I say, laughing, "Oh, little man, I wish my friend Richard were around."

If Richard were alive now, I'd write him such a great character. I'd give the little Africaun to him and he'd make a million dollars out of doing the character of the little dude with a big-a.s.sed rant. I can see it like it is happening right in front of me. I can see Richard doing him. I miss Richard. Mr. Mooney. I miss him calling me that.

Mostly when I think about Richard, I think about keeping it real. I think about never losing my voice, never giving in, never selling out, always keeping black, always sticking to the street. Staying neighborhood and not Hollywood.

I mean, I've been doing what I do for a long time. I've made millions of dollars at it. I've always worked, throughout the course of five decades now. Not many comedians can say that.

Stop a random black person in the street and ask if the name "Paul Mooney" rings a bell. Now stop a random white person. Two different realities. Maybe that's what we're talking about.

I'm unheard-of by white people. I'm stealth for white people. I'm silent to white people.

So after a half century doing comedy, I'm some sort of secret? I'm the real unknown comic, not that Canadian who used to appear with a paper bag over his head on The Gong Show The Gong Show. What's his name? Murray Langston. Somebody put a bag over my reputation. I'm known for being unknown.

Or maybe I'm unknowable.

Or maybe some people just don't want to know me.

All my life, I witness reactions to my presence that seem to veer crazily from fascination to denial. Love-hate. But Mama bestows upon me the greatest gift: an absolute bedrock belief in myself. I'm the ugly duckling who right from the start always knows he's a swan. So the people who want me to be a duck just seem silly to me.

"You're different," Mama tells me. "You've got the light shining from within you."

So it's that light, that G.o.d-given light, that makes people respond to me in such strange ways.

What I'm wanting to do with this book-joint thing is give you a glimpse behind the curtain. I'm the one operating the special effects and the fireworks and the light show to make the Great and Powerful Oz great and powerful. That's who I am.

Mama's supreme gift means I'm untouchable. Her unconditional love makes me bulletproof. "You are better than anyone," Mama whispers to me. "You don't have to bow and sc.r.a.pe."

So I'm not slowed down or changed by any of the bulls.h.i.t thrown at me. I always have the same reaction: I just think it's strange.

I'm trying to come up with a comparison. Say there's a single surviving dragon, the last one in all existence. People are fascinated by it, but they're terrified, too. You can imagine all the excited chatter.

"There's only one left?"

"Are you sure?"

"OmiG.o.d, I'm glad glad there's only one left." there's only one left."

Then the dragon wakes up and spits out a few fiery words, and the people are shocked and even more fascinated and terrified.

"You mean it can talk?"

I cannot be any other way than how I am. I can't "tone it down." I can't "be less black." I never worry about whether that person gets me or that person doesn't. I've got the endors.e.m.e.nt of the world's funniest man in my hip pocket. Richard helps me to keep going. Even from the grave, he insists on my keeping it real.

Dr. King says, "Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." I am just happy to be of service to the human race, with all my maladjusted creativity in play every day of the week.

The paper for this book is white and the print is black. Are either of those shades even close to the skin colors of white folks and black folks? No. Malcolm has his realization moment, when he looks up white white and and black black in the dictionary and sees that it's all bulls.h.i.t. White people take the color white for their own when they ain't white, they're shades of pink and red and tan. And they a.s.sign black folk the color black, when we ain't black, we're brown and tan and high yellow and motherf.u.c.king russet. in the dictionary and sees that it's all bulls.h.i.t. White people take the color white for their own when they ain't white, they're shades of pink and red and tan. And they a.s.sign black folk the color black, when we ain't black, we're brown and tan and high yellow and motherf.u.c.king russet.

To paraphrase H. Rap Brown, racism is as American as cherry pie. It's the country's original sin-that and the s.h.i.t the Europeans pull on the Indians, which is part of the same trip. Racism is a thread that runs through history. Everything is st.i.tched with its color.

So let's play a little word a.s.sociation again, shall we?

Brother.Sister.Honky.Honkytonk.Afro.Euro.African American.European American.Obama.President.n.i.g.g.e.r.President.Tar baby.President.Jungle bunny, motherf.u.c.ker!President.Pink.Tan.Brown.High yellow.White.Black.

That's right. What'd I say? Black is the new white.

June 2008April 2009 Harlem Los Angeles

APPENDIX.

PAUL MOONEY: STAND-UP, TV, AND MOVIE CREDITS.

STAND-UP.

Know Your History: Jesus Was Black ... So Was Cleopatra (2006) (2006) a.n.a.lyzing White America (2004) (2004) Master Piece (1994) (1994) Race (1993) (1993) TV.

Chappelle's Show (2003), writer, actor (2003), writer, actor In Living Color (1990), writer (1990), writer Pryor's Place (1984), writer (1984), writer The Richard Pryor Show (1977), writer, actor (1977), writer, actor Sat.u.r.day Night (1975), writer (1975), writer Good Times (1974), writer (1974), writer Sanford and Son (1972), writer (1972), writer MOVIES.

Why We Laugh: Black Comedians on Black Comedy (2009), doc.u.mentary (2009), doc.u.mentary The Ketchup King (2002), actor (2002), actor Call Me Claus (2001), writer (2001), writer PBS Hollywood Presents, "The Old Settler" (2001), actor "The Old Settler" (2001), actor Bamboozled (2000), actor (2000), actor High Freakquency (1998), actor (1998), actor In the Army Now (1994), actor (1994), actor The Legend of Dolemite (1994), doc.u.mentary (1994), doc.u.mentary Hollywood Shuffle (1987), actor (1987), actor Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986), writer (1986), writer Bustin' Loose (1981), actor (1981), actor I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1979), actor (1979), actor The Buddy Holly Story (1978), actor (1978), actor Which Way Is Up? (1977), actor (1977), actor F.T.A. (1972), doc.u.mentary (1972), doc.u.mentary

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

Some of the names in this book have been changed to protect the guilty. Some of the other names that haven't been changed represent people who have not been charged just yet, have had the benefit of a hung jury or managed to bribe the judge. You all know who you are.

I have to begin by thanking G.o.d for a life of unbelievable bounty and love. These gifts were provided to me first and foremost by my grandmother-my beloved Mama-and by my mother and family, especially my children: Daryl, Duane, Lisa, Shane, and Spring. I love you with all my heart. And to absent friends and family, Richard Pryor, Preston Ealy, and Symeon Mooney. You will always be an inspiration in my life.

Thanks go out to Joe Gilbert and Eddie Brown for getting me my first paying comedy job, d.i.c.k Stewart for my first taste of fame, Velva Davis and the Miss Bronze Contest, H. B. Barnum, Alan Winkur, Joyce Selznick for The Buddy Holly Story The Buddy Holly Story, Hugh Hefner for Playboy After Dark Playboy After Dark, Fred Williamson for not putting me in his movies, and Don Cornelius for putting me on Soul Train Soul Train.

A heartfelt thanks to all the people who I have worked with in Hollywood and beyond, among them Natalie Cole, Aretha Franklin, Miles Davis, Carmen McCrae, Chakka Khan, Tina Marie, Tammi Terrell, Marvin Gaye, Jesse Jackson for saving me from Mayor Bradley, Diahann Carroll, Lou Gossett, Calvin Lockhart, Pam Grier, Jane Fonda, Glenn Turman, Lauren Hutton, Rosie Grier, Faye Dunaway, Roseanne Barr, Sandra Bernhard, Johnnie Witherspoon, Flip Wilson, Lily Tomlin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Damon Wayans, Ben Vereen for hiring me to open for him, Connie Stevens, Vicki Carr, Lana Turner, Suzanne Pleshette, Phyllis Diller, Mitzi Sh.o.r.e, Caroline Hearst, Debbie Allen, a.r.s.enio Hall, Don King, George Slaughter, Bert Sheridan, Nina Simone, Grace Jones, Jackie Collins, Moms Mabley, Rudy Ray Moore, Redd Foxx, Nancy Wilson, Lindsay Wagner, Barbi Benton, Janet Pendleton, Barbara Luna, Morgana King, Isaac Hayes, Whoopi Goldberg, Johnny Mathis, James Brown, Little Richard, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Ann-Margaret, Marcia Warfield, and Jim Brown.

And a very special thanks to Keenan Wayans, Robert Townsend, Dave Chappelle, and Eddie Murphy-for all the laughs over the years, yeah, but more than that, for their deep understanding.

I'd like to extend a million thanks to my longtime manager, Helene Shaw, a true friend and the person most responsible for motivating me to do this book. My editor, Tricia Boczkowski at Simon Spotlight Entertainment, has been great to work with. Mary Pelloni and Gil Reavill helped me transform my thoughts and words into a book.

And, always, thanks to the audiences, for giving me the great gift of their laughter.