An unopened letter in my hand

Lots of unanswered questions in my head

Going away with my family turned out to be good in ways I hadn't imagined. It made me forget about all the things I was stressing about before the trip.

Kissing Billy. Kissing Matt. Telling Brynn. Fighting with Billy. Wondering if Matt likes me. Trying to figure out how I feel about Matt. Trying to figure out how I feel about Billy. Hoping Brynn isn't getting together with Billy at camp while I'm at home.

That's all I thought about before we left. But during the trip, at least after the first few days, all I thought about were water parks, roller coasters, and tropical fish. It kind of felt like a relief to leave my normal life behind and do things like eat Jelly Bellies in the hallway of a hotel with my sisters.

But it's weird now, because the minute Mom handed me the letter I got from Brynn while I was gone, it's like I never left.

I'm a little scared to open her letter. I feel like the minute I do, I'm going to find out things I'm not sure I want to know. Things like: Are Billy and Brynn having fun together without me at camp? Did Brynn tell Billy what happened with Matt? She swore she wouldn't, but did they bond over a campfire and start talking? Are Brynn and Billy a couple? Are we still the Three Musketeers, or are they now two Reese's Peanut b.u.t.ter Cups who belong in the same package, and I'm the lone Hershey Bar?

I guess it's time to find out.

4:07 P.M.

The only thing I found out was who won the color war.

Reading a letter that doesn't tell you what you want to know, even if you weren't sure you wanted to know it, is worse than reading no letter at all. It makes you sure you want to know what you weren't sure you wanted to know. AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AT CAMP SILVER Sh.o.r.eS!

Billy and Brynn don't come home until Sat.u.r.day, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait until then to find out.

4:23 P.M.

Mom is doing the laundry. May and June are watching TV. Dad went to the diner. All I'm doing is sitting here wondering what my friends are doing.

I have to find something else to do.

4:49 P.M.

I'm going to walk Gilligan. It's not what I want to do, but it's the only thing I can think to do. I hope walking Gilligan will help me stop wondering what my friends are doing.

5:08 P.M.

OMG! I'm back from walking Gilligan, and I'm wondering so many more things than I was wondering before I went on the walk and saw Matt Parker.

He didn't see me, because I hid behind some trees in Dr. Blackwell's yard. But I saw him, and he wasn't alone. He was with Jillian Diamond, eighth-grade drama queen, both on the stage and off. I could hear them laughing, and he was giving her a piggy back ride. No joke. She was on his back with her arms and legs wrapped around him. Even though I was hiding, I could see that her b.o.o.bs (which are big enough for me to see from behind Dr. Blackwell's magnolia tree) were pressed against his back while he gave her a piggyback ride. My heart was racing.

All I can say is, thank you, Dr. Blackwell, for having a yard full of trees. I would have died if they'd seen me see them.

The one good thing about seeing them was that it made me stop wondering how I feel about Matt. It doesn't matter how I feel about him, because seeing him with Jillian on his back made it clear how he feels about me.

He doesn't.

But it did make me wonder a whole lot of other things, and most of those things are about Billy. Did he kiss me because he likes me as more than just a friend? And if he did feel that way, does he still? Or is he mad at me because he thinks he can't trust me and now he feels that way about Brynn? And why do I suddenly feel like I like Billy as more than just a friend after seeing Matt with Jillian? Is it because I really like him or because I know Matt doesn't like me or because I'm worried that Brynn and Billy will be more than friends and I don't know where that leaves me?

I have so many questions. What I need are answers. I just don't know where to find them.

5:34 P.M.

May and June just asked me if I'd play Go Fish with them, but Mom said I couldn't play with them because Dad needs my help at the diner. She said one of Dad's waitresses went home sick and he needs me to pitch in. It beats sitting around and thinking about all my unanswered questions while playing Go Fish.

9:32 P.M.

Just back from The Love Doctor Diner

Found some answers

Waiting on tables all night was exhausting, but worth it because of what happened after I was done. When I was wiping up the counter, Dad said I looked really happy when we came home from the trip, but that I didn't look quite as happy now. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. There were lots of things I wanted to talk abouta"I just wasn't sure I wanted to talk about any of them with Dad.

But Dad brought two different key lime pies he had made over to the counter and asked me if I would do a taste test with him to pick which recipe I liked better. So we sat down together, and he cut into the first pie and put a slice on a plate. Dad handed me a fork and told me to dig in.

I told Dad it was a little tart. Then, I don't know whya"maybe it was the tartness or the memory I had of eating key lime pie on our tripa"but something made me just start crying. For a second I tried to catch the tears, but Dad saw.

"You sure there's nothing you want to talk about?" he asked. He looked at me like everything would be OK. It reminded me of the way he used to look at me when I was little and I*d fall or hurt myself. I probably should've been annoyed that he was looking at me like that, but I was more relieved than annoyed, and everything just started pouring out.

I told Dad what happened with Billy, and how I told Brynn about what happened, and what she said. I even told him what happened with Matt and what Brynn had to say about that.

"Now my friends are coming home from camp on Sat.u.r.day and I have no idea what it will be like when they get here," I said. I told Dad that I can't help but worry that I'm not going to like how things end up.

I never thought I could have told Dad this kind of stuff. But he was pretty cool about it. He just listened while I talked. When I was done, he was quiet for a few seconds, like he was thinking about what to say to me.

"Relationships can be complicated," Dad said. He talked for a long time about boys and feelings and relationships. Some of it was embarra.s.sing, coming from my dad. I laughed and told him that. But he reminded me that he used to write a column about relationships and that he wasn't called the Love Doctor for nothing.

Then he said two things he wanted me to remember.

"April, listen to your heart. If you really listen, it will tell you what to do."

When he said that, I knew immediately what my heart was telling me.

It was telling me that I like Billy, not just as a best friend, and that I need to talk to him and clear the air between us and tell him how I feel. It was exciting when Matt kissed me a but it felt right when Billy kissed me.

I told Dad that I hoped Billy being at camp with Brynn hasn't ruined everything.

That's when Dad told me the second thing he wanted me to remember. He said not to a.s.sume the worst as far as my friends are concerned.

He talked about how it is human nature to believe the worst is going to happen, but it doesn't usually come to pa.s.s. "Trust your friends," he said. "Sometimes people surprise you, and I think your friends will surprise you in a good way."

I told Dad I hoped so, but I wasn't sure.

Then Dad said the thing to do was to stop thinking so much and eat some pie.

He cut a slice from the second pie and brought out two forks. We both took a bite. It was deliciousa"the perfect blend of smooth and sweet and tart. I'm sure I sounded like Goldilocks, but I told Dad this pie tasted just right.

After we had cleaned the plate with our forks, I thanked Dad for the pie and the talk and told him it had helped.

He gave me a big hug and said, "Anything for my number one daughter."

I smiled. Dad knows I like that he calls me that sometimes, because it could mean I'm his oldest, but it could also mean I'm his favorite.

He hasn't said it for a while, and to be honest, it was nice to hear it again.

Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

a"C.S. Lewis Sat.u.r.day, July 13, 7:45 A.M.

Tossing and turning since 5:32 A.M.

I couldn't sleep last night.

My brain is racing. Today's the day Brynn and Billy come home from camp. I have so many questions I need answered, and even though I felt better after I talked to Dad, now I'm worried again. Dad told me I should believe in my friends and not expect the worst, but my brain doesn't seem to be able to follow his advice.

What if Brynn told Billy about Matt?

What if Brynn and Billy are a couple?

What if Billy doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him?

Billy and Brynn's bus doesn't get here until noon. Waiting won't be easy.

9:14 A.M.

I'm waiting. Not easy.

10:33 A.M.

I'm still waiting. Still not easy.

11:07 A.M.

I'm still waiting, and I just ate an entire s...o...b..x of Captain Crunch. May just said I look like there's a baby in my belly, and now June keeps repeating it. Ugh, I'm having a food baby! NOT how I want to look today!

11:31 A.M.

The bus arrives in 29 minutes, and I'm going to be there when it does. I'm going to brush my hair, put on lip gloss, and find a tunic top to wear so when my friends get off the bus, no one will see my food baby.

11:32 A.M.

I can't find a tunic top.

11:34 A.M.

What am I thinking?!

I can't be there when the bus arrives. I have to talk to Brynn before I talk to Billy. I need to know what she's told him before I talk to him. I'm going to have to wait for them to call me.

I'm sure they will call the minute they get home.

Right?

12:09 P.M.

Brynn lives two minutes from where the bus stops. If it took her two minutes to get off the bus and two minutes to get home, she has been home for five minutes already.

She should have called by now.

12:17 P.M.

Brynn still hasn't called. If she doesn't call by 12:22, I'm calling her.