I let her go, too hurt from her reaction to my confession of love to think clearly right then. What the h.e.l.l? Why was she acting like this? I thought she would be happy that I'd finally told her I loved her.

Motherf.u.c.ker. What the h.e.l.l just happened? I had thought-hoped-that with me finally admitting that I loved that female, she would say the words back. In the beginning, before I'd ruined things between us, she used to tell me she loved me all the time. I knew she'd always wanted me to repeat the words, but I'd been too much of a chickens.h.i.t to give them to her.

Had she felt like this each time she had said those three little words and not gotten them back?

Rubbing at the ache that was burning in my chest with one hand, I reached for her pillow with the other and punched my frustration out on the d.a.m.n thing.

It was just after nine when the cage Ciro had lent us pulled up in front of the hospital in Connecticut. A second one stopped right behind us just as I was getting out and reached in to help Flick out. She didn't say a word as I kept hold of her hand and linked our fingers together before turning to face my brothers.

Colt shot Raider a dirty look before he turned his attention on us and smiled at Flick. "Morning."

She returned his smile and I tried to hold on to my urge to punch my baby brother in the face. Colt looked more like me than our other siblings. Did she have a thing for him?

Clenching my jaw, I tugged her toward the hospital's entrance without speaking to anyone. Flick didn't try to pull her hand away and some of the pain in my chest eased a little. After her shower she had come out of the bathroom acting like nothing had happened. Like I hadn't just puked out the words that had been churning in my gut for years. She'd smiled and kissed me and then gone downstairs to have breakfast with her aunt while I'd taken my own shower.

I had no idea what was going on inside her pretty little head, but if she thought that I was just going to tell her I loved her once, she was crazy. Now that I'd broken the seal and let those three little words free, I wanted to say them over and over again. I wanted to tell her every five seconds. Maybe if I said them often enough, that look of disbelief that had been in her blue eyes would disappear.

Maybe she would return the words and put me out of my misery.

Raider, Colt, and Matt got on the elevator with us and Matt punched in the correct floor. Hawk hadn't answered his phone when I'd tried to call him that morning, but Uncle Jack had so I knew my brother was okay. He was just pa.s.sed out in bed with Gracie. I didn't know how he was going to take the news I'd gotten from Ciro, or what I'd learned from Jenkins when I'd called him after my shower earlier.

With four huge men on the elevator, Flick looked like a kid stuck between us. I pulled her close and wrapped my arm around her. Dropping a kiss on top of her head, I shot Colt a glare, letting him know exactly who she belonged to.

He rolled his eyes at me and smirked, but didn't say a word as the elevator climbed higher.

Finally on the right floor, we stepped off and walked down the hall to the room where we'd left Hawk with Uncle Jack and Trigger to watch over Gracie. Matt took the lead with Raider behind him. I pushed Flick in front of me and let Colt bring up the rear. It wasn't like we thought someone was going to pop out of one of the rooms and s.n.a.t.c.h her, but it had been beat into all our heads to take care of our females.

Especially Raven and Flick.

Uncle Jack was in a chair by the window when we walked in. He looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep but he smiled tiredly at Flick when she moved forward to give him a tight hug. "Hey there, darlin'."

My gaze went around the room. Trigger sat in a hard-looking chair beside the narrow little hospital bed where Hawk was sprawled out with Gracie tucked close around him. My brother looked better than he had the day before. He wasn't pale as death and his breathing was steady as he held onto Gracie for dear life.

Gracie, on the other hand, still looked bad. Her hair was a tangled mess, her face pale and covered in sweat, making me wonder how high her fever was. The heart monitor showed us that her heart rate was high and her breathing looked just as fast. Blood poisoning-or sepsis as Raven had told me when I'd called her last night-was dangerous. It could shut down her entire body because it attacked the organs. The doctor had wanted to admit her into the ICU, but because Hawk and Uncle Jack had refused to leave her side for even a second, the doctor had put her in a private room figuring she would get better faster if she was surrounded by people who made her feel safe.

Because of the gunshot wound, the cops had been called. It was the protocol for those things. We all knew it and had already had the story straight before the first cop started questioning us the night before. We'd stuck to the truth...minus a few details.

Uncle Jack had told the cops that Santino's men had taken his granddaughter because we were rivals back in California. We'd come out to New York to get her back and had found her with the gunshot wound. When the three cops had kept asking questions, I'd called Ciro and then handed the phone over to the cop who seemed to be in charge. They had left a few minutes later, apologizing for taking up so much of our time.

"Did he take his antibiotics?" Flick asked Uncle Jack.

"Gracie asked him to and he took them without any arguing," the old man a.s.sured her with a weak smile. "He's been out for about six hours now. Seems to be getting better, but she just keeps getting sicker."

I moved toward the bed and shook Hawk's leg. My brother's head snapped up immediately. "What?" he grumbled.

I nodded my head toward the door. I wanted to talk to him alone before I told the others what Jenkins had said.

Hawk grimaced and then turned to brush a kiss over Gracie's sweaty brow. "When's the last time they came in to check on her?" he asked Trigger.

"About an hour ago. They switched out her fluids and replaced the bag of antibiotics. Nurse said it could take another day or two before the antibiotics did their job." Trigger shrugged his shoulders. "Her heart rate has been rising for the last thirty minutes and her blood pressure has been pretty high every time that automatic thing checks it."

"Flick, do you mind getting a washcloth and wiping her face?" Hawk's voice was soft, his eyes pleading. It was a drastic change to how he'd looked at her just the day before.

She gave him a sad smile. "I don't mind. You go talk to Jet. I'll take care of your Gracie."

He swallowed hard, twice, before nodding and kissing Gracie again. He moved slowly while getting up, his body tense with pain as he stretched his back and shoulder. Muttering a curse, he followed me out into the hall.

Nurses and a few doctors were everywhere so I moved into the waiting room at the end of the corridor and shut the door behind us. Luckily there wasn't anyone else in there. Hawk scrubbed his hands over his face and glanced at the vending machine a few times before turning his full attention to me. "News?"

I nodded. "Ciro called. Morgan had a heart attack. He's dead."

"Motherf.u.c.ker. I was looking forward to gutting that b.a.s.t.a.r.d." He shook his head. "What did you tell Ciro to do?"

"Told him to go home and get some sleep. The body is still at the warehouse," I a.s.sured him.

"What about the other Morgan? What did Ciro do with him?"

"He's probably a tub of goo by now, brother. You know Ciro uses acid to get rid of bodies." Ciro was an expert on making people disappear. He used acid to get rid of the bodies and then poured the soup that was left into the Hudson. If he was trying to send a message, he usually saved a part-or three-and sent it to the guy's loved ones wrapped up like a present.

"Ciro's no fun," Hawk muttered under his breath.

"Ciro doesn't let emotion rule him. You were going on pure rage yesterday. He saved your dumb a.s.s." I wasn't going to lie. When Ciro had changed the plans at the last minute, keeping Hawk with him, I'd come close to hugging the guy. Hawk's head hadn't been on straight and I knew he would have gotten himself killed.

"Okay. So Morgan is dead and I don't get to slit his throat. Anything else? I need to get back to Gracie." He gave me an impatient glare.

I blew out a tired breath. "Jenkins has been trying to get hold of you. I called him back to see what he needed. He found a loophole in Craig Morgan's will that he thought you might think was interesting."

"So? I don't give a f.u.c.k about that f.u.c.ker's money. It nearly cost me my female," he growled.

I shrugged. "Jenkins thought that maybe, since there's this loophole and Gracie has always been set on paying her own way, that you would want to give her this chance at full independence."

Hawk's eyes narrowed. "What's the loophole?"

"If Morgan died before Gracie married, the money would automatically revert to her. The old man is dead, Hawk. Of natural causes. All Jenkins has to do is act on her behalf and show the lawyers his death certificate. The money is hers. She deserves it after what those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds did to her."

"She's not Morgan's granddaughter. Craig Morgan wasn't her father."

I shrugged. Hawk had mentioned something like that yesterday to Ciro, asking about a paternity test. I hadn't thought much of it then, and I didn't care now. "Who the f.u.c.k cares? She had to put up with his abusive a.s.s for years. Had to watch her mother get beat by the b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Then the old man s.n.a.t.c.hes her and tries to marry her off to an evil sonofab.i.t.c.h. If anyone deserves that money, it's Gracie."

"Yeah. You're right." He raked his hands through his hair and turned to walk over to the vending machine. He pulled out a dollar from his pocket and punched a few numbers. I frowned as I watched him bend to retrieve whatever he'd gotten. When he straightened, he had a honeybun in his hands. "Maybe she's hungry," he muttered to himself.

"Hawk...what do you want me to tell Jenkins?"

"Tell him to do what he has to do. I'll give her the money as a wedding present." He gave me a weak grin as he headed for the door. "It's about time I wifed that female."

Chapter Fourteen.

Felicity Poor Gracie was sick for three days before the antibiotics started doing their job. By then she was weak and pretty pitiful. It showed me a new side of Hawk, though. A side I didn't even know he had. He was tender with her, so loving. He held her hair when she threw up, he wiped her brow when she was soaking wet with sweat from her fever. He held her close when she slept and held on to her like he would never let her go.

It was petty to feel jealous of a sick girl, but I was.

Not of Hawk's relationship with Gracie. I would never think of him like that, never love him in other way than as a brother. No, I was jealous of the way the biker treated his female. I'd always wanted that. Craved it. To have the man I loved take care of me like that, to hear those three little words he repeated to her over and over again that brought a special gleam to her brown eyes.

After Westcliffe's beating I'd been in the hospital for over a week. He'd done some internal damage that had required surgery. The loss of my unborn child hadn't been the only thing that he had taken from me that night. I'd lost my spleen and a foot of ruptured intestine. Over that week, Hawk stayed with me. Colt and Raider had come to visit just as often as Raven had.

Jet had remained absent.

I found out later that he had gone off the deep end when he found me unconscious. I'd been broken, bleeding, and nearly dead. He'd thought I was going to die, knew even then that our baby was gone. There had been too much blood for him to not know that the baby was gone. It was much later, though, when I found all of that out. After he'd beaten Westcliffe to death, after he'd avenged me and our baby.

But as I'd lain in that hospital room, crying myself to sleep while the nurses pumped powerful painkillers into me, I'd felt abandoned. I'd wanted him there, holding my hand. Wiping my brow. Kissing my cheek and whispering that it was going to be okay. That he loved me and we would get through it. Together. It didn't happen, though. Hawk had been the one to hold the bucket when I'd cried so much that I'd thrown up. Hawk was the one who had wiped my brow, his jaw clenched and his fists balled up as he watched me fall apart.

So yeah, I was a little jealous of Gracie right then, but I didn't let it show.

During the day, I stayed at the hospital with the others. Where Jet went, I went. He wouldn't let me out of his sight. At night I went back to my aunt's house and slept in Jet's arms. We made love over and over again, barely getting any sleep each night. Before I fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, he would tell me he loved me and I would pretend to be asleep.

That wasn't the only time he said those words. He told me at least once an hour, every hour, like he was timing himself and keeping up with how many times he said those d.a.m.n words. Each and every time, my heart would stop-savor those them as they washed over me-but I never acknowledged them. I didn't believe him when he said them. I didn't understand why he was saying them now, anyway. They weren't necessary and I honestly didn't want to hear it.

If anything they p.i.s.sed me off.

Hearing "I love you" from Jet Hannigan was a dream I'd once had. Ah, h.e.l.l. It was something I still dreamed about. But only if it was true and I knew that it wasn't. He couldn't.

Could he?

No, of course he couldn't. Didn't. I scoffed at the mere thought and chided myself for hoping-if just a little.

Gracie was better now. She hadn't completely gotten her strength back, but thankfully the sepsis had cleared up and after two weeks in bed at home, she'd finally gone back to work-something Hawk wasn't pleased about in the least. She'd spent over two weeks in the hospital and when the doctors had finally released her, Ciro had let us use the Vitucci jet to get home in. I'd been sad to leave my aunt, but I knew I belonged back in California. In Creswell Springs.

I'd always belonged there. It was home.

It was getting easier and easier to be away from Emmie and her family now. The pain of missing them was a dull ache, but I only thought of them a few times throughout the day. Raven had kept me busy from the moment we'd gotten back from Connecticut, and with both Lexa and Max fighting for my attention, missing Mia and Jagger wasn't nearly as bad.

With Lexa off to preschool and everyone else gone to work since the lockdown was over, it was just Raven and the baby with me this morning. My friend ran around the kitchen cleaning up after the tsunami that was the Hannigan house after everyone had eaten breakfast.

Max sat on my lap as we watched his mother finishing up the dishes by hand. It was weird for me to see Raven so domesticated. She'd never taken care of everyone before I'd left. Motherhood had changed her, in a good way, and I liked it. This new Raven was still hard as nails, but she was softer too. More openly affectionate.

"How was Ciro?" she asked as she set the last pan in the drainer and wiped her hands on a dish towel.

I pressed my lips together as I thought back on the little bit of time I'd actually spent with my cousin over the last two weeks. "Busy," was all I could come up with to explain how he was. "Apparently being a scary Mafioso street soldier for Vito Vitucci is a busy job."

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Raven sat at the table across from me. She had a slight gleam in her green eyes and I swallowed a groan. "Did he mention me?" she asked mischievously.

I rolled my eyes at her and lifted Max in the air enough so that I had to look up into his eyes. Bash's eyes. "Did you know that your mother nearly caused a war, Max? Hmm?" Max giggled like I was telling him a funny joke that cracked him up. "She was seventeen years old and using my favorite cousin to get back at your big, scary daddy. Mr. Mafia Man and Daddy nearly killed each other."

Raven grinned. "There was never a threat of war, Flick. Stop over-dramatizing it."

I didn't look at her, but continued to talk to Max, who blew spit bubbles at me as his fingers reached for my hair. "Okay, not a war, but a very nasty fight. Better?"

Raven laughed softly. "Yes. Better. We want to keep to the facts, babe."

"So one day Mr. Mafia Man shows up to take care of a little business with Uncle Jet. Mommy was at the clubhouse that day and Mr. Mafia Man was instantly intrigued. Your rotten mommy seemed interested too, but we both know that she didn't think it would be serious. She loved Daddy even back then." My eyes flicked to Raven who was grimacing but nodding, then looked back up at Max. "Daddy just happened to be around too, and saw the way Mr. Mafia Man and Mommy...flirted...with each other."

"Flirting was all it ever was, Flick. You know that."

"So, while Mommy and Mr. Mafia Man were making cow eyes at each other, Daddy had to sit back and pretend he wasn't bothered by what he saw. But Auntie Flick knew. Probably Uncle Jet too, the way he laughed about it when it was all over." I lowered Max enough to kiss his cheek and then lifted him again so he couldn't tangle his fingers in my hair. The roots had grown out in the last month and I was still on the fence about dying it again or not. Jet hadn't said if he liked it or not and I was torn between wanting to please him-and wanting to p.i.s.s him off. "Now, Mr. Enforcer had a bad temper. Something I'm sure you have inherited, kid."

"Yep," Raven agreed.

"Mommy went to dinner with Mr. Mafia Man, and Daddy, who was the enforcer back then, followed them. What Daddy didn't know was that Mr. Mafia Man would have never touched Mommy the way Daddy was apparently having nightmares about."

Again Raven nodded. "Ciro is a good guy. Plus...I think he liked someone else."

I shrugged. "I still think that. Actually it looks like something more than just like." Especially after what had happened back in New York. I didn't know whether to laugh or be p.i.s.sed at my cousin for what he'd done...

Max let out an unhappy cry and I grinned up at him. "Want me to continue the story, little guy?"

He blew more spit bubbles at me and I figured that was his way of saying yes.

"Mr. Mafia Man took Mommy to dinner. Daddy, not liking what he was seeing, followed them. He became a real creeper and watched them through the window while Mommy and Mr. Mafia Man ate and talked." I shook my head at the memories. It was amusing to think about how obsessed Bash had been. How totally in love with Raven he'd been, even then. "One day, Max my love, you will learn the most sacred rule in the Club: No one touches Raven. By then I'm pretty sure it will extend to Lexa and any other sister or cousin you might have. Back then, it was a rule your daddy took to heart and enforced wholeheartedly. So when Mr. Mafia Man touched Mommy's cheek-"

"It was only to wipe away a little smear of whipped cream from my dessert," Raven mumbled.

"-Daddy got a little hysterical and burst into the restaurant and knocked Mr. Mafia Man through the window. The fight that followed was one that the MC brothers still talk about with awe. No one, not one single man, could have taken the beating your Daddy dished out that night, but Mr. Mafia Man got back up and went back for more. He was like a machine. Nor could they believe their eyes when they saw how bruised and b.l.o.o.d.y Daddy was the next day."

"It did turn into a blood bath pretty quick," Raven agreed. "Jet didn't know whether to laugh or yell when he showed up to talk to the restaurant manager and pick me up."

"Mr. Mafia Man returned to big, scary New York and refused to deal with anyone other than Uncle Jet ever again. He still won't acknowledge Daddy's promotion to president." I rubbed my nose against Max's, making him giggle. "But Daddy got the prize in the end, so I guess he can be the bigger man. He got Mommy and you."

I sat there cuddling and playing with Max for several more minutes. I was so lost in holding the little guy that I didn't notice how quiet Raven had gotten. It was only when she spoke that I realized how troubled her thoughts had become.

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby, Flick?"

I tightened my hold on Max so I wouldn't drop him as my eyes closed in pain. During my time away with Emmie and her family, the hole that had been in my heart since the death of my baby had healed until it was the size of a small pin p.r.i.c.k. I was sure that that little hole would never fully heal. How could it when I'd wanted and loved that precious little baby from the very second I found out it was growing under my heart?

The pain I heard in Raven's voice only added to my own. When I opened my eyes to meet her gaze, I expected to see betrayal in her eyes for not confiding in her about my pregnancy. All I saw was confusion and pain...for me. "I..." I broke off and shook my head before trying again. "You were going through so much, Rave. You were missing Bash and hurting so much. I didn't want to add to it with my c.r.a.p."

"I'm sorry, Flick. So d.a.m.n sorry." Tears glazed her eyes and she blinked them back quickly, but a few escaped anyway. "I was a horrible friend to you. Selfish and so caught up in my own s.h.i.t that I couldn't see how much you were hurting. You and Jet had lost so much and I couldn't open my eyes long enough to see how much you were both suffering."

I reached across the table and took one of her hands in my free one. When I squeezed her hand, she squeezed back. "Do you remember when you were sneaking around with Bash? Do you remember how exciting it was to keep that secret? To know that it was just you and him in some kind of a secret paradise?"

She frowned, thinking about it, and then nodded. I gave her a sad smile. "That was how it was when I was with Jet. For a while at least. The baby was a part of that secret paradise and it felt like if I told anyone-even you-about it then it would be like losing it all over again. I wanted to hold on to the secret paradise for as long as possible."