I can shut my eyes and back off if it's too much. "Okay." I walk from the bedside to the foot of the bed. "You're starting another contraction so let's show him the top of this baby's head."

Laurelyn begins pushing and I watch our baby's head come down until I can see the entire crown and I feel something so very surreal happening. "Oh, wow, L. She has a headful of dark hair." I've never seen anything like that in my life.

L pushes three times and then falls back, breathing heavily. This is a tough workout for her. "Good thing she's taking after you because I was bald."

Amy gets up from the bed and walks toward the door. Where is she going? "We're ready so I'm calling Dr. Sommersby to come."

I lean down and kiss L while we're waiting for her doctor to arrive. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." She strokes my face with her hand. "You're going to be okay if she turns out to be a he?"

"I've told you I'll be thrilled with a son. I've only been persistent about it being a girl because it's what my gut says, not because I don't want a boy."

"I know."

Dr. Sommersby comes into the room and gowns up as the nurses prepare to care for our baby. "This little one got in a hurry about arriving." She settles on a stool between L's legs and looks at me. "So, you're still convinced it's a girl?"

Totally. "One hundred percent."

"And you, Laurelyn?"

"It's either a boy or a girl. That's the only thing I'm sure about."

The doc laughs. "I'm going with you on that one. You're starting a contraction so push hard and we'll find out."

L takes a deep breath and blows it out before taking another and holding it. Amy and I help her pull her legs back and her face turns beet red as she pushes with all her might. She stops midpush and releases her legs as she bows from the bed. "OmiG.o.d, there's so much pressure ... and I'm burning. I'm on fire."

She looks up at me and there's nothing I can do to help her. This is what I was afraid of. "I'm so sorry, L."

Her legs are shaking and she reaches up to grab me. She pulls me down and squeezes me around the back of my neck. "Help me. Help me. Help me."

"Do something to help her!" I yell.

Amy pulls back on her leg but L has it locked, like unmoving stone. "You've got to push the baby out, Laurelyn. That's the only way we can help you."

"I can't. It hurts too bad."

"Look at me." L lets go of my neck and tears are rolling down her face. She drops her head against the pillow and looks at Amy. "You can do this. You're the only one who can, so pull your legs back and push your baby out. The sooner you do it, the sooner you get relief." L grabs her forehead and holds it. "Do it. Push hard."

"Oh G.o.d. Here it comes. I've gotta push." Laurelyn rears up and pulls her legs back.

Amy is feeling L's abdomen. "Push as hard as you can and get this over with."

L's eyes are squeezed shut, her brow wrinkled. Tears escape her eyes and it breaks my heart that she's suffering in silence. "You can do it."

"Look down here, Mr. McLachlan, and you'll get to see your baby come into the world." I lean over L's leg and watch our baby's head come out of L's body. The baby came out face down but then Dr. Sommersby turns her so she can suction her mouth and nose.

I see her face for the first time.

"The head's out, Laurelyn."

I've never seen anything more amazing. "L, she's beautiful."

"Let's get the rest of this baby out and see what we've got." Amy pushes against L's leg and motions for me to do the same. "Push, Laurelyn, push!"

I see the determination on her face and know her next push will be the last. And it is.

I hear a gush of fluid and then a piercing cry-our baby's first sound. "You did it, L." I kiss the top of my wife's head. "I love you so much."

Dr. Sommersby is holding our child, wiping away the fluid and cheesy matter. "Want me to tell you or show you what you have?"

L and I look at one another and simultaneously say, "Show us."

Dr. Sommersby lifts our baby up for us to see. No doodle. "I got my Maggie James and she's beautiful, just like her mum." I can only remember a handful of times I've cried since I've been an adult, and it was always about Laurelyn, but now I'm doing it again over my daughter. "I've never seen a more beautiful baby. Thank you for giving me a daughter."

Maggie James is placed on her mother's chest and Amy tucks her inside L's gown so they're skin to skin before she puts a pink beanie on her head. I reach out and stroke my finger down her cheek and I can't remember ever feeling anything so soft. "I already love her so much, L. I didn't know it was possible."

"I know. Isn't she amazing?"

She's lying face down against L, wiggling and scooting, and Amy comes over to a.s.sess her. "This is a pretty amazing process that'll happen over the next hour. As she's lying here against you, she'll begin to scoot on her own so she can latch onto your breast. Some babies do it quickly while others take a while. She's already started to make her way down so I bet she'll be a fast one."

"If her delivery is any kind of indicator, then she will be."

L is cleaned up and put into a more comfortable position while Maggie James remains on her chest, exploring and searching out L's breast. It's an amazing process to watch-this newborn infant slowly migrating in search of her first meal.

Amy's right. It takes about an hour but Maggie James eventually scoots low enough to find L's breast. It's something to see her latch onto her mother for the first time. "Look at that."

L is beaming. "She's incredible."

"This is it-the life I saw when I dreamed of our future. It was always you, me, and her, but this is just the beginning. There's so much more to come. More life together. More happiness. More babies."

L helps MJ latch on with a better suck. "You were once my beauty from pain, before you became my beauty from surrender. Now you've adapted into something different once again."

"And what is that?"

"My beauty from love-both of you. Forever."

The tub filled with water for a long time. Red currant fragrances the air, so I know L won't be leaving her refuge anytime soon. Too bad the scented candles don't disguise the odor I'm encountering.

d.a.m.n, L. What did you feed this kid today?

Luke's lying on the changing table, his blue eyes watching me as he waits for his nappy to be removed, and I'd swear he's grinning and giggling because he's amused by the deposit he's left for me. I put my finger under his chin and tickle his neck, making him burst into laughter. "Your mother knew you were going to do this. She fed all of you the same thing today and that's why she asked me to change and bathe you." I look over at Luke's clone crawling on the floor and wonder if he's already done the same thing. My guess would be yes. "Hudson, have you blown up your nappy like your brother?"

He crawls toward me and uses my pant leg to pull up. "Da."

I reach down and muss his dark hair. "You're next, little buddy."

I survive the toxic waste left for me by my two sons and wonder how in the world nine-month-old babies can do what they just did. It shouldn't be physically possible but then I decide the universe must be against me when I find that MJ has done the same thing, but on a larger scale.

L plotted this. It's retaliation for me telling her I was ready to try for another baby, I know it.

I guess it's too soon for a fourth. Our hands are pretty full with a two-year-old and nine-month-old twins. The boys are rambunctious, beginning to get into everything, and I'm certain it's only going to get worse. However, MJ is the sweetest child ever born. She's daddy's little girl and has been since I saw her tiny little face when she was still inside L and we thought we'd lose her.

It's true. A little girl can wrap her daddy around her finger. That's what Maggie James has done to me, but what else would you expect from a little angel with warm chestnut hair, the ends kissed with curls? My heart melts every time her caramel eyes look my way but the doozy is hearing her call out for me, her daddy. There's never been a more precious sound.

The trio is bathed and ready for bed when Laurelyn comes into the twin's room. She sits in the rocker for me to hand them off for their last feeding. This is our nightly ritual, so I already know Luke will nurse for ten minutes before he's out with Hudson following five minutes later, and then L will lie with MJ in her bed until she falls asleep.

I can't believe L ever feared that she might be a s.h.i.tty mother. No one could do a better job with our kids.

But she needs a break.

When the threesome is down for the night, we go into the living room and fall onto the couch, L on one end, me on the other. I bring her feet to my lap for a good rub. "Did you enjoy your alone time?"

L's head rests on the arm of the couch, her eyes closed. She looks as though she could fall asleep any second. "Very much so. That tub of bubbles was much needed. Am I still pruny?" She examines her fingertips. "Thank you for taking over with the kiddos tonight."

She seems more tired than usual. "Is something going on, love?"

She doesn't open her eyes. "I'm just exhausted because one of the boys was into something all day long. I almost wish they were immobile again. Things were so much easier then."

She needs a break before she breaks. "Let's take the kids to my parents and go away for a few days."

Her eyes pop open and she lifts her head to look at me. "You know we can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm still nursing the twins."

"They can take bottles for a few days. It won't hurt them." I don't give her the chance to argue before I continue with more reasons we should get away. "Our kids need you to be well rested so you can be the best mum possible. You have to take care of you so you can take care of them. As your husband, it falls on me to recognize when you need a break, and it's time."

Leaving the kids at my parents was a mess. All three were crying and L was too. I practically had to drag her out the door so we wouldn't miss our flight, but all is good now that we're on the plane.

"I'm glad we're doing this." Her tune has changed.

"You didn't look so happy about it an hour ago."

"I'm sorry I lost it, but we've never left them for more than a few hours. I just started thinking about their confusion when we don't come back for them. They could think we've left them forever."

She's going to start again. "Stop, L. They're fine. My parents will spoil them rotten. And don't forget that Evan and Emma are bringing the kids over tomorrow so they can play together."

She's so emotional, convincing me further that this trip is exactly what she needs, so I'm going to do everything I can to take her mind off the kids while we're away. "Our lives revolve around our children twenty-four seven, so I don't want to talk kids while we're away. This getaway is about you and me." I wish I'd booked a private plane. I'd take her to the back and give her something to make her forget it all.

"Okay-not a word about MJ, Luke Henry, or Hudson until we return to Sydney on Sunday afternoon."

"That's my girl."

We spend our first afternoon on the beach and then go into town for dinner at our favorite restaurant before returning to the house. Since making the decision to get away with L, I've been counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds until I could have her without distractions or interruptions by the kids.

We're barely through the front door when I pull her into my arms to kiss her. It begins slow and romantic but quickly escalates to heated and urgent. For once, the urgency isn't because one of the kids could start crying and interrupt us at any minute. "Tell me what you want, L."

She pulls back and touches my bottom lip with her finger. "To slow down. We're always in a rush and I'd like to take our time so we can enjoy one another."

She's right. Since the kids came along, I usually only operate in jackrabbit speed, but with good reason. Eight out of ten times, we're going to be interrupted by one of the three. It's like they were all born with some kind of sensor enabling them to c.o.c.k-block me. "You're right. I'm sorry. Trust me. I want to enjoy having you all to myself."

"It's okay. I get it." She splays her hands on my chest and watches them as they move down. "I bought something new to wear for you."

f.u.c.k, yeah. I was hoping she would. It's been far too long since I've seen her in something hot and s.e.xy. She may want to take this slow but it doesn't mean we can't get started as soon as possible. I lean down and pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder to carry her into the bedroom. "Jack Henry, I can't believe you."

I set her feet on the floor once we're in the bedroom and grab her b.u.m to pull her against me. I hover my mouth over her ear. "I'm ready to be inside you so don't keep me waiting too long while you change."

"Will you light the bedroom candles while I change?"

"I will do anything you tell me to."

She grabs my face and pulls me in for a quick kiss. "I won't be long, caveman."

I watch her disappear into the bathroom and then begin my task of lighting the bedroom candles. There are three, giving the room the perfect amount of illumination while setting the perfect romantic ambience. Even I feel lovey-dovey looking at the candlelit canopy bed, flowing sheers kissing the floor. It's a reminder for me to make love to L because it's what she wants, not to f.u.c.k her hard and fast ... unless it's what she wants later and I'll be very willing to oblige.

I'm undressing when L comes out of the bathroom. She's wearing a red lace slip-not one of her usual colors but it should be because she looks hot as h.e.l.l in it. Her t.i.ts look fantastic, even after nursing our three kids. She's wearing a mischievous grin and I know why when she turns to show me the ruffles over her b.u.m. She shimmies a little before she asks, "Like it much?"

f.u.c.k, she looks amazing. My c.o.c.k immediately rises to tent the only thing I'm still wearing-my boxer briefs. "You look so f.u.c.king hot, babe. Come 'ere."

"Wait. I want the mood to be perfect for what I have in mind." She walks over to the nightstand and picks up her phone. My girl loves to set the pace with music so I'm certain she'll choose something slow-and it's a good idea. Otherwise I might forget I shouldn't rush this.

The song begins and I recognize it as one I've heard her singing. It's a slow, romantic song she composed for Southern Ophelia-inspired by our love-but it's my first time hearing them perform it.

"It's beautiful." I hold my arms out to her. "Come to me."

I watch her slink ever so slowly in my direction. Her movement, each step she takes, seduces my mind and body. I must remind myself of what I'm to do-take my time and enjoy Laurelyn. My wife. My lover. My American girl and partner in life. The mother of my children.

I place one hand at her lower back and cradle her face with my other. She leans into it and covers the top with her own, closing her eyes and appearing as though she's completely savoring the feel of my skin against hers. "The simple touch of your hand against my face is still enough to melt my panties right off my body."

"All you have to do is breathe and I want to slide your knickers off." I reach beneath her red lace slip to feel what kind she's wearing and I get two handfuls of cheek with a tiny strip of fabric up the middle. "Mmm ... I love your sweet cheeks in a G." I hoist her up. "Wrap your legs around me."

She does and I move to the bed, depositing her in the middle. I begin at her ankles and kiss my way up her body as I crawl over her. Her body still looks amazing after three babies. She occasionally voices a concern about the stretch marks she got with the twins but they're low on her abdomen and minimal. I don't see them when I look at her. She's perfect to me.

I push her slip up when I get to her hips and look at the tiny sc.r.a.p of knickers covering her in the front. I put the heel of my palm against her pubic bone and lower it. The lace at her crotch is warm and already wet, so it takes every bit of strength I have to not shove it over and bury myself deep inside her.

I glide my fingers under the elastic waistband and tug. She lifts her b.u.m and I bite the red lace triangle with my teeth, dragging it down her legs. "Oh G.o.d."

I toss her knickers and migrate up her body slowly. When we're face to face, I cradle her cheeks with both of my hands. "I love you, pretty girl."

"And I love you, caveman."

She brings her legs up around my waist and wiggles beneath me until I'm positioned at her drenched opening. "I was planning to go down on you."

She shakes her head. "Later. Right now, I want you inside me."

She squeezes her legs to coax me closer and I glide in slowly. I push her legs back, bending them out and she tilts her hips. I thrust in and out several times and she meets each one, bringing me deeper inside her. "Oh, L. This is where I love to be-buried so deep we become one with no beginning and no end."