Peter was a man with a past. He was no one special; he was just a fisherman, and a rather rough, crude one at that. Peter was bold and not afraid of change, but he also had many faults. In Matthew 16:22-23 we see Peter trying to correct Jesus. In Matthew 26:31-35 we see that Peter thought more highly of himself than he should have. He had a pride problem and saw himself as better than other men. In Matthew 26:69-75 it is recorded that Peter denied even knowing Jesus.

Once Peter realized the depth of his sin, he wept bitterly, which showed that he had a repentant heart (v. 75). G.o.d is merciful and understands our weaknesses. In Mark 16:1-7 we learn that when Jesus sent a message to His disciples that He was risen from the dead, His messenger, the angel, especially mentioned Peter by name saying, "Tell the disciples and Peter, He goes before you into Galilee" (v. 7). I can just imagine the joy Peter felt when he was told that Jesus had sent him a personal message. Peter had been included in G.o.d's plans for the future even though he had a past record of foolishness and failure. Peter had denied Christ, and yet he became one of the best-known apostles. Peter could have spent his entire life feeling bad about his denial of Jesus, but he pressed past that failure and became valuable to G.o.d's kingdom. He had so much Holy Ghost power that when his shadow fell on people, they were healed (See Acts 5:15)!

G.o.d promises to forget our past mistakes.

G.o.d is willing to forgive those who make mistakes, but they must be willing to receive His forgiveness. They must also forgive themselves. G.o.d promises to forget our past mistakes (See Jeremiah 31:34). Stop remembering what G.o.d has forgotten!

JACOB.

Jacob was a man with a past. He had been a schemer, a trickster, and a swindler. He was a liar. He was also selfish and sometimes downright cruel to others. He took advantage of people in order to get what he wanted. Jacob took advantage of his brother Esau's weak state and stole his birthright. He lied to his father, pretending to be Esau in order to receive the prayer of blessing that belonged to the firstborn.

The Bible teaches that we reap what we sow (See Galatians 6:7), and sure enough the time came in Jacob's life when he received treatment from his uncle Laban similar to what he had given others. Laban cheated Jacob, who wanted to marry Laban's daughter Rachel, promising him he could do so if he worked seven years as payment for her. After his seven years of labor were completed, Jacob expected to receive Rachel but was given her sister Leah instead. He was then told he would have to work another seven years for Rachel. I am sure Jacob felt deceived, cheated, and unfairly treated. He probably failed to remember that he had treated people the same way on several occasions. Yes, we reap what we sow. What goes around, comes around.

Eventually, Jacob experienced a change of heart. He became tired of running and hiding from Esau. Jacob finally left everything he had and returned toward his homeland. On the way, he began to wrestle with G.o.d. He was determined to receive a blessing from G.o.d no matter what it cost him. G.o.d changed Jacob's name, which meant trickster, schemer, and swindler, to Israel, which meant contender with G.o.d (See Genesis 32:27-28). Jacob went on to become a great leader and man of G.o.d. He had a past that could have easily labeled him a failure, but once he faced it and repented of it, he also had a future (Read about Jacob in Genesis 25-32).

RUTH.

Ruth was a Moabitess. She worshiped idols, and yet she decided to serve the one true G.o.d and as a result ended up in the direct bloodline of David and Jesus. (See the book of Ruth and Matthew 1:5).

RAHAB.

Rahab was a harlot, and yet she helped G.o.d's people and, like Ruth, ended up in the bloodline of David and Jesus (See Joshua 2 and 6 and Matthew 1:5).

PAUL.

Paul had a past. He persecuted Christians and yet became the apostle who received two-thirds of the New Testament by direct revelation and was taken into the third heaven where he saw glories he could not even describe (See 2 Corinthians 12:1-4). When handkerchiefs and ap.r.o.ns were taken from his body and placed on the sick, the sick were healed (See Acts 19:11-12). That is a powerful anointing! It certainly does not seem that Paul's past affected his future.

MATTHEW.

Matthew had a past; he was a despised tax collector who became one of the twelve disciples (See Mark 2:14).

The past you are dealing with could be the past of ten years ago or the past of yesterday, but the past is the past! Paul said in Philippians 3:10-15 that letting go of the past was one thing he worked diligently to do. Feeling condemned about the past is failing to accept G.o.d's forgiveness of it. Feeling that your past can adversely affect your future is refusing to let go of it. G.o.d is still G.o.d, and He can work good out of anything, if we give Him an opportunity to do so by believing! All things work out for good to those who pray, love G.o.d, and want His will in their lives (See Romans 8:28 KJV).

YOU WILL SUCCEED IF YOU REFUSE TO STOP TRYING.

Did you know Abraham Lincolna"who was probably one of our greatest presidents, if not the greatesta"lost several elections before he was elected president of the United States? As a matter of fact, he tried to get elected to public office so many times and failed so often that it's hard to understand how he could ever have the nerve to run for president. Yet, he dida"and won.

Did you know Thomas Edison once said: "I failed my way to success"? He refused to quit trying, and he finally invented the light bulb, but he had two thousand failed experiments trying to invent it before he succeeded. A person like Edison who will not give up is an individual of strong character.

Did you know the material used to manufacture Kleenex tissues was originally invented as a gas mask filter during World War I, but it failed? Since it didn't work, the inventors tried making a cold cream out of it to use in taking off makeup, and it failed again. They finally hit upon a success when it was repackaged as a disposable handkerchief, and now Americans buy two hundred billion Kleenexes a year. It started out as two failures, but somebody said, "I refuse to give up!"1 Failure is part of every real success because failing our way to success humbles us.

I personally believe failure is part of every real success because failing our way to success humbles us. It is a vital part of G.o.d's being able to use us effectively.

Charles Darrow set a goal when he was in his twenties; he determined that he was going to be a millionaire. This isn't all that unusual today, but back then, it was extremely unusual. Charles lived during the Roaring Twenties, a time when a million dollars was an enormous sum. He married a woman named Esther, promising her that one day they would be millionaires. Then tragedy struck in 1929a"the Great Depression. Both Charles and Esther lost their jobs. They mortgaged their house, gave up their car, and used all their life savings. Charles was absolutely crushed. He sat around the house depressed until one day he told his wife she could leave him if she wanted to. "After all," he said, "it's clear that we're never going to reach our goal." Esther wasn't about to leave. She told Charles they were going to reach their goal, but they would need to do something every day to keep the dream alive.

What she was trying to tell Charles was this: Don't let your dreams die just because you made a few mistakes in the past. Don't give up just because you tried something a few times, and it didn't seem to work. G.o.d wants you to press on past mistakes. The devil wants you to give up. Progress requires paying a price, and sometimes the price you pay for progress is just to "keep on keeping on" and saying: "I'm not going to quit until I have some kind of victory." Don't be the kind of person whose way of dealing with everything hard is: "I quit!"

Esther Darrow told her husband: "Keep your dream alive." Charles responded: "It's dead. We failed. Nothing's going to work." But she wouldn't listen to that kind of talk; she refused to believe it. She suggested that every night they take some time to discuss what they would do toward reaching their dream. They began doing this night after night, and soon Charles came up with an idea of creating play money. His idea was something quite appealing since money was so scarce in those days. Since they were both out of work, he and Esther had lots of time, and now they had lots of easy money to play with. So they pretended to buy things like houses, property, and buildings. Soon they turned the fantasy into a full-fledged game with board, dice, cards, little houses, hotels . . .

You guessed it. It was the beginning of a game you probably have in your closet right now; it's called Monopoly.

Charles's family and friends enjoyed the game, and in 1935 they persuaded him to approach a game company called Parker Brothers to see if they would buy it. The executives played the game and said: "It's dull, slow, complex, and boring; we don't want to buy it."

Well, Charles persevered. Perseverance is vital to success. We must persevere, be steadfast, keep on keeping on, and refuse to give up. When we do that, we will eventually succeed.

Charles's wife kept encouraging him. Thank G.o.d for the people in our lives who encourage us! He approached Wanamaker's toy store and told an executive that if they would stock the game, he would get a five-thousand-dollar loan and make several of the games because he believed they would sell. The game took off, and suddenly Parker Brothers became interested. The company executives now replayed the game, and this time found it imaginative, fast-paced, and surprisingly easy to master. The game was copyrighted in 1935, and Parker Brothers bought it from Charles Darrow for one million dollars. Charles and Esther's dream came true.2 We love to read success stories like this one, but let us remember that G.o.d wants to do the same type of thing through each of us. He is "no respecter of persons" (Acts 10:34). That means He does not have a few favorite people, and all the rest are left out. G.o.d's principles will work for anyone who is willing to work them. His Word says all things are possible to the one who believes (See Mark 9:23). If we stay positive, keep on believing, and refuse to give up, G.o.d will do something great through all of us.

You are not a failure just because you have failed.

Don't get so caught up in the number of failed attempts in your life that you refuse even to believe you have a future. Remember, you are not a failure just because you have failed. G.o.d sees your worth no matter what; there's no need for any approval but His, and if He can overlook your past, so can you.

In the next chapter I am going to ask you to take a closer look at what it means not only to understand your worth, but to love and approve of yourself.

Chapter 5.

Loving Yourself

The Bible teaches us we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (See Matthew 22:39). What if we don't love ourselves? It renders us incapable of loving others, which is a big problem. The distinguishing mark of Christians is their love walk: I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another.

By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]. (John 13:34-35) People who cannot love and approve of themselves live in tremendous emotional pain. If they don't approve of themselves, they may end up with an addiction to approval from others. G.o.d has not created us for rejection, but acceptance. He accepts us by virtue of our faith in Christ, and we must receive His acceptance by accepting ourselves. People who reject and even hate themselves are doomed to a life of misery and failure.

How do you feel about yourself? Many people don't know how they feel about themselves because they have never taken time to think about it. You should. You do have a relationship with yourself. Actually, you have to be with yourself all the time. You are the one person you never get away from. If you don't like yourself, if you don't get along with yourself, you are doomed to misery.

If you don't believe that is so, all you need do is remember a time when you had to spend a day or longer with someone you absolutely did not like or perhaps even really despised. It was likely a miserable time, one that you would avoid repeating. You need to realize that not liking yourself is essentially fostering those same feelings! As a Christian, you were not made to hate yourself, but to love yourself and to enjoy the good life G.o.d has given you. Since G.o.d loved us so much that He sacrificed His only Son for us, it is rather disrespectful and insulting to Him for us to despise ourselves.

ENJOYING LIFE.

Enjoying life is impossible if we don't enjoy ourselves. You might ask, "Joyce, how can I enjoy myself? I do too many dumb things and make too many mistakes to enjoy myself." Perhaps you don't like the way you look, or your personality, or even one particular feature of your body.

If that is the case, I understand how you feel. For many years I disliked my voice so much I was almost paranoid about it. I actually dreaded opening my mouth and letting someone hear me speak for the first time because I felt my voice was not one a woman should have. If you have ever heard me speak, you know my voice is very deep for a female. Quite often when I make phone calls, people who don't know me think I am a male. They call me Mr. Meyer. There were times when that made me angry, embarra.s.sed me, and added to my feelings of insecurity.

The interesting thing is that my voice is what G.o.d is using most. He has chosen to use me in a media ministry where my voice is heard in most of the world daily. G.o.d can take what we think is a flaw and do great things with it. As a matter of fact, He delights in doing just that. As we have seen, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses; He shows Himself strong through what we would discard as having zero value.

Make a decision today to develop a new and more positive att.i.tude toward yourself.

What don't you like about yourself? Be specific; take an inventory and make a decision today to develop a new and more positive att.i.tude toward yourself.

Jesus died so we could have life and enjoy it (See John 10:10). Living with daily self-rejection, or even self-hatred, is a horrible way to live. We project to others what we feel about ourselves. If we want other people to have a good opinion of us, we must begin by having a good opinion of ourselves. Most of the time people don't love and approve of themselves; therefore, they seek from others what they should be getting from G.o.d, which is a sense of being valuable and lovable. When they don't get from other people what they seek, they feel rejected, and the negative feelings they have about themselves increase. This type of negative self-att.i.tude is an open door for Satan. According to the Bible, he looks for those whom he may devour (See 1 Peter 5:8). People who don't know how to love themselves in a balanced way are a gourmet meal for the enemy.

A BALANCED ATt.i.tUDE.

A fear of being prideful may keep a person trapped in an att.i.tude of self-abas.e.m.e.nt. The Bible does teach us not to have an exaggerated opinion of our own importance (See Romans 12:3). We are to estimate ourselves according to the grace of G.o.d, knowing that our strengths come from Him and make us no better than others. We all have strengths and weaknesses! The Word of G.o.d says He gives gifts unto men, and He chooses who will receive what gifts (See 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). We cannot simply select what we want to be good at.

Knowing our gifts come from G.o.d, we are not to critically appraise or look down on someone who is unable to excel at the same things we do. We definitely need to avoid pride: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18). Pride is very dangerous. Many great men and women of G.o.d have fallen into sin due to pride.

Don't fall into the trap of pride, but don't go to the other extreme and think that self-rejection, self-hatred, and selfabas.e.m.e.nt is the answer. Instead, seek to be what I call an "everything-nothing" persona"everything in Christ and nothing without Him. Jesus Himself said, "Apart from Me . . . you can do nothing" (John 15:5). Be confident, but remember the strength that comes from confidence can quickly be lost in conceit. It is vital to remain humble. I know I can do nothing of any real value unless Christ is flowing through me. He deserves all the credit and glory for any good work that manifests through us. The apostle Paul said, "I know that nothing good dwells within me" (Romans 7:18). In and of ourselves we can claim nothing good. Only G.o.d is good, and whatever good thing comes from us is merely a manifestation of His working through us (See Matthew 19:17). Don't fail to give G.o.d the credit for your successes.

When people compliment me, as they often do, I graciously receive their kind remarks and promptly lift them up to the Lord. I tell Him that I know exactly what I am without Him and that He is truly the One Who deserves the compliment. G.o.d shows Himself strong in those who are humble enough to allow Him to do so. Although we ourselves are nothing, we are vessels for Him to flow through: However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in (frail, human) vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from G.o.d and not from ourselves. (2 Corinthians 4:7) CRACKED POTS.

G.o.d works through jars of clay, or what I often call "cracked pots." This means we are flawed, so when people look at us and see amazing things happening, they know it must be G.o.d at work because it certainly could not be us. I believe anyone who really knows me does not have any difficulty realizing the work I am doing in the earth today certainly must be G.o.d at work in and through me. They give Him the glory, not me, because they see my imperfections and know my limitations. G.o.d chooses the weak and foolish things on purpose so no mortal can have pretense for glorying in His presence (1 Corinthians 1:2729).

Imagine a pot with a lamp in it and a lid on it. Even though it may be filled with light, no one can see the light within it. Yet if the pot is cracked, the light will shine through the cracks. In this same way, G.o.d works through our imperfections.

Can you love a cracked pot? G.o.d can! It is G.o.dly to love yourself in a balanced, healthy way. It is unG.o.dly to reject and despise yourself.

SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

The Word of G.o.d instructs us to desire peaceful relations with G.o.d, with ourselves, and with our fellow man (See 1 Peter 3:11). It actually says we are not merely to desire them, but to pursue and go after them. It stresses the importance of having good relationships in all three areas. I like to say that the Bible is a book about relationships. It has a great deal to say about our relationship with G.o.d. Everything starts with the development of our relationship with the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. We are to be at peace with G.o.d and experience His love. G.o.d's Word also talks extensively about our relationships with other people. Teachings on love, proper att.i.tudes, serving others, and giving abound in the Bible. The Bible also teaches us about the importance of having a proper att.i.tude toward ourselves. It teaches us about our relationship with ourselves.

Desire peaceful relations with G.o.d, with ourselves, and with our fellow man.

Do you have a critical, faultfinding att.i.tude toward yourself? If so, you are out of G.o.d's will. Paul refused to sit in judgment on himself, and he paid no attention to anyone else who did judge him: But [as for me personally] it matters very little to me that I should be put on trial by you [on this point], and that you or any other human tribunal should investigate and question and cross-question me, I do not even put myself on trial and judge myself. (1 Corinthians 4:3) Paul was confident in Christ. Because he knew he was made acceptable to G.o.d in Christ, he accepted himself. He also knew who he was in Christ. He knew where he came from, and he knew where he was headed. I am sure Paul remembered his past and how he had vehemently persecuted Christians prior to G.o.d's opening his eyes to the truth. He said himself that he had to make an effort to let go of the past and press on toward perfection. He also clarified that he did not think he had arrived (See Philippians 3:12-14). In other words, Paul did not claim perfection, but neither did he have a bad att.i.tude toward himself. He knew he made mistakes, but he did not reject and despise himself because of them.

The type of confidence we see displayed by Paul is very freeing. It reminds us that Jesus died so we could be free: "So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free" (John 8:36).

G.o.d wanted so much to see His children free and able to enjoy life that He was willing to send His only Son to die in order to insure that freedom (See John 3:16). He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son. The very least we can do is learn to see ourselves the way He sees us, which is precious and valuable. G.o.d would not let Jesus die for a bunch of junk, for people with no value and no purpose. And Jesus would not have given Himself to die on our behalf if we had been of no worth or value to G.o.d. After all, it was Jesus Who gave Himself on our behalf that He might redeem us (purchase our freedom) from all iniquity and purify for Himself a people [to be peculiarly His own, people who are] eager and enthusiastic about [living a life that is good and filled with] beneficial deeds. (t.i.tus 2:14) Are you moping around, depressed, discouraged, and despondent? Do you spend so much time thinking about all of your faults that you have lost your hope and enthusiasm about living a good life? If so, please make a change today. Choose a new att.i.tude toward yourself. Paul had to make that choice, I had to make it, and you must make it also if you want to glorify G.o.d with your life.

G.o.d is not honored by people who have a bad att.i.tude toward themselves.

G.o.d is not honored by people who have a bad att.i.tude toward themselves; in fact, as I said previously, it is downright insulting to Him. If you loved and valued a group of people so much that you were willing to suffer horribly and die for them so they could enjoy themselves and their lives, how would it make you feel if they refused your gift? I hope and pray you are beginning to see what I am trying to say.

Paul said that he pressed on to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus had laid hold of him and made him His own (See Philippians 3:12). He was speaking of the quality of life Jesus wanted him to have. Paul knew that he did not deserve it, but for Jesus' sake he was determined to have it. Can we do any less?

SUPER SHEEP.

I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd risks and lays down His [own] life for the sheep. (John 10:11) Jesus referred to G.o.d's children as sheep, and for a good reason. Sheep are not known to be the most intelligent animals in the world. They need a shepherd. Without guidance and help, they will do things that can even be self-destructive: "All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way" (Isaiah 53:6).

Sheep are stubborn, which is another reason G.o.d uses the a.n.a.logy to describe us. We often choose to do things that will turn out badly for us unless G.o.d intervenes. Sheep actually have many faults, but they don't try to hide them. Their simple willingness to be what they are is one of their few strengths. We try to hide our faults, and the fact that we do becomes one of our biggest problems. G.o.d knows everything anyway, so why do we try to hide anything from Him? We try to be "super sheep," and there is no such thing. The words super and sheep don't even go together.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE LIGHT The light of G.o.d exposes things (See John 3:20 and 1 Corinthians 4:5). When the light is turned on in a room, we can see the dirt and the bugs that begin to scurry. G.o.d is Light (See 1 John 1:5). When He gets involved in our life, He begins to show us things we may prefer not to look at, things we have kept hidden, even from ourselves. We are frequently deceived, especially about ourselves. We prefer not to deal with our faults, nor do we delight in having them exposed. We may feel condemned about them, but at least we feel they are hidden. Anything hidden has power over us because we fear it may be found out. The best and most freeing thing we can do is face up to what G.o.d wants to expose and get beyond the fear of it.

For many years I hid the fact that I had been s.e.xually abused by my father. I saw it as a weakness and something to be ashamed of. I felt as if there was something wrong with me, that I was secondhand merchandise. Because I was afraid of anyone knowing about my past, it continued to have power over me. When the Holy Spirit began leading me to share the details of my abusive past, I would shake violently. I was terribly afraid of my past. What would people think? Would they reject me? Would they blame me or hate me? The devil had lied to me for at least twenty-five years about how people would view me if they knew about my past, so I worked hard at keeping it a secret.

I often told lies about my past and my parents. If someone asked me about my childhood, I avoided mentioning anything that might cause suspicion. But when it was finally brought out into the light, the exact opposite of what I thought would happen took place. People responded with compa.s.sion, not judgment. My testimony began helping others who were also locked in a prison of fear. The more I shared my past, the less power it had over me. G.o.d's light exposed Satan's lies, and the truth made me free.

Most of us want to hide anything we perceive as a weakness or imperfection, but I encourage you to expose everything to the open light of G.o.d's love. We have already seen that G.o.d chooses and uses people with flaws. Refusing to admit that we have them may disqualify us from being used by G.o.d. He wants truth, not deception.

He wants us to be truthful with ourselves, with Him, and with other people: Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). (Ephesians 4:15) When we refuse to embrace and love truth, it will prevent spiritual growth. We are held in bondage by what we refuse to face and deal with. Some things are buried so deep that we don't consciously think about them, but like an infection they are eating away at our life: "Who can discern his lapses and errors? Clear me from hidden [and unconscious] faults" (Psalm 19:12).

I walked away from my father's house when I was eighteen years old. I had planned to do so for many years. I knew when I graduated from high school and was able to get a job and be self-supporting that I would leave. It was the only way I knew to get away from the abuse I had endured for so long. I walked away from the problem thinking it was over, yet not realizing I still had the problem in my soul.

We are held in bondage by what we refuse to face and deal with.

I spent years hiding it, refusing to talk about it or even think about it, but that did not prevent me from having problems related to it. The infection was growing daily into something that was gradually taking over my life. The only way to stop it was to expose it. G.o.d knew that, and He graciously worked with me through His Holy Spirit to do so. He brought the right people, books, and other material into my hands to help me realize I was not alone in my pain. Thousands of people had experienced abuse at the hands of their parents and other relatives and friends.

The Bible teaches us to confess our faults to one another so that we may be healed and learn to love one another (See James 5:16). My father's abusing me was not a fault in me, but I saw it as one. It had to be dealt with. It had to be exposed in order for me to be an emotionally, mentally, spiritually healthy individual. Actually the stress of hiding the abuse was even affecting my physical health.

Many psychiatrists and psychologists become very successful by letting people talk to them about the things that bother them. They also give advice, but the main service they provide is a listening ear and patient privacy. Everyone needs someone to talk to, someone they feel they can be honest with, someone who won't tell their secrets. If you have trouble accepting yourself, pray and ask G.o.d to provide spiritually mature people to be your friends, people you can trust who will listen and understand, but who will also speak truth into your life. Don't just look for someone who will feel sorry for you; you need truth more than pity.

Everyone needs someone to talk to, someone they feel they can be honest with.

G.o.d provided that for me in my husband, but it sure made me angry for many long years. Dave would not come to my "pity parties." He was not mean to me, but he was truthful. I can remember him saying to me, "Joyce, you want me to feel sorry for you, and I am not going to do that because it won't help you." I was trapped in endless rounds of self-pity, and the last thing I needed was someone to feel sorry for me. I thought I wanted pity, but I thank G.o.d now that He gave me what I needed, not what I wanted.

Don't get angry at the people G.o.d provides to be truthful with you. They should speak the truth in love, but they should speak the truth (See Ephesians 4:15 KJV).

A NEW BEGINNING.

When people begin studying G.o.d's Word and learn how to live in the light and not be afraid of it, their lives change for the better. G.o.d knows everything, and He loves you and me anyway, so even if we never find anyone else, we can be totally open and honest with the Lord. He hates pretense, so just be honest. Ask Him to reveal to you anything you may be hiding from or afraid to facea"and then buckle your seat belt. You may be in for the ride of your life. It may be a b.u.mpy ride at times, and frightening at others. You may scream, "Stop the ride and let me off; I can't take any more!" But one thing is for sure; it is a ride that will eventually take you where you want to go, which is to a life that you can enjoy, one that bears good fruit for G.o.d.

G.o.d has revealed so much to me about myself that I am amazed. We think we know ourselves, when in reality we are often hiding, not only from others, but especially from ourselves. G.o.d had to show me many things about myself that were very uncomfortable, things I rejected at first, thinking, "I can't be that way." He showed me I was hard to get along with, controlling, manipulative, fearful, insecure, and hard-hearted. I talked too much. I pretended to need n.o.body, when in reality I was very needy indeed. I acted as tough as a raging lion on the outside, but on the inside I was as weak as a newborn kitten. I blamed my past for everything I did wrong. I made excuses for bad behavior rather than taking responsibility for it. The list is too long to continue, but the good news is that I can now say, "I used to be that way, and I have changed."

As I always say, "I am not where I need to be, but thank G.o.d I am not where I used to be. I am okay, and I am on my way!"

Don't be afraid of your weaknesses any longer. Don't allow them to make you hate yourself. Give them all to G.o.d, and He will surprise you by using them. Give Him all that you are and especially all that you are not. When you do surrender to G.o.d in this way, you will experience a release from those things that burden you. You will be able to live light and free.

Don't let your weaknesses and imperfections embarra.s.s you. You are a human being, so give yourself permission to be one. Love yourself in spite of everything you see wrong with yourself. We all have to deal with our little load of faults and imperfections. Yours may not be the same as someone else's, but believe me, they are no worse. You are going to have them anyway, so you may as well give yourself permission to be imperfect. Accept ita" you are not perfect, and never will be. So if you are ever going to approve of yourself, you will have to do it in your imperfect state.

Give Him all that you are and especially all that you are not.

ENTERING G.o.d'S REST CONCERNING YOUR FAULTS For we who have believed (adhered to and trusted in and relied on G.o.d) do enter that rest. (Hebrews 4:3) I remember when G.o.d told me to give myself permission to be weak. It was very hard for me because I truly despised weakness. I thought weak people got walked on. My mother had been weak. She let my dad abuse her verbally, emotionally, and physically. She let him abuse me s.e.xually. She was too weak to deal with it. She didn't know what to do and could not face the scandal. I never hated my mother, but I did grow to hate weakness.

I did not respect people whom I viewed as being weak. As a result, I could not accept weaknesses in myself. I tried to be tough in all situations. The problem was that I did have weaknesses like everyone else, and trying to conquer all of them was creating major stress in my life in addition to unG.o.dly self-hatred and self-rejection. I suffered greatly trying to overcome every flaw I saw in myself. Even when I did succeed at conquering one, I saw two more.

G.o.d had told me to give myself permission to have weaknesses. I knew I had heard from G.o.d, but it was a major step of faith. I was afraid that if I just accepted weaknesses as a part of life, they would multiply and take over. I had yet to learn that where we stop, G.o.d begins. When we cast our care upon Him, He takes our care and carries it for us (See 1 Peter 5:7). Instead of my weaknesses multiplying and taking over my life, G.o.d began to strengthen me in them. He began to flow through them. Oh, I knew my weaknesses were still in existence, but even that knowledge caused me to lean on Him constantly. My relationship with Him deepened. I was being honest, I was being dependent, and I needed Him without interruption.

When we cast our care upon Him, He takes our care and carries it for us.

G.o.d works in those who believe by making changes on an ongoing basis. In Philippians 1:6 we see He has begun a good work in us, and He intends to finish it and bring it to completion. The Amplified Bible translation of this verse says He will be perfecting His work in us right up until Christ returns. If this work is never going to be completely concluded until Jesus calls us home, then why torment ourselves all of our lives? G.o.d has given us permission to love ourselves as we are. We can enter His rest concerning what remains to be done in our personalities, character, and life. Believing allows us to enter G.o.d's rest.

ALL OF US HAVE A LIMP.

Jacob was a man who had many weaknesses, and yet he pressed on with G.o.d and was determined to be blessed by Him. G.o.d likes that kind of determination. He actually told Jacob he had contended with G.o.d and man, and He would be glorified in him (See Genesis 32:28). G.o.d can gain glory for Himself through those who will not let their personal weaknesses stop Him from flowing through them.

For G.o.d to do that through us, first we must come face to face with the fact that we have weaknesses, and then we must determine not to let them bother us. Our imperfections are not going to stop G.o.d unless we let them do so.