Chapter 40.

When he opened his eyes, Woojin felt his dreams and reality overlapping.

He looked up at the bedroom ceiling for a long time blankly. It was a strange, unfamiliar feeling. Woojin rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. He turned around and then suddenly confused, he sat up quickly.

He was about to fall off the bed, but s.h.i.+n grabbed his wrist. s.h.i.+n had his s.h.i.+rt off, and every time he moved, the muscles in his back moved like a wave. With a frown, s.h.i.+n pulled Woojin closer.

s.h.i.+n said to him firmly, "You aren't allowed to say something silly like you don't remember last night."

"…"

"I may look strong, but I get hurt easily."

s.h.i.+n tucked Woojin under his chin and added, "Go back to sleep. It's Sunday."

"Why am I here…"

"Don't ask me that. You just are."

Slowly, the memory of last night began to come back to Woojin. When he moaned in realization, s.h.i.+n laughed and said to him, "You sounded really s.e.xy just now."

"…"

"I don't think you are wearing anything right now."

s.h.i.+n began to kiss Woojin's neck. When Woojin tried to cover himself with the blanket, s.h.i.+n grabbed him harder towards him. s.h.i.+n laughed, and Woojin could feel every bit of the vibration. Woojin finally realized s.h.i.+n was teasing him.

Woojin wasn't naked. He was wearing a s.h.i.+rt and a pair of comfortable pants, both slightly too big because they were s.h.i.+n's. Woojin slowly pictured what happened last night.

Woojin remembered s.h.i.+n ordering him, "Take your clothes off." s.h.i.+n's lips on his neck felt scorching hot. They were drowning together in pa.s.sion and l.u.s.t. Every time Woojin struggled, s.h.i.+n laughed and squeezed Woojin's wrist.

"You don't think you can do it?"

The way s.h.i.+n looked at him was shameless. Woojin felt cold and hot at the same time, making him tense. s.h.i.+n seemed shockingly comfortable in this situation. He seemed too familiar with what was happening.

s.h.i.+n's skin felt so hot that Woojin was afraid he was going to burn himself. s.h.i.+n blew hot breath onto Woojin's wrist and asked, "Would you like to stop now?"

Woojin wanted this too badly to let his embarra.s.sment and confusion get in his way. He shook his head slowly and with trembling hands, he began to undo his s.h.i.+rt. It was the first time he ever showed his naked body to someone. In fact, except for medical exams, Woojin never revealed himself to anyone like this. Before he took his s.h.i.+rt off, Woojin undid his watch first.

s.h.i.+n's eyes darted to Woojin's scarred wrist. The skin was rough and b.u.mpy because of being injured in the same area over and over again. Just what kind of pain did Woojin experience in his life?

Slowly, s.h.i.+n grabbed Woojin's wrist and pulled him back to his arms. He whispered, "You don't have to take your clothes off, so you can stop."

s.h.i.+n sighed deeply. Something felt a bit different now, so Woojin looked up at him. s.h.i.+n's eyes looked a bit wet. The way he was breathing sounded sad. His voice was still low and deep, but it sounded emotional.

s.h.i.+n said to him, "You need to learn to say no if you don't want something. You know that, right?"

"…"

"You don't have to tell me anything."

"…"

"Where you got those scars… Since when you have known about me…"

"…"

"Why you only want to date me for a month…"

"…"

"Who you are…"

"…"

"It's ok not to tell me. It doesn't matter."

s.h.i.+n bit his lips and Woojin stared. Woojin seemed surprised. s.h.i.+n rubbed Woojin's forehead and took another deep breath. He continued, "It's just…"

"…"

"I was a bit angry… about some things… Like the fact that you asked me to date you for only a month…"

"…"

"And it seemed like there are many people who know about you so well."

s.h.i.+n seemed entirely confident so far, but now, he had a confused and awkward look on his face. Suddenly, the face of young s.h.i.+n from Woojin's high school years overlapped with this grown-up man.

The boy who smiled so brightly. The boy who wore a loose hoodie and often ran to the gym.

The locker room key. The distinct smell of the swimming pool. Those long fingers that held his wrist.

Bit and pieces of the old memories spread across Woojin's head like blood spilling onto a carpet.

He wondered, 'Would you be able to remember me?'

Woojin began to feel breathless again.

He whispered like he was sighing, "s.h.i.+n Kim."

When s.h.i.+n looked at him, Woojin continued, "I am very sick… and I know it is not good to date someone who is so ill…"

"…"

"But I still can't give you up."

This was the best Woojin could give. This was the most he could admit, both to s.h.i.+n and to himself.

The fact that he couldn't give s.h.i.+n Kim up.

Before Woojin could take another deep breath, s.h.i.+n held him tightly. His black eyes looked like they were blazing, and he kissed Woojin. It was a different kiss than the ones before. It was fast, impatient, and suffocating.

s.h.i.+n lifted Woojin up and sat him on the table. Looking down at him, he kissed Woojin again. They grabbed each other's s.h.i.+rts clumsily. Neither of them could think at all anymore.

It was beyond not wanting to give up. Woojin coveted s.h.i.+n. He was greedy for him. He wanted everything from s.h.i.+n. Wanting to keep this beautiful man closer, Woojin wrapped his legs around s.h.i.+n's waist. On Woojin's bare shoulder, s.h.i.+n left a wet trail of kisses. Woojin moaned and hugged s.h.i.+n's face, wanting him even closer.

"S-s.h.i.+n… s.h.i.+n Kim…"

Woojin moaned his name and s.h.i.+n looked up. Their eyes met and the time stopped.

s.h.i.+n's fingers explored Woojin's bare skin underneath his clothes. Woojin felt too hot and so he finally took everything off.

Woojin wanted to see s.h.i.+n's scars. When he was still in Germany, he heard about s.h.i.+n's accident. Without hesitation, Woojin purchased a ticket back to Korea immediately. His mother tried to stop him. She begged him, "If you go back… You might die."

Woojin wanted to die yet also wanted to live. His life was a gift from s.h.i.+n.

s.h.i.+n asked, "Do you still see me in your dreams?"

"Yeah."

Woojin continued to pant as he caressed s.h.i.+n's ribs. The ugly scars, now healed but still rough, looked so beautiful to Woojin.

Woojin ordered s.h.i.+n, "Breathe."

He himself was gasping, yet Woojin demanded s.h.i.+n to breathe. When s.h.i.+n obeyed, Woojin closed his eyes.

s.h.i.+n was breathing. He was alive. This wasn't a dream. This was real.

The first time they did it, Woojin thought his body was being torn apart.

Whether it was pain or pleasure… It didn't matter because it was real.