"Oh," he said quietly. "She told you."

"Yeah. She told me."

Ian sighed. "Look, Skye," he said. "You know I love you. Okay? But I have forgiven you a lot of things. Too many things. I forgave you every day that you pretended not to notice how I felt about you. I forgave you when you started pulling away from mea"from usa"when those two new guys showed up, and I forgave you again when you ignored my warning that I didn't trust them, and when you decided you would rather be with either of them than with me."

"Ia"" I said, not sure what I thought I was going to say.

"But when you ran away with Asher, you have no idea what it did to me! I was mad, okay? I may let you hurt me, over and over again, and that's my own problem. But you don't get to tell me what to do anymore!" His eyes were blazing.

I stumbled backward. I'd never seen Ian get this angry in my entire life.

"Ia"I had no idea," I said quietly.

"So, yeah. I went to Carmen Shane's party and Ellie was flirting with me and I hooked up with her. And honestly it's none of your business."

"Wow," I said. "I'm . . . I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," he muttered. "Well, whatever. I gotta go. I'll see you or something." He turned around and took off down the hall in the opposite direction.

As I stood there, dumbfounded, the weight of his words crushed me, almost making it impossible to breathe. And the worst part about it was that he was right.

All day, frustration and rage cycled through me. I couldn't stop thinking about what Ian had said. If only I could tell him the truth about where I'd really been and why I'd left without a word. It wasn't my fault. None of this was.

I wanted to run away again, to hide. I pictured driving cross-country, my car kicking up dust as I crossed the flat middle of the map. In the rearview mirror, a flash of white feather. Everywhere I looked: a flash of sharp white feathers. Walking down city streets, between buildings, silhouetted against the glow of the sunset. Angels following me, a part of the skyline, for as long as I lived.

What kind of life would that be? I knew running away was impossible. I had to face this. I just wished I knew what "this" was. And, despite what Aunt Jo had said, there was still a part of me that felt deeply that wherever Asher was, that's where I needed to be, too.

I couldn't wait to get on the slopes that afternoon for our race against Holy Cross. I'd raced against them before. They weren't as fierce as the Brighton girls, but I still had to do my best if I ever wanted to be captain. I crouched low at each bend in the course and leaned into the wind, imagining huge, feathery wings extending from my back. In my mind, they guided me, directing the wind to make me more aerodynamic, my path easier. I was gliding, flying. But when I closed my eyes and tried to see if they were white or black, I couldn't.

The sun grew low in the sky, and the dusk was rolling in, cold and crisp and blue. As I flew down the slope, an idea struck me. I focused on the sun, squinting my eyes as it sank lower, so that just a luminous arc was peeking out above the mountains. What if I wasn't ready for it to set just yet? What if I needed more daylight to finish the race?

My eyes stung, but I forced myself to keep staring directly at the sun, the force of my mind pushing with all its might. Come on, I thought, taking a sharp turn in the course with exact precision. Come onnn.

And then the strangest thing happened. The sun stopped setting suddenly, and it began to float upward. I faltered slightly, then righted myself as my competitor drew up just behind my right elbow.

"What thea"" I heard her say before her voice was swallowed by the wind. The sky began to lighten, the dusk withdrawing into itself, pulling back the darkness. I swished across the finish line and slid to a stop.

Coach clicked his stopwatch and looked up to catch my eye. He nodded. "You keep this up for our last big race next week against Southfield," he said, "and you'll be our next captain."

I fell back onto the snowy ground, breathing hard, staring up into the sky. I could feel my powers getting stronger, more controlled. I was exhausted but exhilarated at the same time. I closed my eyes and felt the sun begin to set again as the dusk settled in around me.

I sat by myself again on the bus. Ellie was talking loudly about me a couple of seats away.

"Freak," I heard her mutter. "I bet she's on steroids or something."

I sighed and leaned into the seat. The trees blurred past my window. Only a month or so ago, Ellie and I had kind of been friends. I closed my eyes again, willing the bus ride to be over.

Aunt Jo had cooked a feast. She let me shower off from the race, and then the two of us set the table while we danced around to romantic comedy soundtracks. At eight, the doorbell rang, and I opened it to see Cassie and Dan standing on my doorstep. Cass was dressed up in her favorite vintage dress, the yellow one with the little flowers. One leg was cut off a pair of tights to fit over her cast. Her red hair was piled into a purposefully messy bun. The fact that Dan was wearing a jacket instead of his navy-blue hoodie meant that he had dressed up, too.

"Yay!" Cassie said, clapping her hands. "Dinner party!"

I hugged them both. "Come in!" I said with a flourish.

"Hi, guys!" Aunt Jo called from the dining room. As we walked in, Cassie presented her with a bottle of red wine.

"From my mom." She winked. "She made Dan promise not to drink any so he can drive me home."

"That's responsible," Aunt Jo said, patting Dan on the back.

Dan mumbled something under his breath.

Aunt Jo brought heaping plates of food to the table while Cassie and Dan sat down. The doorbell rang again, and I got nervous, like Asher was here to pick me up for a date or something. I hoped he was in a better mood than he had been in this morning. Later I'd confront him about his conversation with Devin.

Asher was standing on the porch, and when I opened the front door, he smiled down at me. There was a shyness in his eyes, a vulnerability that I still wasn't used to. He was wearing a deep green sweater and brown corduroys, and held out a bouquet of flowers.

"Don't get your hopes up." He smirked. "They're for Aunt Jo."

"Did you dress up for me?" I asked, smiling widely as he walked in.

"No." He shook his head.

"You did," I said. "You totally dressed up." With a glance over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, he turned on me, taking my waist and drawing me close to him. I shivered. He leaned in as if to kiss me but instead moved his head to the side and whispered in my ear.

"I should probably say hi to everyone else."

I knew for a fact that I was turning red, and the room was growing warmer. Asher laughed. It seemed like no matter how good I was becoming at controlling my powers, he could still swoop in and ruin all of my progress with a single touch.

"Guys?" Aunt Jo called. "Dinner!"

It was the best dinner I'd ever had. Aunt Jo had prepared heaping family-style bowls of pasta, lamb tenderloin just the way I loved ita"smothered in her ancho chile ruba"and her special string beans. We'd opened the bottle of wine, and Cassie, Asher, and I were all flushed and happy. Dan was good-natured about it, but I couldn't help but think how sweet it was that he was listening so intently to Cassie's mom's instructions. Cassie and Dan were like my couple role models. Maybe one day, when all of this was overa"if it ever could bea"Asher and I could be together in a normal way, living in some normal house, just being . . . normal.

Sometimes, as I looked around the table at my old friendsa"Cassie, beaming at Dan as he passed her the pastaa"I almost forgot what was happening to me, that I was trying to turn myself into a fighter. I felt strange, like I was keeping something from almost every single person at the table. And I was. But a houseful of people determined to keep me safe was better than a lonely, empty house. It was a feeling I'd never really had before. This was my family.

Aunt Jo was laughing and smiling, but I noticed that the smile never fully reached her eyes. She looked far away, and every time she glanced at Asher, she began to fidget nervously, an uncomfortable look washing over her face. What was going on with her? I'd never seen her act like this. I started to wonder: had she been so upset because I had run awaya"or because I'd been spending so much time with Asher?

After dinner, we nibbled on some lemon bars. I got up to bring a stack of plates into the kitchen, and Cassie followed me. The bruises on her face were looking a lot less purple now, but her eyes were still ringed with a muddy yellow. "Do those hurt still?" I asked tentatively. I put a large ceramic bowl in the sink.

"Getting better," she said, flinging a stray hair over her shoulder with a dramatic sigh. "I hate this effing cast, though. Do you see how stupid this looks?" She motioned to her one-legged tights.

"Maybe it could be a new look?" I asked. "Like cutoff shorts?"

"Not likely." She snorted.

I patted her head. "I'm glad the accident hasn't affected your adventurous fashion sense."

Cassie giggled. "I like Asher," she said, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one could hear.

"You do?" I beamed. "I just want . . . I want us all to, you know, get along."

"No, he's really great." We peeked into the dining room, where Asher and Dan were apparently having some heated music debate. "I'm glad you don't hang out with Devin anymore," she said suddenly. "He's really such a creep, Skye. He gives you the weirdest looks in homeroom."

I hesitated. All I wanted was to come clean about everything. "I know," I told her. "You don't know the half of it."

"I mean, he didn't treat you very well at all, even as a friend. And he wasn't very nice to any of us."

I busied myself arranging the remaining string beans on a platter into a haphazard flower pattern.

"Yeah," I said. "I know."

"And his new girlfriend's the worst. I mean, seriously. What a bitch."

"Cassie, come on. I know all this." I turned around, and we looked each other straight in the eye.

She gasped. "Oh my god. Skye, no way."

"No way, what?"

"You still have feelings for him!"

"What? That's crazy. I so do not."

"Do we really have to go through this again? You absolutely do. I can tell these things."

"You're losing your touch," I said.

Her hand flew to her mouth.

"Skye Parker, you can abandon me in the hospital to spend time with your disgustingly gorgeous boyfriend and you can invite me to dinner and get me tipsy, but you wound me on the very deepest level when you insult my ability to detect matters of the hearta"especially when it comes to you. Did I or did I not call Asher from Day One?"

I smiled, despite myself. "You did," I admitted.

"So what is happening with Devin?"

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to stay up late after everybody left, gushing about everything that had happened to me since her accident. But what if the Order was watching? Lurking in the woods, just like the notebook said? Was that a risk I could take? What if this time, they actually took her life? I couldn't be responsible for that. I wouldn't.

And then there was that other troubling thought. What could she see in me that I couldn't? Did I still have feelings for Devin? Even after everything I'd been through, was it possible I still cared about him?

"You're wrong this one time," I said. "There's nothing happening." And I wasn't lying about that, at least.

She stared at me, and I could tell she thought I was holding back.

"You know, we used to tell each other everything," she said. Then she turned and walked into the dining room.

I sighed and threw the rest of the string beans into the composter. I had a feeling that Cassie would never truly forgive me for leaving until I could finally tell her the truth. But I knew that if I told her, she could get even more hurt than she would if I didn't.

Aunt Jo went upstairs to go to bed, and the four of us spilled out onto the deck. The night was so balmy that we didn't need jacketsa"or maybe we were all just flushed and a little giddy from the wine. Cassie kept ribbing Dan for being her Designated Driver. "No, no," she kept saying. "It's cute! You're my knight in shining armor!"

"All right," Dan said. "That's it! You better run!"

Cassie shrieked and slowly made her way down the steps of the deck, and Dan pretended to chase after her, into the field behind our house. We could hear them laughing, and then suddenly we couldn't hear them at alla"which meant their fighting had devolved into making out.

Would I ever find something like that? All I wanted was to feel safe and stable, like my life wasn't going to suddenly change in the middle of the night. I loved Asher so much, but he was part of a scary and unpredictable world. And now, for better or for worse, I was, too.

As if reading my thoughts, he came up behind me and wrapped me in his arms. I leaned back against him, letting my cheek graze against the soft wool of his sweater. Above us, a shooting star streaked across the night.

"Make a wish," Asher whispered.

"I think I already have."

"You know," he said, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say you caused that shooting star yourself."

I laughed and nodded. He pulled me even tighter against him, and I could feel his breath rise and fall more rapidly against my backa"and the marked lack of a heartbeat.

"We're so close," he whispered into my ear. "Every day, you're getting stronger. The universe is shifting. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," I said, gazing out at the stars. "I can."

I had no idea what the future held, but for now I'd just have to be happy resting in the arms of my dark angel.

That night, after everyone had left, I lay in bed, staring up at the cracks and water marks on my ceiling. I was still warm from being with Asher, still felt his arms wrapped tightly around me. I tried to let the memory comfort me, lull me to sleep. But my brain kept working, and I knew sleep was impossible.

The notebook called to me from the bottom drawer of my dresser, under all those socks. I tried not to think about it, rolled over, and stared at the blank walla"but something pulled me back. Finally I couldn't hold out any longer. I jumped out of bed and thrust my hands into the bottom drawer, digging around until I found what I was looking for. The little notebook stared up at me, taunting. Whose was it? Could I have really written this? It seemed so unbelievable.

It had to have been a relic from a different time. Another hand had held the pen that formed those words. Another set of Guardians had stalked those woods. In a time before I was born. A timea"I realized, staring harder at the datea"right before I was born. Then a strange, new thought lit up my mind, and I sat down hard on the floor where I had been kneeling. What if it wasn't my handwriting that I was staring at? I stared at the page as the words came to life in my mind, and a whole story for the cabin and the little notebook wrote itself in my head. What if it was someone whose handwriting I had recognized?

What if it was my mother's?

Chapter 17.

Ian came through, after all. The Mysterious Ellipses had a gig at the Bean on Saturday night. Cassie sent me a thousand and one texts informing me of this.

I had an early-morning ski practice with the team. Asher was right: each day I felt myself growing stronger, learning to control the power that surged through me in the most mind-blowing ways. My times were getting better, too. I knew my chances of making team captain were looking good. I'd always had a great relationship with Coach Samuelson, and even though I'd left the team, he didn't seem to be holding it against me.

When I got home, the energy still crackling off my skin, Asher was leaning against the front porch with his arms crossed.

"Hey," I called. "What are you doing here?"

"I miss the old days." Asher grinned, some of the familiar playfulness returning to his voice. "I thought we could go out back and practice together." He laughed. "I miss you getting all huffy and yelling at me."

"Aunt Jo's home," I said. "We can't go out back."