Chapter 37.

Lauren sat down on the packed dirt of the barn beside Hedy's wheelchair. She crossed her legs and prepared to listen, as she'd done so often as a child when her aunt had taken the time to explain something to her. They hadn't been in this position for thirteen years, but now it seemed appropriate. Whatever secret her aunt was willing to share must be momentous because Hedy rarely shed tears. Lauren leaned forward, wanting her aunt to see that she had her undivided attention and full support.

Hedy cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand as she looked down the length of the barn. "You'd think after all these years it'd get easier."

"What, Aunt Hedy?"

"But I guess not." Hedy brushed the flat of her palm across the top of the burgundy fleece throw over her legs. "I wanted to see Hannah ride her pony. At least I thought I wanted to see it."

"Of course you did."

"No." Hedy shook her head in denial. "I wish I'd stayed away. I wish I'd never seen a thing. I wish I'd never responded to your text."

"But-"

"More to the point, if you'd stayed away and kept your daughter away, I wouldn't be here now crying all over the place and embarra.s.sing myself."

"You're not-"

"Please don't make excuses. I'm too d.a.m.n old for anything but the truth."

"Okay." Lauren felt as if the world was disintegrating in a very confusing way around her. This was her aunt, solid as a rock, salt of the Earth, or at least that's what she'd always believed to be true. But now?

"You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?" Hedy glared at Lauren with painful knowledge in her eyes.

"I'm trying to help."

"You're not going to let me ride off into the sunset of my years with my pride intact, are you?"

"I'm sorry if-"

"n.o.body lives forever, no matter how the media tries to spin and hide the truth from humans with their fragile bodies."

"But you've always been so strong."

"Have I?" Hedy shrugged her broad, muscular shoulders. "Denial might be a better word for my actions-or compensation or appeas.e.m.e.nt or reparations."

"What?" Lauren felt chilled to the bone. She no longer wanted to hear anything her aunt had to say. Whatever it was, maybe Hedy should carry her secret to the grave. And whatever part Lauren had in bringing about this confession, she wished she'd never opened that Pandora's box.

"Guilt."

"Surely not." Lauren wanted to wring her hands in dismay or use them to shove the truth that was about to emerge into the light of day back into the cover of darkness.

"I taught you too well." Hedy sighed, pushing back a strand of silver hair that had come loose from her long, thick braid hanging over one shoulder. "You'll never give up, and you'll never let anybody else give up either."

"I'm just trying to help, but if you-"

"Too late now, isn't it?" Hedy gave a deep, heartfelt sigh. "And there's Hannah. She looks like you. Like your mom. Like me."

"That's good, at least I've always thought so." Suddenly Lauren didn't know what was good or bad or even indifferent. And she desperately wanted to return to her safe and sane world. But she didn't think she was going to be given that choice.

"If my little girl had lived, I bet she'd have looked just like Hannah." And Hedy burst into brokenhearted tears as she buried her face in her hands.

"Daughter?" Lauren simply sat there in shock, feeling as if she'd been kicked upside the head by a horse as her aunt's words slowly sank into her mind and became reality.

Hedy nodded as she continued to cry.

Lauren looked anywhere but at her aunt. Yet she saw nothing except the shocked blankness of her own mind.

"She'd have been a cowgirl like Hannah, wouldn't she?" Hedy raised her tearstained face and stared straight at Lauren with eyes gone dark with despair.

"Yes." Lauren barely got out the word from a face that felt frozen. She'd never heard a single thing about Hedy losing a child. She'd simply always been the wonderful woman who'd had time for her and the other kids of Wildcat Bluff. Now Lauren saw how much love her aunt had generously shared with others, never asking anything in return. But what if Hedy had had her own child to lavish with praise and attention? How much would the community have lost or perhaps have gained in that case? Lauren had no answer, but it didn't matter. Not now, not ever. Hedy had been there for her, and now she was here for her aunt.

"Yes," Hedy echoed Lauren's word. "Exactly like Hannah."

"Here." Lauren's mommy-training kicked in, and she fumbled in her pocket for the tissues she always carried for Hannah. She thrust the wad of soft paper toward Hedy as the very least gesture she could make to help soothe her aunt's torment.

Hedy grabbed the tissues and rubbed tears from her eyes as she took deep breaths in an obvious attempt to calm her emotions.

"Good. That's my aunt Hedy." Lauren realized she had to be the strong one now-like she was with Hannah-until her aunt could regain her balance.

"Okay." Hedy sniffed back her tears, straightening her shoulders. "Here's the truth of the matter. I never told anyone before because I didn't want pity. I still don't. But I want you to understand the difficult position you've forced me into with this horse mess."

"I'm sorry if-"

"Shhh. Let me finish while I've got the guts to do it." Hedy hit her legs with both fists. "Useless still. But that's not the worst of it. I was thirty-six when I took that spill from my horse. That's about half a lifetime ago. Yeah, I injured my spine. Yeah, I couldn't walk again. Yeah, I lost the ability to compete in rodeo. But that wasn't the worst of it."

"Not the worst?" Lauren dreaded to hear what more tragedy Hedy could have endured in her life.

"No easy way to say it. I was pregnant. That's when I lost my darling little girl."

Lauren's breath caught in her throat as the extent of her aunt's great loss sank deep into her mind. She quickly reached up and squeezed her aunt's hands to give her a small measure of comfort. "I'm so very sorry."

"And I couldn't have any other children."

"I'm just so, so sorry." Lauren knew her words were completely inadequate, but she had no better ones to express her sorrow.

"Thank you."

"What about your baby's father? How did he take the news?"

Hedy sighed, shaking her head. "Met him on the circuit. Good-looking roper. We loved each other fast and furious, then he was gone. No holding him in one place. He couldn't be confined that way, not after Vietnam-a stupid, useless war that killed off way too many of my generation's guys. Even if our young men made it out of the jungle alive, lots couldn't help but bring the jungle home with them. That was my Sam. Good man who should never have been drafted in the first place, but back then guys didn't have a choice unless their families had money or position or they found some sort of loophole. Bad deal for most of us all the way around. I doubt we'll ever completely recover from it."

"Do you still see him?" Lauren didn't know much about the Vietnam War, but she did know that all war was bad for everyone. And yet it kept coming around every generation, so somebody somewhere must benefit.

"Drink got him years ago." Hedy dabbed at her eyes again. "He never knew about our little girl. I tried to find him on the circuit, but he'd disappeared, probably down into one of his dark jungle holes."

"I wish things had been different for you." Lauren felt as if her words were inadequate, even though they were the best she had to offer.

"Bottom line"-Hedy leaned back in her chair and straightened her shoulders again-"if I hadn't been riding, I wouldn't have lost my baby. I've lived with that guilt every day since my fall."

"But, Aunt Hedy-"

"And then you come back to Wildcat Bluff bringing your daughter and wanting me to get on horseback. Now I'm having nightmares about falling and losing my baby again." Hedy blinked back tears as she dabbed at her eyes with the tissues. "Maybe it's time I stopped fighting and joined my lost little girl."

"Stop it!" Lauren threw herself against her aunt's knees, hugged them hard, and laid her face against Hedy's lap. She couldn't help but cry now, even though she tried to suppress her emotions for her aunt's sake. First Hannah had nightmares about her lost daddy and now Hedy had nightmares about her lost daughter. She'd had Kent to help Hannah, but she was on her own here. Somehow she must find a way to reach her aunt and free her from her painful past.

"I'm tired, that's all." Hedy's voice was soft now as she patted Lauren's head in comfort. "I just want to rest."

Lauren raised her face, feeling determination rise up in her. "I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if you're hurting. I don't care if you're having nightmares. You know you've overcome much more in your life. You've been an inspiration to all of us, and you can't stop now. In fact, I won't let you."

Hedy raised her eyebrows, appearing completely surprised by Lauren's strong words.

"What I do care about is you being here for Hannah-teaching her how to ride horses and enjoy animals and do math, teaching her how to overcome pain and loneliness and loss, teaching her how to love life and people and happiness. Those are all the important things in life that you taught me."

Hedy took a deep breath and sniffed back tears.

"My daughter needs you. I need you. Wildcat Bluff needs you. And I'll be d.a.m.ned if I let you off easy."

"Oh, Lauren, you are so the child of my heart." Hedy pulled Lauren into her arms and gave her a long, strong hug.

Lauren relished the closeness for a moment, then she leaned back and looked her aunt in the eyes. "Now, am I gonna have to get tough and pull out the big guns to get you back on a horse?"

Hedy gave a tentative smile as she blinked back tears. "And you think you've got big enough guns?"

"Oh yeah. I'm packing two powerful ones." Lauren grinned, feeling her spirits soar with determination. "The first is Kent Duval. You know him, he'll pull out a Comanche myth that'll make you feel lower than a rattlesnake if you don't show the courage of a descendent of Republic of Texas pioneers."

Hedy gave a slow chuckle, shaking her head. "That's a pretty big gun all right. I'd hate to give the impression that a Comanche could best a Republic of Texas pioneer."

"That's what I thought. Now, my second gun is the biggest."

"It better be a thirty ought six."

Lauren nodded as she gave her aunt a knowing smile. "The second is Hannah Sheridan. She needs her great-aunt to show her the ropes of life. And that includes how to ride the barrels when she's big enough."

Hedy inhaled sharply, clutching the arms of her wheelchair. "Lots of folks can teach her about life and rodeo. You and Kent and your folks are at the top of the list."

"But none of us can teach her how to overcome the extreme adversities of life and keep going with an open heart and open hand like you."

Silence filled the barn as Hedy simply looked at Lauren. After a long moment, she exhaled sharply as if accepting her fate. "You got me there."

"Good." Lauren grinned, feeling a vast sense of relief. "Now, go ahead and admit it. Wouldn't you like to be on the back of a gorgeous palomino again?"

"Chancy Boy is one fine horse."

"And you're one fine rider."

"Not anymore." Hedy gave Lauren a sharp look. "Are you sure you want to set us on this path? There'll be no turning back."

"That's exactly what I want from you. You'll inspire the whole county again."

"If I can inspire one little girl, that's enough for me."

"It'll be so much more." Lauren stood up and brushed her palms together as if removing the past. "Once we get you duded-up like Hannah and up on the back of that palomino, you're going to drive Bert Holloway crazier than ever."

Hedy gave a soft laugh. "Bert came in the store and bought another bluebird just this morning."

"What'd I tell you? That guy has got it bad."

"Go on. He's just got a thing for bluebirds."

"Sure he does." Lauren pointed toward the arena, then back at her aunt. "Come on. We've got places to go and things to do."

Hedy grasped Lauren's fingers and squeezed them. "Sometimes the mother becomes the child and the child becomes the mother. Thank you. I needed to be reminded that to win you have to take the first step."

"And that's the step that takes you to a hundred plus years."

"In that case, we better get busy."

Chapter 38.

Kent kept an eye on the open gate into the barn, wondering what Hedy and Lauren could be talking about. He hoped they were getting to the root of Hedy's issue or secret or whatever and all would be well now. What he wanted to do was run in there and fix the problem. But he knew better. That was just his male problem-solving instinct coming to the fore. Gals had their own way of working through things, and he'd best leave them alone to do it.

In the meantime, he took a great deal of pleasure in watching Billye Jo lead Hannah around on Spot. Hannah couldn't have been more adorable as she got into the swing of sitting in the saddle by hanging onto the saddle horn. She was as safe and secure as she could get on her first pony ride. And he planned to be there for her when she eventually graduated from pony to horse.

He couldn't be more thankful that Lauren had come back into his life and brought her daughter so that they could be a family, one he hadn't even realized how much he'd wanted and needed until now.

He walked over and stroked Chancy Boy's long nose, appreciating the strong lines and n.o.ble head. Like Kent, Chancy Boy kept an eye on the barn as if waiting for Hedy to come back to him. Kent had a feeling those two had already bonded and would make a great team, not only for Hedy's recovery but for the health of other folks, too.

Finally, Hedy motored out of the barn with Lauren beside her. He could tell right away they were different after their talk. And they were good, no doubt about it, because both had identical gleams in their eyes. Steely determination. Hedy was back on track. Kent wanted to jump up with a big cheer, but he restrained his enthusiasm.

Chancy Boy leaned his head over the fence and nickered as he watched Hedy zoom over to him.

"Good boy!" Hedy gave him a pat on his nose, and then she turned to look at Kent. "Lauren has convinced me that it's time I got back on a horse."

Kent smiled at her as he tilted his head toward the ramp. "Sounds like a good plan to me. Do you want to try out the ramp or-"