He looked at her as he could smell the sterile alcohol next to his head. Her calm and jubilation had been changed to a kind of a frenzy. "I apologize for being rude," she said slowly, "I didn't mean to almost skewer you with broken gla.s.s. I . . . I just don't want to touch morphine or have it in my system every again."

"Why do you feel so strongly?"

Ellie fingered her the I.V. in her finger, for a moment she considered tearing it out. But she knew if she didn't explain, Henry would call Michael and make her take some painkillers under the necessity that she needed it to recover. She needed to choose her words carefully in order to make him understand her position. "Did Wu explain to you that I was essentially going through a morphine overdose in the hospital that I almost died from?"

Henry thought for a moment before he nodded. Seeing the validation that he wouldn't force her, she began to explain, "Morphine, if you take a little bit it's fine. But the more you take it the more intense it gets. You don't think straight and you can't feel anything. Everything--seeing stuff, hearing conversation, even trying to communicate with other people--it's like trying to do it in a place where I was alone and no one could help me. I don't want that to happen ever again. I want to be present for everything that is going on."

"Do you think you were alone?" Henry wondered quietly. "I was here. Michael was here. Nolan comes and goes every single day to make sure you are doing alright."

Ellie wiped the moisture off her face. "No, but it was extremely hard to communicate at times. I mean if it was for another surgery I would probably take anesthetic. But today is the first time in forever, that I am sober and present. This feels better than I've felt in months since the accident. I feel like myself. I feel in control."

"But you are still in pain."

She began to bite her lip. "I mean it's not pleasant. It hurts. But it's not enough that I would want to numb it out to the point I don't have any awareness."

"Hey Ellie, I'm not going to make the choice for you. If that is your reason, it fine. But if Wu, when she comes tomorrow to follow up and she says you take it. Don't make a fuss." Henry said in compromise. "If you throw a fit then, I will help the nurses hold you down while they inject you directly. Actually, I'll inject it myself."