Katja.

He was still talking, but I'd already tuned him out. I should've known this would happen. When I first met Scott I thought we'd hook up a couple of times and then he'd fly back to Washington and that would be the end of it. After the other day, though . . . I'd fooled myself into thinking he might really like me-that maybe this thing had long-term potential. He wasn't my boyfriend, but it was the closest I'd ever come to feeling like someone's girlfriend. Too bad I was only a place-holder, until his real girlfriend came to claim him.

". . . and it's a really great opportunity," he continued. "I'd be a manager for Treasures of Trash, which is a program offshoot of Habitat for Humanity. Basically I'd be going through donated building materials and seeing what can be salvaged for-"

"You should've told me you still loved her," I interrupted.

"What? Who?"

"Isn't that really why you're going back?" I asked. "For Katja."

He shook his head. "Katja's in Austin, but even if she wasn't-"

And that's when it happened. Sarah was standing by the lemonade, pouring herself a gla.s.s, when I saw a tall dark-haired guy come up from behind, throw his arms around her waist, and hug her so tightly her feet came up off the ground. Then he turned her around and started kissing her-really kissing her- with his hands pressed against her starred-and-striped b.u.t.t cheeks.

I knew in a heartbeat that it was her boyfriend, the one Critter thought she'd gotten rid of. Scott was saying something about the job when I jumped up so fast I knocked him in the nose.

"Sorry," I said. "I've got to go."

I had to find Critter before he found her.

The backyard was big but not enormous, so it shouldn't have been too hard to locate him. Especially since he was wearing that ridiculous hat. The problem was that there were way too many people crammed into the s.p.a.ce, and everyone was wearing the same d.a.m.ned colors, so no one person really stood out.

I closed the lid on a cooler and climbed on top, craning my neck until I found him. He was loading up a plate at the finger food station, which wasn't so very far from the lemonade station, where Sarah and her boyfriend were mauling each other. I leapt off the cooler and was jogging over to Critter when he turned and saw them. I knew he did, because he got that deer-in-headlights look on his face. Then he set his plate down, but he put it too far over the table's edge and it fell onto the gra.s.s. He didn't even notice.

He started walking toward them, and I thought about intervening but had a feeling it would make things worse. So I hung back a little, close enough to hear what they were saying, but not so close that Critter knew I was there.

"Sarah," he said.

She ducked away from her boyfriend, wiped the corner of her mouth with the side of her hand, and giggled. "Oh, hi, Critter. This-this is Duncan Mackenzie."

Duncan gave a little wave and said, "Don't I know you?"

"He goes to Haley," Sarah explained. "I met his sister while guarding at the pool and the three of us hung out a bit."

Critter didn't say another word; he just stared at her. "Nice to meet you," Duncan said, but he was looking off into the distance. He must've spotted someone he knew, because he shouted out a "yo," tapped Sarah on the arm, and said, "Looks like Andy Rockwell brought his new girlfriend. We should go say hi and check her out."

She nodded, and as Duncan led her away, she turned to face my brother and mouthed a silent apology. But if she felt bad, she didn't let it faze her, because less than a minute later she was hugging that Andy guy and squealing like a little girl.

Critter still hadn't moved. I went up to him and touched his arm. "Hey," I said.

"What do you know?" He blinked a few times and took off his hat. "Guess I won't be getting any after all."

I knew him well enough to know that right this second s.e.x was the furthest thing from his mind. He'd meant what he'd said before about really liking her.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"No you're not."

"I am," I said. "It was a s.h.i.tty thing for her to do."

He didn't disagree. "Go get your boyfriend. Jess, too. I'll meet you in the car." He took what looked like a ca.s.sette tape from his pocket, dropped it on the ground, and smashed it with his foot as he walked away.

Just like that, the party was over.

My Kingdom for a Kiss.

N o one said anything on the drive home. It was so dark and quiet in the car that I felt like we were leaving someone's funeral instead of what was supposed to be a fun summer barbecue.

At the house, I tried to send Scott on his way, but he insisted we talk.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked. "My summer cla.s.s starts tomorrow, so it's not like we'd have spent that much time together anyway."

"That's not true, and you know it." He reached for my hand but I jerked away.

"Seriously?" I said. "You should go."

"But-"

"I'm fine. Right now I need to take care of my brother."

Inside, Jesse was making a grilled cheese sandwich. "I didn't get to eat," he explained. "You want one?"

"No thanks."

"So," he said, "I guess you were right about the pool bunny, huh?"

Oddly enough, I didn't care about being right. All I kept seeing was that hurt expression on Critter's face- the one that looked exactly how I felt. "I'm going to go talk to him."

Jesse winced. "You think that's a good idea right now?"

"Yeah," I said. "I do."

As I headed upstairs, I could hear one of Critter's favorite Rod Stewart songs-"Broken Arrow." A syrupy ballad at best, but once he'd told me that he didn't mind the cheese, because the song sounded like what he thought love must feel like.

I knocked on the door.

"Go away," he yelled.

He had the song on repeat; I let it play through two more times before knocking again.

"I said go away!"

"I'm not going anywhere," I said. "So open the door."

He swore some, but eventually the lock clicked and the door swung open. Critter flopped back onto his bed. The clothes he'd worn to Sarah's party were in a heap on the floor, except for his cutoffs, which he still had on.

I sat on the edge of the bed. "I really am sorry, Critter."

"Whatever."

"That's my line," I joked. He didn't respond. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope."

"I know things have been weird the past couple of weeks," I said, "but we used to talk about everything. I want you to know you still can."

"No, I can't." He sat up, scooted off the end of the bed, and popped out the CD. "Things are different now."

"Different how?"

"You know."

And I guessed I did know, but I didn't want to. I didn't like the way things were turning out. I wanted it to be like it was before.

Critter plopped down to the floor in front of his bed, his back leaning against the mattress. He started flipping through a small stack of CDs, got disgusted, and pushed them away. I slid off the bed until I was sitting next to him. "I wish we'd never gone to that stupid pool."

"Yeah?" he said. "Me too."

Critter's face was sort of crumpled up, like maybe he was going to start crying, and a strong, clear pain shot through my chest. I didn't want to see him like this. Sad, and so small, like he was that kid I first met in Pappy's Pizzeria all those years ago.

I bent down, slowly, over his bare shoulder, touching my lips to his hot skin. Lingering afterward, breathing on the spot I'd just marked with my mouth. Then I heard his sharp intake of breath and pulled away. Critter scrambled up off the floor and said, "Get out."

"What? Why?"

He pulled on a T-shirt and shoved his feet into the sneakers he'd been wearing earlier. "Fine," he said. "I'll leave."

"Where are you going?" I called after him, but he didn't answer; he kept walking.

It was just one kiss, but I had a feeling it had changed everything.

critter.

I Could Feel the Whole World Turn Around Underneath Me.

I walked away from that house as fast as my feet could take me. I wasn't sure what that kiss had been about, and I didn't want to stick around and find out. The minute her mouth had connected with my shoulder, the only-and I mean only-thing I could think about was the shower incident.

Why couldn't I erase it from my brain?

I half walked, half ran to the Movie King, so that by the time I arrived I was fairly hot and sweaty. I said a silent prayer of thanks when I saw Sh.e.l.li standing behind the register. Without saying a word, I took her hand and led her into the back room, where I slammed her up against a shelf of videos, sending more than a few brown plastic cases crashing to the floor.

Sh.e.l.li didn't seem to mind.

"I've missed you," I whispered.

She sighed softly. "Me too."

We were still kissing and groping when she stretched out her arm to turn the lock on the door. Then she shook out her bright red hair-bottle red, not natural-and slid down to her knees. I wound my fingers through her hair, almost petting her while pressing her slightly closer. It was a move that always, always elicited noises from Sh.e.l.li's busy mouth, and in a few minutes, I was done.

As I pulled up my pants, I reached for a tissue from the desk and handed it to Sh.e.l.li. "Thanks," she said, sitting back on her feet, still on the floor.

"No," I said. "Thank you."

I reached for the door.

"That's it?" Sh.e.l.li asked. "You're leaving? Just like that?"

"Sorry," I said. "Did you want something else?"

I made the mistake of looking into her eyes as I said this. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen the first tears fall.

"Screw you," she said with a sniffle.

"Sh.e.l.li," I said, placing my hand on her shoulder.

She shook it off violently. "Don't you say my name now. "

She was crying harder, really wailing, and I didn't know how to make her stop. I felt like a total s.h.i.t, but as I replayed what had just happened it didn't seem any different from the other times we'd hooked up. When had the rules changed?

"Look," I said. "I never promised to be your boyfriend or anything."

It sounded way nastier than I had intended, and I'm sure my face registered shock even before Sh.e.l.li hauled off and punched me in the groin. I hit the floor with a thunk as Sh.e.l.li grabbed the shelf and lifted herself up.

"Get out of my store," she said, her hands shaking by her sides. "And don't you ever-ever-come back here again."

Farewell.

I'd reached a new low.

From the Movie King I limped across the street to the gas station, looking for a pay phone. It was broken, so I had to cross two lanes of busy traffic just to get to Community Plaza, which, as it turned out, didn't even have any pay phones. I let out a howl, spotted one of those metal newspaper dispenser things, and kicked it as hard as I could.