I frowned. "That little bird is going to get his wings plucked off if he's not careful."

"He's packing too you know." Spike's voice had a bit of censure in it that I tried to ignore. But he wasn't done guilt-tripping me yet, apparently. "Abby's crying. They're fighting over whether he should be going or not ... being a father and all."

I sighed heavily. "He's not going. I won't let him."

"I'm pretty sure the only other fae more stubborn in this compound than you? Is him."

I picked my backpack up, tried to tear it into tiny pieces, and when I failed, threw it angrily onto the ground. "Why does this have to be so friggin difficult?!" I yelled. "Jesus! H! Christ! On a f.u.c.king stick!"

Spike reached out and stroked my arm once before dropping his hand. "Talk to me about it. Maybe I can help."

I threw myself down on my bed, face first. I just wanted to fall into a deep sleep and pull Tony and Tim in with me, refusing to let them go until it was too late for them to join the posse. It almost seemed like a doable plan until Spike laid down next to me and started talking, breaking my concentration and derailing my train of thought.

"So. Dragon hunting. Tell me what you're going to do."

"Not me," I said into my covers.

"But Tony?"

"Yeah," I said, rolling over. "Can you believe that s.h.i.t?"

Spike shrugged. "Well, he does walk the Gray all the time. And he was a pa.s.sage-maker for all of us. They need to use the Gray to get through. I'd say he's qualified to bring people in and out of there."

I couldn't argue with that logic, but I could argue with my other ammo.

"Yeah, but he sucks in the fighting department. He's a total wimp."

"Not really. I've seen him fight. He's not that bad."

"He's nothing against demons or dragons, Spike, and you know it."

"He's not going alone."

"Yeah. But he's not going with me."

"And that's the problem. Tony's doing his thing without you."

"No, that's not it, jerk." I shoved Spike to get him away from me, but he wouldn't move. "Tony can do anything he wants and be awesome at it. I don't have to be all up in his grill about it. But he can't go risk his life without me there to watch his back. I won't allow it."

"Do you really think you have a choice? Isn't it his choice?"

I sat up, disgusted with my friend. "Whose side are you on, Spike?"

He grabbed my hands and pulled me down on top of him. I struggled to get away, but he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. "I'm on your side. Always, always on your side. No matter what, I want you to be safe, and I want you and Tony to be happy."

"I don't need to be safe. I need to be fair and right," I said. "I'm the only one who can control two of the elements they might need in this journey. It's not fair that I stay behind all safe and sound while my best friend fights for all of us. I'm going. I'm totally going and they can't stop me."

"What about all the fae you leave behind here, while you risk your life? Don't they count for anything?"

I had a feeling I knew who he was talking about, and I didn't want to break his heart now. But I also didn't really have time to p.u.s.s.yfoot around, nor did I feel like babying anyone. "Spike, you matter, okay? And so does Becky and Scrum and all of our friends. But I can't leave Tony hanging out to dry. You know that. He's my best friend. He needs me."

Spike gently pushed me off of him, depositing me on the bed beside him. "Well, I guess I'd better go pack, then."

I looked at him, confused. "Pack? For what?"

"For the trip. If you're going, I sure as h.e.l.l am not saying behind."

I smiled. "You can't go. You're not on the list."

"Neither are you. I say, screw the list. We're making our own list."

I held up my hand for a high five, and Spike delivered, the crack echoing out around the room. "That's what I'm talking about," I said. My smile faded a little as I realized I could be signing my hot friend's death warrant. I needed to say something before he really decided to go for sure. "It's going to be dangerous, Spike. They said a lot of us might not come back."

"Haven't you learned anything yet? The incubus always comes back."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You do seem to have a way of finding your way back here, don't you."

"Some things are worth coming back for, even when it really should be too hard or it's easier to stay away."

"I'm not going to apologize, Spike."

He stepped up and pulled me off the bed, making me stand in front of him. He was close enough for me to smell. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent, memorizing it.

"I'm not asking you to, babe." He leaned down and kissed me once on the lips, his tongue coming out to just barely brush against my mouth before he backed away. "To be continued. I need to pack. Tell the twins if you see them that I'll catch them later when I get back."

"Pffft. Tell 'em yourself. I have stuff to do." I picked up my bag off the floor and opened my mouth to give him more of a hard time, but he was gone. I was alone in the room again with just my thoughts to keep me company. "Friggin incubus."

I smiled, thinking about how my friend Tony's odds of survival just went up at least ten percent, now that he had a soul sucker on his side.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE.

A KNOCK CAME AT MY door as I shoved the last of my toiletries into my bag. Maybe I would be too busy fighting evil to brush my teeth, but I hoped not. I hated fuzzy mouth syndrome.

"Who is it?" I called out.

When no one answered I stuck my head out of the bathroom. Tony was standing in the middle of my bedroom, dressed for a journey with his backpack on and his axe hanging from a belt at his side.

"Hey, Tones," I said, coming out of the bathroom. I'd left my backpack on the floor in there so he wouldn't see it.

"Hey." He was subdued and definitely feeling guilty.

I decided to let him soak in it for a while - marinate in the awfulness. He deserved it for keeping me off that list.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be off finding dragons and killing demons?"

"Come on, Jayne, stop."

"Stop what?" I asked innocently.

"Don't be a brat."

I halted halfway into the room. "A brat? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. You're cranky because you aren't getting your way, and it's not cool."

I put my hands on my hips, p.i.s.sed now that he was being so judgey. "Since when are you the king of cool? For your information, I'm not cranky because I'm not getting my way. I would have been fine to stay behind and let Ben be the hero. I'm upset because you put yourself on that list and made it impossible for me to take care of you, you stupid jerk."

Tony smiled. "I can take care of myself, Jayne."

I snorted. "Pffft. Right. We'll see." I stopped myself from going further because I wasn't ready for him to know I was defying his stupid little list. Maybe I'd never tell him. My plan was forming in my mind as I watched the patient look spread across his features. Maybe I'd just follow behind his band of merry men with my own group of merry men and just watch their a.s.ses to make sure they didn't get fried.

"I've done it before and I can do it again."

"You've gotten lucky," I challenged. "Don't even try to pull off this I'm-all-kinds-of-warrior s.h.i.t. I'm not buying it."

He shrugged. "You don't have to. My reasoning is sound. It makes sense for me to be on the list and it makes sense for you not to be on the list. I just came by to say goodbye." He turned to go, I guess giving up on me being reasonable.

I ran over to him and grabbed his backpack, spinning him around and pulling him into a huge hug. I drew The Green up into me, surrounding both of us with its healing energy.

The smell and feel that was Tony filled my senses. My best friend. The kid who'd rescued me from my life of pain and misery. He was leaving me and proud about doing it. And if I were being honest, I could admit I was proud of him too. He was courageous, smart, and dedicated to our people - and totally my better half.

"I could keep you in this bubble forever, Tony, and never let you out."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "No, you couldn't. I can leave into the Gray from here."

"But you won't," I said, completely sure that he wouldn't abandon me if I really, really needed him.

He sighed. "No. I won't. But you'll let me go."

"How can you be so sure?" I pulled away to stare into his eyes. He was taller than me, but not by much. I searched his face, looking for signs that he was afraid or unsure. I wasn't too much of a nice person that I wouldn't totally take advantage of any weakness I saw there to manipulate him into staying.

But it was useless. He was not afraid and looked completely focused. I've seen this look on my friend's face before. Arguing with him would be fruitless. My shoulders sagged and my face fell.

He reached up and tugged a chunk of my hair. "I'm sure because I thought it through completely and considered every scenario and eventuality. This was the only way it made sense. If I don't go, it increases the likelihood that certain fae will lose their lives, and decreases their chance of success. Just like you, Jayne, I have to help wherever I can, however I can."

"Why do you have to be so f.u.c.king smart all the time?" I said grouchily.

Tony hugged me to him hard. "Why do you have to be so headstrong all the time?"

"We were born this way, I guess," I said.

"It's our destiny. It's fate. Just let it go."

I pulled back, my smile on my face again. "Did you know about that? The Fates?"

Tony looked at me, confused. "What? Yeah, I know about fate."

"Not fate. The Fates."

"The Greek mythology thing?"

I realized then that he didn't know, and decided that it wasn't something he needed clouding his mind on this dangerous trip. For Tony, an unsolved puzzle was too tempting to ignore, and this would definitely go in that category.

"Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, have a great trip. I'll be here waiting for you when you get back."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Why are you suddenly okay with this? What are you planning?"

I opened my eyes wide, trying to look as innocent as possible. "Nothing. I'm just planning a little revenge, that's all. You'll see when you get back."

Tony relaxed instantly. "Fine. I look forward to whoopie cushions on all my chairs when I return."

I smiled at the memories he was conjuring. "That was pretty funny, you have to admit."

"It might have been funny in second grade. In tenth grade, it's more just embarra.s.sing. For you, not for me."

"Yeah, right. You were the farter, not me."

"Only because you caught me not looking out for your stupid pranks. But hey, look who the farter is now, right?"

I punched Tony hard in the arm. "Shut up, Baloney Head! We aren't going there, ever!"

He smiled, rubbing his shoulder. "Fine. But I'm sure glad I witnessed your superpowers in action. Now I have more ammo for the trip."

"Yeah, right. Better go fill up on beans and broccoli before you leave. Who knows how many spells you'll get caught up in?" I suddenly realized I had no idea where he was going first. "So where are you going? Overworld or Underworld?"

"It's top secret. Need to know basis only."

I glared at him. "Tell me or suffer my wrath, Tony. I'm not playing."

He smiled, obviously enjoying torturing me. "Your wrath? What's that? A wedgie?"

"An atomic wedgie. You don't even want to go there. Just tell me. What difference will it make?"

"Exactly. Why do you need to know?"

"So I can pray for you or whatever, how do I know! Maybe I can send you some good vibes if I know where you're going."

"Nope. You're not going. And you're not following me. And you're not sending me any vibes, either. Just stay here, Jayne." He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, which shut me up more than any of his words ever could. "I'll see you when I get back."

I reached up and wiped his kiss off while he was still watching me. "Not if I see you first, idiot."

"Love you too," he said, moving to the door.