That didn't hurt, nope. Not one bit. I followed her in silence. I was one huge walking lump of pain, and the scrubs rubbed against several cuts in a bad way, but I was not going to make a peep.

Thirty-nine.

SHE TOOK ME TO THE BAR. MY CAR WAS THERE, BUT I DIDN'T have a spare set of keys. I'd have to get the other set from my locker at the smithy. I could see the sword case was where I left it and felt a bit of relief.

The lot looked very different with the rising of the sun. No mystery shadows, just gravel and refuse. Pretty place for a girl to give it up.

We walked through the field beside the lot looking for my pants, and then around the bar itself just to be sure. They wouldn't be open again until much later, so I couldn't check inside.

"I can take you somewhere," Melanie said, standing next to the car.

"Thanks," I said, staring at my feet. "I guess you can take me to the smithy. I need to get my spare keys and such."

She nodded and climbed into her car. I crossed the lot toward her, scuffing my boots and feeling thoroughly miserable.

As we pulled out, my stomach rumbled and Melanie glanced over at me. "Geez, Sarah. When did you eat last?"

I had to think. Dinner? No . . . "Lunch yesterday."

She drove on in silence for a moment. "I've been on all night, I'd kill for some coffee."

This was new.

"Want to grab some breakfast? Maybe talk about what's going on?"

Most any other time I'd have laughed it off, told her no, and resented her asking. But at that moment, when Katie had heard me at my ugliest, and the world had stopped making any kind of sense, I decided to throw caution to the wind.

As the man said: I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas.

"Sure," I said, letting my head fall back against the headrest. "That sounds nice."

We pulled into this little dive Melanie knew about. "Lots of doctors and such come here," she said. "They keep the coffee full, and don't hassle you if you stick around a while."

"Sounds good," I said, sliding into a booth and grabbing a menu from behind the catsup.

"They make good omelettes."

Then I remembered-no money. "Damn, Melanie. I don't have my wallet or anything."

She just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I know. I'll buy. Then, you'll feel obligated to talk."

I laughed at that and smiled up at the waitress who set two glasses of water in front of us.

"I'll have a coffee IV," Melanie said.

"Orange juice," I said.

The waitress turned to get the drinks, and Melanie called out, "Oh, and a pitcher of water, please."

She just waved at us over her head and walked on.

"She know you?" I asked.

"Janie?" she said, shrugging. "She knows I work over at the hospital and have fairly rough nights from time to time. She can usually tell if they are too bad."

I drank my glass of water and crunched the ice as I set the glass down.

The juice arrived and I drank half of it in one long swallow. We ordered eggs and hash browns. She added bacon and I chose ham.

I hoped the food would give me some strength back.

"So, tell me," she said, adding sugar to her coffee. "Anything you'd like to get off your chest?"

I shrugged. "Lot been going on," I told her. I toyed with my juice glass, turning it from side to side and sliding it between each hand on the film of moisture that had built up under it. "Lost my job last night."

"The smithy?"

"No, Julie's cool. This was the movie thing."

"Ah," she said, picking up her cup. "Katie's told me about that."

"It's not just playing, if that's what you think," I said.

She blew on her coffee and watched me. I felt a frown slide over my face and my shoulders began to ache.

"Sarah," she said, taking a sip and closing her eyes for a moment, "I have no idea why you'd get yourself into the position you did last night-"

"No kidding."

"-but I do know that it's self-destructive."

I only nodded. That was a no-brainer.

"And if you want to fuck up your life," she said, putting her coffee down ever so carefully, "I can't stop you. But if you continue to hurt Katie, I may just have to kick your ass."

The anger in her voice appeared out of nowhere. I felt an answering call rise in my chest and she reached out and took my hand.

"She loves you, you idiot. And I can see why . . ." She paused. "Most times."

The anger that had begun to uncoil in my chest evaporated like a mist.

"I'm not a threat to you, Sarah. No matter what Katie and I had in the past, we are just friends."

"I know," I lied.

"Uh-huh." She took her hand off mine and picked up her coffee again. "So, care to explain what is causing all the turmoil?"

So I did. If she loved Katie, which I was sure she did, in that way you love old friends, then she knew of Katie's crazy notions, her fantasies of elves and dwarves, her musical jaunts and her ren faire excursions.

So I told her about the sword, and the dwarf, the movie, and the dragon.

Funny thing was, as I told her the tightness in my chest began to ease. She was a good listener. Didn't judge, just nodded and asked leading questions when I lost my way. I could see why Katie thought so highly of her.

When our food arrived, I ate like a wolf, while she told me about the first time she'd ever heard Katie sing.

Then I talked some more while she ate. Told her about meeting Katie at the ren faire. About the last time we'd made love, the shower, and the fracas afterward.

"You realize," she said, spreading apple butter on a last piece of toast, "you are horrified that folks will think you're a freak."

I didn't need to answer that, she could see the truth on my face.

"Sarah," she said. "Who you love is up to you. Straight or gay, it's no one's business. I just wish you could accept it."

"I know what I am," I said, and stopped as she looked at me with horror.

"What you are? What kind of talk is that?"

The blush rose over my face like a tide. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. I know exactly what you mean. It's what your father says, what your preacher says. Katie's told me about your folks, about their attitudes toward women. And anyone else who doesn't fit into their version of reality."

I was too damn tired to be mad anymore. I wanted to crawl into a ball and block it all out. It was just so hard.

Her hand covered mine again.

"Do you think Katie is evil? Do you think her a fool?"

"Of course not," I said. "She's sweet and caring."

"Yes, she is. So, if she can be wonderful and light, and if you can love her . . ."

I didn't protest that. I couldn't.

"If you can understand her and her lifestyle, if you can accept it in her, why can't you accept it in yourself?"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win an argument.

Of course I couldn't accept one without the other.

"I can see the need in you, Sarah. I know the pain and the confusion. We've all been through it in one form or another. You want something so badly it overshadows everything in your life, and yet you think it's horribly wrong. And sometimes it feels so wrong that you are willing to totally destroy yourself because of it."

What could I say? Funny thing was, on some level I felt that this wasn't just about sexual orientation. Everyone had their demons they wrestled with. I just let my battles get public. Loss of control, inability to trust myself-and by extension anyone else. Old story, million of them just like it out there.

So I switched the subject. She knew it and let it go.

We talked about Frederick and the sword, about his erratic behavior and the thugs and the check.

"Doesn't make much sense to offer all that, and then send goons after you and your friends," she said. "Is Katie in any danger?"

"Surely not," I said. "It's a sword, not a nuke."

We finished and Melanie took me by the shop to get my keys. I grabbed the spare to the shop from where Julie kept it inside a hanging flower pot on her porch. I was careful to be quiet, not to knock things around and wake her.

I left a note about a hospital visit and apologized for missing work. I tucked the note and her keys under her keyboard. She'd find them there for sure.

Melanie took me back over to the bar to pick up my car.

Seeing my trusty hatchback, with my sword in the back, I felt relieved and horrified by the last few days.

But I'd made some headway with Melanie. Mended a bridge or three on that front.

We'd talked a long damn time, and I felt fairly good about it.

As I walked across the lot, Melanie pulled around and stopped. "Give her some time," she said through her open window. "She's pretty freaked out by all this."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Give her a chance here, okay?" she asked.

I waved. "I'll give her a day or so."

She yawned then, and waved at me. I watched her pull away, thinking I really should just go home and sleep.

Forty.

JULIE WAS PISSED. IT WASN'T LIKE SARAH TO JUST NO-SHOW. They had a big job out at the Smithfield Farm, and it would take her most of the day to handle it alone. But, she'd swing by and see Jack on the way home. That would be nice.

The horses were ornery, and the owner was annoyed at the time it took, but Julie finished all the shoeing and some hoof doctoring with her usual skill. Old man Smithfield grumbled a bit, but in the end was happy with the work.

But Sarah would get a talking to, that was a fact.

Julie washed up and packed her supplies back in the truck while Smithfield wrote out the check for her services. And no apprentice to pay today, she thought. Maybe I'll just take Mr. Marlowe out for a nice dinner. Make it up to him for the other night when Rolph showed up unexpectedly.

Not that he was a bother, either. Julie liked the strange man. He loved smithing and knew a ton about things that Julie had only read about.

They'd shared a few meals and exchanged some ideas for improving certain techniques. Julie found it refreshing to be learning from someone again. She missed her own apprentice days sometimes.