I sat in my chair and pulled off my boots slowly. My feet were so cold they actually hurt. I grabbed my bag and pulled out a pair of thick, wool boot socks and pulled them on over my dress socks. Then, I swiveled my chair and stuck my feet on the baseboard heater.

Toni walked in with a big cup of coffee and Tabby right behind her. "Livi, you're so damn stubborn!"

"Good morning, Tabby." I smiled as Toni handed me the cup of coffee. "Thanks, Toni."

"This isn't funny." Tabby sat on the edge of my desk in her smiley face scrubs, and I couldn't help smiling. "Liv-"

"I honestly can't keep a straight face when I'm looking at those." And I couldn't.

"They're for the kids, just like the mustache ones and the Hello Kitty-"

"Don't even say the Hello Kitty ones are for the kids." Toni air quoted when she said kids. "That damn white-ass pussy is for you, Tabby cat."

"Okay, Toni the tiger." Tabby rolled her eyes. "Fine, I like the white kitty. But that's not what we're talking about here."

"Look, I'm going to find a part time job, but right now, I can walk."

"Where you gonna find a job when you're here all the time?"

"I'm not here all the time," I said as I pull my thawed feet away from the heater and then swirled around in my chair to face them both. "Look, I don't have kids, a boyfriend, a-"

"Life," Tabby reminded me.

"I went out the other night," I retorted. I wanted to add, "You know, the night my car broke down," but I didn't.

"You hadn't been out in six months before that." Toni looked up over her leopard-spotted frames, glasses I could almost guarantee were more for the statement than the optical aid.

"I don't like to go out. It's a waste of money." I also don't like going out because I am far from comfortable in my own skin. How could anyone be after everything I have been through?

No more wallowing allowed. My New Year's Resolution is about becoming. Becoming comfortable in my own skin, becoming the woman I am meant to be without the past holding me back, and becoming confident in myself.

"I won't rag on you about the second job if you agree to go with me to a fundraiser event on Valentine's Day."

"Valentine's Day?" I asked. "What about Shawn?"

"He has to work the night shift, so I'll be all alone."

We both turned our attention to Toni, who shook her head. "Oh, no. I have a date. No girl's night thing for me. I gave up getting laid on New Year's Eve. Valentine's Day is for lovers, ladies, and I'm gonna get some loving."

Tabby and I laughed at Toni, although not because we thought she was full of it. In fact, we knew she wasn't.

Tabby had a smile in her voice. "Maybe Livi and I will-"

"Uh-uh, you march your white pussy-loving, smiley face ass right out of this office. You know I don't wanna hear that shit," Toni stopped her.

Tabby winked at me and smirked. I knew how much she loved to get Toni going. "Is it a date?"

"I really can't afford to right now, Tabby."

"I have Shawn's ticket already, so it won't cost us a thing. Besides, it's a masquerade ball the White family is putting on. All proceeds go to educate young women on HPV. Remember, they lost their twenty-year-old daughter?"

Of course I remembered. She was my first case. I was with them when they found out she was terminal. When they would leave the hospital to shower and get a fresh change of clothes, I was the one who sat with her and helped her plan for a future she knew she would never have. I was also there the day she died.

Amber was young and full of life when her high school boyfriend cheated on her. His actions and the fact that she was afraid to talk to her parents about sex at sixteen had caused her to avoid getting a pap smear until a year ago. Chemo didn't help, clinical studies didn't help, nothing helped. Nothing.

I shiver in the shower as I remember Amber and the upcoming masquerade ball. The shower that thankfully is full of steaming hot water. Count this as my one lucky day so far this year.

I look in the mirror at myself. Toni let me borrow a little, black dress she had worn four years ago and is one hundred percent sure she will fit in again one day.

The sequined dress falls about two inches above my knee and is stunning, but I would never buy something so revealing or flashy. I am sure, if I were to bend over, you would be able to see my panties, and trust me when I say the panties do not match the dress. I have paired the dress with a set of heels that I am sure will land me on my bottom or in the ER tonight, along with a beautiful, glitzy, black and deep red mask.

Tabby has a thing for funky scrubs, while I very much enjoy having my undies make a statement, like literally. Tonight, they say, 'Consent is fucking required.' Yes, they actually spell out the word fucking, a word I would never consider using. To know I am wearing them, however, gives me a confidence and strength I would otherwise not have.

How did I let myself get talked into this? Dressing up for fancy parties is not me. Life hasn't afforded me opportunities to be care free.

Mom worked hard to provide for me, but when it came to college, she didn't have the money. Therefore, I did what I had to and got the necessary loans. Yeah, how easy the admissions office gets you signed up, but how little they tell you of the monkey on your back after graduation. I couldn't afford to mess up in college and take longer to graduate. There was no money left for me to afford an additional semester or two like some of my schoolmates. No, I had one shot to succeed.

Even now, I don't have room to mess up. Failure is not an option. I can't miss work, because I get paid by the hour. One hour of not working equals a week of peanut butter sandwiches, no jelly. Those cup of noodles are a damn luxury if I miss any of my schedule.

As a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up, get a job, live in the real world, and all that. Yeah, funny how now I wish I was a kid again.

Chapter Three.

Hendrix Mondays are no longer a day to relax; they are a day to renovate. With the bar closed, I can tear shit up and put this plan into motion.

Jagger, Morrison, and I have agreed for the shit-hole apartment we were raised in to be torn the fuck up. I didn't have to have their input, but it's kind of emotional, so I wanted to make sure they were ready to move on, too.

None of us have heard one word from our dad since he left with Lola, and that is just fine by me.

We made the collaborative decision that the far corner, which was once our bedroom-our retreat when shit got bad, a place Momma read to us, the one fucking place we felt safe-would be a VIP lounge area of sorts. No entry unless we are down with it.

A week ago, we emptied the place. Last night, we gutted it and threw up supports. Today, I have already cut the floor out, and I am now looking up from the first floor at the ceiling of our old apartment that we added tin tile to. It looks amazing. I can't wait until I have time to finish the railing around the perimeter of the hole so you can look down onto the stage and dance floor area.

Not that I'm trying to turn this place into a dance club, fuck that. What I want is a rocking, biker bar. Local talent and local people filling the place up on nights we have entertainment. No fucking cover, no drink price increase, no bullshit. Just a good fucking time to be had by some people who love music like Momma did.

In only two more weeks, this place should look a little less like a dive-on the inside, anyway. I like the outside as is. Nothing over-the-top, nothing fancy, no more lights hanging on the windows than the joints down the road. Nothing saying we are something we aren't.

Sally, the new girl, is doing okay. Lola got her trained well enough so I can at least focus on hiring someone else without having all new employees at the same time. She is a little rough around the edges, though. Hell, you have to be in order to survive here. She is in her mid-thirties, a single mom with a sixteen-year-old daughter who watches the younger two while she works. She has been on time every day, which is a plus.

While she works, I spend my time making the custom railings in my garage, my place, my heaven in the midst of the hell I am sometimes surrounded in. The space is not overly large, but it is more than adequate to hold my tools, my rides, my toys, and give me room to work.

I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Besides, there is nothing better than a few splinters along the way to creating something beautiful. Take a tree covered in hardened bark, shave it down to the inner lumber, and you find something beautiful. Cutting, sawing, sanding, priming, staining, and molding into a new creation, all done by my hands. There is a pride in that creation, in the final product. The rails are coming along nicely. Shouldn't be long before they are finished.

I look up when the door swings open and Jagger strolls in.

"Looks good, man." He rubs up the wooden handrail I just applied a coat of poly to. "Looks real fucking good."

I wipe my hand off on the rag and then set it down. "Beer?"

"Of course."

As I walk to the fridge, I ask, "What brings you here?"

"You know that fundraiser, the one for HPV-"

"The one I said I wouldn't attend, yes." I walk over to hand him his beer.

"Three local bands are playing. I bought two tickets and called them, letting them know I wanted to see them, that my big shot brother may want to book them."

"Cool, I appreciate it." I reach forward and tap my bottle to his. Guess I am going to the fundraiser after all. Not my thing, but local bands are good for business.

"But here's the thing-"

"Jagger, I don't wanna hear it."

"There's a fight, and I need this one, Hendrix. I. Need. It." He takes a drink then looks down. "Just like you need to meet those bands."

Jagger has been in a real bad spot since Mom died, and he got his ass kicked at the last fight. He went and let himself fall in lust with the chick who's fucking the Cobra-his fighter name fits his ass, too. The fucking snake knocked his girl around in front of the wrong Caldwell. Then, Cobra's guys jumped Jagger's ass one night. The next night, though, they got hit back, trust that shit.

"If you're fighting, I'm going with you."

"No. Morrison is coming back for the fight. H, you need this. Get them while they're hungry. I'll be fine."

"It's black fucking tie. I don't do that shit."

"Already got the tux and picked up the mask to go with it. No one will know you were even there."

I stand in front of the mirror, looking at a man I can't recognize, a man I have never known. I'm not a suit. This isn't me. I will never fit the mold.

Hell, my high school prom night was spent at the bar because my dad was too drunk and belligerent, and Mom had to take him upstairs. I followed to make sure he didn't get heavy-handed. When he passed out, Mom started heading down, but I told her I would take care of locking up with Amy.

Amy? Yeah, Amy was the bartender. She was just twenty-one, and although a little on the plus side, she was sexy as hell. We had a few shots and talked about the boy who broke her heart. Then, the jukebox played Daughtry's "Feels Like Tonight," and we ended up fucking on the bar. Hot as hell, even with a condom.

Ever since Amy, I have been attracted to curvy women. There's just something about a woman who can take a pounding while giving you something to hang onto and push into, almost like a soft place to fall.

I don't date. Expectations, titles, and all that shit doesn't really fit me. I have gone out with more than a few women and some I hook up with more often than others. I have made the mistake of hooking up with Sadi, a fill-in barmaid a few times, when the old man ran the place. It has turned out to be a fucking annoyance to have her around.

The first time I left the bar with a friend when Sadi was working, she copped an attitude. Right then and there, we had the talk about me and her. We were not in a relationship, we were in a mutually beneficial exchange. She was warned that day that it would be the last time she dropped an attitude with any of my female friends.

I respect women. Hell, no woman in the world was more respected than my mom. Sadi was told if she pulls that shit again, it would be the last time she worked in my bar and warmed my bed. Hard worker, decent lay, but a pain in my ass every chance she can be.

Looking in the mirror, I try to fix the crooked tie, but that isn't happening, so I take it off. Just another reminder that this isn't me. I look down at the mask and feel like a fucking fool. Shaking my head, I shove the stupid thing in my pocket and give one last glance in the mirror before walking out the damn door.

It's too cold for the bike, my preferred mode of transportation around the city. In this monkey suit, I would be far from comfortable, anyway. As a result, I think about taking my 1971, flat black Chevy Nova SS, the Heavy Chevy, as it was called in its day. My beast, my good, old American muscle car, restored and brought back to life by my very own hands. However, if I have to wear this suit and rub elbows with a bunch of people wearing masks, I'm going to at least get buzzed, so I make the decision to take a cab.

I walk into the Fairmount half an hour into the event and hand my ticket to the man at the door who is dressed pretty damn close to how I am. Donning my mask, I look around for the nearest bar and make my way to it, wading through the masked crowd. Even the bartenders are wearing masks. I have to laugh, thinking it may not be a half bad idea to have my staff start doing the same damn thing. Hell, with the mugs on the most recent applicants, I'm sure business would be better off.

"Southern Comfort Manhattan."

"Do you want a cherry?" The barmaid smirks at me.

"Nah, that just makes things messy." I smirk back.

I hear a girl beside me giggle and look to my left.

She laughs again, snorting, then covers her mouth. "Sorry." The lights are low, but I can see her cheeks flush.

I shake my head. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing." She shakes her head as she giggles again.

"Nah, I think you have something more than nothing going on in that head of yours."

She laughs again and covers her mouth as she tries to hide another snort.

"See? I knew it. I bet under that mask of yours is a very dirty girl just dying to come out."

She smiles a big, sloppy smile. "Oh, there is. There really is."

I slam my drink down and motion to the barmaid, holding up two fingers. When she sets our drinks on the bar, I grab them and hand the dirty girl one of them.

"Oh, I don't think that is a good idea."

I lean in. "You got something better in mind?"

She stands completely still for a moment. Then, I swear to fuck, she rubs her ass. I am liking where this is heading. "I suppose I do."

"Care to," I pause, "share?"

She laughs, snorting again. As the band starts up, some chick comes up, dragging the giggly little thing away. Oh, well, I'm not here to hook up with some highballing broad, anyway.

I grab another drink and walk to the edge of the dance floor to listen to the band play some nineties rock. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of the giggler and her friend edging their way closer in my direction as they dance together.

Mask or not, I can tell they are checking me out. I'm hiding nothing at all except my face. My interest, though, I make sure that is obvious.

Of the two women, one is a curvy, sexy Latina, and the other is the giggling little snorter with the long legs and a dirty mind. Well, hell, this night might not be as bad as I thought.