f.u.c.k.

Crumpling to the ground, I feel tears sting my eyes as I reach down to my leg. Oh no, this can't be happening again. In practice? Really? Couldn't be in a game at least? s.h.i.t! He got me right where my pads don't cover, on the side of my knee. And just like that, I see my career going down the drain. The pain is shooting up my leg, and f.u.c.k, it hurts. d.a.m.n it. No, this wasn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to go in! This is my year!

Soon, Markus is beside me, his face full of worry as he throws off his helmet. "s.h.i.t, dude, you good?"

I nod as the pain throbs, taking away my breath and causing sweat to drip down my neck. I can see the worry in his eyes, and I know my job. It's to be strong for my team. So I lie, "Yeah, hit me wrong."

"You okay, Sinclair?" Coach asks as Justin, one of the trainers, comes to my side.

"Yeah, I think. Got me on the side of the knee," I say, and I don't know why I'm lying.

"Can you walk?" Justin asks and I nod because, even if I couldn't, I would.

"I think so."

He reaches for me as Coach does the same and they lift me. My leg comes down onto my skate, and thankfully, I can put weight on it, but it does hurt. Badly. It's throbbing, but when we start moving toward the bench door, I think I might be okay. Thank G.o.d. As relief floods through me, I swallow back the puke that wants to escape as my teammates tap their sticks to the ice, wishing me words of encouragement. When I see Markus beside me, I wave him off. "Dude, I'm good. Go practice. If I can't play, I need you to know how to go on without me."

He rolls his eyes. "Shut up."

He takes me from Coach, and they help me out the back of the bench and then into the training room. Climbing up on the table, my legs hangs as the trainer takes my skate and I look to Markus. "Go, dude."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I say with a nod, cringing a bit as Justin removes my sock. "I'm good."

"I'll be back."

"Okay, Arnold," I tease and he laughs as he heads out of the room. Swallowing hard and flinching as Justin removes my pad, I watch his face. Hoping like h.e.l.l the look he gave me last year when I broke my clavicle doesn't appear. While he moves his fingers along the tender area, I hold my breath, my stomach turning as he bends my leg and presses at the area beside my knee.

This was not how I wanted my day to start.

It was supposed to be a good day. I had dinner and Netflix planned for Avery for when she came over tonight after packing. I wanted to cuddle and love on her, but it's feeling like that might change.

But then he is nodding before he looks up at me. "Just a nasty bruise, I think. Let's do some X-rays to be sure, but I'm pretty d.a.m.n confident you're okay."

Letting out a long breath, I nod. "Thank G.o.d."

When the X-rays come back to show that everything is good, I'm more than relieved. s.h.i.t, that was f.u.c.king scary, but that's hockey. Everything can change in seconds. h.e.l.l, that could be applied to life too.

"Take it easy the rest of today and try to keep it iced. We'll see how you feel tomorrow," Justin says as Coach comes into the room, Markus behind him.

"Verdict?"

"He's good, but I still want him to be a game-day decision. He's going to ice it and stay off it the rest of today and see how he does for the morning skate."

Coach nods. "Good. All right. Let me know if you need anything, Sinclair."

"Thanks, Coach."

As he walks away, Markus leans against the doorjamb. "Jeez, can you be careful and stop getting hurt?"

I laugh. "Um, this was your fault," I tease and he laughs.

"Hey, you gotta stay out of the way of my awesome shots!" But I know it's more than that.

I roll my eyes as I shake my head. "Yeah, okay, you're off."

He shrugs. "I'm good."

I don't believe him, but I have bigger things to worry about. My heart is still pounding in my chest, and I want to say it's all because of the injury scare.

But I know that's not completely it.

It's because Jude texted me while I was in X-rays.

Call me after practice. Make sure you're alone.

After taking a shower and having my leg rewrapped, I head out of the arena and toward the Bullies' house. I know I'm stalling and that I need to just call Jude, but first, I make sure to send an email to all my teachers with the note that Justin sent me. As I wobble, I send a text to Avery and then call my mom.

"Hey, honey."

"Hey, Mom. Listen, don't freak, but I got hurt at practice."

"Oh, Jesus! Are you okay?" she asks, freaking out. "Are you at the ER? Jesus, my poor baby!"

Rolling my eyes, I throw my hands up. "Mom, I said don't freak."

"Baby, do you need me to come take care of you?"

"Mom, I'm fine," I laugh, but she isn't buying it.

"I'm gonna call River, and then I'm coming up there."

"Don't. I'm fine. The only reason I'm telling you is because I might not play tomorrow. So I don't want you making the trip up here until I call, okay?"

She doesn't like that. "Jace Ryan, I'm coming now. I'll stay with River tonight."

"Oh, Jesus. Mom!" I cry out, wishing I could scratch that image out of my brain. "No, please don't do that. If I see your car at his house, I swear, please. Oh my G.o.d, I think I'm gonna puke."

"Jace, I'm a woman who has-"

"Mom, please. Don't say another word. Don't come up here, and Lord, please don't. Just don't," I beg, dry heaving. She answers me with laughter and I shake my head. "I'm good, promise. I'll call you tomorrow."

She's hesitant, but I really need to get off the phone with her. "Okay, keep me in the loop. Love you."

"Will do. Love you," I say and hang up, knowing that from now on I won't call her until I know one way or another if I'm playing or not. Ugh, my stomach is still not right. That was just wrong, though I can't help but wonder when the thought of my mom and my coach together will stop making me sick.

Ew.

When my phone signals a text, I look down to see it's from Avery, thank goodness.

Avery: Are you all right?! Do I need to leave cla.s.s??

Me: No babe, I'm good. Just gonna lie down, take some pills, and pa.s.s out.

Avery: Are you sure? I can call Stu and tell him I'm not coming in.

Me: No way. It's your first day, go.

Avery: You sure?

Me: Yes. I'm fine.

Avery: Okay. Text me.

Me: I will.

When I hobble down the stairs and into my room, I know I have no other option but to call my brother. I don't want to. Things are so good right now. I mean, we are finding our place while falling for each other more and more each day. She is starting to trust me. I mean, last night solidified that, and I don't want anything to come between us. But then, why am I a.s.suming it's bad? It could be great! He loves Avery and wants nothing more than for me to be happy. But I know that isn't Jude and I know this is bad. Which scares the living s.h.i.t out of me. Sitting on Markus's bed, I click on Jude's name and wait.

I don't have to wait long.

"Hey, bro."

"Hey," I say wryly. "Calling you like you wanted."

"Yeah, thanks. Practice run late?"

s.h.i.t, he's stalling now.

My stomach drops as I fall back into Markus's pillows. "Yeah, Markus. .h.i.t me with the puck on the side of the knee, so I was getting fixed up."

"You good?"

"Yeah, it hurts like b.a.l.l.s, but I just took some pain meds."

"Cool," he says. "Stay off it."

"Yeah, I am."

"Okay," he says and then lets out a long breath. "I guess I'll get right to it, then."

But I don't say anything, my heart jackhammering in my chest. "What's up?"

"So, you know how I play with Seth, Avery's brother?"

d.a.m.n it. I knew this wasn't going to be good. I've learned that any of her brothers and her in a sentence doesn't end well. "Yeah. They don't talk."

"Yeah, I know, which is why I'm not sure how much stock I put in this, but I figure you need to know anyway."

"Okay?"

"Okay, well, couple nights ago, we were out for drinks. And somehow, Seth and I were alone, which hardly ever happens, and I said, hey, my brother is dating your sister. He made a face and I laughed, saying that my brother is a good dude, he has nothing to worry about. Well, Seth makes another face and shakes his head, saying he isn't worried about someone hurting Avery, but he's worried about you. That she ruined some guy, Caleb's, career when he broke up with her."

"What?" I croak out, and while I thought it was something bad, I really didn't think it was this bad.

She lied.

I feel like I'm going to pa.s.s out.

"Yeah, she went psycho apparently and tried to kill herself-"

"What? No. Really?" I say, because she didn't tell me that. She told me it ended with cutting. Nothing more.

f.u.c.k, she lied again.

"Yeah, and her parents freaked, and her dad made sure he was undraftable."

Swallowing hard, I close my eyes as my teeth sink into my lip. "Wow," is all I can say as I slowly shake my head.

"You know, I didn't know if I should believe it. She doesn't seem like the type to do something like that, but he was really adamant about it. Told me to make sure to let you know to get out. That she's psycho, and that in the end, you'll lose everything."

Squeezing my eyes shut, I can't believe this. "You believe him?"

"I don't know, bro. I mean, it's odd. I only know how I interact with my family, and if something like this had happened to, say, Lucy, I wouldn't be so candid about it. He acted as if it was no big deal, that Avery was nothing, which is why I kind of don't believe him. But then, I googled Caleb and asked Jayden, and he confirmed that Caleb completely turned his back on hockey and Facebook told me he is touring Africa at the moment."

With my heart in my throat, making it hard to breathe, I shake my head. "She never told me anything like this. She told me Caleb was a douche and hurt her, but that was it. Not that she tried to kill herself."

"Well, do you believe that part? That's the part I'm sort of on the fence about."

But I shake my head, knowing d.a.m.n well she is capable. If she can cut herself, she can try to end it too, which just hurts me. Instead of being s.h.i.tty to her, why didn't her family help her? f.u.c.k. But yet, I can't tell my brother that. It isn't his business.

"I don't know."

He sighs. "Well, Jace, the thing that worries me is that she didn't tell you who her dad is either. I'm thinking maybe you should get out. You'll never get the real story unless you go to Caleb, and I mean, then what? Why should you have to work so hard for a relationship with someone who has lied to you over and over again?"

"She doesn't lie; she holds back."

He hesitates, and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. "So she told you her dad ruined Caleb's chances in the draft?"

I pause. "No, she said he just disappeared."

"Then she lied."

"But that could be a lie from Seth."

"True, but does it make sense? From what Jayden said, dude was good."

He was, I know this, but I'm grasping at straws here and I don't know why. The proof is in the pudding. She lied to me and I should be angry. But I'm not. I'm hurt, because it's not only that. Why didn't she tell me about the suicide attempt too? Why didn't I see it? Especially when she had told me about Caleb. I found it hard to believe he would give up hockey. But I was just so happy she was opening up to me, I didn't question her.