"I did, but shit, don't just assume every girl is coming on to you."

"She had the eyes!" Benji exclaimed in his defense.

"For the coat, which by the way, that is a snazzy coat," Vaughn commented, and Benji let out a long, annoyed breath. But yeah, it was a nice coat. A pea coat, to be exact.

"Thanks, but I really thought she wanted me."

When both of the guys shook their heads, Benji felt like a kid. Where the hell did his game go? He used to be smooth. Used to have all the girls chasing after him in school.

That is until Ava Donaldson moved to the little suburb in south Chicago where Benji had grown up.

She was gorgeous, long, flowing, blond hair and bright blue eyes. One look, that's all it took, and he was in love. It was that simple. They dated all through middle school, stayed together after she developed a body that had Benji in knots, and stuck it out through senior year. And when it was time for them to graduate, Ava found out she was pregnant. Big shock. His family was worried and so was he, but then he was okay with it. He knew he wanted Ava for the rest of his life; he wanted kids, he loved her, so he married her and they were happy.

But being a young rookie in the big leagues, he soon fell to the lure of drinking when on the road with his boys. It wasn't a big deal at first, but then it got worse. He had to drink all the time, and no matter how many times Ava tried to leave him, she never followed through. She stood beside him and loved him, even when he didn't deserve it. She cared for their daughter and for him, and he'd wanted to do right by her, he did.

But he never got the chance.

One bad decision was all it took to take her and his beautiful Leary from him.

Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, the ache of loss burned in his chest as he sat in the middle of the burrito place. He had hit rock bottom after he lost them, he even lost his spot on the Rangers-but somehow, he found his strength. He cleaned up. But in a way, he knew he would never be happy again. How could he? He lost his loves, his everything. And while it had been twelve years since everything had happened, nothing could ever cure the ache in his heart from the loss of them.

He truly believed he didn't deserve to be happy and it was his fault they were gone. Yet, a part of him wanted to be happy. He wanted what Jordie had, but he wondered if maybe this was God's punishment. Sobered up, but never able to have that happiness ever again. He took for granted what he had, fell victim to the temptation, and now he was alone.

It was sort of depressing and really deep to be thinking about at Chipotle with his buddies.

"I think you want to get laid so bad, you're jumping the gun," Vaughn said, stealing his attention.

"I'm fine," Benji threw back at him. "I don't know what happened."

"Weirdo," he accused, shaking his head. "Maybe you should hire an escort or something. Someone to knock your socks off and get your jitters out."

Giving Vaughn a deadpan look, Benji shook his head. "I'm good. She just reminded me of Ava, and it fucked with my head or something."

His go-to excuse.

Saying that caused an eerie silence to fall over the table. Benji was honest, told his buddies the truth about his late wife and daughter. It was sad and it sucked, but he owned up to his mistakes.

"You do that a lot, though, bro," Jordie said slowly, and leave it to him to notice that. "And I get it, but, dude, you gotta stop using them as a crutch. You have to be happy."

He was right. Problem was, Benji didn't know how to do that.

It was scary, putting himself out there when, for so long, he had been alone. He didn't know how to love anyone; he wasn't even sure he could anymore. Maybe his heart had died with Ava and Leary. He wasn't sure, but man, he wished he could try again. That he could figure out how to be normal around the opposite sex. It was easy with his buddies' wives. Probably because the Assassins had the best wives in the league. All of them so sweet and inviting, but man, they meddled. All of them tried to hook him up with everyone they knew. He went out with whomever they fixed him up with, and every single time, he never got a call back. Even when he thought the date went great, they never called.

Maybe he was a bad date.

"Yeah, I don't know," Benji said slowly, feeling like a loser. "Maybe it won't ever happen, you know? Maybe I'm meant to be alone."

Vaughn grinned, his eyes flashing with laughter. "Which is fine. I mean, I love my single life, but, dude, you gotta get laid."

He was right. Benji craved a woman like he did the smell of the ice, but it just never worked out. He wasn't sure what he was doing wrong, or maybe he did.

"You gotta stop telling everyone your business. No one needs to know that you're a sober widower. I mean, it's on your eHarmony profile," Jordie accused and Benji shot him a confused look.

"You looked at my profile?"

What a joke that profile was anyway. He did it just to get Jordie and his wife, Kasey, off his back. Usually, the girls who contacted him on there only wanted his money. He didn't want that, for obvious reasons. Half the time, he didn't even go on the site. He was still paying for the subscription, though.

He should cancel that.

Vaughn laughed as Jordie shrugged. Running his finger along his beard to clean off the burrito lingering behind, he pinned Benji with a look. "I had to. Kasey said her friend wanted to go out with you until she read it. You basically tell your whole life story. You got baggage, dude, which is cool. A girl out there won't mind, but reel her in first and then unload the baggage. You can't do it on the first date."

"That's not fair to them, though. I want to be honest," he explained but they both weren't satisfied with his logic. He thought he was being fair. He didn't want someone getting involved with him and then finding out later that he was a sober guy who lost his family in a shitty car wreck he should have died in too.

"Whoa, what happened to just getting laid?" Vaughn gave them both a look and Jordie scoffed. "You don't need to be honest to get laid, bro. It's one night, not forever."

"He wants a relationship, dude," Jordie stressed, shaking his head. "But maybe you should just get some. Maybe it will help. Hell, I don't know. We've been trying to get you laid for a year and it isn't working."

Giving them both a dry look, Benji glanced down at his half-eaten burrito. "You guys are too concerned with my love life."

"Because you talk about it all the damn time," Vaughn accused and Benji scrunched his face up.

"I do not!"

"Okay, maybe not all the time. But, dude, I'm going out, getting some ass, and instead of getting some ass, you go back home to watch Game of Thrones. It's pathetic."

Giving him a dull look, Benji held his chin high. "Um, I've moved on to Supernatural, thank you."

"For fuck's sake, again?" Jordie balked and Benji looked back down.

"What? It's a good show."

"That won't get you laid!" Vaughn roared, causing everyone to look at their table. Benji knew they were right. He needed to get out of the house, go out and meet people, but TV was easy. No one could judge him at home. It was him and the TV. No one to pity him. It was easy...but it was lonely. Very lonely.

"BP, what do you want, dude?" Jordie asked then, bringing his gaze up to Benji's. "I mean, do you want to be with someone? Or are you cool with how life is going?"

He wasn't and he didn't have to answer for Jordie to know that. They had been friends for a long time now. They knew each other's darkest secrets-the perks of both being addicts. If there were perks... But, whatever, Jordie knew Benji.

He knew Benji wanted to be happy again.

"I'm saying this as your friend. Stop using Ava and Leary as your reason for not putting yourself out there. I'm not saying to forget them, you couldn't even if you tried, but you can't keep using them the way you do. I really don't think you realize how much you use them as a shield."

Looking away, Benji sucked in a breath and let it out. He did know.

"If you want to be happy, if you want what all of us have--"

"Not me, I don't have anyone 'cause I don't want them," Vaughn added and Jordie rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, then go get it, dude. You're a good dude, any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Wow, you sounded really gay there," Vaughn mocked, but Jordie ignored him, holding Benji's gaze.

"You know what I mean?"

And he did. It scared him, though.

Because, in the years since he laid Ava and Leary to rest, he hadn't found anyone who could spark even an ounce of the happiness they sparked inside of Benji.

But, if he was honest, he hadn't really been looking. He had gotten so used to feeling sorry for himself, he didn't know how to get what he wanted. On the ice, no problem, he fought to the point of exhaustion, but that was the player he was. He knew how to handle hockey, he knew how to win at that-but life, he kind of sucked at that. He had no fight. Probably because he had nothing to fight for.

God, he was pitiful.

And this wasn't the man he wanted to be. It was time to change.

"You're right."

"I know. It happens a lot. Ask my wife, she'll tell ya," Jordie said, flashing his pearly whites.

"You forget I know your wife very well, and she wouldn't say that at all," Benji teased back as his phone rang. Jordie laughed as Benji reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out. Looking at the screen, he saw it was the new captain of the Assassins, Jayden Sinclair. He liked Jayden, strong leader and cool dude. He was young, but the kid could lead like no one he had ever seen. They had formed a good friendship, especially now that they played on the same line together. He respected the guy.

"Hey, Cap," he answered as both Vaughn and Jordie started to eat the food that had been forgotten while they all discussed Benji's love life.

Or lack of one.

Whatever.

"BP, I need a favor." He sounded desperate.

Benji laughed. "Should I be scared?"

"Eh, that's debatable. And if, after this, you want to kill me, I fully understand."

"Oh, shit, what?" he asked, even though he knew he'd do it. That's the way the Assassins team worked. They helped each other. No matter what. Their boss, Elli Adler, was a prime example of that. She went above and beyond the role of owner of the Assassins. She was their friend, and they all followed her example.

"So I volunteered to help Adler out with his hockey team. But Baylor's appointment got pushed back, and now we have to meet with another specialist, and, well, I'm not gonna make it."

"Okay, I'll go," Benji said. He knew all about Adler's hockey team that he had retired to coach. He loved his kids and he wanted to coach them. Benji would do the same if he had a family. "No big deal."

"Thanks, man, really. But it's more than that." Again, he sounded very nervous, which kind of made Benji nervous.

"Okay?"

"My niece, Angie, is playing on the team. I'm supposed to meet my sister at four thirty to get Angie ready for the ice. I know you've never met her, and this is a lot to ask, but can you help her out-on and off the ice?"

"Yeah, no problem," he said without hesitation. Jayden had made it seem like way more than that.

"Okay, awesome, but one thing..."

"Yeah?" he asked, and why was Jayden so nervous?

"My sister can be a bitch, and she's gonna be pissed I'm not there. But I know if I tell her I can't be there, she won't take Angie, and Angie really wants to play. So I'm not gonna tell her, and if she attacks you since you're the messenger, I'm really fucking sorry. But, man, Angie is awesome and you'll love her, if that makes it any better. Did I mention the team is a bunch of seven- and eight-year-olds? Girls. They are girls. All girls. Are you sure?"

He said it all so quickly that Benji couldn't help but laugh.

"Dude, it's no big deal. I love kids, and I doubt your sister is that bad."

When Jayden didn't answer right away, the only noise coming from him one of hesitation, Benji would have been lying if he said he wasn't a little nervous, but also intrigued.

How bad could this chick be?

"Can I just apologize now?"

Hm. That bad?

That should make him not want to go, but Benji wasn't normal.

Instead, he was kind of excited.

Or a glutton for punishment.

Who knew?

"What's her name?"

"Lucy. She's tall, thin, green eyes, brown hair, and she has permanent resting bitch face. She'll look pained." Before Benji could ask why that was, Jayden went on. "Listen, gotta go. Thanks, bro, call me afterward."

"No problem." He hung up then, and as he leaned back in the chair, he found that he still wanted to know why Jayden's sister would look pained. He knew he shouldn't care. He hadn't even met the chick, but for some reason, he wanted to know.

What was up with that?

Why was Lucy in a group text with her brothers? She hated group texts, she did, but for some reason, she was in one with her brothers. As each chime of her phone sounded, it only made her realize how much she really hated the ongoing messages.

Jude: Is anyone else weirded out by the fact Mom is getting married again?

Jace: Hey, at least we won't be married to our sister. Can't say the same for Jayden.

Jayden: Fuck you, and it is weird. That's my wife's dad.

Jace: You might want to get used to calling her your sister-wife.

Jude: Ewwww, Jay is doing his sister! Haha Jace: Maybe you guys can go on that TLC show? You know, make some money for your unfortunate situation.

Jayden: Get real, how old are we? And the only unfortunate (which by the way, I'm surprised you can spell that) situation is that I'm related to you losers.

Jace: Hey, I wents to skool.

Jayden: Yeah, we can tell.

Lucy: OMG! Leave each other alone and can we not be immature children about this? Just be happy for her and Jayden's stepdad?