"Is that so awful? I can't bear to see you suffer like this. It's tearing you apart."

"Whatever is happening to me-has happened to me-it's part of me now. Maybe I don't want to let it go."

His sharp intake of breath whistled through the air. "You'd rather let me go?"

Now it was her turn to be silent. How could he say he loved her without loving all of her? Worse, how could she have feelings for him if he didn't believe in her?

"I'm a surgeon. I see something that needs to be fixed and I fix it. Perforated bowel? I patch it up. Ruptured spleen? No big deal. But this-"

"Is that what I am to you?" she snapped. "Something that needs fixed? Something broken? Like Frankenstein's monster?"

They pulled to a stop at a red light and he turned to stare at her. The lights from on-coming traffic bathed his face in an eerie glow of amber and red.

"No. Of course not! Please don't talk like that. I meant what I said in the park, Kate. I love you."

"You mean you love the sane parts of me. The parts you fixed-the pieces you put together when you brought me back to life." Her words echoed through the small space, ricocheting back to her like stray bullets.

"I don't know what to say." He sighed, focused on the street ahead of them. "Other than I'm sorry."

"So am I."

CHAPTER 35.

Josh pulled the Subaru under the hotel's canopy and gave the keys to the waiting valet. As he helped Kate out of the car, she seemed to be leaning on him more than usual. He seriously considered putting her to bed with a sedative and letting Ramsey talk to her later, but the psychologist arrived as he was unlocking the suite's door.

"How is she?" Ramsey murmured to Josh as she joined them inside.

"How do you think I am?" Kate snapped before Josh could answer. "Dr. Lightner here thinks I'm going crazy."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Ramsey's voice was calm and soothing. They moved into the living room, Kate and Ramsey sitting together on the sofa. Ramsey positioned herself facing Kate and took Kate's good hand into hers.

"Tell me everything that has been happening. Just talk about it, don't think about how anything sounds."

Kate looked at her suspiciously, then seemed to make up her mind to trust Ramsey. She slowly relaxed and explained to Ramsey about her visions and how they came true. She began to explain about what had happened tonight, when Ramsey raised a hand to stop her.

"What you've told me has been full of details, very much the product of a trained observer," Ramsey commented. "I want to know how it really feels when you have one of these, these flashes."

"It feels like I'm out of control, like something else is taking over my mind, making me see and hear these things."

"Why do you think you're having these visions, Kate?"

Kate was silent for a minute. "I think they're to remind me that I should be dead right now, that I'm living on borrowed time."

"Have you seen any visions of your own death?"

Kate nodded. Josh felt his chest clench. Good God, why hadn't she told him? The light from the hall reflected from her tears, sparking them like diamonds, and he had to choke back his own emotions. It wouldn't do her any good if he fell apart. He wished he had some drug, some magic pill that would take these wretched visions from her, allow her some measure of peace.

"They're that real?" Ramsey asked. Kate nodded again, obviously fighting to regain her composure. "I think we need to work on helping you learn how to distance yourself, control things instead of responding to them like what happened tonight."

"How?"

"I'll hypnotize you, and we'll go through tonight's experiences, then I'll teach you some techniques to help."

"As long as you don't make me bark like a dog," Kate replied. "Sorry, that was a bad joke. Do you really think this will work? I don't know how much longer I can stand this."

Josh frowned as her words came out in a desperate rush. This wasn't the Kate he knew, the strong, resilient woman who had fought death and won.

"What do I do?" she asked.

"Nothing, just relax and listen to my voice."

Josh watched Ramsey take Kate through an induction sequence. He'd seen Sal Bianchi use similar techniques to help patients who were anxious about their surgery and anesthesia. Soon Kate was leaning back, her posture relaxed, the tension gone from her face.

"Kate, tell me what happened tonight at the restaurant."

"I was coming out of the restroom, watching Josh and Tony argue over the check. They're so funny about things like that, men are. A couple comes toward me, young, smiling at each other. I turn sideways, they brush past me-but there's fire, heat, glass flying, smoke, oh Lord, the smell!"

She placed a hand out as if to ward off the experience. Her voice filled with terror, and Josh took a step toward her, ready to comfort her, but Ramsey motioned him away.

"It's okay, Kate, you're only an observer, not a participant, nothing you see can hurt you. You can't feel the fire, the glass can't cut you. Relax. I want you to take a step back. You're watching a movie, a scary movie, but it can't hurt you. The man and the woman are characters. Okay?"

A shuddering sigh shook Kate and she lowered her hand. "They've been in a car crash, we've hit a tree, went through the wind shield, the car's on fire, smoke and blood everywhere, can't breathe, oh God, I'm dying!"

Her breath came in gasps. Josh's gut tightened with the desire to gather her into his arms, to take her away from the awful vision.

"You're not a part of it, it's not happening to you. Take another step back, and one more. There now, do you feel better?" Kate nodded. "You can see the car burning, the people hurt in it. Do you feel the heat, smell the smoke?"

Kate slowly shook her head.

"Okay, good. Very good. Did you see anything else?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead, tell me about it. Whatever it is, remember it can't touch you, just step back from it."

"It was Josh." Kate's voice was quiet but steady and level. "He was in a dark place, very dark. There was a terrific explosion and there's fire and blood-I can see blood everywhere, but I can't see where he's at. The fire is out of control and begins to cover him, but it's already too late."

The hairs on the nape of his neck shivered as he listened to her describe his death. Josh stiffened, forced himself to remain quiet. A wave of nausea engulfed him, and he regretted the heavy dinner he'd just eaten.

"Is that everything, Kate?" Ramsey asked, but her eyes were on Josh. Kate nodded. "All right, then. If you have another vision, I want you to close your eyes and see yourself in a movie theater. Nothing there can touch you; it's only pictures on the screen. If they upset you, take a step back to the rear of the theater until they no longer upset you. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Good. I'm going to let you wake up now. I'll count back from ten, by the time I get to one, you'll be fully awake. You'll remember what we've talked about, but it won't upset you. In fact you'll feel very relaxed and calm and fall asleep."

While Ramsey reversed the hypnosis, Josh went around the corner to the small kitchenette. He couldn't help but think of what Kate had seen. It was one thing to listen to Kate, to help her cope with the visions. But was he really supposed to believe, to walk around knowing, that he was about to die? And not a pleasant death if Kate was right. Impossible. She was wrong, she had to be.

He opened the well-stocked minibar, grabbed a bottle of Yuengling Black and Tan, gulping it to chase the sour taste of fear from his throat. Ramsey joined him a few minutes later, and he handed her one. She took it and drank deeply from it, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand in a gesture at odds with the meticulously groomed professional image she projected. It made the psychologist seem more human, gave Josh faith that Ramsey might be able to help Kate.

"She'll probably sleep the rest of the night."

"You know, I'm not easy spooked," Josh began, "but this isn't posttraumatic stress disorder or some kind of psychosis." He took another swallow of beer, couldn't believe what he was getting ready to say. Couldn't believe that he might actually-believe. "She's the real thing, isn't she?"

Ramsey nodded. "I've worked with psychics before. She's as detailed and explicit as any of them, more so than most."

"So she's not crazy." He didn't want her to be, in fact was certain that she wasn't, but the alternative was that Kate's vision about his death might come true.

"No, just very, very scared and overwhelmed by something that is beyond anyone's understanding."

"So the things she sees could happen, even-" He couldn't bring himself to finish.

"Even your death, yes," Ramsey replied in a calm tone. "But remember, the future isn't set in stone, it can be changed."

"The way she said it, it seemed so real."

"It was very real-to her." Josh frowned at her, puzzled. "Kate isn't simply seeing into the future," Ramsey continued, "she experiences it firsthand. When she has a vision, she is that person experiencing death. Much like she already experienced her own death."

Josh was stunned. "You mean, when she feels them die-"

"In a sense, she dies. That's why it has been so hard for her to continue to cope with these, to distance herself from them."

He closed his eyes briefly. How could he have been so blind to the anguish Kate had been experiencing? "How many-how much can one person take? Before she does go crazy?"

"Good question. The techniques I taught her tonight will help, but believe me this is no gift she's been given. She's lucky to have been able to withstand it as long as she has."

They were both silent for a moment.

"What can I do to help her? I feel responsible somehow," Josh said.

"Why, because you saved her life the first time?" Josh glanced up at her tone. It was obvious that what Kate saw spooked Ramsey, too. "Sorry, it's been a long day. And looking to be a longer night. I've still work to do on Blake." Ramsey finished her beer and set the bottle on the counter. "In answer to your question-I don't know."

"Thanks for coming." Josh led her out, hating the feeling of powerlessness she left him with.

"Wait until you get my bill for the house call," she said. "Call me tomorrow and let me know how she's doing." Josh despised the way Ramsey could distance herself, shield herself from what was happening to Kate. Her tone was clinical as if Kate had the flu.

He closed the door behind Ramsey and returned to Kate. She lay asleep on the couch, her face pale, pinched as if her visions were draining her of life.

Josh's stomach knotted. He could heal so many things, even bring someone back from the dead, yet he was powerless to do anything to save the woman he loved.

He scooped her into his arms. She felt so light. He looked down at her face, not totally at rest, even while sleeping, and made up his mind.

He wasn't leaving her side. If he was about to die, it would be while protecting her.

CHAPTER 36.

Kate woke with tears on her cheeks. She swiped them away and pulled the covers over her head like she had as a child. Holding night secrets safely undercover, just as she held her tears in during the day. Her dream had been a jumbled return to her childhood, the fragments fading too fast to be clear.

It didn't matter. She knew why she was crying. It wouldn't be so hard if he'd hadn't told her that he loved her. Leaving was hard enough without that.

But she couldn't stay. After tonight she wouldn't see him again until Blake was caught and she-was what? Cured? Exorcized? Kate wasn't certain if she needed a priest, a doctor or a voodoo witch.

She'd return to Josh when she was back in control. Whatever she had to do to get there.

She pushed the covers down, sat up and realized that Josh had undressed her, leaving her in her t-shirt and underwear. The door to her bathroom was ajar, the light above the sink spilled into the bedroom, revealing a sleeping form in the large armchair in the corner. Josh. His mouth hung open, his hair was rumbled and standing on end like a little boy's. God, he was beautiful.

What happened in the park today-no man had ever made her feel that way. As if she was a part of something bigger, better. She shivered in the dark. There was still time. Time for one last memory, something to take with her when she left.

Because who knew when or if she would be able to return to him?

Kate slipped from the bed. She entered the bathroom, debating her options. Condoms? There were some in her toiletry bag. She almost laughed-a killer stalking her and she was worried about unsafe sex?

It had never been like this with other men. Sex was just, well, sex. Hot and sweaty fun, mutual lust answered, both parties satisfied without concern for the future.

Not tonight. Tonight she wanted to give everything she had to offer. Tonight she wanted to make love that would last a lifetime. Because time was short-maybe shorter than even she imagined.

Kate shook her head and returned the condoms to her bag. Who knew if she would be alive tomorrow? There was no time for dreaming of the future, all she had was tonight.

Tonight, she would give, not take. For the first time in her life, Kate was ready to offer herself, body and soul, to a man. To the one man she could trust with her heart.

Tonight was for Josh.

She stripped naked, washed away all remnants of her earlier terror. Brushed her teeth and her hair, used the jasmine scented lotion the hotel had provided. She found herself liking the idea of making love here, away from the bed she was certain Josh had shared with other women. This would be different for both of them. Special, private-one last gift.

The door creaked as she opened it, and Josh's eyes flickered open.

"Kate?" He sat up, reached for her. She avoided his touch, remained teasingly out of reach. "What is it? Are you all right?"

She stood there, the light from the bathroom casting her shadow over him, and said nothing, gave him a chance to back away. It would be his last chance.

"You look like a dream," he told her, his voice still heavy with sleep.

Kate took that as her cue. She lowered herself into the chair, straddling his lap. He sucked his breath in with an audible whoosh, and she smiled. This was kind of fun. She was in control, yet totally focused on his desires, on anything that might heighten his pleasure. He cradled her chin in his palm. She leaned into his kiss, her mouth open to him, accepting, inviting more. He took all she had to offer and returned it tenfold.

Kate felt herself respond immediately, startled by the heat searing through her body. The wave of pleasure that rushed over her left her breathless.

His lips grazed over her jaw, and he whispered, "My God, Kate, you're the most beautiful woman in the world."