"Check your purse," Rei orders my mom. "She needs an epi."

I reach out, and the boundaries of my body are permeable to me now. It's as simple as pulling someone's hand out of a mitten.

"No!" she wails as she pops out for the second time. "Anna, please! Please don't do this to me!"

The echo of Rei's voice reminds me what is mine.

"Sorry!" I apologize for the last time as I scramble in and ...

Oh! Oh! I don't remember the first allergic reaction I had when I was four because I left fast, and I didn't come back until it was over, but this is ...

... agony!

I desperately want to duck back out of here and tell her she can have my body. I've been free for so long that being stuffed back inside my body feels like I'm trapped in a sarcophagus and buried alive. There is no air in here, something I've taken for granted not needing for the past week, but I need it now, need it badly, and there is none. The itching from the hives is excruciating, and there's so much chaos within my body, it's nearly impossible to get the vibrations to merge. I feel her clawing at me, trying to get a grip on me to yank me out, and I stretch out fast, latch my discarnate fingers into my flesh fingers as best as I can and try to hold on, but all I want is to let go and fly away from all this pain.

I feel myself losing consciousness. Somewhere above me there's a loud buzz and spinning lights and voices sound so very ... very far away. Rei's voice is a mantra, begging me to "holdonholdonholdon...."

The pain is sudden and sweet in my thigh, and a rush of chemical energy floods through my body, giving me just enough strength to ...

... vomit. Except my esophagus is still swollen and it feels like I've inhaled some of it. I'm wasting all my precious oxygen trying to cough it out, but there's nowhere for it to go.

There's a commotion around me involving people who hold my head and force my mouth open, then they shove something down my throat and I panic and fight against it because it hurts, but everyone is stronger than I am right now. Rei's voice is there somewhere begging me to hold still and it sounds like he's crying.

And then there is air, sweet beautiful wonderful air.

I try to open my eyes, but they feel puffy and through thin slits I see the ceiling above me is filled with unfamiliar faces. It occurs to me that everyone from the courtroom has probably filled the hallways to rubberneck as I'm loaded onto the stretcher and carried out to the ambulance. I hear Rei say he's coming with me in the ambulance and some guy tells him, no, he's not, and then Rei's voice gets that same dangerous tone he used with Jason Trent and he says, "Yes. I. Am."

And then I hear someone with that polished television kind of voice asking questions that are n.o.body's business, and my mother's voice says, "Her name is Annaliese Rogan, and she is the only eyewitness."

CHAPTER 35.

In the emergency room, they won't let Rei in to see me right away, not until they evaluate my risk for a biphasic reaction, which is, in plain English, a second reaction that's even worse than the first. This is when I know my sense of humor is back because I laugh in the doctor's face with my floppy lips and tell him nothing could possibly be worse than throwing up on the six o'clock news.

They let my mom in, though, and she is full of nervous energy, fluttering all around and driving me batty. She's completely worked up about my reaction, which was probably even scarier than the first time this happened since this time we had an audience of about a hundred people and a television camera.

After a while, they decide to admit me for one night. They wheel me down the hall in plain view of the normal people who are just visiting and can't help staring, so I pull the sheet up over my head and let everyone on the elevator wonder if I'm dead. My mom comes into my hospital room long enough to get me settled, then she leaves to get some lunch and check messages from work.

It takes a long while to settle back into my body after so much time away. It feels squishy and uncomfortable now, and heavy, like I'm made out of lard. I keep wondering why my arm is so sore until I remember, oh yeah, hideous tattoo. I'm still really itchy and puffy and my throat hurts from the stupid tube they shoved down there. I entertain myself by trying unsuccessfully to get the a.s.sorted studs out of my ears, tongue, and nose, but even if I didn't have these stupid acrylic nails on my fingers, my manual dexterity is still way off since I haven't worked all the way back into my fingers. I work on the tongue stud first, which is a royal pain because it has some sort of screw-on backing to it, and I feel like I have lobster claws instead of fingers. I have about half the studs out of my ears when I hear a knock at the open door.

"Anna?" Rei's voice sounds so tentative.

When I look up, he looks so tentative, as if maybe he's intruding or he thinks I might be mad at him. Even though I can no longer fly, I launch myself off the bed and three steps later, I feel his arms around my waist and my feet swing out from under me as he spins me halfway around.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry when I saw him, but that's a lost cause now. It sounds like he's crying, too, so it's okay. At some point during all these tears, he lifts me up, just like he did Taylor and carries me over to the bed. I'm dreading the moment he'll plunk me down, just like he did Taylor, but he doesn't. Instead, he sits and leans back against the pillows, holding me in his lap. "I'm sorry," he says over and over into my hair. "I am so sorry!"

"Stop it!" I cry into his damp shoulder. "No more sorries!"

He leans back so we are eye to teary eye and whispers, "You said it was risky, but I thought you were exaggerating because you were scared I'd get caught. G.o.d, Anna," he chokes back a sob, "they were pulling out the defibrillator in the ambulance. They didn't think you were going to make it."

"But I did make it. And you couldn't have known how bad it would be. Even I didn't know for sure what would happen this time." I look him straight in the eyes so he knows I am fine. We are fine. Everything is fine now.

"I should have listened to you," Rei persists. "Yesterday when I kissed her, I thought I could knock her unconscious by pressing on her carotid artery, but it was taking too long and I was afraid she'd figure out what I was doing. I thought the peanut b.u.t.ter cups would be..."

"Shhh," I hug him tightly. "It's over, Rei; it all worked out. Don't second-guess it."

He hugs me back and his shaky sigh of relief seems to blow away the top layer of his sorrow. We sit like this for I don't know how long, and all I can think is how good it feels to be touched again. His neck smells sweet and his breath warms my cheek. Every now and then, he rubs slow circles on my back or brushes his chin against my hair, as if he wants to make sure I'm really here.

Even before I was trapped outside my body, the only person who really touched me was Saya. My father never touched me unless it was to grab my arm and squeeze. My mom always seemed to have fresh lipstick on when she was leaving, so I didn't even get a goodbye kiss from her most of the time. Rei limited himself mostly to those affectionate squeezes around the back of my neck.

But when Rei and I were much younger, we were all over each other the way kids are, totally unconcerned with boundaries. We used to wrestle, tickle each other mercilessly, use each other as a pillow or a footstool. Before Saya was born, Yumi used to give Rei back rubs to get him to sleep, so of course, we used to give each other back rubs, too. Rei taught me games: with our fingers we would draw treasure maps on each other's backs with an X to mark the spot, or he'd draw giant concentric circles on my back that gradually got smaller and smaller until he would pretend to pull a string from the center of the circle and it would feel as though the very core was being pulled from my body. One day when we were about eleven, Yumi walked into Rei's bedroom and found us both shirtless, me straddling Rei's backside with a handful of lotion. To say she was not very happy is an understatement. The two of us got a long lecture about how we were getting older now and what const.i.tutes appropriate behavior between young men and women, and that her Boswellian Body b.u.t.ter was very expensive and not to be played with. After that, it was as though Yumi put a fence between us.

I realize now how much I've missed him, not just during the past week but for the past five years. Even though he was right next door, it felt like some part of me was missing. Rei is the yang to my yin, not my opposite, but a complimentary force that balances me out. Right now, I just want to align myself with him, to stretch out on the bed and pull him over me like a blanket. Right now, there is no other place I want to be.

But nothing lasts forever. Eventually Rei runs his hand up and down my bare calf, which I hope Taylor took the time to shave this morning. "Are you cold?" he asks, and he squeezes my bare foot. "You are-your feet are freezing! Didn't they give you any socks?"

"Socks? What socks?" I say and hope he doesn't see the plastic bag containing one pair of fuzzy but hideous gray no-skid socks I tossed on the vent underneath the window. I change the subject. "Want to help me take out the rest of these studs?"

"Sure. As soon as you get under the covers and warm up your feet. And yes, you do need socks. You don't want to walk on the hospital floor with bare feet. Who knows what you'll catch."

What would I do without Rei to point out all the dangers I overlook? "I missed you," I confess as I slide off his lap and under the blanket.

"I missed you, too. Did you get that tongue stud out?"

"Yes, that took forever with these stupid nails." I wiggle my fingers.

"I bet. Let me see..." Rei tucks my hair behind my ear and gently pries the back off the first stud. "Well, at least she didn't put gauges in."

"No, but she pierced my belly b.u.t.ton. I discovered that when I went to the bathroom."

Rei grins. "Do you need me to get that out, too?"

"Um, no. Actually, I thought I'd leave that one in."

Rei stops mid-earring. "Really?"

I grin at him. "Kidding."

"Oh. Not that you couldn't leave it. I mean..."

"Too late. It's out."

"Oh." Rei pries the back off another earring. "So ... not to get you worried or anything, but do you think Taylor's still around somewhere?"

Okay, so everything is not fine. I don't answer him right away because I'd like just a few more seconds of blissful denial, but Rei is right. I was a little too busy to notice, but I doubt the light appeared this time because I didn't die and Taylor was already dead. She's obviously still stuck in this dimension and she could be hovering in the corner of the room right this minute for all we know.

"Anna?"

"Yeah, I heard you. Even if she's not here now, I'm sure she'll show up at some point." I tell him as he pulls the last earring out of my ear. Oh! It feels so good to scratch without all that hardware in there.

"Careful, you don't want to make it bleed." Rei takes both of my hands and sandwiches them between his. I try to wriggle my hands free, but he's got me in one of his ninja finger locks. "So I know you sometimes pop out during dreams, but is there any way you can control that? I mean, what if she gets back into you?"

"Those are two very good questions. And I wish I had..."

My mom hurries in without knocking, twinkling with cheeriness. As soon as Rei stands up to greet her, I scratch my ear quick. My mom looks surprised to see the pile of earrings sitting on the tray.

"What are you doing?" she looks from me to Rei.

I have about four seconds to figure out how I'm going to spin this past week. The only logical thing that comes to mind is to just pretend I remember nothing after I fell off my desk chair.

"I'm trying to figure out why I'm in the hospital," I blurt out. "The last thing I remember is falling off my desk chair and now I'm in the hospital with my ears all pierced. What happened?" Rei grins at me behind my mother's back.

"Oh, honey," she hurries over to the bed to hug me. "I missed you!" This revelation surprises me after all the fun my mom had at the mall with Taylor and everything they have in common. "I was so worried about you, sweetheart. You were not at all yourself. You don't remember piercing your ears?"

"No."

"Do you remember getting a tattoo?"

"Tattoo! When did I get a tattoo!" I don't dare glance at Rei because I won't be able to keep a straight face.

"Oh, baby," my mom hesitates. "Do you remember hitting Daddy with a bottle?"

"I did what? Why would I do that? Is he okay?"

"Well," her eyes fill with tears. "They ran some tests on him when they first brought him in, and it's probably a good thing you ... did what you did, honey, because they found out his liver is badly damaged. If he kept drinking at the rate he was going, the doctor says he might not have lived much longer."

Oh. I might not be crazy about the guy, but I don't wish him dead. "But he'll be okay now?"

She sniffles. "Well, it's strange. When they changed his bandage this morning, they noticed the gash on his head is healing much faster than they expected. They took more blood this morning, so we'll have to wait for the results to come back to see if his liver counts show any improvement."

I think of last night and the energy I shared with my father. This is the same energy I use to get rid of Rei's headaches, but even though Rei claims I'm better than aspirin, it's not something I can see or measure. Could I have had something to do with my father's surprisingly fast healing? While my brain considers this possibility, my mouth goes on autopilot. "So when can he come home?"

"He's got a long road ahead of him, honey. It will be a while before they let him come home, but when he does, we need to be supportive."

I hate to suggest this, because the thought of a big k.u.mbaya with my parents and a therapist just makes me cringe, but I think it's time to admit my family has some serious issues to deal with. "Maybe we all should go in for some family counseling."

"I think that's a good idea, honey."

At about six thirty, after Rei has all but played airplane with me to get me to eat my dinner, Yumi, Robert, and Saya show up. As soon as h.e.l.los are exchanged, my mom makes an excuse to go visit my father, but something was off in the way my mother and Yumi greeted each other. There's some underlying tension there I can feel, but I can't quite figure it out. I look at Rei, but he doesn't seem to notice it.

Saya bounces on the bed and plays with the b.u.t.tons that make the bed go up and down while Yumi and Robert murmur little sympathies about my allergic reaction. When she thinks I'm not looking, I notice Yumi looks at me suspiciously, which makes me wonder how much she knows, whether or not she saw Rei and Taylor kissing in the driveway. Eventually, Robert redirects Saya over to the box of rubber gloves attached to the wall. He shows her how to blow them up and release them so they make a loud obnoxious noise as they sail around the room ... and out into the hallway. Saya, Robert, and I find this much more entertaining than Yumi, Rei, or the nurse who marches in and tells everyone that visiting hours are over, even though it's only quarter to eight.

As the nurse hustles them out, Rei reaches over and tickles my bare foot. "Remember what I said about popping out."

Well, that just ruined any chance I might have to sleep tonight. The doctor admitted me for a night of observation, but what if Taylor spends more time watching me than the nurses? If I slip out during a dream and Taylor gets back into me, not only will she testify against Seth, but I'm sure she'll blame Rei for her allergic reaction. I can't let that happen. Fortunately, it's easy to stay awake in this strange bed with all the quiet beeps and dings I hear coming from the hall, and every few hours, a perky nurse comes in to stick a thermometer in my mouth.

By the time my mom and Rei take me home the next morning, the swelling in my face has gone down almost completely. I cannot wait to get these acrylic nails off, but first I want to change my clothes because my mom brought me one of Taylor's shirts and those stupid red thong underwear to wear home from the hospital.

Inside my closet and my dresser drawers, all I can find is Taylor's stuff.

"Mom!" I holler. "Where are all my clothes?" Especially my normal underwear and my favorite hiking boots that cost me six weeks' worth of pay.

"You packed them up in trash bags and told me to get rid of them," my mom calls back from the linen closet where she's looking for nail polish remover with acetone in it.

"No, no, no! Please tell me you didn't throw them out!"

"They're still in the garage."

"Yes!"

Rei squeezes the back of my neck. "I'll get them," he offers.

While he's doing that, I use my arm to sweep all of Taylor's makeup off my dresser and into the trash. Her expensive iPod Touch is sitting there, too, along with a bunch of her jewelry, and I wonder what I'm going to do with that now. Oh, c.r.a.p! And where's that box of condoms? I need to get rid of those before my mom finds them!

"Here you go," Rei plunks two bulging plastic trash bags on the floor.

"Bless you!" I rip open a bag and hug an armful of my clothes, even though they smell like garage.

After I've changed into white cotton bikini underwear, jeans, a T-shirt, and one of Rei's hand-me-down hoodies, Rei and I sit at the kitchen table while I soak my fingers in a bowl filled with nail polish remover. I want to talk to Rei about Seth and what I'll tell the district attorney, because as far as I know, I still have to testify, but my mom parks herself at the table with us, so we limit the conversation to how much acetone stinks and the headaches we are both getting from it.

"So, Rei," my mom says in the same aspartame voice she uses when she's trying to sell someone a house with a radon mitigation system, "your mom and I were talking and she's a little concerned that you and Anna might be ... dating."

I would sc.r.a.pe his chin up off the table, except both my hands are busy right now.

"Not that I have a problem with you two dating because I've always thought you two would make a cute couple," she points out.

"Mom!"

"I wasn't sure if you'd remember or not, honey, so I thought I'd bring it up."

"Mom!"

"Because Rei, your mom saw you two kissing in the driveway the other..."

"MOM!" How do I make this woman stop talking? "Don't worry about it! We're not dating."

"Anna, honey, Yumi is just concerned about Rei's hectic schedule and she wants to make sure he's not distracted while he's applying to colleges. I'm sure you understand that."

I turn to Rei. "Am I distracting you?"