"And the time you tried to teach me the right way to paint ..."

"You were leaving brush marks." She shook her head and shuttered at the memory. "What?" He tried not to look guilty, "I'm much more patient now, I swear." He moved his hand so he could gently pull on the loose curls near her ear. "We'll work it out. We'll drive a little," he leaned in and kissed her, "Kiss a little, drive a little," he kissed her again. "I just need the right incentive."

"So I should have kissed you in 4th grade and then you would have let me play Monopoly my way?"

He studied her face, trying to decide how much to tell her, "I might have."

Carrie mouthed 'Wow!' "You would break rules for me?" "I would do a lot of things for you," there was no teasing in his voice. His seriousness hinted that there was a lot behind that answer he wasn't saying.

It took her a few minutes to work up the nerve, minutes that hung heavy between them, but she had to ask, "Why?" Ben crooked his arm so Carrie rolled onto her side, leaning against him, touching him from her head to her toes. He couldn't look at her, so he rubbed the back of her head, easing her into his neck. He knew what she was asking, but he stalled, "Why what?"

"Why me?" He stared at the stars, thinking of his answer. He shook his head, "A lot of reasons, but, you've always been there for me ... " he hugged her tighter, "And I want to be there for you, with you." He wasn't great with words so he hoped that she understood all he implied.

Carrie swallowed a few times, fighting the emotions. She buried her head in his neck and hugged him tight. They lay on the picnic table, listening to the night sounds, holding each other, soaking in the feeling of being there for each other.

Chapter 22.

The two weeks before Ben left for camp flew by; the month that he was gone lasted forever. At least her days were busy taking care of Sophie and Christopher. It wasn't hard. They played really well together, and they took a nap every afternoon, so she had an hour or two to talk to MG every day.

MG had her first job too. Not that she needed the money, but Vin set her up as a hostess showing new houses in a really rich new neighborhood he was building. She made twice what Carrie did an hour, and she spent most days watching TV and talking on the phone. She also had a lunch hour that usually became a lunch two-to-three hours because she would go shopping or bring fast food to Carrie.

In a mind-boggling show of trust, Ben left Carrie the keys to his jeep. It was parked in his driveway, and he let his mom know she might borrow it. So far she had only dared to use it once. She drove to MG's to meet her friends for a night of swimming and grilling out. The sense of freedom made her head spin, but the deeper sense of trust Ben had in her kept her grounded. She only drank diet soda that night and made sure she put a towel on the seat so she wouldn't get it wet on the drive home.

He called her most nights, but had to keep it friendly and short. He had to use a public phone in the hallway, and there was always a line of guys waiting their turn who could hear what he said. So far she knew that he was running, working out, eating, and shooting things. It sounded like he was in Ben heaven.

She hated to admit how much she was in heaven the day he was due home. Liking him this much just seemed like a bad idea. In her mind she had played out all the scenarios of how this could go bad: him going back to Joelle, him realizing that she wasn't all that special, him leaving for boot camp and more training for years after that. The last one she knew was going to come true. It hurt the most to think about, so she couldn't do it too often. Right now, today, he was hers.

She had no idea exactly what time he would be home, and she was antsy, so she decided to make him some cookies while she waited. Despite the fact that he had called almost every day, her mother still had not figured out that they were a couple. The first batch was in the oven when Lana walked though the kitchen on her way out the door.

"Are you making cookies?" she sniffed.

Carrie just nodded and pretended to be engrossed in a fashion magazine. "We have cookies. I just bought some last week," she turned on the light and looked in the oven then at the box of cake mix Carrie used to make them. "You made them from this?" She held up the box. "Oh, those aren't going to be any good. They're always too soft and have that artificial aftertaste."

Carrie shrugged, "OK, I'll just give them to Ben then." Lana was expecting a fight or at least whining and was caught off guard by Carrie's good mood. "You ... you need to leave him alone." She dug in her purse for her keys and walked toward the door to the garage, waiting to talk as she exited, so she could have the last word, "He has a girlfriend, you know."

After the door shut Carrie said, "I know," and smiled. Ben's mom and grandparents had gone to pick him up, like they did every summer. Carrie saw them pull in the driveway, but she hesitated to go over, not wanting to get in the middle of his family time. She saw them all go in the house, and she was about to go back to trying to read the magazine when she saw Ben come right back out, having dropped his duffle bag inside. He was walking quickly toward her house. It felt like her heart actually flipped in her chest; he wanted to see her as much as she wanted to see him.

She met him at the door and jumped up into his arms. They were kissing before any hellos. The first thing she noticed was how warm his camos were from riding in the car. The tanned skin of his cheek was extra warm next to hers too. The regulation short hairs on the back of his head felt wonderful against the pads of her fingers as she clung to his neck and wouldn't give up the kiss. He ended their lip lock, but bent low to kiss her neck and tickle her ear as he set her back on the ground. Out of necessity she switched her arms to his waist and hugged him tight. With his arms around her shoulders she was completely wrapped up in Ben, lost in his strength.

It suddenly dawned on her that she was hugging a lot more Ben. Before camp she easily wrapped her arms around his chest, now her hands just met on his back. She stepped back and ran her hands down his arms. OK, she was feeling some serious biceps there. Camp life had been very good to Ben and to her. It was incredibly hot on her back porch, so she was tempted to just unbutton his camo shirt and see what was underneath, but she stopped herself. There were all sorts of rules and regulations about his uniforms, and she knew he never broke any of them.

Of the million things she wanted to say to him, "I made you cookies," was all that came out. He smiled, "Cool," it seemed he was a little at a loss for words too. He looked over toward his house, "Can you bring them over and say hi to my grandparents. They want to see you," he stood looking at her for a second, then he

remembered, "Oh, and they wanted me to see if you would have dinner with us tonight."

"Sure," she wished she could wipe the goofy smile off her face. It helped some that he looked the same way, "Did you tell them ... about us?" She was so hoping for a yes. His grandpa's opinion mattered more than anyone's.

"Yeah, of course.' He was holding both of her hands, rubbing his thumb on her scar. "The Colonel said it was a smart move."

"And your grandma?"

"She's loved you ever since you did your 'I shot a turkey' victory dance." The memory of spending time with his grandparents brought a wave of sweet comfort. She loved just being around them.

Having dinner at Ben's house that night felt like the beginning of summer, or at least the part Carrie wanted to remember. They still couldn't be together constantly, Carrie had to work and Ben had work to catch up on, and he was on some mega-training program. He explained it to her, but it all sounded pretty unreal. His commander at camp told Ben he believed he could be a Ranger. They were the best of the best in the Army. That part Carrie got. She knew Ben could be the best of the best in anything he did. It was the stuff he was training for that blew her mind. He had to be able to stay up for days on end, hardly eat anything and then run and carry men on his back and then do a super-hard obstacle course. It sounded like hell to Carrie, but Ben's eyes lit up when he talked about it. He couldn't go to school for it for a few years, but he was going to start training now and keep himself in optimum shape for it.

Every morning he would run with a weighted back pack. When he got back he would take a quick shower then drive Carrie to the Burton's house. He did most of his weight training and work during the day and left his nights open for her. Most nights they didn't do anything special, they would eat dinner at his house with his mom or go out for fast food. With all his training, eating became Ben's other hobby. Carrie might have worried about getting fat, except Ben almost always consumed half of her food too. "You going to eat that?" was his catch phrase.

He made sure they spent time with her friends and tried to include his too. But things had started to shift. People were coupling off. MG and Steve were still a couple/noncouple and Ben set Pat up with Casey. Gina went on vacation then sort of disappeared. They always invited her to go out, but she never did. Wayne was still dating Laura, Joelle's best friend, so he was not permitted to hang around with the enemy, Carrie.

Nights were the best though. On their first date Ben told her he would be willing to break rules for her, and he proved it every night. It started the Saturday after he got back. It was early, like 3:30 a.m. early, when Carrie woke up to something scratching on her bedroom window screen. Her window was on the second floor above the garage, no animal could reach it, so she was afraid to pull back the curtains. When she worked up the courage, she found Ben hanging upside down from the roof, smiling at her. She opened her window, and he talked her through popping out the screen. Then he flipped over into her room, onto her bed. Now this was fun!

That morning they lay in bed, and kissed, and groped a little. They also talked, and watched the sun come up over his house. He snuck out for his morning run at 6, before anyone at her house woke up.

After that, they ended each night in his room, in his bed. Sissy turned a blind eye to his closed, locked door. On their first night alone there, Ben assured Carrie that what went on between them was only their business. They spent weeks slowly learning about each other, exploring, playing, and making-out. First, Carrie insisted his shirt had to go. His chest, stomach, arm and even back muscles were beautiful to look at and even better to touch. They made a game of him naming muscle groups as she kissed them. She made a mental note to take biology next year; she could ace the test now.

Turn about was fair play so a few nights later her shirt came off. He leisurely kissed and touched her cleavage with her bra on. He didn't say a lot, but the fascination and reverence in his eyes said enough. Once he had her bra off and found her nipples, he had his activity for the rest of that night. He teased them 'til they hardened with his finger and his mouth, then watched as they softened again. He wet them with his tongue, then blew across them, asking her how it felt. She giggled and squirmed, finally explaining that she was very close to coming. Kissing him, with her hard nipples warming up and rubbing against the smooth, warm skin of his chest sent her over the edge. It was the first time she had ever come with a guy, and they were both a little shocked when it happened.

They talked about coming, which led to her questions about blue balls. Chuck had made it seem like he might die if she didn't let him come every time they were together. She had been young and nave enough to believe him. Ben laughed at her story and explained that it was uncomfortable, but he wouldn't die. He chanced her reaction and told her how he would masturbate when he got home from dates with Joelle. He waited for her to be angry that he brought up another girl or disgusted at the idea, but she was far from angry or grossed out. She wanted to watch.

And there went his shorts and briefs. The first time he came with her it was a combination hand job and jack off demonstration; and it was fast. Her hand on him alone could have done the trick, but her watching, enjoying what she was seeing, that sped up the process considerably. With time, and a lot of experimentation, they discovered ways to make him last longer.

Then it was her turn to lose her shorts and panties after a long session of heated kisses. Just like with her bra, Ben wanted to explore her with her panties on first. She had worn cute ones, purple with black lace edges. He had told her on their first date that he was a visual kind of guy. He always left his desk light on when they were together. It gave the room a deflected, other-worldly glow and them both enough light to see each other.

Now it was her turn to guide his hand through her route to making herself come. The nag in her head said that she should be at least a little embarrassed about him seeing her and studying her. But that made no sense now. She had seen him naked and loved looking at and touching him. The look in his eyes right now said that he was just as thrilled to see her. He played with her curls and her lips; sometimes doing whatever struck his fancy, sometimes letting her guide him to the spots that felt best. She didn't come as quickly as he did, but it was still pretty fast for her. With such a long, slow, erotic build up, a few well-placed strokes on her clit were all it took.

Then he shocked her, in a good way. He sucked on his fingers and smiled. Really? He liked the taste of her?

Which led to more talking, and more touching, and more playing. They would sleep for a few hours, every night, in whatever state of undress they ended up in; a tangle of arms and legs and sheets and pillows. But he always walked her home and kissed her good night at her back door sometime in the night. It sucked to be away from him, but it was important to not rock the boat and take any more chances than they already did. Being forbidden from seeing each other would be much worse than a few hours apart.

When there was only a week left before school started, Ben proposed an MG-worthy rule-breaking idea. He wanted to go camping with her. Just the two of them.

Chapter 23.

The fact that Carrie wasn't a virgin didn't bother Ben at all. The fact that the first, and only sex she had so far was with a stupid, selfish asshole did.

Yes, the idea was for them to have sex while they were camping, but that was just part of his plan. He wanted this trip, and their first time together to be so good that it could erase all her Chuck memories. It was a lofty goal, and he knew it, so he went about planning it all in a completely Ben-like way. He started with some research. He knew the basics of what they were going to do, but he also knew it could be really good or really bad, especially for the girl. He had to find out how to make it really good for her.

The romance book he borrowed from under her bed didn't help much. There was a lot of stuff about how big the guy's dick was, and how much the girl liked that. He hadn't spent a lot of time comparing, but he was pretty sure his was average size, and there wasn't a whole lot he could do about that. They would have to work with what he had.

He, Pat and Wayne had hooked into this new thing called the internet on his computer. Wayne was the one who figured out they could use the search engine to find porn from all over the world. He had already spent hours (too many) researching those sites, but maybe there was something that would tell him specifically what makes sex great for a girl. There were a few dry medical articles that gave him a better idea of how her body worked. The stuff from the advice columns looked a little more helpful, maybe.

'Step one figure out what she would like.' Oh, hell. If he could do that, he wouldn't need advice. Step one ... not easy. He knew she liked music, specifically not country music, which was almost all he had. He called MG and asked about her favorite songs and bands so he could make a mix tape. He knew he was on the right path when MG said, "Fuck, Gorman, she is one lucky bitch. You are awesome."

He packed his jeep with a tent, sleeping bags, cooler, food, the mix tape and condoms. On his way to pick her up he stopped at the gas station and bought her a rose. He almost tossed it out the window, feeling like maybe he had gone too far overboard, then he remembered that she had never gotten flowers. This was no time to back down or go small. He was nervous, but he couldn't let that stop him from going all-out, balls to the wall for her.

MG swiped a sexy negligee from her mom's room and gave it to Carrie.

"Should I wear this camping?" "I'm thinking not during the day," MG rolled her eyes, "it's a little much for hiking."

"You're funny. I mean, won't it look like, I don't know, I'm planning to have sex with him?"

"Well you are, aren't you?" Carrie hadn't told MG or anyone all that things that she and Ben were doing, or not doing. She really wasn't looking for anyone's input or opinion on what they had between them. Sure, she kind of figured he wanted them to be alone somewhere to actually have sex, and that was why they were going camping. But he hadn't said for sure, and she didn't want to mess up this really cool, spontaneous thing they had between them. There had been no pressure for either one of them to do anything. The sexy negligee shouted, "I'm expecting sex," but she couldn't tell MG that.

"I'll bring it ... thanks" Ben carried her backpack to the jeep. He was so hyped up and happy, Carrie thought he might pick her up and carry her too. He opened her door for her. She almost sat down on her flower, but Ben pulled her up at the last second. She turned around to see what was behind her. Her heart stopped when she saw it. Shit, no, no, no, no! She was already jumpy with excitement, and this threatened to push her emotions over the edge. She picked it up and said, "Oh, my god, a rose!" but she couldn't turn around and look at him.

Ben came in close behind her and waited for her to turn around. She wouldn't. Her breathing was unsteady. She kept swallowing and her hand was shaking. MG's driveway was not the best place for this to happen, but it was bound to sooner or later. Now, he just had to keep her here, keep her from bolting, and hopefully get her to talk to him.

"Carrie," he pulled her in close with his arms around her waist, and he spoke quietly into her ear from behind. "Talk to me."

She shook her head and choked out, "Can't."