KING. Why do you carry a door?

SCRODGE. I left my money at home, Sire.

KING. Why didn't you leave the door at home?

SCRODGE. I was afraid of thieves.

KING. Afraid of thieves! And you have taken down your door!

SCRODGE. If I have the door with me, they can't break it open to get in.

KING. You foolish fellow! Why didn't you leave your door at home and carry your money?

SCRODGE. Well, well! Who would have thought of that! How very wise you are, Sire!

KING. Ha, ha, ha! Well, go on and carry your door.

(_To Soldiers._)

These Gotham men are foolish. Does it not seem so to you?

SOLDIERS. Aye, Sire!

KING. I'll let them keep their noses. They knew no better than to cut down the trees. Come, we will go away and leave them.

[_King and Soldiers go._]

GOTHAM MEN. Ha, ha, ha!

THE TWO QUESTIONS

SCENE I

TIME: _when John was King of England._ PLACE: _King John's palace._

KING JOHN.

ABBOT.

KNIGHT.

JESTER.

LORDS AND LADIES.

[KING JOHN _sits on his throne. A_ KNIGHT _stands before him. Back of him are the_ LORDS, _the_ LADIES, _and the_ JESTER.]

KING. Now, what is this you say?

KNIGHT. I saw it all, your Majesty.

KING. You say one hundred men sit down to dine with him?

KNIGHT. Yes, your Majesty, every day.

KING. And fifty knights in velvet coats do wait on him?

KNIGHT. They bring him food on golden plates.

JESTER. Your Majesty does not eat on golden plates!

KING. I cannot afford it.

JESTER. Ha, ha! The king's Abbot lives better than the king!

KING. Be silent, Jester! Sir Knight, go bring this Abbot to me.

[_The Knight bows and goes._]

JESTER. The Abbot is the real king! Now who is John, ladies? Who is John, lords? Truly, who are you, John?

[_All laugh. Enter the_ KNIGHT _and_ ABBOT.]

KING. Abbot, I hear strange things about you.

ABBOT. Your Majesty! How can that be?

KING. 'Tis said that every day you have one hundred men to dine with you.

ABBOT. Oh, your Majesty, they are only friends.

KING. No matter who they are!

JESTER. 'Tis not their names! 'Tis what they eat!

LORDS. Ha, ha!

LADIES. Ha, ha!

KING. 'Tis said that fifty knights in velvet coats do wait on you!

ABBOT. Well, your Majesty, I--

KING (_interrupting)._ Do I have fifty knights to wait on me?