"I know we agreed no what-ifs tonight, but I can't help but wonder, what if-" She paused, licked her lips. "-you helped me live out a fantasy?"

She suddenly wanted a chance to reclaim not just the bathtub, but also her hope for the future, rather than always going forward holding onto fear.

His hands moved over her thighs, her kneecaps in the water. "What kind of fantasy?" The raw tenor of his words nearly had her giving up the fantasy and climbing onto his lap, instead.

"I've never taken a bath with a man before tonight."

"Good."

She had to smile at his jealous pleasure over being her first. She was glad, too, glad that she could experience these fantasies for the first time with Gabe.

"But sometimes when I'm alone and I'm-" She paused on the words she wasn't used to speaking aloud.

"Touching yourself?"

She nodded. "Sometimes I like to think about being in a tub like this and having my-"

She bit her lip again and he growled, "If you don't stop doing that, I'm not sure we're going to get to your fantasy."

Her eyes wide, she let her lip go. "Oh." She almost bit her lip again and caught herself at the last second. "Okay."

"Megan." She heard the sensual warning in his voice, which was quickly backed up when he said, "What's your fantasy?"

But she'd already figured out she'd never be able to put voice to it. Instead, she'd have to show him.

With as much grace as she could manage considering how aroused she was, and how nervous at the same time, she moved her limbs beneath the water so that she wasn't facing Gabe anymore. Looking at him over her shoulder, she slowly lifted up onto her hands and knees.

"This," she said in a whisper that was almost swallowed up by the sound of water moving in the tub. "This is my fantasy."

His groan ricocheted off the tiled walls, and then, thank G.o.d, he was moving too, and cupping her bottom in his big hands. But even though she was playing it as risky as she ever had with a lover, she was shocked when he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to first one cheek and then the other. Slowly, he moved his mouth up from her lower back to what felt like each vertebra along her spine, until he was biting at the curve of her shoulder.

"Is this it, Megan? Is this your fantasy?"

She couldn't speak, could only nod and hold on tight to the edge of the tub as she pushed her bottom into the curve of his hips. Water splashed all around them as he thrust into her from behind and this time when she lost hold of her sanity, he was right there with her, pounding into her so hard, so deep as he came that she didn't know where he left off and she began.

With one of his big hands on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, the other between her legs, and his teeth and tongue on her neck, Megan completely shattered in Gabe's arms.

Chapter Twenty-two.

Figure out how to handle the inevitable highs and lows.

~ from "Firefighting 101" ~ Gabe loved watching Megan sleep so peacefully, a small smile on her lips as she curled in closer to him. He felt content, and happy being with her like this, as sunlight streamed in on a new year.

But while his sisters had called him clueless at least a thousand times over the years, Gabe knew that even though Megan had talked about new beginnings and washing the past clean, odds were pretty darn high that she'd be just as upset about ending up in bed with him as she'd been the first time in Lake Tahoe.

Just because he'd made up his mind about what he wanted, didn't mean she had.

She stirred again and slowly opened her eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful."

He was d.a.m.n glad to see that her eyes didn't go wide with horror this time. Instead, she reached up to slide one hand through his hair. "Hi."

But before he could get his hopes up too high, she was moving from the bed.

"Summer's coming home today and I need to get a few things ready for her."

Gabe wanted to pull her back down onto the bed with him, but he knew he should take this as a step forward from what had happened in the hotel room. She wasn't running to the farthest corner. Wasn't throwing around the word never.

As it was, it had been a stroke of sheer luck that he hadn't been called into the station overnight. His official shift started in a few hours, enough time to make love to her again, to run his tongue over every sweet inch of her skin- Stick to the plan, hotshot.

Deciding to heed that voice in his head that had been right so far, he said, "Why don't you take a shower and I'll go upstairs and get your clothes."

She looked more than a little surprised by how quickly he agreed to her plan to get on with the day. Away from each other.

"Okay." She paused, smiled a slightly wobbly smile. "Thanks."

He grinned at her back as she walked, gorgeously naked, into the bathroom and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Hopefully, she'd have a h.e.l.l of a time taking a shower without remembering every little thing that had happened in the nearby bathtub just hours before.

He pulled on a pair of faded jeans, went upstairs to get her clothes, and left them for her on his bed before going out to the kitchen to make breakfast.

A few minutes later, she walked toward him, her hair wet around her shoulders, her expression slightly shy. "I could smell the bacon from the bathroom."

Gabe didn't want to push his luck, but some things were unstoppable, like pulling her into his arms and kissing her. When they were both breathing hard, he pulled back an inch.

"I like waking up with you in my bed." He took her hand and pulled her over to her seat at his dining table. "I like watching you eat, too."

But before either of them could take a bite, his cell buzzed. He quickly looked at the code on it.

Megan was frowning at him when he looked back at her. "Do you need to go?"

"No, not yet. In a couple of hours I'll start my shift. It was just a reminder from one of the guys about taking over his shift, too."

"How long is your shift?"

"I'm usually on for forty-eight hours. But this one is seventy-two."

She looked shocked by the hours. "Do you sleep at the station?"

"When I can."

She looked as serious as he'd ever seen her. "I wish things were different, Gabe, but they aren't. Last night was great, but..." She took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye. "Nothing has changed."

Her words settled like cement in the bottom of his gut and it wasn't easy to keep his voice relaxed. "You're having breakfast with me. That's change." A huge one, for the better.

She pushed away from the table, shoving her phone into her pocket and grabbing her bag from his couch as she headed for the door. "I need to go."

Gabe wanted to beg her to stay, wanted to force her to confront their feelings for each other, wanted to make her admit those feelings weren't going to go away just because she was scared about her past repeating itself with him.

Instead, he took her plate into the kitchen, pulled off a sheet of tin foil, and moved her food into the foil. He grabbed the keys to his truck. "I'll take you home."

"I'd like to walk."

He could tell from the stubborn tilt of her chin that she was set on getting out of there-and away from him-ASAP. And, for all his male cluelessness, he knew better than to do anything that would push that stubbornness up a notch.

"Thank you for sharing New Year's with me, Megan."

She blinked up at him, looking almost surprised that he hadn't insisted on taking her anyway. Or, he thought as her expression shifted again, had she been expecting him to kiss her again to try to get her to stay for breakfast? Was she disappointed that he hadn't? And didn't she realize he couldn't force her to do anything? That he didn't want her to resent him for pushing her too hard, too fast?

Finally, she said, so quietly he would have missed it if he hadn't been so attuned to her every breath, "I had fun."

She turned to go, but then, at the last second, she moved back toward him. This time, he was the one who was surprised as she took the warm foil packet from him, said, "Thanks for breakfast," and went up on her tippy toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

Nothing made sense anymore. Megan was old enough to know right from wrong, to know when she was setting herself up for a huge fall. So then what was she doing, falling back into bed with Gabe whenever there was one nearby?

She could accept that there wasn't a woman alive strong enough to resist his charm. She couldn't imagine someone not liking him. Only, liking someone, appreciating someone for his good qualities, laughing with him, enjoying a meal together-all of that was very different from begging him for a kiss.

Worse, she'd taken it further than begging. Much further. She'd actually ripped her clothes off and then shredded his, too. And, okay, maybe making love on his rooftop had been unavoidable given a long week of wanting him, of thinking of him whenever her brain wasn't otherwise occupied with work or Summer.

But what had happened in the bath...she lost her breath just thinking about it, remembering how boldly she'd asked to live out a secret fantasy with him.

And how wonderfully he'd complied.

Megan was walking up a steep hill, but in the stark light of a new day-of a new year-she simply couldn't keep lying to herself. She wasn't breathless because of the hill.

She was breathless because she was thinking about Gabe.

But that wasn't the only thing she couldn't lie to herself about.

She was falling for him, couldn't seem to help falling deeper and deeper beneath the beautiful spell he was weaving around her body...and her heart.

Megan gripped the foil-wrapped breakfast he'd made her tighter as she climbed to the top of the hill. The view from this neighborhood never failed to take her breath away and as she stood to catch her breath for a few moments, she wished she could share her wonder at the sunlight sparkling on the blue water in the bay with someone.

With Gabe.

A fire truck drove by just then and she looked more carefully at the firefighters inside than she ever had before. Did they have wives? Children? Siblings? How did all those people who loved them deal with the danger, with the possibility of losing them to smoke and flames and falling beams?

When she was twenty and dating David, the big shock had been finding herself pregnant. She hadn't known to fear the dangers inherent in his job as a fighter pilot. She'd been too scared thinking about her pregnancy, about giving birth, about having a little baby who depended on her. And, of course, she'd had to deal with the idea that she and David were going to be married. She'd a.s.sumed, like all twenty-year-old girls, that she had time to find her knight in shining armor, that she'd keep dating different men until she found him.

Nothing had turned out as she planned. She hadn't expected to lose that unexpected husband. She hadn't expected to find such joy in being a young mother.

And she'd never thought to find her knight in shining armor during the scariest moment of her life, huddled in the bathtub with Summer while flames raged around them, the last possible place she would ever have expected to find love.

Love.

Oh G.o.d. The foil breakfast packet fell from her fingers and landed on the sidewalk with a thud.

She'd known she was head over heels for the way Gabe laughed, the way he kissed her, the way his hands moved over her skin.

But love...

No, she thought as she bent down to pick up the food from the pavement. She didn't want to lie to herself, truly wanted to start the year with a fresh, clean slate of truth. Only, she now knew something else, something she could never have understood as an innocent twenty-year-old who'd been getting ready to grab life by the horns.

Sometimes, when things were too difficult to face, the best thing to do was to stuff them away.

Because sometimes, pretending was the only way to keep moving forward.

Chapter Twenty-three.

It was one thing to pretend when she was alone. It was another thing entirely to keep it up around Summer. Especially when her daughter's favorite question seemed to be, "When can we see Gabe again?"

Fortunately, she knew he was busy with his multi-day shift. Each day, when Summer asked for a trip to the fire station, Megan held firm. "If he isn't working, he's probably sleeping. We can't bother him."

Summer was back in school when Sophie called Megan to meet for lunch. Of course she wanted to see her friend. But she was worried that the pretending that had been difficult with Summer just might prove to be impossible with Gabe's sister.

Fortunately, Sophie's wide smile of greeting outside the little bistro was all it took for Megan's nerves to disappear.

"You look great."

"You do, too."

Yet again, Megan wished she could pull off Sophie's simple chic. Instead of wearing jeans and a sweater like everyone else in the bistro, her friend had on a long wool skirt that swished around her ankles as they walked over to their table. She thought back to their conversation in the potting shed when Sophie had been upset over someone. A man.

Well, whoever he was, Megan thought, he had to be blind not to notice her sweet, pretty friend.

As soon as they ordered, Sophie asked, "Did you do anything fun during Summer's winter break from school?"

Megan barely kept her eyes from widening in alarm. She couldn't possibly lie to her friend, but at the same time, she didn't know what she could say about Gabe to his sister. Not when her feelings were currently twisted up in a tight knot.

"We spent some time in the snow for a few days and then came back home and did a few hikes, some craft projects, and memorized most of the iCarly episodes on cable. And of course she got way too many presents from her grandparents. What about you? How were your last couple of weeks?"