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THE POLICEMAN'S LOT.

When a felon's not engaged in his employment Or maturing his felonious little plans.

His capacity for innocent enjoyment, Is just as great as any honest man's Our feelings we with difficulty smother When constabulary duty's to be done: Ah, take one consideration with another, A policeman's lot is not a happy one!

When the enterprising burglar isn't burgling, When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime, He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling, And listen to the merry village chime.

When the coster's finished jumping on his mother, He loves to lie a-basking in the sun: Ah, take one consideration with another, The policeman's lot is not a happy one!

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AN APPEAL.

Oh, is there not one maiden breast Which does not feel the moral beauty Of making worldly interest Subordinate to sense of duly?

Who would not give up willingly All matrimonial ambition, To rescue such a one as I From his unfortunate position?

Oh, is there not one maiden here, Whose homely face and bad complexion Have caused all hopes to disappear Of ever winning man's affection?

To such a one, if such there be, I swear by Heaven's arch above you, If you will cast your eyes on me,-- However plain you be--I'll love you!

EHEU FUGACES--!

The air is charged with amatory numbers-- Soft madrigals, and dreamy lovers' lays.

Peace, peace, old heart! Why waken from its slumbers The aching memory of the old, old days?

Time was when Love and I were well acquainted.

Time was when we walked ever hand in hand; A saintly youth, with worldly thought untainted, None better-loved than I in all the land!

Time was, when maidens of the n.o.blest station, Forsaking even military men, Would gaze upon me, rapt in adoration-- Ah, me, I was a fair young curate then!

Had I a headache? sighed the maids a.s.sembled; Had I a cold? welled forth the silent tear; Did I look pale? then half a parish trembled; And when I coughed all thought the end was near!

I, had no care--no jealous doubts hung o'er me-- For I was loved beyond all other men.

Fled gilded dukes and belted earls before me!

Ah, me! I was a pale young curate then!

A RECIPE.

Take a pair of sparkling eyes, Hidden, ever and anon, In a merciful eclipse-- Do not heed their mild surprise-- Having pa.s.sed the Rubicon.

Take a pair of rosy lips; Take a figure trimly planned-- Such as admiration whets (Be particular in this); Take a tender little hand, Fringed with dainty fingerettes, Press it--in parenthesis;-- Take all these, you lucky man-- Take and keep them, if you can.

Take a pretty little cot-- Quite a miniature affair-- Hung about with trellised vine, Furnish it upon the spot With the treasures rich and rare I've endeavored to define.

Live to love and love to live You will ripen at your ease, Growing on the sunny side-- Fate has nothing more to give.

You're a dainty man to please If you are not satisfied.

Take my counsel, happy man: Act upon it, if you can!

THE FIRST LORD'S SONG.

When I was a lad I served a term As office boy to an Attorney's firm.

I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor, And I polished up the handle of the big front door.

I polished up that handle so successfullee That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

As office boy I made such a mark That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.

I served the writs with a smile so bland, And I copied all the letters in a big round hand.

I copied all the letters in a hand so free, That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

In serving writs I made such a name That an articled clerk I soon became; I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit For the Pa.s.s Examination at the Inst.i.tute.

And that Pa.s.s Examination did so well for me, That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip That they took me into the partnership.

And that junior partnership, I ween, Was the only ship that I ever had seen, But that kind of ship so suited me, That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

I grew so rich that I was sent By a pocket borough into Parliament.

I always voted at my party's call, And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.

I thought so little, they rewarded me, By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Now, landsmen all, whoever you may be, If you want to rise to the top of the tree, If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool, Be careful to be guided by this golden rule-- Stick close to your desks and _never go to sea_, And you all may be Rulers of the Queen's Navee!

WHEN A MERRY MAIDEN MARRIES.

When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right and nothing's wrong!

From to-day and ever after Let your tears be tears of laughter-- Every sigh that finds a vent Be a sigh of sweet content!

When you marry merry maiden, Then the air with love is laden; Every flower is a rose, Every goose becomes a swan, Every kind of trouble goes Where the last year's snows have gone!