She smiled a little. "You're not Kyle Renbourne, Viscount Maxwell and heir to the Earl of Wrexham?"

"That was the obvious part." He leaned forward and divided the last of the tea between their cups. "But so much was expected of me that I was never sure what I wanted for myself. For years I envied my brother. Since he was younger, he was much freer than I-yet he would have traded his freedom for my responsibilities in a heartbeat."

"The pair of you sound like donkeys tugging at your ropes for the gra.s.s beyond your reach."

He chuckled. "Exactly. Eventually, with the help of Constancia, I realized that many of the chains I wore were of my own forging. After she died, I threw them off and started on the road that has led here."

"Have you discovered what you truly want along the way?"

"It's ironic. I used to feel trapped by the demands of running a great estate and the knowledge that eventually I must take a seat in the House of Lords and make decisions about the fate of the nation. Yet now I rather look forward to both. There will always be new challenges, and I think I'll serve my tenants and countrymen well." He gave a self-deprecatory laugh. "That sounds rather pompous, doesn't it?"

She studied the strong lines of his face, thinking he could never be pompous, much less boring. "My father said that the motto of Mary, Queen of Scots, was 'In my end, I find my beginning.' That's what you've done- gone 'round the world to discover that your destiny lies where you began. You're fortunate."

"In most ways." His face darkened, and she knew he was thinking of Constancia.

"Though you won't have the love of your life, you'll have your home, your family, your destiny," she said quietly. "I envy you."

His expression softened. "I shall help you find a home in Britain."

Their gazes met over the dying flames. She wished she could believe that the warmth in his eyes was love, but she was not such a fool. He liked her, and he desired her because it was the nature of men to desire women, but his offer was the helping hand of a friend. "At least I won't have to be a man or a spy there."

She set down her empty cup and stood, stretching her tired muscles before she removed her outer garments and the money belt he'd given her. She'd sleep in the lightweight tunic and trousers she wore underneath. Kyle was similarly attired. She watched surrept.i.tiously as he pulled off his outer clothing, his muscles stretching the fabric of his undergarments.

She hoped he'd suggest they spread their blankets together, but he didn't. Suppressing a sigh, she lit one of the torches in the fire, then climbed up to the shrine. There she knelt in front of Kuan Yin. There was just enough light to show the G.o.ddess's faint, compa.s.sionate smile as Troth uttered a wordless prayer: Lady, I know this man is not for me. His heart has been taken, he is as far above my station as the sun is above the clouds, and his honor forbids him to dally when desire is not fueled by love. But you are the G.o.ddess of feminine truth and power. If there is a way for us to come together, even if only for an hour, please let it happen. I swear that I will not ask for more of either you or him.

Then she closed her eyes and became still. A thread of energy pulsed through her, beginning with warmth and soon bubbling into joy as she realized what she must do. As a man of honor, he did not wish to injure a feeble, innocent female, so she must convince him that no injury would be done. And, if Ling-Ling was to be believed, a man was most easily persuaded when his desire was engaged.

But how to engage that desire? Troth thought hard as she made her way back to the sleeping chamber. Kneeling on her blanket, she turned her back to Kyle and reached under her tunic to unfasten the wide bands of fabric that flattened her chest. She felt his gaze as she slowly unwound the cloth. When finished, she ma.s.saged her b.r.e.a.s.t.s to stimulate the flow of blood through cramped flesh. Ah, yes, he watched, and dreamed of what might be...

She turned to face him, her tunic draping provocatively over her newly female body. Seeing that his gaze was riveted to her, she untied her queue and shook her head to loosen her hair before combing her fingers through so it fell in a straight, shining ma.s.s down her back. "Sometimes I become so tired of having my hair pulled back."

His gaze was not that of a dispa.s.sionate friend. Swallowing, he looked down and spread his blanket for sleeping. "Understandable. I find the wig uncomfortable, too."

The energy was pulsing through her like a great heartbeat-female yin energy, strong and sure of its power to attract the male yang. She closed the s.p.a.ce between them with slow, confident steps as she prepared to convince him they should become lovers. "I enjoyed sleeping with you last night."

His hand clenched on his blanket. "I enjoyed it, too, but it would be wiser to sleep separately tonight."

"Wiser for whom?" She knelt beside him on the blanket. When he looked up, she leaned forward and kissed his open mouth before he could utter more protests.

His arms slipped around her waist and he pulled her hard against him. As the kiss deepened she clung to him, intoxicated, yet sensing that he was not so lost to pa.s.sion as to forget his blasted gentleman's code.

Her fear was proved when he ended the kiss and sat back on his heels. "You are a dangerous temptress," he said with a twisted smile. "But nothing has altered since last night, my dear girl."

She tilted her head, allowing her hair to cascade over her shoulder. "My understanding has changed. You are too serious, Kyle. Because you loved deeply and were terribly wounded by your loss, you fear the risk of wounding me. I honor your kindness, but will you be terribly insulted if I say that I won't fall in love with you?"

Instead of being offended, he looked intrigued. "How can you be sure of that? Is there some Chinese wisdom here that I don't understand?"

She caressed his cheek with the back of her hand as she lied. "I know my heart. If I were going to love you, it would have happened by now. But I like and trust you as a friend, and I find you most attractive." She skimmed her hand downward, featherlight over his chest. "It will be frightening to travel to England. I will be stronger, I think, if I have experience of pa.s.sion.

You would do me a great favor by lying with me."

"You're trying to tie knots in my thinking, and doing a d.a.m.ned good job of it." He caught her hand, preventing further caresses. "But virginity is treasured by many men. So great a gift should be given to your beloved, not a mere friend."

She smiled as she felt the power of his longing. His body wanted her even if his mind still resisted. "A 'mere' friend? Denying me is proof of your integrity. Suitors might try to beguile me with lies, and without experience of men I might believe them. Far wiser for me to first taste pa.s.sion with a friend who wishes nothing but my good."

He took her face between his hands, his blue eyes troubled. "There is nothing I would like more than to make love with you, but I don't want you to ever suffer regrets."

"I will have no regrets," she said with absolute truth. "But I swear that if you hold to your Fan-qui notion of honor, I will have regrets to my dying day."

His clasp tightened around her face. "You win, my dear girl. You've tangled my brain and willpower like a skein of yarn." He stood and caught her hand to raise her into an embrace, mouth to mouth, body to body, heat to heat. This time he was wholly present, as committed to intimacy as she.

She caught her breath as his hands slipped beneath her tunic to circle her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. G.o.ds, she had not known what pleasure there could be in touch!

As she whimpered from the sensations that blazed through her, he stripped off her loose undertunic and trousers, then removed his tunic so that her b.r.e.a.s.t.s crushed into the warm flesh and soft hair of his chest. "I'd wondered what sort of figure lurked behind Jin Kang's garments. You are even lovelier than I dreamed."

This time she believed his words, for there was pa.s.sion in the lips that closed over her nipple. So gentle, so careful, yet she could feel the fierceness of his leashed desire.

For a moment he stepped away. She opened her eyes to see him laying out their blankets together to warm the cool stone floor. Then he drew her down to their bed and stretched out beside her. "Troth," he murmured into her hair. "Mei-Lian. Though you've lived as a man, you are pure woman, supple and strong and beautiful beyond words."

"What... what should I do?" she said unevenly, her hands restlessly running through the hair on his chest.

"Simply relax and tell me what pleases you. Another time..." He laughed a little. "Well, there are other lessons beyond this one." His lips found shocking sensitivity in the hollow of her throat and along the edge of her jaw before his mouth claimed hers again.

Hazed with pa.s.sion, she obeyed him and became a creature of reactions, her choked sounds of pleasure revealing how each of his caresses pleased her more than the last. Where their bodies touched, she could monitor his desire, could feel the flex of his muscles as he rigidly restrained himself.

His warm palm stroked over her belly, arousing her unbearably. Desire coiled inside her so tautly that she gasped when his hand slipped between her thighs.

He stopped immediately. "Does that upset you?"

Her nails bit into his shoulders. "No! No, please, don't stop."

Gently he resumed his intimate caresses, so sure and knowing that she could scarcely bear it. She was all fire, burning, burning...

She moaned, clinging to him as her body exploded with a pleasure beyond any she'd ever dreamed. Ah, G.o.ds, the only greater pleasure could be when he released his control and they took flight together...

Rapture subsided, leaving her panting with her face buried against his shoulder. "That was... a good beginning," she said unsteadily. He still wore his loose undertrousers, so she slipped her hand under the waist in a tentative search for the source of the hard heat pressing her thigh.

He caught her hand again. "Let us sleep now. It's been a long day."

Her eyes shot open and she stared at him with astonishment. His face was sheened with perspiration, but his expression was calm. He'd planned all along to go only this far and no further.

"But what of you?" She yanked her hand free of his and cupped that fascinating source of male energy. "Would you deny me the opportunity to give back pleasure?"

He froze, except for the heavy throb against her palm. "You've learned some of what you wished, I think, yet nothing irrevocable has been done."

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "My lord Kyle," she said severely. "Stop being so d.a.m.nably n.o.ble."

Chapter 20.

His face lit with sudden laughter. "You're right-I take myself far too seriously. It's not as if I'm so irresistible that all women must fall in love with me."

"Then let us come together as friends, without too much seriousness." Heady with relief, she gently squeezed his organ. It reared urgently against her hand.

He sucked in his breath, then roughly pulled off his loose trousers and positioned himself between her legs. "My dearest Troth," he breathed before he kissed her. His tongue caressed hers even as his heated shaft slid moistly against her most private places with an exhilarating friction. "It is you who are irresistible."

To her amazement, pa.s.sion flared anew under his caresses. Yearning became need until she was frantic to end her emptiness. "If I am so irresistible-stop resisting!"

He captured her words with his mouth, and entered her with one slow, powerful thrust. She'd heard there was pain the first time, but she felt only a quick stab that vanished in a torrent of mind-searing sensation as he filled her, then found the rhythm of her pounding heart.

Her nails scored his back as she rocked into him over and over. This was the meaning of yin and yang, male and female, separate yet whole only when joined together. They were partners, equals, consumed in each other...

She bit his shoulder as she convulsed uncontrollably. Yet despite his ragged breath and plunging body, she sensed that he had not taken flight with her.

As her tremors began to subside, he withdrew and wrapped his arms crushingly around her. Then he climaxed against her belly in hard, shuddering bursts as he groaned, "Mei-Lian, dear G.o.d, Mei-Lian..."

Sadly she recognized that even in the throes of pa.s.sion he would not let himself make a baby casually with a woman who was not his mate. Though it was another mark of his honor, she mourned for the absence of that final intimacy.

She must not complain, for already she had more than she had dared hope for. The G.o.ddess had been generous to her pet.i.tion. She licked his shoulder where her mouth had marked his salty skin. "Thank you, my lord."

He smiled. "It is I who must thank you. What an incredible gift you've given me."

"Why did you call me Mei-Lian?"

"I suppose... because it is your most secret name," he said thoughtfully. "A name suited to the greatest intimacy a man and woman can share."

"As Kyle is your private name?"

"Exactly. In all the world, only my brother and sister still call me that." He kissed the tip of her nose. "And now you."

"Not your father?"

"My mother did-the name Kyle is Scottish and used in her family. But I was Viscount Maxwell since the day I was born, so my father always used my t.i.tle."

He stroked the length of her torso with such tenderness that she wanted to weep. Though his heart was unavailable, he was the gentlest and most thoughtful of lovers. What a lucky woman his Constancia had been to have known the fullness of his love.

As her breathing steadied, she wondered how many times they might lie together like this. A fortnight, perhaps, while they traveled to Hoshan and then to Macao? Not enough, never enough. Perhaps they could continue to couple on the voyage to Britain? That would take at least four or five months, longer if the winds didn't favor their ship.

No. She must not delude herself. This rapture must end when he was among his own people again. All she had was tonight and a handful of days beyond. She must make the most of them.

He fell asleep slowly, wanting to savor the feel of Troth in his arms. He'd not felt such contentment since before Constancia had fallen ill. Friendship might not be the same as love, but it was obviously a better foundation for intimacy than l.u.s.t or a commercial transaction, no matter how elegantly the latter was disguised.

When he awoke, he reached for her sleepily and discovered she was gone. It was dawn and objects were dimly visible in the pale light. Since the grate still blocked the exit, Troth had to be near.

Suppressing a yawn, he rose and pulled on his undergarments, then fumbled his way up to the shrine. There he found Troth dancing in front of Kuan Yin. Barefoot and clad as simply as he, she glided across the stone floor with heart-stopping grace, her movements fluid as a willow in the wind. Her hair was still unbound, and it swirled and floated around her with every step. Shadowy in the low light, she had a magical beauty that was not of the earth he knew.

She floated into a slow turn that brought her around to face him, radiance in her expression. He felt a deep pang knowing that that exaltation should have been for another man, one who could love and cherish her as she deserved.

Yet she was a woman grown, in many ways wiser than he, and the night before she'd made it clear she knew exactly what she was doing. Given her strange half-life in Canton, she'd needed to embrace her femaleness to build strength for her new world. It was his good fortune that he'd been her choice for teaching one of life's great lessons.

Seeing him, she sank into a bow. "My lord."

"I'm not your lord, but your friend." He caught her hands and raised her to her feet. "What kind of dance was that? I've never seen anything like it."

She smiled. "Not a dance, but tai chi-exercises for balancing chi energy. Ever since I was a child in Macao, I've done tai chi and wing chun almost every morning in the gardens. Sometimes Chenqua would join me for two-person exercises and sparring."

"Good G.o.d. How very energetic before breakfast." No wonder she was in superb physical condition. "Do the exercises really make one feel more in harmony?"

"Oh, yes. If I don't do them for a few days, I begin to feel out of sorts."

"It sounds like something I would benefit by knowing. Can you teach me?"

"You'd really like to?"

"Right now, if you don't mind teaching me."

"Then we'll start with the patterns that make up a simple form. This one is called 'repulse monkey.' " She began to glide backward, her whole body in motion and one arm sweeping up in front of her, palm out. "A monkey confronted by a tiger escapes by putting a paw on the tiger's nose while he retreats. As the monkey moves back, he alternates paws, keeping his enemy at a distance."

Kyle tried to imitate her actions, feeling clumsy. This was nowhere near as easy as she made it look. "Might this have worked yesterday when you faced the tiger?"

"Doubtful, even if I'd had the wit to try. The tiger would have just bitten my hand off before going for my throat," she said cheerfully. "Don't work so hard, my lord. This should be effortless, relaxed. Feel the chi flowing through you like a river of light."

A river of light. He thought of the image, made himself relax, and found that the movements came more easily, though he'd never have her grace.

After she taught him half a dozen different patterns, she led him in a slow version of the complete routine. He followed her across the sanctuary floor under Kuan Yin's benevolent gaze, feeling happy and carefree and completely at peace.

"Well done!" she said, laughing. "Now again. The form must become so much a part of you that you needn't think about what you're doing. Then the chi can flow freely."

"The object is to be not the dancer but the dance?"

"Exactly!" She led him through the form again, faster, and again, as he echoed her movements. Gradually he stopped thinking about his body and let his mind flow, fully in the moment as his gaze followed Troth. She was so lovely, unlike any other woman in the world, an enchanting blend of mind, body, and spirit.

How often was one happy and fully aware of it at the time? He was happy now...

The pattern changed to magpie landing on a branch. He promptly got confused, moved right when he should have gone left, and collided with Troth. "Sorry!"

Giggling, she untangled herself, as carefree as the girl she hadn't been allowed to be. "Mistakes happen. You're actually quite good for a stiff Englishman."

"Some of the evasive movements used in European boxing are similar, though that pales compared to your wing chun. What are the two-person exercises like?"

"The simplest is 'sticking hands.' We place the backs of our hands together and move them between us, testing. When one person strikes, the other must block the blow."

"I don't want to do any striking, but the exercise sounds interesting." He pressed the backs of his hands against hers. Her hands were narrow, but the fingers were long and capable. She glowed with strength and harmony. "Good G.o.d, I think I feel some of that chi coming from you. Is that possible?"