Leaving the Island I began to view Roanoke Island as a prison surrounded not by high walls but by impa.s.sable waters. We had no means to leave the island even if we knew how to find Chesapeake, even if travel in the winter were not so beset with risk. It would be spring before a ship could reach us or one of the shallops return from Chesapeake. There were days when I was convinced that neither would ever come. began to view Roanoke Island as a prison surrounded not by high walls but by impa.s.sable waters. We had no means to leave the island even if we knew how to find Chesapeake, even if travel in the winter were not so beset with risk. It would be spring before a ship could reach us or one of the shallops return from Chesapeake. There were days when I was convinced that neither would ever come.

Snow blanketed the village, m.u.f.fling all sound and confining us to our houses. To keep my mind occupied, I began writing again, using the empty pages from John White's journals. I wrote about the brave journey of Ananias and Eleanor Dare, so one day Virginia could read about her parents and be proud of them. I described my captivity in Nantioc and my relationships with the Croatoan women. Most likely my account would never be published. Most likely I would never build my own house in Chesapeake, deal in dried tobacco, or introduce Indian designs to Londoners. I could scarcely have said what I did hope for, as the future seemed as bleak and featureless as the open sea.

And the past? It was as lost to me as were my own parents. The queen's court was a setting that belonged to someone else's story, not mine. I doubted Emme would even recognize me if I should reappear there. And Sir Walter, his letters and poems, his touch, the handkerchief-all were like pieces of a dream that scattered as soon as I awoke. What color were his eyes? What had civet smelled like? Or the lavender and rosewater that ladies perfumed themselves with? The queen-had she forgiven me? Had Sir Walter forgotten me? The present had a way of declining those questions, saying instead, Here is the place where you now must live. Here is the place where you now must live.

We were still in the cold grip of winter when Manteo returned to Fort Ralegh. He had come by sledge and canoe, bringing six men with him, a brace of waterfowl, and a creel of fish. I felt hope stir in me, not only because of the food, but also to see Manteo again. It was like the promise of spring when winter has begun to seem eternal.

I gathered the women to cook the fowl and fish and to bake cakes out of flour and ground walnuts. We carried the food to the armory, where the remnant of our colony and the natives feasted together. While the English sat at trestle tables and used trenchers and spoons, the Indians seated themselves on the ground and ate with their fingers. Manteo hesitated, sat at the table, and began to eat with his fingers. It made me smile to see how he had chosen a middle path.

Georgie Howe sat with the Indians, imitating their manner of eating. Fortunately, he did not connect these men with the death of his father. But some of the colonists were uneasy in the Indians' presence. They stared at the faces marked with paint and ritual scars; the hair, long on one side and shorn on the other; and the motley mantles sewn from animal skins. But everyone ate the food Manteo had brought, for we were hungry.

Because we had no governor or a.s.sistants, Ambrose Vickers made himself our spokesman. But he was blunt and unused to diplomacy. When the meal was done, he stood up with his arms akimbo and addressed Manteo loudly.

"We must know why you have come. What do you want from us now?"

I feared Manteo and his party would take offense at Ambrose's rough manner. Manteo did not reply at once but regarded all our company with a look of dismay, even sadness.

"We have no men or weapons to spare," continued Ambrose. He looked at Graham, who shook his head in confirmation.

I beckoned Ambrose from the table and whispered to him. "Let us be careful not to displease him after all he has done for us. First, express our grat.i.tude for the food."

Ambrose threw up his hands. "I know we ought to thank him, but I'll be d.a.m.ned if I know how. I'm a woodworker, not an orator."

"Then will you allow me to speak on our behalf?"

Ambrose glanced again at Graham, who nodded once. Griffen Jones, the Welsh farmer, frowned, then shrugged his consent. Though he was of mean status, his opinion was valued by the men.

"Speak, then," Ambrose said grudgingly. "It may not be proper, you being a woman, but it's necessary."

Recalling how John White had treated his Indian visitors, I had Graham place two chairs before the fire. I sat in one and offered Manteo the other. Two of his men flanked him, and Ambrose and Jones stood beside my chair.

"Lord Manteo, we greet you as a faithful ally and welcome you to Fort Ralegh," I said in English, then added in Algonkian, "Do not take offense, for none was intended. Ambrose Vickers is grateful to have his wife back, and I also thank you for my deliverance and for this food."

Spoken in a rush, those words left me short of breath. I folded my hands in my lap. The armchair was too big for me and I felt like a child playing at being a queen. The color rose to my cheeks, whether from the nearness of the fire or the excitement of my role I could not say.

"I am pleased to be among you again," Manteo said.

I could feel his eyes on me. To parley with him, I would have to meet his gaze as a man would. So I looked into his face, which was familiar to me but, after several months, somehow new and remarkable. His nose was straight, his mouth and the bones of his cheeks wide. The tawny hue of his skin pleased me. He was handsome, though not in the manner of Englishmen. His eyes were so dark they were almost black. To my surprise I was not afraid to look into them. No, I even wanted to see behind them, to see within Manteo himself.

I tried to rein in my wandering thoughts and organize some fitting words to speak. What would Elizabeth say to one of her foreign princes to discern his purpose and gain his trust?

First, because I longed to know her fate, I asked after Jane Pierce, and Manteo said she had given birth to a son, whom Tameoc treated as his own. The news made me glad. I could not see how the others reacted, but I spoke on behalf of their better natures.

"We are pleased and hope for greater fellowship between our people," I said. "Nantioc remains at peace, then?"

Manteo nodded. "With Tameoc's help I have made an alliance between the people of Nantioc and the Croatoan. Those who followed Wanchese have scattered," he said, spreading his hands for emphasis.

While murmurs of relief ran through the small a.s.sembly, Manteo lowered his voice. "Tell me what has happened here." "Tell me what has happened here."

I realized our appearance must be startling. We were thin, hollow-eyed with hunger, and our clothes hung in rags. Vainly I hoped I did not look quite so miserable as the others.

"Our circ.u.mstances are worse than when you left us last summer," I said. "Our food stores were plundered. Ananias Dare has been slain by Indians. And due to sickness there are but two dozen of us remaining."

"And you, Ladi-cate. Have you suffered too? Ladi-cate. Have you suffered too?" The gentle tone of his voice caught me by surprise.

"Not as much as I deserved," I said, glancing away.

"Your ordeal was not your fault," he said.

I knew he meant my ordeal of captivity. For months I had wished for an opportunity to show my grat.i.tude to Manteo. Now it had come. "I thank you that I did not become Wanchese's wife," I said. The remembrance of that day returned to me: Manteo lying motionless on the ground, covered with blood, then finally stirring to life. My curiosity had to be satisfied, and I asked, "Did you kill him for my sake only? And why did you call me 'Moon Maiden'?"

Manteo looked down. Perhaps he did not like to be reminded of that day. Then he blushed, if that is possible for one with such tawny skin.

"Ladi-cate, there is a legend of the hunter Algon-"

Jones interrupted. "Enough of this formal parley. Cate, ask him in plain English if he knows who attacked us and killed Ananias."

I had risen halfway from my chair, sensing that Manteo was about to disclose a deep truth I wanted to hear. But at Jones's words I sat down again. Could they hear the catch in my voice as I asked Manteo what he knew about these enemies?

"They are allies of Wanchese who will not accept me as their weroance." He paused, then spoke to all of us. "When spring comes they will return. There are enough of them to take this fort."

I heard the sharp intake of breath and a muttered oath from Ambrose.

"We must strengthen the palisade without delay," said Graham. "And train every able-bodied person to handle a musket."

"My people can help you," Manteo said.

"Can you teach the men to use bows and arrows? The women, too?" Ambrose paced back and forth. "We will trade anything for weapons."

"You misunderstand," Manteo said.

Ambrose and Graham ignored him, caught up in their planning.

"How then can your people help us?" I asked Manteo.

He leaned toward me, his dark eyes wide and intense.

"You must come and live with me. With us."

My heart was pounding. The edges of my sight grew blurred, until Manteo's face was all I could see. The air in the armory was heavy with heat from the fire and thick with the smells of roasted fish and game and the bear grease from the Indians' bodies. What did Manteo mean?

"You, Moon Maiden, and the others. You would all be safer," he was saying.

Feeling dazed, I said, "How can we leave here? This has become our home, despite our troubles here." I realized he had called me "Moon Maiden" again.

"I must not ignore a message from the G.o.d Ahone. Ladi-cate, your destiny as a people lies with us. You must persuade the others."

Astonished and confused though I was, I did not for a moment consider Manteo deceitful or his mind unsound. I trusted him. Indeed, there was no one in all of Virginia I trusted more. His gaze was direct and intent upon me. His words fell on my ears like rays of moonlight on a field at midnight. I felt reckless with new hope. Our English G.o.d and His deputy, Elizabeth, had seemingly forgotten us, but Manteo and his G.o.d had not. Sir Walter's ships could not make it across the ocean to relieve us, but Manteo had managed to reach us in waist-deep snow to offer us the means to survive.

When Ambrose and Jones had silenced the hubbub, I stood up so I could be seen and heard by all and relayed Manteo's offer. A clamor of voices, mocking laughter, and cries of "Live among savages? Never!" greeted my words.

Then Betty spoke up in a loud, clear voice. "I have lived among them and they are G.o.d's creatures, just as we are."

"Silence!" roared Ambrose, pressing his hands against his head. But the uproar continued, with voices insisting a supply ship would come, Bailey would return for us, or we could find our own way to Chesapeake.

Manteo sat with his hands on his knees, staring straight ahead. His men looked tense as the colonists argued. He stood up and everyone fell quiet.

"My people will accept you as brothers and sisters, our equals," he said.

"That would be to debase ourselves," muttered Ambrose.

This made my temper rise. "I am already kin to many Roanoke, for I was adopted by them," I said. "How does that debase me?"

"Nay, rather to live among Indians would be a betrayal of our country and our race," said Jones, looking troubled.

Graham pounded his fist on the table. "Our countrymen have betrayed us! The very ones with whom we shared the voyage and the labor of building this colony. Our best revenge is to stay alive however we can."

Alice Chapman spoke in a trembling voice. "I have lost my husband. Am I now to lose all my household goods, even my clothes, and dress in animal skins like Eve after the Fall?"

Alice's plea awakened my sympathy. I had once imagined Virginia to be a paradise and hoped for riches, not the poverty and misery in which we now found ourselves. Moved to speak, I demanded that the others listen.

"This New World is nothing like what we expected. We cannot control the misfortunes that have occurred here," I began. "Perhaps it is time for us to abandon our belief that we are superior in every regard, that we were meant to rule and not to submit." My eyes were glistening with tears, and I could see nothing clearly save the truth I was trying to express. "Maybe nothing is more fitting than for us, newcomers in this land, to live in common with its native inhabitants. By fellowship we may end the strife between us, so all may prosper and none seek to destroy another. One day we may even restore the Eden we sought in coming here."

I had never spoken out at such length, yet no one interrupted me. I paused to gather the threads of my thoughts to a conclusion. "So let us accept Manteo's hospitality. Let us all go and remain together. It will not be the end of our troubles. It will be difficult for some of us to adapt. But it is our best hope."

Our best hope. I blinked away tears until I could make out little Virginia sitting on one of the tables. I knew what Eleanor would choose, if only for the sake of her daughter. When she saw me looking at her, Virginia clambered down and toddled over to me. She gurgled with laughter as if it were a game to walk with no one holding her strings. I picked her up and said, "I have made my decision. We will go to Croatoan and make our future there." I blinked away tears until I could make out little Virginia sitting on one of the tables. I knew what Eleanor would choose, if only for the sake of her daughter. When she saw me looking at her, Virginia clambered down and toddled over to me. She gurgled with laughter as if it were a game to walk with no one holding her strings. I picked her up and said, "I have made my decision. We will go to Croatoan and make our future there."

I closed my eyes and buried my face in Virginia's hair. I heard the voices around me. Of course no one was surprised that Cate Archer would choose to live with the savages.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard Alice say, "My baby and I have no one but you and Virginia. Take us with you."

Then Georgie's aunt pushed back her stool from the foot of the table. "We will come, too," she announced. "I won't let the Indians kill Georgie like they did his father."

Ambrose exploded, stamping his feet. "I won't have any of it! I will stay here and live and die an Englishman."

"Then you'll do it alone," said Betty sharply. "I nearly perished at the hand of an Englishman, but the Indians who were our enemies saved me. I would rather live among them than die among Christians, I swear to Jesus."

Ambrose gasped as his wife stepped to my side and held on to my arm for dear life.

"Look at those shrews," came a man's scornful voice. "What's wrong with you men, letting your wives rule you?"

"The women are right and you know it," said Graham. "Face the truth. There is no relief on the way. We are too few to defend ourselves. I'm for casting our lot with Manteo. Let's take what we need and leave here."

Then Jones, the farmer, expressed his own doubts. "We can't remake this island in the image of England. The soil is nothing but sand. I consent to leave also."

In the end even Ambrose Vickers relented, for he had lost his wife once and could not bear to lose her again.

In the month between our decision and our departure, I had occasion to reflect on Manteo's offer and to wonder about the wisdom of it. How could he be sure his people would welcome us? Would we not strain their own scarce resources? And could our planters expect any better success with the soil on Croatoan, an island similar to Roanoke, though larger? Was Manteo not concerned that our enemies might choose to attack us at Croatoan, thus endangering his people? Finally, I wondered if it was wise for us to abandon the fort. Though it had always struck me as insubstantial, it was better than nothing at all.

To prepare for our departure, I packed the contents of John White's household in two trunks, choosing only the most useful and valuable items. I buried White's papers in a locked trunk because I knew how much he valued them, but I put aside Harriot's book of Algonkian and my own papers. Meanwhile the men pulled down several of the houses and stacked up the planks and hardware to take to Croatoan along with their tools. They gathered all the remaining weapons and armor and dismantled two guns from the fort. Ambrose finished building a shallop. As soon as the snow melted Manteo sent three twenty-foot canoes, and we filled these and the shallop with all our useful goods. On the second of March, in the year of our Lord 1589, we trod for the last time the path leading from the fort to the sandy sh.o.r.e with the solemnity of a congregation leaving a church after a funeral.

The canoes were poised for departure when I remembered another promise made before John White left us. He had said to Ananias: If you should leave this island, carve on a tree or doorpost the name of your destination. If you should leave this island, carve on a tree or doorpost the name of your destination. I jumped from the shallop, getting wet all the way to my waist, and called to Ambrose to bring one of his carving tools. I found a tree near the sh.o.r.e that would be visible to anyone landing and explained why he must carve "Croatoan" into the trunk. I jumped from the shallop, getting wet all the way to my waist, and called to Ambrose to bring one of his carving tools. I found a tree near the sh.o.r.e that would be visible to anyone landing and explained why he must carve "Croatoan" into the trunk.

"But John White is not returning," he said, frowning.

"Please, just do it. I'm fulfilling a promise."

Ambrose had finished the C C, and beneath it an R R, and then an O O when Graham came down the path from the fort. when Graham came down the path from the fort.

"What are you doing, man?" he asked Ambrose. "Look, the canoes are pulling away. Come, Cate."

"But John White wanted us to leave a message," I protested. "If we don't, how will anyone know-"

"Three letters are enough," said Ambrose abruptly, wiping off his tool. I watched him board the shallop and thought with dismay that nothing John White wanted had come to pa.s.s.

Graham took my chin and gently turned my face to his.

"It's no use, Cate," he said. His eyes were soft with pity. "He is never coming. You must forget Ralegh, and I, Anne."

Chapter 38.

I, Manteo, Dance with the Moon Maiden And so, to fulfill Ahone's will, I brought the twelve men, seven women, and six children to dwell on Croatoan. My mother welcomed them with due ceremony. Most of my people had never seen a person without black hair and tawny skin. I had to explain the strangers' appearance and their way of dressing.

"They are from a land beyond where the sun rises," I said, pointing toward the sea once, twice, and a third time to indicate a great distance. "Therefore their skin and eyes are pale, and they must cover themselves so the sun will not harm them."

That summer the Englishmen's bodies grew brown from the sun when their shirts turned to rags and fell from their backs. The women began to wear soft hides, and their arms and legs also darkened.

"They are of our land now, and hence their skin becomes more like ours," I said to explain the change.

"But their hair does not darken, nor their eyes," objected the suspicious ones.

I related the dream I had received from Ahone. "As the black bear gave refuge to the hare, the strong must aid the weak." If we fulfilled this duty, I said, Ahone would make our offspring great heroes. Because I was the son of Weyawinga, they believed I spoke truth. Thus their suspicion gave way to trust, and I began to hope when the English returned, as they must one day, they would know the goodwill of the Croatoan.

The English, too, were suspicious when they first arrived in my village. They would not yield their armaments until we agreed two of their number and two of ours would guard them. They built four small houses from timber and dwelt six to a house. In that first planting season they worked their own fields. Then Ladi-cate and the medicine woman moved into one of our unused houses. They declared it warm and comfortable. With the two children they went about the village in a friendly manner. I was proud to see Ladi-cate speaking with my kin and showing them respect. The English and Croatoan children played together without regard for their differences. Over time they led their elders to trust one another, as a clever weroance brings about an alliance between unlike peoples.

Grem was the first to take a Croatoan wife. When Tameoc visited with Jane-peers and his kinswomen, Mika and the soldier were full of joy to see each other. The joining ceremony took place during the season of ripening. Grem wore trousers, a jerkin made from hides, and feathers in his hair.

I was glad of the marriage, for it would make the English and the Croatoan closer allies. Tameoc called Grem his brother. Our priests chanted their prayers and Ambrose-vickers read from his Bible. There were squash and wild turkeys roasted over the fires. Pies such as I had tasted in London. One of the soldiers played a tune on a pipe and Mika and Grem danced. Then all the English men and women. The steps were simple, with no leaping and crying out as is our custom.

I watched Ladi-cate. Her hands touching as she smiled at Mika and Grem. Her skin, her eyes, and even her teeth shining as if the moon glowed within her. More than anything in the world, I desired to hold her hands and touch her lips. To dance with her as Grem danced with Mika. But how did one begin this English custom? I stood by gazing at her helplessly.