CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

"OH, GOD," OLIVIA SCREAMED. "Oh, no."

"Hold on," Jamie urged.

She wrapped her hands tighter around the bar and squeezed her eyes shut as the coaster crested the hill. "Why am I doing this?"

"You know why!" He laughed.

"This isn't fun!" she cried just as the world dropped from beneath them and gravity disappeared. Olivia didn't scream. She pressed her teeth tight together and held her breath as if she were plunging into water.

When they swung into the bottom curve, she finally gasped for air.

"Are you okay?" Jamie asked, his big hand closing over her knee.

She nodded, still trying to catch her breath. But by the time they hit the next hill, Olivia was laughing. Hard. She couldn't manage to stop, even when the coaster flew into its last long stretch and Jamie pulled her in for a kiss.

"You look exactly the same way you do after sex," he said.

"Because I'm laughing?" She collapsed into giggles again at his look of outrage.

"I was thinking more of the breathless screams."

"I bet you were."

He kissed her one more time before helping her out of the car. "Where to now?"

"I can't take any more. My voice is almost gone."

"Come on. One more ride."

Exhausted as she was, she was having a great time. "Okay, but something small. The merry-go-round."

"God, no. Not unless you want to see me puke."

Olivia stopped in her tracks. "You're kidding. The merry-go-round makes you sick?"

Jamie glared. "What? It's the spinning. Not, like, the gently bobbing horses."

"First, you're ticklish, and now this?"

"Just keep it quiet, all right? I'll lose my man card."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you've got a permanent membership, Mr. Donovan. No one can ever take that away from you."

He pulled her out of the flow of traffic, tugging her hips into his. "Ms. Bishop, you're not implying something vulgar, are you?"

She leaned closer and let her breath chase over his ear, knowing that he'd shiver at the feeling. "Absolutely not. It's not vulgar." She brushed her lips against his ear. "It's gorgeous."

Jamie growled before he let her go. "How about the Ferris wheel?"

"Can you handle that, big guy?"

"Stop trying to flatter me."

Olivia grinned at him over her shoulder and set off toward the Ferris wheel. "That wasn't supposed to be flattery."

"Sorry. You said *big guy.' That's all I heard."

When they reached the Ferris wheel ten minutes later, her cheeks ached from laughing. What was it like to be Jamie, so carefree and easy? So confident and cheerful? She relaxed into the rocking seat with a sigh of happy relief.

The first high turn was a frightening thrill, but after that the ride turned peaceful. She laid her head on his shoulder and watched the city rise and fall before her. At the very top, the breeze was brisk and cool, but Jamie's arm was pure heat draped around her. She felt as if she could simply curl into him and fall asleep.

On their fourth rise to the top, the wheel slowed to a stop, leaving them stranded in the sky as more passengers boarded. Silence settled over Olivia and Jamie, as if time had stopped and left them rocking.

"This is nice," he said, his thumb stroking her shoulder. "It's beautiful."

It was. The setting sun had dipped behind a bank of clouds, leaving them with a perfect view. Olivia looked out over the city, to the mountains beyond, and she thought of leaving it behind. She could simply get in her car and drive. Through the mountains, across the desert, all the way to the ocean. And that didn't scare her. Not at all.

The night before, she'd lain in bed for hours, poking and prodding at her psyche, trying to puzzle out her fears. And it had finally hit her.

"Jamie," she said softly.

"Hmm?"

"I told you I never wanted to be a teacher."

"You're good at it, though."

"Maybe, but I never wanted it. Ever."

The wheel began to turn again, pushing them toward the mountains, then sinking them to the ground.

"You wanted to work at restaurants?" he asked.

"Yes. I grew up around restaurants. My parents were investors, and over the years, they were partners in several places. We went out to eat constantly. But the part I always liked best was before the restaurant opened. The excitement of the new idea. The brainstorming and planning. Watching as an empty space was made into something beautiful. The thrill of opening day, all of it sizzling with the risk of failure. That was what I wanted."

"So, what happened?"

She shrugged. "I went to school in Virginia, just to get away from my parents. Typical teenage stuff. *They don't understand me. They never will.' I just wanted to be far, far away. I worked at restaurants to support myself, trying my best to get jobs with places that were just starting up. Six years later, I'd finished my master's and fallen head over heels in love."

"With Victor."

"Yes." The wheel reached the top again, and they fell in a slow circle. "And he didn't need a wife who worked fourteen-hour days, seven days a week. His career was important. He needed support. So, instead of sinking money into a small business, we bought a house, and I took a job teaching."

"You gave it up."

"I did. All of it."

"You can start over," he said. "That's what I'm doing. Trying to get to what I really want. Trying to make up for...other things."

"Do you ever feel trapped? Like there would've been something better for you if you weren't obligated to your family?"

Jamie let his head fall back. He stared up into the tangle of metal spokes above them. "No. Mostly I just wish things were different for us. I wish my brother could tone it down. I wish I'd gotten my shit together earlier. I wish I hadn't... I wish my parents hadn't died. But I like what I do. I don't feel trapped." He lifted his head and looked at her. "You don't have to feel trapped, either. You're not trapped."

"I've spent so many years teaching. I've invested my whole professional life in it. How can I walk away from that?"

"You just do. That's what walking away means, doesn't it? Leaving something important behind?"

"It would take years to start again." She managed a smile. "Gwen thinks I should just move to Hawaii and find work at a school there. I have to admit, it's a good idea."

"Really? I kind of thought you'd hang around here."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of leaving until we finish your plans."

"Oh." He flashed a quick smile. "Thanks."

The earth rose more slowly toward them this time. They were coming to a stop. "I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I don't know why I dumped all that on you."

"I don't mind."

"There's nothing fun about playing therapist though, is there?" She felt his gaze on her, but when she turned her head, he looked away.

"It's no big deal."

Olivia shifted, uncomfortable with his sudden silence. "Hey, do you want to talk about your competitive research now?"

"No. But thanks."

Olivia was relieved when they rocked to a stop and an attendant opened the door. She hadn't experienced Jamie unhappy before, and she wasn't sure what had happened. The talk about his family and his parents, probably.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked once they were back on solid ground.

"Yes." She touched his arm as he turned away. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he answered. He winked and took her hand, and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ferris wheel too much for you, after all?"

"I'm a little shaken up."

They strolled down a walkway, heading for the blank spot past the trees that signaled the acres of parking lots. "Thanks for listening, Jamie."

"I'm good at it," he said, but he was still a little distant, and discomfort prickled over her skin.

"I'm sorry I brought up your family."

He let her go, his hand sliding free, and Olivia felt as if she was going to be swept away, back to her old life, where she jogged every morning at six and never, ever had dirty sex in front of a mirror. Jamie folded his arms and looked out over the rows of cars. "It doesn't have to only be fun all the time."

"What doesn't?"

"This. You can talk to me about your life. We can discuss things that have nothing to do with the brewery or sex."

"I know that. It's just that...our arrangement-"

"Arrangement?"

"You know." Her face burned. She didn't want to say aloud that he was giving her sex in exchange for help with the brewery.

"Olivia, I know you're buttoned up and business-oriented, but I'm not. This isn't an arrangement."

"You said you'd help me with-"

"I meant as friends or lovers or whatever you want to call it."

"It's semantics, Jamie. I'm not saying you don't like me at all, but I'm not the kind of woman you'd normally date."

"What the hell do you know about who I normally date?"

"Oh, come on. How many thirty-five-year-old straitlaced divorcees have you dated? You're a twentysomething bartender. Women travel from all over town just to pay for the chance to flirt with you. Hot women. College girls. Women with breasts who wear low-cut jeans and go skinny-dipping every week." She glanced down the walk to be sure no one was near and lowered her voice. "Tell me I'm wrong."

She wasn't wrong, she knew that, but Jamie looked furious. His mouth was so flat and hard that it looked like it had never cracked a smile, much less a grin. His jaw jumped in a tense rhythm. And his eyes...all the warmth had left them, and the green now looked like pine in the dead of winter.

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that as an insult."

"You didn't mean it as an insult? What was it? A compliment?"

"Neither. It's just...true."

"That I'm an immature, womanizing, beer-slinging kid who sleeps with any drunk college girl who flashes her cleavage at me?"

"That is not what I said."

"What about the part where I agreed to sleep with you if you pay me in restaurant-planning help? Is that what's true?"

She reached toward him. "Jamie-" He started to pull away. A shriek of laughter stopped her movement, and Olivia stepped back as a herd of teenagers tumbled past them. Jamie glared at the cement beneath his feet while Olivia just stood there helplessly, wondering why it had seemed like a good idea to have this conversation. And now she could feel that current growing stronger, pulling her away from him, back to what she'd been before. She'd ruined it.

The last teenager finally sprinted past, trying to catch up to the others.

Olivia's heart had dropped and pressed all the air from her chest, but Jamie's whole body seemed to expand when he breathed in. After a few moments, he blew all the air out on a slow sigh. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I shouldn't have gotten so worked up."