More stupid, dumb-ass feelings.
No, she needed to stay away from him. Far away.
She wasn't sure how that was going to work, but she'd figure it out. She would.
Or she'd probably end up in bed with him again.
It would go either way.
God, was she a whore?
Before she knew it, an hour had passed and she'd convinced herself she was the scum of the earth when Rick pulled up. Reaching for the tennis shoes she had grabbed out of her apartment, she put them on. She got out as Angie ran toward her, hugging her tightly.
"I missed you," she said against Lucy's stomach and she cringed. She should have showered. Did Angie smell him? Ew, stop thinking that!
"I missed you more, baby," she said, squeezing her tightly. "Tell your dad bye and then get in the car. I tried to leave you a spot, but it's tight."
Angie made a face, looking from the car to her. "Why is all our stuff in the car?"
"I'll tell you on the way to Grandma's," she said sadly before Rick came to a stop in front of her.
"Living out of your car? Not sure how that makes me feel. Maybe I should take her back with me."
Maybe you should go fuck yourself, is what she thought, but now wasn't the time for that. "She's fine," she said stiffly as Angie gave him a half hug.
"Bye, Dad."
"Bye, love bug," he said with a grin, but neither of them was impressed as Angie took her bag and got into the car. Looking to Lucy, he made a face. "You look like shit. Sleep in your car? Isn't that the dress you had on yesterday?"
Lucy rolled her eyes, exhaling a long breath. "Listen, two things. I don't want to fight with you, and I'm not going to. I'm going to say what I need to and then I'm getting in the car and leaving. I don't have time or patience for the whirlwind of dicks you like to throw at my face, okay?"
He scoffed at her, a condescending grin on his face. "I'm excited."
"Yeah," she said, letting out a breath.
"Wait, before you start running that mouth," he said, interrupting her. She glared. "Who's this Benji fucker? That's all Angie kept telling Nina about. Is he that coach? The one all up in my business?"
His name made her heart flutter. Swallowing hard, her face went red. Did Rick suspect she slept with him? Shit. No. That was silly. No one knew. Well, except Avery and Benji, but still. Stop being crazy! "Yeah, he's one of her coaches. He also plays on the Assassins with Jayden."
"Loser. Who wants to coach kids?"
Her eye twitched. Yes, she had thought the same thing, but Rick had no clue who Benji was. It surprised her but also worried her how easy it was to defend him. "Obviously, someone who likes kids."
"Or a pedophile."
Her body shook with anger all of a sudden. What the hell? "You don't know him. He's a good dude, really good with Angie," she spat back. But then she pressed her lips together.
Rick scoffed. "What, you fucking him like you fuck everyone else?"
She bit into her lip. Hold it in, Lucy, hold it in. Do not point out that he is the cheating fucking bastard who broke up your marriage. Sucking in a deep breath, she said, "Anyway, did Angie tell you she doesn't want to dance anymore?"
He crossed his arms over his chest. As he looked at her, like she always did, she wondered why in God's name she had chosen this fucker to have sex with. He wasn't who she'd thought he was. He wasn't as attractive as he used to be, and now she wanted to puke at just the thought of having put his dick in her mouth. Why couldn't Benji have been around then?
Ugh! Stop thinking of him.
"She said something, but I'm pretty sure you told her to say that."
She gave him a dubious look. The sass was there. She could have said something to be really shitty, but instead, she held his gaze. "Like I said, she doesn't want to do it."
"So you don't deny it?" he snapped and she glared.
"I told you I'm not fighting with you. I don't have it in me. Just please, don't force her to do it. She hates it. She has the grace of an elephant, and you know it!"
"Whatever. Nina is amazing at it. They are sisters," he said simply, his brown eyes dark and cutting.
"Half sisters. And Angie is not Nina," she bit out, her eyes blazing. Angie was fucking better, damn it. "Oh, and another thing. Angie said that when she's at your house, you favor Nina over her. I get it. You're with her twenty-four seven, you're married to her mother, but I can't have our daughter feeling like she doesn't matter when she's at your house. So can you please be a little cautious of that?"
That pissed him off, his chest puffing up as he took a step toward her. "She feels like that because you spoil her and I discipline her. I'm always the bad guy."
Because you're a dick. Sucking in a breath, she held his blazing gaze. "She is not spoiled, and I do discipline her. I'm just letting you know what she said."
"Yeah, and you probably coached her to do it. But you know what? You're right. I don't get enough time with her. Maybe we should change that."
That made her blood run cold. "We have a parenting plan."
"Which is shit. I get her every other weekend. I want more."
Calmly, which surprised her, she said, "You agreed to what we have."
"And maybe I want to change it. Maybe we should go week to week."
And just like that, Lucy flew off the handle. Hey, she tried.
"Oh, fuck no," she roared, her body starting to shake. "We aren't zoned for the same school. She loves where she is at. She's comfortable and they honor her 504 Plan perfectly. We can't shake up her world, Rick. She has to have consistency."
He glared. "This ADHD shit is a crutch you use to keep her all to yourself. She probably doesn't even have the damn ADHD. You're probably making it up."
"If you went to one fucking appointment with me, you'd know! But you didn't. I have no reason to lie. I have nothing to hide. I am a good fucking mother, and you know it."
"What the fuck ever, Lucy. It's your fault I don't have a relationship with my daughter."
Fucking douche.
Closing her eyes, she took a cleansing breath as she shook her head. She wanted to say she was too tired for this, but she'd had a great night's sleep and felt alert, so really, she just didn't have time to deal with stupid. It would go nowhere. He was a fucking idiot. "I'm not agreeing to an altered custody agreement, and if you want to fight me, get a lawyer."
"Maybe I will," he said sharply and she nodded.
"Okay, then," she said, turning and going to the car.
When she reached her car, her hand on the handle, he shouted, "You're a fucking worthless piece of shit, you know that? I just want more time with my kid. You're only hurting her."
She ignored him. Only because Angie was watching her. Damn it. Hopefully, she didn't hear much. Opening the door, Lucy got in quickly and shut the door with more force than needed. With a shaky hand, she started the car and looked into the rearview mirror, meeting Angie's gaze. "Hey, baby."
"Hi, Mommy."
"I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Did you have fun with Nina?"
Angie smiled. "I did. We played all weekend."
"Good, no problems?"
"Nope, Dad yelled at me about dance, but I just ignored him."
Her heart sank. "So you told him you didn't want to dance?"
"Yeah, and he told me why can't I be like Nina? I told him I wasn't her and that was that."
Lucy nodded. "We'll get it taken care of. Don't worry."
"Okay," she said slowly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, don't you worry." Lucy forced a smile.
"Then why are all our things in the car?"
Heaving a deep sigh, she backed out of the parking spot and started for her mother's. "Funny story."
But it wasn't funny.
Not even a chuckle.
No, it was a clusterfuck.
But even with all that, even with Rick's threats, there was a little curve to her lips.
A curve Benji had caused. But as soon as she realized it, she stopped.
Because the thing with Benji just would never work out.
It just wouldn't.
But when Lucy got to her mom's, it was not that hard not to smile.
Because her safe haven, her childhood home, well...most of it, was lying on the front lawn.
"What is going on?" Angie asked as they parked and Lucy shut the car off. "Did the house blow up?" Her voice was full of panic as Lucy threw the door open.
"Calm down, baby. I think they're fixing something," she said as Angie came beside her, pushing the door open and then taking Lucy's hand. "Mom?" Lucy called out, and seconds later, her mother, clad in her painting clothes, emerged, a mask on her face.
As she lifted her mask, her eyes were full of confusion. "Lucy? Baby, what are you doing here? You should have called. We are knee-deep in gutting the house. I don't want Angie to step on a nail. Honey bear, be careful, please."
Gutting? Just then, River appeared, waving happily at them. "Hey, girls! Angie, guess who's excited for your first game on Saturday?"
Angie grinned. "You?"
"Duh!" He laughed, and Lucy wanted to laugh, she did. River used to be so quiet, so to himself unless he was yelling at the boys on the ice, but now, he was animated. He was funny and he got along with Angie effortlessly. "What are you guys doing over? It's dangerous for Angie here, Lucy."
"I see that," Lucy said, on the verge of tears as he came down and stepped over the rubble. He reached for Angie, who went willingly to him. "What are you guys doing?"
"Did Autumn not tell you?" he asked, looking back at her mother as she came down the stairs, gobbling Angie up in her arms as she took her from him.
"I think I forgot to tell her. But I told Avery, probably because I call that girl twenty-four seven to make her talk to me."
"Mom, that's not okay," Lucy said, looking back at her. "Leave her alone. But really, what is going on here?"
"We are gutting the house. Gonna make our room into one huge bedroom with a sitting area, and then we are gonna add on a suite for when you kids come to visit and expand the kitchen. We are doing the gutting ourselves to save money. The contractors come in tomorrow," River said, looking all proud of himself. Any other day, she might have been proud of him too.
But not today.
"So my room is gone?" Lucy asked, her throat thick.
"Yeah, but you don't need it, baby. You have your own place, don't look so sad," she said, reaching out to pat Lucy's face, but she moved out of her reach. "Lucy Lane?"
But Lucy just shook her head. "Actually, I do need it. But, whatever, it's fine. Come on, baby," she said to Angie, turning to leave, but Autumn stopped her.
"Lucy, what's wrong?"
"Lucy, you've got us worried. Tell us," River demanded, and it was crazy how much he had become a father figure to her. That wasn't right, was it? At twenty-six, having a new father figure? But he was, and Lucy couldn't talk for fear she'd start crying. But where was she going to go? Could she expect her child to live in a hotel? That wasn't stable for her, and she had to give her stability. Damn it, this was worse than she thought. She thought she could come home. Crap on a cracker. What was she going to do?
"Our apartment is broke. A water pipe busted," Angie said, and her mother's eyes widened.
"What happened? Can you not stay there?" River asked and Lucy shook her head, explaining what was going on. When she finished, a tear ran down her face but she quickly wiped it.
"It's fine. I'll figure something out."
"No, you'll sleep here. We'll figure it out," Autumn said desperately.
"It isn't safe, Autumn, not for Angie," River said, shaking his head. "Well, hell, we need a plan, huh, girlie?"
"Yeah, because we're homeless," Angie said simply, and Lucy swallowed back more tears.
"We're fine, don't worry. I've got this."
But she didn't.