go of the damn thing since.

When he'd been able to speak to Jack with no one listening, Don asked whether he'd kidnapped Kate as well, but Jack had flat out denied it and, for once, Don believed him. They were married. Why the hell would she marry him if he'd taken her against her will? But typical of Jack to pick someone so damned unsuitable. No chance of her being a good influence when she was as wacko as he was. Maybe worse. Don wished he'd met her. If he could have talked to her, he'd have been able to persuade her that everything would be fine. He'd sort it out.

For once, he and Jack were in agreement about something. Kate had to be found. She was pregnant with his grandchild. He suspected she was with Nathan.

Don did a bit of investigating of his own and discovered the hospital had treated the PI before he'd left in the night.

Despite all the money lavished on him, Jack had amounted to nothing, and Don had no realistic hopes he'd change, but there was no reason Jack's child would turn out the same. As soon as the baby was born, it would be properly taken care of. No problem over custody. Jack would be in prison or a mental institution. If Kate was an unfit mother, Don would have her committed, too. In fact, he might anyway.

He spent most of the flight working on his laptop. He still had a business to run, one that would eventually belong to his grandchild. The thought gave him a renewed sense of purpose. Something positive would come out of all this. He glanced at Jack, sitting there clutching that damn sweater like it was a comfort blanket. The cop had shut up after Don made it clear he had no interest in pointless conversation. He was no more than a guard to make sure Jack was delivered to Ashlands. Don wanted to laugh at the idea of sneaking Jack home with him. The sooner his son was out of his sight, the better.

One of Don's drivers waited at the San Antonio airport to collect the three of them. Don sat in the front and left Jack with the cop in the back. The journey to Ashlands was spent in virtual silence and Don wondered what was going through his son's head.

When the car pulled up at the main doors, he found out. Jack collapsed on the drive. As the police officer bent at his side, staff rushed out of the building and Don stood back and let everyone fuss. Although he suspected it was a plea for attention, a nurse came out with a wheelchair. The police officer removed Jack's cuffs and Don sighed. A repeat of the last time Jack had been admitted.

As Don and the cop were given visitor badges, Jack stumbled out of the chair and went through the metal detector. Nothing beeped. The cop had to check his weapon and the cuffs. The chair came through, the bleep acceptable and Jack sat on it again, wrapping his arms around the sweater.

Don walked through and went over to Jack.

"They'll look after you. I'll find Kate and bring her to see you."

"Dad?" Jack whispered.

Don bent his head.

"When you find her, let me come with you." Don patted his hand and nodded. Over his dead body.

Chapter Thirty-Five.

It was early evening by the time Kate and Nathan reached Lubbock. Nathan pulled up outside a Days Inn on the south side of the city.

"Stay in the car while I get a room, then we're going shopping." Kate watched him walk away. She'd slept for much of the day, or pretended to sleep. Nathan kept pressing her to tell the police everything. He wanted his mother's murder re-examined. He forgot it wasn't just about the dead.

He got back in the car and handed her a brochure about South Plains Mall.

"It's not too far away. We need fresh clothes and I have to buy presents for Elisa's newborn."

Kate held that final secret in her heart. She already knew she wanted to keep her baby.

When they walked into the mall, Kate gasped. How could she have forgotten it was Christmas? Green swags decorated with fat golden angels hung across the main concourse, Christmas music rang from speakers and the place buzzed with happy people. Kate moved closer to Nathan and felt for his hand. He squeezed her fingers.

The first place he took her was Lenscrafters for an eye test and the clerk promised new glasses inside an hour. Nathan did his best to get her to relax and Kate tried, but Jack lurked at the back of her mind. She kept glancing over her shoulder, expecting to see his face among the shoppers. She knew she had to do the right thing and talk to the police, but the thought of it made her feel sick.

"What do you think?" Nathan asked.

Kate smiled at the reindeer antlers on his head. He put a pair on hers.

"You look lovely, dear," he said.

Kate groaned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He put the antlers back. "Where do you want to shop?"

They stood next to Gap and Kate didn't want to wander. He bought her khaki pants, a pale lemon shirt and blue sweater and Kate kept them on. New shoes too, her others went in the trash.

"I don't know when I can pay you back. Jack took all my money." She'd have to start saving all over again. Only now that she was pregnant, how would she even get a job?

"That's another reason to speak to the police and don't even think about paying me back."

They stopped for coffee and soft cinnamon pretzels. A couple with a little boy sat at the next table. He had ketchup smeared all over his mouth. Tears filled Kate's eyes and Nathan took her hand. He didn't speak, just held her fingers.

When they picked up her glasses, Kate's eyes took a while to adjust. The world turned into a new place. It felt weird to find everything clear and in focus. "How do I look?" she asked.

"I'm more worried about how you think I look." The corners of his mouth curled up.

Kate's world changed again. Was he just being kind? Had she forgotten what that was like? For a long moment, they stood looking at each other and the point passed where they should have broken off their gaze. Kate took a tentative step forward and he pulled her into his arms, wrapped her against him. They stood in the middle of the concourse while the world went on around them and for the first time in a long while, Kate felt completely safe.

Back at the motel, they had pizza delivered and ate it sitting on the bed. A lifetime since she'd done the same with Jack, but once that had come into her head, Kate lost her appetite. Was that the way things would be? Jack spoiling her life forever? Yet whenever it seemed her world tilted, Nathan pulled her upright.

"If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?" he asked.

"A physics teacher."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I always wanted to know why things happened, why the world turns, why stars don't fall out of the sky. And I want kids to wonder about it, too. What about you? If you hadn't been shot, would you have stayed in the police?"

"Probably not. Maybe I should have been a lawyer. Perhaps my Dad was right." Nathan groaned. "Thank God he didn't hear me say that." Kate looked at him for a moment. "What did he do to you?"

"Let my mother leave without me. Then he married again, told me my mother was dead and by the time I found out it was a lie, she was." Kate flinched at his harsh tone. Maybe Jack wasn't the only one with issues about being abandoned.

She took a deep breath. "Remember when you were a kid, all those times your parents said it's for your own good' and you knew whatever it was, you weren't going to like it? Stuff like eating green vegetables and going to bed early?" Nathan picked up another slice of pizza. "We're not talking about eating vegetables. You're saying my father was right not to tell me about my mother?" Kate shook her head. "No, I think he should have told you, but he did what he thought was right at the time. Maybe he didn't do anything to make your mother leave. He might never have got over her walking out. Maybe it broke his heart, too."

"He married again quickly enough," Nathan said.

"He might have done that for you. You were three years old. You needed a mother."

"Except Inez never really loved me."

"That's not your dad's fault. Maybe she guessed he'd married her for the wrong reason. Imagine how she must have felt? Maybe she tried to love you but you were determined you wouldn't love her. I'd guess the more she tried to love you, the worse you'd be and I bet your dad is as stubborn as you."

"I'm not stubborn."

Kate smiled.

"Whose side are you on? You've never met him."

"Your side, it's just..."

"Just what?"

"Well, I've been wondering how come your sister is called Elisa."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"It's like Elizabeth, isn't it?" Kate asked. "Little Elizabeth. Maybe he was remembering your mom when he called her that, trying to find a way of making it up to you."

Nathan pushed the pizza box aside and lay so they were face to face. "I can't believe I never noticed that."

"You resisted being loved and I had no one who loved me. When my parents discovered I was pregnant, they wanted to pretend it wasn't true. Sometimes when my dad looked at me I thought my heart would snap in two."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know." She gave a little smile.

"My father is impossible, Kate. Wait until you meet him. You'll see what he and Inez are like."

"Why don't you call her Mom?" she asked. "Are you trying to hurt her or your father? Can't you forgive-?"

"You think Jack should be forgiven?" Nathan sat up. "Sleeping with the woman I was going to marry. Kidnapping a child. Kidnapping and abusing you. Maybe killing his mother and his brother. Your mother. Stabbing some poor guy you asked for help. Jack has to pay for what he's done." Kate pulled back. "Is that what you're doing? Helping me in order to punish Jack?"

He stared right at her. "No."

"I won't spend my life seething with anger and resentment. If I don't let it go, I lose because he still has part of me. While you hate him so much, he's in control of your life. It doesn't mean anything he did was right. It doesn't mean I have to tell him I forgive him. I don't, but I can't move on unless I let go of the past." She took a shaky breath. "It's the same for you, Nathan. You're angry with your dad because you think he made a mistake, angry with Inez because she wasn't the mother you wanted, angry with Alison because she betrayed and hurt you, and angry with me because I didn't tell the police everything. There's stuff I don't want to ever say. Ever. I don't want them wondering if he raped me every time, if I struggled enough. Maybe that's what you're already thinking." He started to speak and Kate shook her head. "I didn't tell my parents I'd been raped because I couldn't stand them thinking I hadn't fought hard enough. I didn't want people to look at me and think-she was asking for it. That's what would happen in court. People thinking-yeah, Jack was bad, he was cruel but hey, she married him, she stayed with him." Kate tried to control her breathing and her hands picked at the cover on the bed.

"I tried to get away, but I'll never know whether I did enough. That's something I have to live with. I can't make anyone understand what it was like, how when he even looked at me I thought my heart would stop. Can you forgive me for sometimes choosing not to fight, just letting it happen? Do you think I can forgive myself?"

"Kate." Nathan reached for her but she pulled away. "I know you did the best that you could."

"If I don't know that's true, how can you? What if I'd screamed more? What if I'd made him crash the car? What if-?"

"No point in what ifs."

"Please don't blame me for what I decide to do now."

"You don't have any choice, Kate. You saw him kill a guy and maybe he killed both our mothers."

She twisted her hair around a finger.

"How would you feel if your daughter came home and told you she'd been raped?" he asked.

"Sad."