"Certainly. No one would wish to have this repeated. I'm hoping the law will find him and he won't be on the streets again." "I have been anxious about that," Sabrina admitted.

"What exactly?"

"That Deputy Varner won't arrest him if he finds him, and I'll be stuck facing him again."

"Did you tell Nate about that night in his office?"

188"No. I pictured him not believing me, and I was too tired to argue the point."

"So he doesn't know all of this could have been avoided?"

Sabrina shook her head no. She was going to ask Rylan if he would tell him, and Rylan was going to tell Sabrina that he would do exactly that, but Doctor Ertz had finally arrived.

Ale "Jeanette told me you were here this morning. Who was at the store?" Sabrina asked Jessie when she came after work.

"I just didn't open on time, but after I did I couldn't get away with Jeb gone."

, "It was sweet of you, but you didn't have to do that. I understand you have a store to manage."

Jessie looked at her as if she was talking nonsense, almost feeling the bruises on her friend's face herself.

"What am I going to do with you?" Jessie finally asked.

"I was going to ask what you're going to do with Jeb and me both gone."

"I'll manage. Just get better."

Sabrina wanted to say it looked worse than it felt, but she had finally seen herself in the mirror and realized that wasn't true. She looked and felt as if she'd been beaten. The bruises and scratches on her body were not so painful, but her face still looked as bad as it felt. If she didn't want to answer dozens of questions, she would be stuck inside for some time.

"How are the girls?"

"They miss you and ask about you."

"I miss them too."

"I said you were sick, so be prepared to fend off those types of questions."

It bothered Sabrina that Jessie would lie to the girls, but part of her understood. How did one tell a child about such an act of 189 violence? And it wasn't as if she felt good. Sick was probably a pretty close description.

The women talked for a bit longer, and in time Sabrina sensed that Jessie was angry about the attack. She understood how easy that would be and wanted to tell Jessie that her heart was in a completely different place, but they had already talked for a while, and the girls were with a neighbor.

Sabrina saw her friend off, praying for her but knowing that any conversation about how she was dealing with Zeke would have to wait.

"When did you report this?" Nate asked Rylan, searching the paperwork on his desk.

"Last Sat.u.r.day night. Deputy Varner didn't find it plausible because Sabrina didn't come directly after the attack."

"Let me get this straight," Kaderly began. "Before Sabrina was attacked on Monday, she was knocked out by Zeke, reported it, but was not helped?"

"That about sums it up."

"Why didn't Sabrina mention it to me when I spoke with her?"

"She feared you wouldn't believe her concerning your own man. Had I realized she felt that way, I would have told her otherwise."

Nate stood, every line of his being angry. He had seen Sabrina Matthews' battered face, something that could have been avoided. They might not have found Zeke-they hadn't found him yet-but at least they would have known.

"Thank you, Rylan," Nate said, clearly done speaking about it.

Rylan turned for the door. He was not worried about the deputy hating him. He had failed to do his job and must answer for that. Rylan was only thankful that Token Creek's sheriff cared too much to let it pa.s.s.

190 "I could do some handwork for you, Jeanette," Sabrina said from her seat in the conservatory on Friday morning. Theta was not with them. "Bring some home with you if you want me to."

"All right," Jeanette agreed, wanting to lead Sabrina's life but knowing she couldn't. It was still taking a lot out of Jeanette not to order the younger woman back to bed.

"When my face heals I'll head out and start looking for apartments," Sabrina said next. "I think if I actually go and do the asking myself, it might be best."

"Did Jessie have no leads?" Jeanette asked, feeling her heart speed up a little. She told herself she could not be desperate to keep this girl here, but she was.

"No. I just checked with her."

"You do know we're in no hurry to have you leave?"

"That's very sweet of you, Jeanette, but I can't stay here forever. You don't let me pay rent, and you won't let me help."

Jeanette was not about to change her standard on that issue, so she tried a new tack.

"We'll just check with Rylan about what you should do," Jeanette suggested, and could see by the slight narrowing of Sabrina's eyes that this wasn't going to work.

"Is Rylan in charge of my life now? I didn't know that."

Jeanette was working hard to find something to say when Rylan walked in and rescued her.

"Well, now." Sabrina's voice was deceptively soft with anger. "I'm glad to see you. Evidently you have all the answers."

"All right," Rylan said, moving carefully and forcing himself not to look at Jeanette.

"Jeanette speaks as though you're in charge of where I live. I don't recall when that happened."

Rylan did look at Jeanette then, who gave him a condensed version of their conversation. He would have tried to explain to Sabrina what Jeanette had meant, but Sabrina wasn't done.

"What no one seems to realize is I'm not safe anywhere. Zeke wants 191 information that you and I have. He's not going to go after you, but if he wants it badly enough, he'll find me wherever I live."

This had not occurred to Jeanette, but Rylan calmly nodded his head.

"Jeanette did not mean that I was in charge, but I did mention to her one day that there might be options we haven't thought of. No one is going to force you to take an apartment you don't want. I'm not taking over for you. You can handle this yourself. But you can also understand that we're not anxious to see you hurt again."

Sabrina nodded, feeling foolish. She had been upset over nothing, but it hadn't felt like nothing. It felt as though Jeanette was ready to say or do anything to keep her there, and that made no sense to Sabrina. She was a busy woman with a busy life, and Sabrina didn't know why she would insist on having her there to complicate things.

"I'm going to get something to eat," Jeanette said, coming to her feet. "Is anyone else hungry?"

Both Rylan and Sabrina declined, which left them alone in the conservatory.

192.

"YOU'RE ALWAYS HAVING TO rescue me," Sabrina said with quiet wonderment, Jeanette barely out of the room. "I'm always in a mess and needing to be rescued."

Rylan stared at her, but she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were across the room. Eventually they swung to look at him, and Rylan could tell she was thinking about her time in Token Creek, going over it in her mind.

"You were there that night when Zeke hit Eliza. You walked me home," Sabrina recounted. "You found me on the street talking to Paula, and then talked to me the next day so I would be safe. You found Ca.s.sie for me so she could take me to the ranch that day so I wouldn't have to drive the buggy." Sabrina stopped, her mouth suddenly opening. "You were even there the first day with Bret Toben and let me cut through the livery to get back to Jeanette's."

"I didn't mind any of those things," Rylan said sincerely, smiling at her a little.

"I find that hard to believe," Sabrina argued with him. "You have better things to do with your time than take care of me." For the first time, Rylan dropped his guard completely. The smile 193 he gave Sabrina was tender and loving, showing exactly what he felt inside.

He didn't know what he expected in return, but it wasn't the tormented expression that crossed Sabrina's face or the words that were spoken with utter conviction.

"Don't fall for me, Rylan Jarvik. It's the worst thing you could do."

For several long heartbeats the room was silent. Rylan was the one to break that silence, and when he did his voice was kind, his expression open. "Is there someone else, Sabrina, a husband or a fiancwho you haven't talked about?"

"No, it's nothing like that," Sabrina said, wishing she'd ignored his look and kept her mouth shut.

Rylan nodded before asking, "Is there something in my character you object to?"

"No," Sabrina said, looking surprised.

"Do you find me repulsive?"

"No!" Sabrina said, completely taken aback.

Rylan looked at her, praying they would not be interrupted because the next questions had to be asked.

"So you feel the problem is something with you?"

Sabrina looked away but still nodded in answer.

"Does it have something to do with the fact that you're comfortable talking to prost.i.tutes?"

Sabrina's eyes closed in agony, but she still nodded her head yes. She realized that she would rather be beaten again than tell this man about her past, but he had guessed. Sabrina was afraid to look at him. She wanted to stay here-she was coming to love Token Creek-but not every person was Danny Barshaw. Not everyone would understand.

"I don't think a person's past has to define her," Rylan began. "Especially a past that's been repented of."

Sabrina glanced at him but then couldn't look away.

"Did you think I would condemn you?" Rylan asked.

194 Sabrina nodded, still wishing that none of it was true.. .still wishing this was a man she could have for her very own. In all of her realization of his rescuing her, she had not admitted the most wondrous part of all: It had made her feel cherished and special.

"Sorry to bother you," Heather broke in from the door, Theta in hand. "Theta is ready for a little sit-down time in her chair."

"Thank you for letting us use your room, Theta," Rylan said, coming to his feet. Sabrina moved to sit a little closer and spoke as soon as the older woman was settled.

"You look nice in that gray dress, Theta. The color suits you." "How are you feeling, Bri?" Heather asked.

"Still sore."

"As sore as you look?"

Sabrina smiled at her a little. "I'm afraid so. The skin around my right eye and cheek is very tender."

"I guess that would make sense since it's the blackest area." "I wonder how long it will take before I'm presentable again." "Try some cool compresses, Sabrina," Heather suggested.

"I just remembered hearing something about cold helping with bruising."

"I'll do that," Sabrina said, thanking her.

"All right, Theta." Heather turned to that woman. "I'll check on you shortly." Heather made her way from the room, and Sabrina looked after her before glancing at Rylan. That man was smiling.

"Stuck with me again," he said.

"I don't feel stuck," Sabrina said, laughing a little.

"But you're afraid I'll want to talk about it?"

Sabrina sighed. "In some ways it's a relief to have someone know, and in other ways, I wish I had no past at all."

"Well, I hope we can talk about it some more, but rest easy that it won't be right now." Rylan made ready to leave, and Sabrina stared up at him. "I have a sermon to keep working on, and some folks to check on."

"Thank you for coming."

195 "I didn't really have time, but I forced myself"

Sabrina told herself not to smile, but it didn't work. Rylan smiled in return and exited the room. Sabrina asked herself if she'd just dreamed the whole conversation. Rylan Jarvik knew she had been a prost.i.tute, and he hadn't acted as if he could catch something just by standing next to her.

Sabrina looked over at Theta, the older woman's stare not having altered in the least. Is her mind working in there, Lord? Does she even know I'm here?

Those questions went unanswered, and so did the one Sabrina asked of herself: Would it be easier to have no memory, trapped as Theta was, or to live with the ones she had?

"How is that?" Becky asked, standing close to where Sabrina lay on the sofa.

"I can't feel my face. Did you soak these cloths in ice water?" "Yes."

Sabrina's shoulders shook with silent laughter. She had been sarcastic, but Becky had been her usual honest self.

"Well, what was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know." Sabrina's voice was m.u.f.fled under the cloths, but she was still laughing.