"What under the sun wuz you hangin' round and preachin' to a Emperor for? I believe you would dast anything."

"I hope I would," sez I, calmly, "upheld by Duty's ap.r.o.n strings." I wouldn't have it knowed in Jonesville for a dollar bill that right there in the Emperor's palace Josiah demeaned himself so, but he did say:

"I don't want to hear any more about them infarnal strings."

And a gorgeous official looked round at him in surprise and rebuke.

Well, we didn't stay a great while after that. We walked round a little longer through the magnificent rooms, and anon we met Arvilly.

She wuz lookin' through a carved archway at the distant form of the Emperor and unfastenin' the puckerin' strings of her work-bag, but I laid holt of her arm and sez:

"Arvilly, for pity sake help me find Robert and Dorothy." She turned with me, and my soul soared up considerable to think I had already begun to help the powers and lighten their burdens. And pretty soon the rest of our party jined us, and we returned home to our tarven.

CHAPTER x.x.xIII

Miss Meechim wanted to visit Carlsbad, the great Bohemian watering place. She said it wuz a genteel spot and very genteel folks went there to drink the water and take the mud baths. And so we took a trip there from Vienna. It is only a twelve-hours' journey by rail. Our road lay along the valley of the Danube, and seemed to be situated in a sort of a valley or low ground, till we reached the frontiers of Bohemia, but it wuz all interestin' to us, for novelty is as refreshin' to older ones as to children. Cheerful, clean-lookin'

little villages wuz scattered along the way, flourishin' orchards and long fields of gra.s.s and grain, and not a fence or hedge to break the peaceful beauty of the picture.

Anon we entered a mountainous country with blue lakes and forests of tall pine trees and knowed we had entered Bohemia. We see gypsy tents anon or oftener, for what are gypsies but true Bohemians, wanderers at will, hither and yon.

Josiah mentioned the idee of our leavin' the train for an hour or two and havin' our fortunes told by a real gypsy, but I told him _sotey vosey_ that my fortune come along about as fast as I wuz ready for it, and I didn't know as I wanted to pay these swarthy creeters for lyin'

to me. And he didn't contend for it, for which I wuz thankful.

All along the way we see shrines with the faces of our Lord and Mary and Joseph lookin' out of 'em. And anon a little hamlet would appear, a meetin'-house with five or six dwellin' houses cl.u.s.tered round it like a teacher in the midst of half a dozen scholars. Flowering shrubs and fruit trees almost hid the houses of the quiet little hamlets, and then we'd go by a village with forty or fifty houses, and as I told Arvilly, in all these little places so remote from Jonesville and its advantages, the tragedy of life wuz goin' on just as it did in bigger places.

And she said she wondered if they drinked; sez she, "If they do there is tragedies enough goin' on."

Bohemia is a country of orchards. I should say there was fruit enough there so every man, woman and child there could have bushels and bushels of it to spare after they had eat their fill. Even along the highways the bending trees wuz loaded with fruit. A good plan, too, and I told Josiah I would love to introduce it into Jonesville. Sez I, "How good it would be to have the toil-worn wayfarers rest under the shady branches and refresh themselves with good fruit."

And he said "He didn't want to toll any more tramps into Jonesville than there wuz already."

And I spoze they would mebby find it too handy to have all the good fruit they wanted hangin' down over their heads as they tramped along--I d'no but it would keep 'em from workin' and earnin' their fruit.

Anon the good car would whirl us from a peaceful country into mountain scenery, huge ledges of rock would take the places of the bending fruit trees, and then jest as we got used to that we would be whirled out agin, and see a peaceful-lookin' little hamlet and long, quiet fields of green.

In the harvest fields we see a sight that made me sad and forebode, though it seemed to give Josiah intense satisfaction. We see as many agin wimmen in the harvest field as we did men, and in Carlsbad we see young girls carryin' brick and mortar to the workmen who wuz buildin'

houses. I thought as I looked out on the harvest fields and see wimmen doin' all the hard work of raisin' grain and then havin' to cook it after it wuz made into flour and breakast food it didn't seem right to me, it seemed as if they wuz doin' more than their part. But I spozed the men wuz off to the wars fightin' and gittin' killed to satisfy some other man's ambition, or settlin' some other men's quarrels.

Josiah sez, smilin' happily, "Wouldn't it look uneek to see Philury mowin' in our oat and wheat fields, and you and Sister Bobbett rakin'

after and loadin' grain and runnin' the thrashin' machine?"

"Yes," sez I, "when I foller a thrashin' machine, Josiah Allen, or load a hay rack it will look uneeker than will ever take place on this planet, I can tell you to once."

But Arvilly sez, "Don't be too sure, Josiah Allen's wife; with three wars bein' precipitated on our country durin' one administration, and the conquered contented regions havin' to be surrounded by our soldiers and fit all the time to keep 'em from laughin' themselves to death, you don't know how soon all of our men will be drafted into the army and we wimmen have to do all the farm work."

"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is so, and you would be a crackin' good hand to pitch on a load of hay or mow away, you are so tall."

"And you," sez she with a defiant mean, "would be a good hand to put in front of the battle field; you're so short, the b.a.l.l.s _might not_ hit you the first round."

She put a powerful emphasis on the "might not," and Josiah looked real agitated, and I sez:

"Such talk is onprofitable, and I should advise you, Josiah, to use your man's influence to try to make peace for the country's good, instead of wars for the profit of Trusts, Ambition, etc., and you can escape the cannon's mouth, and Arvilly keep on sellin' books instead of ploughin' and mowin'."

Robert Strong and Dorothy enjoyed Carlsbad the best that ever wuz. I don't think they sot so much store by the water as they did the long mountain walks. Everybody here becomes a mountain climber. The doctors here agree that this exercise is a great means of cure, and they make the climbing easy and delightful. There are over thirty miles of good roads over the mountains and around Carlsbad, and as you climb upwards anon or even oftener you come to pretty little pavilions where you can rest and look off onto the delightful scenery, and every little while you'll come to a place where you can git good refreshments to refresh you.

The Sprudel, or Bubbling Well, bubbles over in a stream of almost boiling hot water five or six inches in diameter. It is so hot that you can't handle the mugs it is served in with your naked hand, you hold it by a napkin and have to take it a little sip at a time if you don't want to be scalded.

Josiah had disputed with me about the waters being so hot. He said it didn't look reasonable to him that bilin' hot water would flow out of the cold ground, and he knowed they had told stories about it. "Why,"

sez he, "if it wuz hot when it started it would git cooled off goin'

through the cold earth."

But I sez: "They say so, Josiah--them that have been there."

"Well," sez he, "you can hear anything. I don't believe a word on't."

And so in pursuance of his plan and to keep up his dignity he wouldn't take a napkin with his mug of water, but took holt on't with his naked hand and took a big swaller right down scaldin' hot.

He sot the mug down sudden and put his bandanna to his mouth, and I believe spit out the most on't. He looked as if he wuz sufferin' the most excruciating agony, and I sez:

"Open your mouth, Josiah, and I will fan it."

"Fan your grandmother!" sez he. "I didn't like the taste on't, Samantha; it most sickened me."

But I sez: "Josiah Allen, do you want some liniment on your hand and your tongue? I know they pain you dretfully."

Sez he, smilin' a dretful wapeish smile: "It is sickish tastin'

stuff." And he wouldn't give in any further and didn't, though I knew for days his mouth wuz tender, and he flinched when he took anything hot into it.

As I would look dreamily into the Bubblin' Well I would methink how I do wish I knowed how and where you come to be so hot, and I'd think how much it could tell if it would bubble up and speak so's we could understand it. Mebby it wuz het in a big reservoir of solid gold and run some of the way through sluice ways of shinin' silver and anon over beds of diamonds and rubies. How could I tell! but it kep' silent and has been mindin' its own bizness and runnin' stiddy for over six hundred years that we know on and can't tell how much longer.

Exceptin' in the great earthquake at Lisbon about a hundred and fifty years ago, it stopped most still for a number of days, mebby through fright, but afer a few days it recovered itself and has kep' on flowin' stiddy ever since. It wuz named for Charles IV., who they say discovered it, Charle's Bath or Carlsbad. His statute stands in the market-place and looks quite well. Carlsbad has a population of twenty or thirty thousand, and over fifty thousand people visit Carlsbad every summer to drink of the waters. Drinking and walking is what the doctors prescribe and I d'no but what the walking in the invigorating mountain air does as much good as the water. The doctor generally makes you drink a gla.s.s about seven in the morning, then take a little walk, then drink another gla.s.s, and another little walk and so on until about eight, when you can go to the Swiss bakery and get the zwiebach or twice baked bread, which is handed you in a paper bag, and then you can go to some cafay on the sidewalk and get coffee or tea and boiled eggs and make out your breakfast. No b.u.t.ter is given you unless the doctor orders it. That madded Josiah and he said they kep'

it back because they wuz clost and wanted to save. He is a great case for b.u.t.ter.

And then after resting for an hour, you go for a walk up the mountains, or if you are too weak to walk, you can get a cart and a donkey, the driver walking alongside; up the shady paths you will go, resting anon or oftener at some pleasant summer house or cafay. At one you have your dinner, you can get it anywhere along your way or go back to your tarven for it; Josiah and I generally went back and got our dinner at the tarven and rested for a while. After dinner, folks generally go for another walk, but Josiah and I and Tommy used often to go to the Sprudel Corridor and listen to first-rate music or to a garden concert nigh by.

It wuz a sight to set in the Sprudel Corridor and see the crowds of people go by, each one bearin' a little mug in their hands or strapped over their shoulders. All sorts of lookin' folks, handsome and humbly, tall and short, thick and thin, thousands and thousands of 'em a-goin'

every morning for their drink and walk, drink and walk. There are six or eight little girls at each of these springs who hand the water to the guests and they have to work spry to keep 'em all supplied.

It wuz a remarkable coincidence that royalty so soon after havin' the advantage of a interview and advice from Josiah Allen's wife should agin have the privilege of listenin' to her invaluable precepts. But not so remarkable when you come to study on it philosophically. For it seems to be a law of nater that if one thing happens, another similar thing follers on and happens too, such as breakin' dishes, onexpected company, meetin' royalty, etc., etc.

I wuz settin' alone in the Sprudel Corridor one day, for my pardner had gone with Tommy to see a little donkey that had took the child's fancy and we meant to let him have a ride up the mountain on it and the rest of our party had driv out to Mentoni's Spring, about two milds from Carlsbad.

I see a real sweet pretty girl coming along carrying her little mug just like the rest of the folks. She wuz attended by a good-lookin'

lady, who seemed to be looking out for her, and I hearn a bystander say:

"That's the Queen of Holland."