THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS ALL THE WAY THROUGH REDMOND AND Duvall were out, but I managed to use my special knowledge of the back streets to make it out to Gold Bar in just two hours. I drove through the little town, up past the tract housing and out Ley Road to the open country out beyond Wallace Falls State Park. Jimmy's place was deep in the edge of the mountain range, a damn sight farther away from civilization than most folks would like. I can't imagine what it cost to get electricity run that far out.

Turning into the gates of Black Briar, I could see that Gunther's Harley was parked by Stuart's Miata. I pulled around, pointing the nose of the Civic back toward the main road, and parked.

As I walked along the side of the house, I could see Katie inside with Jimmy's wife, Deidre. I rapped on the window as I passed, drawing a wave from Deidre and a thrown kiss from Katie. Jimmy must've gone and picked her up.

Gunther and Stuart were dragging out the oak tables and setting them up along the side of the barn closest to the house.

"Hey boys," I called as I crossed into the yard.

They set the heavy oak slab down and waved. Gunther had his hair back in a red bandana and Stuart had a green one.

I loved those guys. They've been best friends since elementary school and were thick as thieves. Both men were confirmed bachelors, but Jimmy assured me they were straight. Not many like 'em. Well, not where I'm from, at least. Bachelor farmers are one thing. Men who wore kilts, kept their hair long (like Gunther), and generally preferred the company of other men-they were labeled pretty quick out in God's country.

Gunther was a lanky man, all gristle and grit. He stood six foot six in his stocking feet, but he preferred Doc Martens like me. He rode a Harley, dressed like a construction worker, and ran a small jazz record store over in the U District. His weapon of choice was a greatsword and he could name every musician ever to blow a sax or a trumpet in the last thirty years. Oh, and he drank like a warhorse.

That would have gone over big in my hometown. Not with my da, of course. Total teetotaler. Drink was evil. Made men do all sorts of wicked things, like fornicate. Of course, that was only bad because it could lead to dancing.

Stuart, on the other hand, was a short man, broad across the chest, and could bench two fifty cold. He was an electrician-ran his own crew over at the University of Washington. While Gunther brewed his own beer and drank with gusto, Stuart preferred mead over beer and drank out of an ornate goblet he'd had made for him by a silversmith we knew up in Banff.

His preferred weapon was a two-handed battle-axe named Madeline. He fought like a dervish and never seemed to tire. They worked well together as a team, creating a wide kill zone during the melees.

Nothing like watching the two of them, covering each other's backs while a hundred or more men and women clashed together with padded weapons and full armor. Fun and games, until someone broke something. I'd been to many battles over the past few years with Black Briar. Stuart and Gunther were the best I'd ever seen.

The Society for Creative Anachronism was organized into kingdoms. Our little band played in the kingdom of An Tir. We weren't officially affiliated with the local baronies. We fell into the mercenary camp. Jimmy wasn't much of a joiner. Said the politics would kill you.

A sharp whistle brought my head around toward the house. Katie had come out onto the porch, a large bowl of potato salad in her hands.

"Come take this from me," she said with a laugh. "Then you can go play with your little friends."

I grinned. "The potato salad looks great."

Katie stuck the bowl in my hands, and before I knew it, darted in for a kiss. I stiffened, mortified. Being alone with Katie was one thing. Flaunting it in front of the others though . . .

I wasn't ready for that.

And if I thought about it too hard, I had to admit that I might never be ready for that.

Catcalls erupted behind me. Katie curtsied and opened the screen door, laughing as the flush ran up my cheeks. I turned, glaring at the two men. "Got something to say, ladies?" I growled as I stomped across the yard.

"Geez, Sarah," Gunther said with a grin. "You're not usually so casual with the PDA."

"Public display of affection," Stuart chimed in before I could say anything.

I set the potato salad down on the table and glared at them.

"How about some public display of an ass-kicking?" I asked.

The two men backed away, their hands up, shaking and laughing. Any other time I'd join them, but this thing with Katie was too new, too raw. I wasn't even sure how I felt about the whole girl-girl relationship and I was in one. No, scratch that. I knew exactly what I thought of it. Too many years in Crescent Ridge, living in the shadow of Mount Rainier-too many narrow minds. My da, believing in sins of all natures and how anything that isn't in his rulebook is an abomination, seeking to punish rather than love. And even though I saved myself from that situation, on some deep level I guess a part of me still believed it, too.

The thing is, I made fun of girls like me when I was a kid, all the while knowing that I would never be what the locals would call "normal." Made signs, marched at funerals-god hates fags. I hated the lying and tried for years to deny who I was. What I was. I ran away but the voices planted in my head followed me and I'm having an awful time getting them to shut up and go away.

And all of this is kinda hard to justify with what happened last night . . . and how it made me feel. My stomach ached. What had been joy was scattered to ashes by something as simple and pure as a kiss from my sweetie. Fuck you very much, Da. Thanks for the memories.

Deidre showed up with a plate of lunch meat and Katie carried a tray with condiments, silverware, and napkins. Jimmy followed behind them with a large basket of fresh bread.

"Why don't you boys get a keg out of the barn," Jimmy said, winking at me. "Leave young Sarah here alone before she kneecaps one of you."

"Aye aye, Captain," the two men said in unison. They grinned and turned toward the barn at a jog.

"Don't let them rile you," he said to me, keeping his back to Deidre and Katie. "You know she's crazy about you, and the twins there think you hung the moon."

"It's not that," I said, feeling even more embarrassed to be talking about this with Jimmy. It wasn't just that he was her brother, but he was also our leader. I looked up to him. "I think Katie's the greatest, it's just . . ." I let it hang there, unable to voice my frustration.

"Well, Katie's comfortable with who she is," he said, patting me on the shoulder. "You'll come around." He turned, putting his arm across my shoulder, and watched Deidre and Katie walking back to the house. "She's a good kid. Don't break her heart, okay?"

Katie was his baby sister, just twenty-four and two years out of college. He'd raised her after their parents had been killed. He was seven years older than she was and took his responsibilities very seriously. The insurance money helped them, and they inherited the farm here, but he worked like a dog to see she had everything she could want or need.

"Careful, lout," Gunther barked behind us. We turned to see Gunther dancing around on one foot, holding the other, with Stuart bent over a keg of ale, holding his elbow.

"Cracked my elbow on the door," he said apologetically.

"Liked to break my durn foot," Gunther said, stepping gingerly down on his wounded appendage. "Nothing broken, I reckon."

"You didn't bust the keg, did you?" Jimmy called, walking away from me. Gunther looked stricken and staggered to the keg, tilting it to the side, looking for a break.

He settled it down again with a sigh, drawing his hand across his forehead and flinging away imaginary sweat. "Close call," he said with a wink.

Jimmy picked the keg up, his plaid shirt straining across his back. Stuart and Gunther hobbled along behind him, heads down, chagrined.

"Show-off," I said as he passed me.

He set the keg on the edge of the table and twisted back and forth a couple of times, his back popping in several places. "Nothing to it," he said. "Can you at least tap it?" he asked the two men.

"A 'course we can," Gunther said, wounded now. "Nary a keg I couldn't breach with grace and style."

"And empty like the sodden drunk you are," Stuart said.

The world righted itself as they bickered among themselves. Jimmy gathered plates from the storage area in the barn and Katie and Deidre brought out more food.

Basically I watched while a feast was presented. It reminded me of revival meetings. Not every memory from childhood was bad. Those huge suppers in the field behind the church were wonderful when I was a kid. More food than a body could eat, and kids of all ages to play with. I loved revivals before I learned about how evil the world was. After that they became work, and then I learned to hate them. Except for one thing. No matter what happened with me, or between me and Da, revivals were where Ma used to shine. She kept the food flowing like a conductor leading a symphony. Too bad, the rest of the time she was walking three steps behind Da, her head bowed. If I missed anyone, it was her.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I looked up to see Deidre standing in front of me, a smile on her face. Here was a strong woman.

"Expecting company?" I asked when Deidre handed me a plate.

"Wednesday night gathering as usual," she said. "But with the trembler, most of the clan is coming over early."

"Might get in some equestrian work if Maggie and Susan can get over here."

"I imagine they'll be tied up with all this traffic."

"Nay," Stuart said around a mouthful of pickled beets. "They are off traffic this month. Doing liaison work with the schools."

"And, I'm betting they keep the schools out for the next day or so," Katie said. "We've had three aftershocks so far, and they are predicting more. Susan and Maggie should be free soon."

The food was excellent, and the company good. The twins kept cracking jokes at my expense, but I promised them a drubbing after.

Only one tankard with the meal, that was Jimmy's rule. Then we could practice.

Later, after the meeting, the real drinking would begin.

By then, I'd be on my way to Everett. Needed to take the black sword for Carl to use in tonight's shoot. Before I got into the heavy stuff, I dropped my gear in the lockers Jimmy had set up in the barn-wallet, keys, cell phone. While I was thinking about it I texted Carl, letting him know I had the blade ready for tonight. He'd be pleased.

I picked up my small round shield and rattan hammer. Not as good as a real hammer, but we didn't want to actually hurt each other. A few bumps and bruises were expected, but nothing really damaging.

By the time I was outfitted, Carl had texted back. We were a go for the shoot that night. That eased the stress about missing work with Julie today. I'd be getting paid at one job at least.

I spent a good solid hour with faux hammer and shield, first impressing on Gunther a thing or two about weapon speed, then showing Stuart that strength was as important as speed. The old tae kwon do skills really helped. During the sparring Katie sat on a stack of hay bales and played the guitar, singing songs to keep us focused and "in the mood," as she said. Mainly Scottish battle songs she'd translated for guitar.

After my sessions with the twins, she brought me water and a towel to dry off. Neither man snickered. It was a good workout and they'd pushed me to the limit. I'd not be as good as them overall for a long time, if ever, but they were patient teachers and able opponents.

Deidre was in the house when I entered, thinking I'd help replenish the food for the latecomers.

"You are ripe," she said with a laugh. I caught my reflection in the microwave door and my hair was matted down with sweat.

"Yeah, pounding sense into Gunther and Stuart works up a sweat."

She rolled her eyes. "You weren't out there long enough to get through their thick skulls."

They were the favorites, after all. I'd known them as long as I'd known Katie, actually. She was still in college when I joined the Black Briars. Jimmy had been kind enough to teach an awkward blacksmith apprentice the business end of several weapons over the chuckles of the twins. They came around quickly, and even came to my defense at one battle out in Idaho. Good guys, standing at my back while I took down a jackass with more mouth than skill.

I picked up the basket of bread Deidre had just sliced, but she whisked it away from me and shooed me with her free hand. "Hon, why don't you take a shower in the hall bath. Save you a trip out to your place."

I knew Deidre. It wasn't really a question.

"My pack's in the Civic," I said, heading toward the door.

"I'll get it," she said. "There are towels in the closet across the hall there. Just leave the wet ones on the vanity when you're done."

I handed her my keys and slunk off to the shower. Jimmy was big and imposing, and we all respected him, but Deidre was the real powerhouse in the clan. She was wise beyond words, and stubborn as a mule.

I grabbed a washcloth and a couple of towels from the closet. The bathroom was done up in seashells, pink sculpted wallpaper and white doilies you'd expect in your grandmother's house. It felt comfortable and safe.

Jimmy had a full bathroom with shower installed in the old barn, but it was utilitarian. This was homey.

I stripped out of my sweaty clothes and avoided looking at myself in the mirror. Smithing gave me big shoulders, and I kept my hair clipped pretty short. But I always felt plain and didn't need a mirror to remind me. The shower took a bit to warm up, but by the time I immersed myself under the steaming spray, I knew Deidre was an angel. The hot water worked on knots in my muscles I hadn't noticed. I let the water pour down on my head, drowning the constant chatter of doubt and recrimination I struggled with.

I heard the door open. Ah, my clothes. "Thanks, Deidre," I called.

I was a bit startled when the curtain twitched aside and Katie stepped into the shower with me, naked and gorgeous.

"Not here, your family . . . ," I started, but before I could finish the sentence, her mouth found mine and I forgot to breathe.

After the water ran cold, we toweled off. I pulled out a pair of jeans and T-shirt I had stashed in my pack, and she put back on the same clothes she'd been wearing from earlier.

She watched me as I put on my bra. The smile on her face caused me to blush. "What will your brother say?" I asked. "Or Gunther or Stuart?"

"Screw them," she said, buckling her shoes.

I loved that she wore black Mary Janes with bobby socks. She looked great and was not afraid of what people thought. Not me, though. This kind of tryst was too public. "And Deidre?"

She laughed. "Who do you think sent me in here with the pack?"

"She wouldn't!"

"Certainly she would. She said you were too uptight and that perhaps I could loosen you up a bit."

A shiver ran up my spine at the thoughts of her caresses. "Yes, but what . . ."

"No buts," she said, wrapping me in a hug and kissing my left temple. "I love you, and I don't care who knows it."

I stiffened, and she felt me stiffen, and I felt awkward and then embarrassed all over again. Relationships suck.

The sad smile on her face nearly broke my heart. "It's okay," she said. "You don't have to say it, if it freaks you out."

"Well, I think you are amazing," I said, all lame like a high school cheerleader letting a band geek down easy. "I think . . ."

"Yes," she said, touching her fingers to my lips. "You think and you think. I'm waiting for the moment when you feel."

And she was past me, opening the door without looking back, leaving me standing in the steam with my pants in my hands and my heart in my throat.

When I was dressed, and my workout clothes were tucked in my pack, I walked out, my shoulders suddenly as tense as after a full day at the forge. They were watching me, I knew it. I opened the door and fast-walked around toward the Civic, hoping to escape before I was spotted and had to endure any more bullshit.

I had the hatchback open and had flung my pack into the backseat when a long wolf whistle stopped me in my tracks.

Son of a bitch, I thought. I knew this was not a good idea.

"Hot damn, Beauhall," I heard Maggie holler from the back. "I didn't think you had it in you."

I turned, the blood pounding in my ears. This I didn't need. I slammed the hatchback and realized I didn't have my keys. Damn Deidre and her meddling.

I stormed around the house, and saw Deidre in a gaggle of other Black Briar folks. Maggie stood on one of the benches, looking over Susan's head.

They looked enough alike to be confused as sisters, but they were not related. Well, not blood relations. They were both blond and tall, Amazons, Gunther called them-thin and angular with a beauty that caught most folks by surprise.

They'd been lovers when they became police officers, put up with a ton of shit from the rank and file. But they handled it. Tough broads, Jimmy once said. They'd mellowed a bit recently, having gone to California to be married. I usually liked their drive and focused attitude, but I didn't relish it turned on me.