"Nope."

"Good." I step closer to him, craning my neck back to keep our gazes locked. "That's what I like most about you."

His eyes soften. "Come on. I want to show you the top."

Like little kids running through a jungle gym, we race up the stairs as fast as our legs can carry us, passing a kitchen, a small office, a bathroom, and eventually barreling to a stop when we hit the bedroom. Parker tosses our bags on the bed and pulls me toward a ladder that leads up through a portal in the roof.

"Let me go first." He grabs a rung and starts to hoist himself up. "The hatch is heavy."

Once he's got the narrow skylight door open, I watch his legs disappear out onto the top landing. Heights have never exactly been my favorite thing in the world, but I tell myself to stop being such a chicken as I grip the ladder rungs with shaky hands.

"Don't tell me you're scared, snookums." Parker's voice drifts down to me. "It may cause irreparable damage to your so-called street cred."

"Have I mentioned that I hate you?" I call back, climbing slowly up the ladder. As soon as my head pops out into the brisk air, Parker grabs me under the arms and lifts me up onto my feet.

"Only about a million times," he says, kissing me until I'm breathless and panting against his lips. When he pulls back and whispers, "Look," I turn around and lose my breath all over again.

The entire ocean is at our feet, stretching for miles as far as my eyes can see. We're so high, Parker's sixty-foot sailboat looks like a toy, bobbing along the dock far below. The giant bulb flashes just above our heads, illuminating the coastline in rhythmic intervals like a massive flashlight shining in the dark. Boston glows in the distance, small and insignificant. Beyond that, a million stars blanket the sky - far more than you can ever see inside the city limits.

It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

"You live here," I say, laughing as I spin in a circle. "You literally live here."

Parker shoves his hands in the pockets of his waterproof jacket. "I could live here. Right now, I mostly live on my boat in the harbor and come check on this place every few weeks. I pay a guy to keep an eye on it, the times I can't get here."

I stop spinning and look at him. "Why wouldn't you stay here all the time?"

He smirks and gestures out at the ocean surrounding us on all sides. "Don't know if you've noticed, Zoe, but it might get kind of lonely out here. They say no man is an island but, in this case, I would have to disagree."

"True," I murmur. "Still... it seems a shame, to have a place like this - a view like this - and not wake up to it every single day."

"Maybe..." He trails off, as though he's afraid to finish the thought.

"Maybe what?" I ask softly.

"Nothing."

"Please... tell me. I want to know."

His eyes find mine through the darkness and even in the shadowy light I can see the stark longing in his eyes. It's enough to make my knees buckle.

"Maybe it wouldn't be so lonely if I had someone to share it with." He takes a step toward me. "If I'm being honest, since the moment I found out you were in trouble, the only thing I've wanted to do was pick you up in my arms and bring you out here, where I know nothing can get to you."

I close the last bit of space between us. "And now that you have?" I murmur.

His eyes flare. "I might never let you go."

I wind my arms around his neck. "Good answer, sailor."

His mouth crashes down on mine - a warm contrast to the cool wind. I don't care that it's freezing, or that there are a million things I should be worrying about.

Because I'm standing on top of the fucking world, kissing a man I'm dangerously close to falling in love with, and nothing else matters.

Not one damn bit.

18.

The Reason

We're lost in each other, devouring with lips and hands and teeth against the rail of the lighthouse, until the sun sets entirely.

Parker pulls back to look at me. "It'll be Christmas in a few hours."

"Think we'll be able to see the sleigh go by from up here?"

"Oh, definitely. I slipped Santa a twenty he's going to do a fly-by, just for you."

I roll my eyes.

"What do you want for a present, Zoe?" He nuzzles my neck. "Jewelry? Lifetime supply of chocolate peanut butter cups? A new computer strong enough to hack the CIA?"

"Nothing." I laugh. "Nothing at all."

"Well, I fully expect a gift of some kind." His tone goes husky. "Want to give me my present now or later?"

"Definitely now," I say, arching up to kiss him again. "Right fucking now."

I feel him grin as he scoops me into his arms, throws me onto his back in a fireman's carry, and proceeds to climb down the ladder like a crazy person with me draped over one shoulder.

"You're going to drop me!" I screech, watching the ground get closer as I hang upside down. I pound a fist against his back. "You caveman!"

He chuckles, never breaking his careful strides. When we hit the ground, he sets me gently on the bed. "I'd never drop you, darling." His grin is wicked. "Back in a flash."

He scampers back up the ladder to close the hatch as I lay there contemplating my near-death experience.

He almost killed me, the idiot!

I'm going to murder him.

That's clearly the only option.

Shockingly, as soon as Parker's frame hits the mattress beside me, all concerns of mortality vanish. He unzips my insulated jacket in one swift tug and rids me of my suspenders and weatherproof pants in record time.

"If I'd known you were only in underwear beneath those, I would've crashed the damn boat against the rocks," he growls, his hands making quick work of removing his own coat and pants.

I grin in the dark.

His hands slide over my skin like they were made to fit my curves, playing me like a song, shaping me like a memory, breaking me like a promise. I explore his skin with equal passion, tracing my lips along the muscular planes of his chest as his silhouette hovers over mine, his hazel eyes glowing gold in the shadowed room.

And as he makes love to me - hands and lips and hips all working in tandem to drive me to the brink of pleasure - I wonder how I ever lived without this sensation of total completeness. As he fills me, body and soul, I cry out at the feeling of utter fulfillment.

Long after our heartbeats have slowed to normal, I lay wrapped tight within the expanse of Parker's arms, his mouth pressing soft kisses into my temple, and revel in the sensation that for once in my life I'm incredibly fucking lucky to be exactly where I am.

I can only hope he feels the same.

"Did I ruin your Christmas?" I force myself to ask in the darkness.

"What?" I feel him shift to look at my face. "Why would you say that?"

"This holiday... It's clearly a big deal in the West family. I saw the size of Phoebe's tree, not to mention your ugly sweater collection and your obsession with Christmas movies."

"Zoe." Parker shakes his head. "Trust me. You didn't ruin a thing."

"But you're out here in the middle of the ocean, instead of spending the day with your family." I chew my lip. "I definitely ruined your Christmas, playboy. It's okay - you can tell me. I can take it."

He rolls, so he's staring straight down into my face. "Listen to me, Zoe. You didn't ruin anything. I mean it." His eyes are intense. "In fact... this is probably the best Christmas I've ever had. Screw the tree, the ornaments, the whole damn thing. Being here with you... that's the best gift I could ever fucking ask for. I mean it."

My eyes start to burn with telltale tears; I blink rapidly to clear them. "Yeah?" I ask after a minute.

"Yeah," he whispers, kissing me. "I know this isn't your favorite holiday. But I'm hoping, after this year... you might see that it isn't always so bad."

I swallow and press my face into his chest so I won't cry. After a while, his arms come around my back and he pulls me close.

"Parker," I whisper a few minutes later, desperation in my tone.

His body tenses. "What is it, darling?"

"Earlier... you asked me what I want for Christmas."

"Yeah."

"I think I know, now."

"Name it, Zoe." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Anything you want, I'll give it to you."

I choke back the emotions threatening to overwhelm me. "I need you to stop being so wonderful."

He pauses. "What?"

"Stop being nice to me. Stop being so damn sweet and funny and kind." I try to breathe normally and fail miserably. "Because..."

"Because what, darling?" His voice is infinitely soft.

"Because I don't think I'll be able to handle it..." My voice cracks pathetically. "...if you make me fall in love with you and then leave me behind."

He rolls so I'm pinned beneath him and he's staring down at me, his expression more serious than I've ever seen it. I press my eyes closed so I don't have to look at his gorgeous fucking face.

"Zoe. Look at me."

My eyes crack open a sliver.

"There's only one reason I've spent my life running," he says, his voice intent. "You know what that is?"

I shake my head.

"I've never had a good reason to stay."

I feel my eyes fill with tears.

"But you you're my reason, darling. Now that I've met you..." He brushes his mouth against the tip of my nose. "I'm not going anywhere. You hear me?" Another kiss lands against my forehead. "I'm not leaving you."

I can't breathe.

"Zoe Bloom." His hazel eyes burn into mine. "There are some things I'd like to say to you. Things I'm pretty much dying to say to you. But I'm afraid if I tell you out loud that I care about you, that I want to wake up to your face every morning for the next week, next month, next year... you'll bolt. I'm afraid if I say that, in the span of a single fucking week, you've come to mean more to me than anyone else in my whole unfortunate existence... you'll run before I can catch you and convince you to stay."

I press my lips together to contain a sob.

"So," he whispers, his eyes still holding mine. "Right now, I'm not going to tell you that I'm pretty sure you're the one woman on this planet who was made for me. I'm not going to say that I think I could spend a whole lifetime exploring you, and have that be a sufficient adventure. I'm not going to admit that I think I love you." His lips twist. "Not yet. You're not ready for that."

My heart beats double-time inside my chest.

"But..." He brushes his lips against mine again, soft and sweet. "One day, you'll be ready. And, darling, for the record... I plan on sticking around until that day. And for all the days after."

My eyes are suspiciously wet.

"You feel like running, yet?" he asks gently.

I shake my head because I can't form words.

"Good. Because, honestly, we're in the middle of the ocean. And it would make for a pretty awkward sail home if you decided you wanted to leave after that speech."

A laugh bubbles up from my stomach and collides with the lump in my throat, resulting in a choked sob-giggle conglomeration.

"I..." I try to speak, but can't seem to form any words. "I..."

"Shh." Parker's arms wrap around me as he tugs me close and tucks me into his side. "Sleep, darling. You don't have to say anything right now."