It hot like anything the leaves falling. Even coconut tree look hot. I think of Gouripur never so hot in village. Only few tree here no shade roads melting.

In London do roads ever melting? Aleya have cousin is Londoni. She tell me in London the people have no God. I keep quiet when she say. She is nice woman but from Noakhali.

Mr Chowdhury come for collect the rent take only what I have not bother at all for rest. He bring chair in back of Toyota Land Cruiser. Another tenant leave behind. I make tea and he go inside the room for inspecting the wall. Such busy man still he take the time. He sit on chair little pain come in his face and birthmark getting bright bright. What is it uncle I asking him. 'Am I not father to you?' I agree to it. 'Then why you do not call me father?' This is how he wants me to call. Then he speak of sons. They gone for study in America it make him proud like Hell. 'But if I had a daughter lovely daughter like you to rub my feet I will be happy man.'

Father I will rub feet. I tell to him. I take off sandals and pleased to do this small thing for him. It did look like it make happy. He ask if jute men bothering me. 'These boys around pretty girl like wax to flame. They cannot help it.' But no one dare bothering me. Someone is staring so what? It only their eyes they hurting. One man is coming close by my pot when I cooking. Yellow skin and big wobble arms. Only he looks never daring do anything.

Judges wife come around. She talks the hands fly around all around. They do look like little brown flock seven-brothers birds. 'This place was respectable Establishment' she say. 'Now this man filling with all lowlifes and skinning with rent. I know his game. He is after Eviction Notice for us for reason we are respectable tenant. He wanting more space for his lowlifes.' She really getting excited. 'My husband working for District Court. Let him try his Eviction Notice. Let him try. We going to serve Notice on him.'

All this after she say they moving and also as well the building get pull down. Take care she say. I giving you a mothers warning. Today I am everybodys daughter.

Beside she not really fudges wife. Mr Chowdhury know really Top Brass people. I tell you something. Last week President Ershad at Golf Club lying down by swimming pool with girlfriend. The girlfriend is wife of Minister! They lying like this and President wife come and throw self on girlfriend start catty fight. President try to part these two but he take knock to head. At present time President in hospital girlfriend in foreign land having face stitch together and wife still rage and mad due to girlfriend get given business contract. All these things in actual true fact. No one calling them in street. How easy to call the garment girls. Zainab say one hundred and fifty girls in one factory getting pregnant. This is kind of thing people say. Who going to stop them?

July 1989

Sister I hope you well and resting. We all floating like ducks only time I get dry is in factory. Water coming through roof at home. Even it come through brick wall. When the plaster is finish then rain cannot come to the inside. I buy small table make set with chair. Now it all splinter and thing everywhere top cracking up. I put on veranda to sun but only make worse. Hussain one of jute mill men say he fix in no time. He yellow like ladoo and arms wobbling whole time but is nice man.

Overtime at factory is finish. I think this month I have enough for rent. Some new design for making next week. Abdul show the patterns. Shahnaz is worry he look at me wrong way. It seem he use to look at Shahnaz but quick smart she put him down. I think he not meaning anything bad. It look a bit funny only due to glasses slide down nose and he look over top. Shahnaz say any man wears so much scent is loving self too much. But the Prophet (peace be upon him) instruct us to keep clean and care the bodies we have. Shahnaz worry for me. That is all.

Only other day she advising again on cosmetics. She is skill in cosmetics. She have notice my lips too pink too big can look impure. Religious protest people outside gates seek out all impures like this. Putting powder on the lips makes hide them little bit.

Big bonfire you husband make in courtyard sound nice all village children gather around. Why he is burning chairs? There is no other wood?

August 1989

I think of Amma too sometime as well. She is not come in dreams as she come to you. Why you think she angry? Sometime I feel angry to her. She have no reason be angry with me or with you sister. You remember what Abba use to call? 'A saint she come from family of saints.' He go to other women. He want to take other wife but she give threat to kill own self. My husband tell me. Everyone know it but us. Tears will come but I tell the truth.

Aleyas husband give beating. Last month gone she best worker in factory and get bonus. They give a sari and for this sari she take beating. Foot come all big like marrow and little finger broken. Bending over her stomach give trouble. Renu say at least you have husband to give good beating at least you not alone. The husband say he will beat twice each day until she tell name of the man.

I thread Aleyas machine and I spend lunch time help to catch up. Renu getting all in trouble talking at bench. She wind thread around tooth and pull to break it but yesterday she pull out tooth. No one ever curse so loud inside building.

We giving Aleya our love is best thing we can give. Shahnaz say husband is get jealous hearing all gossip about garment girls. Renu say few bad ones spoiling for all. It is awful for Shahnaz it might ruin marriage prospect. She say 'It look bad on you too.' She do not know I am married woman. I tell them I am widow I am orphan. I too ashamed to say truth. Then I did not know like sisters. How I can say anything now?

September 1989

Sister it wrong thing I write about Amma. Only apostate speak of killing own self. No loving mother no God conscious woman speak like this. Burn letter take it out of mind.

Today another hartal. I sit inside hear mens on veranda. They put money together and buy chess set. But no one can agree the rules. Six seven play at one time it make few fight. Nothing serious. Trains not running today without these games it too quiet outside, fudges family gone for wedding. That family do make more noise than all lowlifes together. Morning time the arguing begin. Evening time they stop arguing and go to war. Every pot and plate broken. I collecting banana leaves for them.

Mr Chowdhury come again for rent. Again he take few less taka no fuss. He is fakir as well also businessman. I find out he letting me have the room cheap. This is how he look out for me. So concern for me. 'These boys like wax around a flame. They come close and they melt. How they can help this thing? It is you who must take care.' He scratching at birthmark. It really look like bleeding. He say the boy can think bad thought and then they dream of girl and in dream they commit sin and the sin make them unclean. He holding stick and swing it back at wall. Little bits ivory come off tip. Look I will break ten thousand stick on those boys. Say one word I do it. His hand shaking and he put on my cheek touch me like father.

I wash his feet and rub and he come calm only groan time to time due to he have two son far away. I thinking of you sister and I think of you now. Oil is run low and I must save for tomorrow. I kiss you and I turn out the light.

January 1990

May daughter be so sweet as the mother. God give strength and grace and courage. Auntie sends all love. My salaam to your husband. God bless his study and make them give fruit.

I out from favour at factory. One week past they shunning me. I go to sit with the others for lunch time they make silence. I sitting apart and only look at chapatti. They put hands up and whisper. I am not looking still I see. I sit near the tap. Everyone use after eating and is always puddle it never run off to drain. I close to puddle and it shake with insect eggs. Eggs hatching I do not like to eat so close but everyone have own space in the yard. No one is speak to me only Abdul. I say to Aleya when she come for handwashing 'Sister how I can defend myself? I do not know the charge.' For reply she putting hands too close under spout water spraying on my shoulder.

I sad but it will pass. Just a mix up going around. Only small bad patch. Days going slow slow making feel a little tired.

April 1990

I speak with Shahnaz. Some gossip going around about me. 'Everyone know about the landlord' she say. 'You getting cheap rent or what?'

I tell her Mr Chowdhury is father to me. Shahnaz will put right quick sharp. The women listen to her. Only last month she saying nose ring do show up country bumpkin. No woman wearing nose ring now only stud.

June 1990

Abdul my brother walk with me to home. Protest people gone no danger but he say it is better he walk with me. Outside gate he puts his glasses in shirt pocket. Without them you see is just boy. He is neat and clean and kind. Shirt never flapping outside the trouser.

Little thing happen today. I ask Khaleda for scissor and she pass with sharp end open and pricks on my hand. When I make a cry sound is only surprise all holding up hands and hiding smile. I go outside and really cry. Renu come to me and say never mind these girls they just think they ripe fruit. Dont want to go near a bad one because they know how quick quick they going rotten their own selves. She meaning me to be the bad one. I explain everything but she just pulling on tooth. 'We waiting and suffering. That is why we here.'

I am not waiting around suffering around. Let her suffer if she like it.

August 1990

No need to trouble for me sister. I celebrate you husband success in Bookkeeping certificate. You say one time he wanting to build house in Dhaka. My sister I wait for this day. How the plans coming?

Nothing bad happening in factory. Only little quiet around me. That is all. I never mind it. I work in lunch break and at end of month I will get bonus. Abdul taking care for me. He is a great study man like your husband. One day whole entire factory come in his charge. He have the brain for it and he jump on detail. I give you example. Every day sock and belt are match. Brown sock for brown belt black sock for black belt. If you wanting to rise up in Management you must jump on detail like this. This is how he tell me. Clean shirt every day too as well.

He walk me home and we talk of many thing. He looking out for me. Mr Chowdhury also taking care.

Abdul in actual fact love me. If it possible we marry. But his family looking for girl and I have husband in Khulna. I dont know. Maybe my husband divorce me after some time. Is it possible get divorce and no one tell you about it?

There is more quarrel at home. Hussain have got two goats and they eating washing. Only Zainabs washing they like. Anything she put out they eat it. fudges wife in high old temper. She come and scream at him yesterday. She is serving Notice but Hussain only laughing and copying hands flying around the place. 'These goats got good taste' he say. 'Why you complain? It all of us they insulting nobody elses washing good enough.' I think about getting some chickens myself.

January 1991

Something has happen. It happen one month past but sometime I think not to tell you.

Shahnaz did try and warn. We waiting for gates to get unlock and she say 'Do you remember what I tell you about Abdul?' Yes I say but he is like brother to me now. She look sad and she tell me 'I am disappointed. All the help I give you. But you throw it back in my face.' I try to talk to her but she turn away. Sister I say I dont want to throw anything. I am your friend. These my last words to her. I did not see after that.

Straight away I called to Managers office. Only two reasons to go there. Sacking and death-in-family. Last week Khaleda was call. There was fire at her home. Three sons one daughter dead. All children and mother-in-law also. They have to carry Khaleda out from building.

I see few times the Manager walk around. Three four Baby Manager always walk behind write on boards. Skin on cheeks is dry like anything. Fish scales Shahnaz call it. 'Whole body rotting under that suit. Quick quick hold your nose.' He smell like fish head curry. He never surprise us and catch out talking at bench. Someone always sniff him first.

I go inside the office and he reading. I standing there wait and wait it seem like hour and hour. Then Abdul come in he stand there clean the glasses I think he come for saving my job. Manager putting down his papers and say 'You know why you are here.' Yes say Abdul. I say yes as well. I know I there for the sack.

'You have behave in lewd manner. You have show no regard for reputation of the factory. I am not running a brothel. Do I look like brothel keeper to you?' He is looking at me. No I say. Not a brothel keeper. Then he stand up. Get out. You are finished in garment business.

I just standing there and smelling him and smelling pomade on Abduls hair and perfume he puts on his cheek and thinking I going to faint. Go on he say. Get out. But I have to ask. What it is I did?

'The boy admit to all' he say. 'Dont tell me your shameless lie. Go before I beat shame into you.' I look at Abdul but he not look at me. His shirt sticking to his chest I remember I never see him sweat before. He say nothing and I go out. I wait outside door for him also getting sack and walking home with me. Manager I hear him. 'Pretty girl eh? You boys! Have to get a little practice in before marriage eh?' He laughing. Only him laughing not Abdul.

You have this letter by this time I have other job. Mr Chowdhury looking out for me. He have many business. I send you love as always.

March 1991

Oh baby is walking! How I like to see it send photo if you have.

Your husband is right Mr Chowdhury looking out for me. I under his protection do not send money. If husband allow to do shopping it is good. You can go out. But do not hide accounts and send money to me. You have good husband. This make me more happy than anything and I have no need.

Two days past Mr Chowdhury come here. He ask to comb hair. I did it and I massage feet. Much tension in feet but with me he say he can relax. He tell me all day long people climbing around him waiting outside office running to catch him walk backward in front of him and wave papers. He can never be alone because of all day people want something. Even in spite he feel alone. He in actual fact lonely like hell. He trust no one. Everyone cheating. Wife is dead for long time. Sons have gone. Half money going in bribe. New Government coming new people lining up for bribe.

He tell me 'You are my daughter. I like to bring you to my house. But what people will say? We are not related. I have no wife.' Then he sigh and I rub his feet and when I look up there is water in the eyes. 'If a girl comes to a mans house as servant there is no trouble. She must come as servant. Or as wife. Then all is well.'

Sister can Mr Chowdhury mean to take for wife? It keep going around in my mind but it is a foolish thing. Is it foolish thing? He is rich and powerful man he know Top Brass people. And I am like daughter to him. I tell you? He growing moustache. It look well with his cane. He look like gentleman. And very fit also as well for man this age. He believe in exercise. Sometime he leave Toyota Land Cruiser at home and walks never mind it not done in Top Brass circle. Not such old man maybe like your husband age.

You see how it is. Mr Chowdhury not even ask for rent and I get a little money cook for jute men. I make breakfast and dinner and they give portion for my meal and little money also.

I buy chickens and they have begin to lay. Ten twelve eggs under veranda every morning. Day it is quiet and I talk to the goats. They tied up now and washing is safe. I watch trains go by and think of the train that bring me from Khulna. I think of people on those trains where they going and where they from. Sometime I hear the hauls in the street and I run round to the front listen to them sing about love. Or I talk to Zainab she is friendly with me now.

Her boy youngest one have failed in exam. Father did not flog properly or he would have learn. She say 'What kind of father is that? How many times I told to flog properly. I do my best but I am only a woman.' Then she say 'I told him to pay more for tutoring. He did not listen. Now the boy has failed.' Then she has idea. She come to me hands with flutter. Looks like cat jump in the bird nest. 'The teacher is at fault not only the father. These teachers must be responsible. Only way to make them responsible is take the whole damn lot to Court. Tomorrow I serving Notice.' That Court getting crowded like anything.

Evening time I cook the meal and I serve. I sit a little way apart and eat. I listen to men make talk and joke and I watch the sky. I look at the moon and I think of you sister look at same moon. We cannot see each other but we see it and we are join.

Jute men all saving up money. Most night is money counting. Many sending back to village. They save for wife and children and parents. Few saving only for own selves. For starting business or build a house or take a wife. These ones save hardest. Others buying hair oil or sweets or ticket to cinema. They smoke more and take more pan. However much they saving it not enough so they spend a little to forget a little. Young ones have not learned and they saving hardest counting most often.

They still playing chess but some of piece are lost there not so many fight now. Also they tell story and everyone try to tell the best. Some are jute farmer before they lose the land. Do you remember Abba take us one time in boat to watch jute harvest? Mens stay down so long we cannot hold breaths until they come again to surface.

These ones tell biggest story. One say I have dive twelve feet down to cut the jute. The next diving fifteen feet. Third must be diving always twenty-five feet and fourth going down thirty and fighting with crocodiles. I stay apart and listen.