Leo As I pack my s.h.i.t I can't help but think that it's the end of an era. Time for me to grow up and stop f.u.c.king around. Time for me to stop playing house with Raven and Xander.

And if I get what I want I'll be f.u.c.king Brooke. Exclusively. All for me. All mine. And not just now.

Always.

Of course convincing her of that might prove to be a challenge. But I've never shied away from a challenge. I've always been a fighter.

And Brooke is someone definitely worth fighting for.

Being with her again was like throwing a life preserver to a drowning man. I didn't even realize I was going down until she brought me back up again.

Once I've got all my clothes in my duffel bag I open the drawer of the nightstand and grab half of the pile of condoms and toss them into my bag.

"Think you're going to use all those?" Raven asks. I didn't even hear her come in.

I don't bother to respond. I just zip my bag.

There's only one more thing I want. The mutant orange Brooke gave me that I placed on top of the dresser. The one that I can't stop eyeing every time I walk by because Brooke said it reminded her of me.

"What the f.u.c.k is that?" Raven points to the mutant fruit.

"What does it look like?" I snap back.

She looks like I slapped her and I immediately feel bad about it. I know things have to change between us if I want to be with Brooke, but it still hurts. More than I thought it would.

"I don't like it." She's staring at the fruit like it's diseased.

"What have you got against citrus?"

"I'm not talking about the d.a.m.n fruit." When she looks up at me, I notice that her eyes are damp. It tugs at my heartstrings. Raven's not a sensitive person and I rarely see her cry.

"What are you talking about?" I swallow hard. I'm not sure I want to have this conversation with her, yet part of me knows it's inevitable.

"That girl." It's hard for me to believe that Raven's eyes are filled with so much pain. She's always been hard as stone.

"You can say her name."

She shakes her head. "I don't like her."

I roll my eyes. "You're the one who approved her. Remember? The only way girls get into our bedrooms when we're on tour is to go through you. You approve all of the girls we hook up with when we're on the road."

And Raven saves us a lot of headaches later. Unlike some of the other guys in rock bands that we know none of us has ever gotten hit with a paternity suit, or rape charges, or any other legal or medical issues. And we all know it's thanks to Raven.

"I approved her for a f.u.c.k and chuck. That's all. I didn't think you'd fall in love with her."

I throw up my hands. "Whoa, wait a minute. Don't start using the L word. I never said anything about falling in love."

"You're crazy about her, Leo. You're falling hard and fast. You just haven't fully accepted it yet."

I shake my head. "I don't think it's...that. We're just f.u.c.king around."

She gives me a cynical laugh. "You can't even say love? Seriously? Tell me why you've got a f.u.c.king stupid orange on the dresser. Because little Brooke Rhodes gave it to you that's why. You haven't touched me or any other girl in weeks. I think that says something."

I grab Raven and pull her close. I need to prove her wrong. It's no secret that I want Brooke, but there's no way in h.e.l.l I'm falling in love with her.

As I close my eyes and put my lips on Raven's all I can think about is Brooke. I can almost smell her light scent. And the way she teases my lips ever so lightly with her tongue. My chest tightens when I realize I how badly I want Brooke yet I'm holding Raven in my arms.

Before I have a chance to move away Raven pushes me so hard I nearly fall over.

"What did you do that for?" I yell as I do my best to steady myself.

"You know what it was for," she snaps.

"Why don't you enlighten me?"

She shoves me in the chest. "Don't ever f.u.c.king do that again."

"Do what?" I glare at her.

"Think about her while you're kissing me."

My mouth opens to protest, but I know she's got me. And I can't lie to Raven.

She slams her hand into my chest again. She's starting to make it a habit. I can tell she's upset, but I'm strong and I can take it. If hitting me will help she can have at it. "I'm not going to be some subst.i.tute f.u.c.k when Brooke doesn't want to spread her legs for you."

That stings. Girls never say no to me, but Brooke has me on a string like some friggen puppet. She definitely calls the shots.

"That's not-this isn't..."

As she looks at me through narrowed eyes it's like she's looking through me. "You think you can prove that you don't love her by kissing me?"

I sit down on the bed and rest my head in my hands. I rub my temples for a few moments, hoping that by some miracle I can erase Brooke Rhodes from my head and I won't be crazy in love with her. Of course it doesn't work. She's still taking up more of my brain capacity than a guy like me can spare. Raven is right. I do love her. Too fast and too deep. I'm all in already.

Raven plops down on the bed next to me. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

That's a first. Raven never apologies to anyone for anything.

"I'm sorry too," I tell her. "This is all really f.u.c.ked up."

"I'm scared," she says. Her voice is so small and so un-Raven-like I'm not sure I heard her correctly.

"Raven doesn't get scared," I tell her.

"Bulls.h.i.t," she spits back.

When I look over at her I see her eyes are damp again. Something more is definitely going on. "What is it? Be real, okay?"

She heaves a sigh before she begins. "I always expected Nic to find someone. I didn't imagine it would be someone like Harper, but it makes sense. It still hurt though, you know? We were together so long. All four of us. And then one day we weren't. He was with Harper and the four became three. Now that things are happening with Brooke..."

I hold up a hand to interrupt her. "Nothing is happening with Brooke. She just wants to f.u.c.k around."

She gives me a sly grin. "You want that girl so bad you know you'd do anything to have her."

She's right, but I don't want her to know it. "It doesn't matter what I want. She wants things to be cool and casual. I have to give her what she wants."

"She's just not ready to admit what she wants. She wants you too."

I'm not sure I believe her, but I urge her to continue.

"When you and Brooke finally get together, and believe me, you will, it will just be me and Xander." A lone teardrop slides down her cheek and she quickly flicks it away like she's swiping at a bug on her face. "What happens to me when Xander finds someone else?"

My throat tightens because I can see how hurt she feels. Like we're all abandoning her. In a way she's right. She's been the girl who's always been there for us. The girl we've f.u.c.ked whenever we wanted. Until the day we no longer wanted her.

"I don't know what to say," I admit.

She shakes her head. "You don't have to say anything. It's my fault for believing that what we all had with each other could last forever. I should have known better. I'm the s.l.u.t everyone f.u.c.ks until they find the girls they want to marry."

"You're not a s.l.u.t." When our eyes meet I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"Maybe not, but I'm not the girl you marry either. No happy ending for Raven Woods."

"You still have Xander," I tell her, but it doesn't seem to cheer her up.

"For now." I've never heard her sound so broken.

"Maybe you and Xander..."

She cuts me off with a wave of her hand. "Don't, okay. Maybe it's time for me to find a new band to screw."

I frown. "I know you don't mean that."

She shrugs. "Enough about me. How are you going to get Brooke? I'm tired of all this whiny baby bulls.h.i.t. Grow a pair and claim her. Okay?"

At least the old Raven is finally back. "Whatever you say."

"What are you doing?" It's Harper's voice. I feel like I'm a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I'm sitting in her office on her computer and I didn't exactly ask her permission.

I start pressing every b.u.t.ton I can find just to make the picture on the screen go away, but it's not helping.

"Why are you researching human anatomy?" She's now looking over my shoulder at the screen. I feel embarra.s.sed and almost like my privacy is being invaded, but I know I shouldn't. Technically I'm the one who invaded her privacy.

"No reason." I keep pushing b.u.t.tons, but the d.a.m.n screen won't shut down. I'm definitely not a computer geek, but you'd think I'd be able to get the d.a.m.n Internet to shut down.

"What are you trying to do?" She sounds like a mom trying to help her three-year-old, but in this case I have no doubt a three-year-old would be better on a computer than I am.

"Just make it go away," I mutter.

Of course she doesn't. Because she's Harper. And Harper is smart. And smart people always want to know everything to make themselves even smarter. She studies the website instead. "Did you find what you needed?"

I shake my head. "There's too much information."

"Maybe I can help," she offers. "What did you want to know?"

I hesitate because I know if I ask the question she'll want to know why I want to know. And that's something I definitely don't want to get into.

"Our secret," she a.s.sures me.

"On what side of the body is your heart?"

She studies my face before she opens her mouth. "It's a little to the left of the center of your body. Why?"

I shake my head. "Just wondered."

She tilts her head as she continues to study me. "All of a sudden you just wanted to know where your heart is located."

I hop up from the desk. "Gotta go."

To my surprise she grabs my forearm. Even though I don't believe in G.o.d I still pray that Rayne doesn't walk in right now and see us touching, even if she is the one who's technically touching me. He'll punch me first and ask questions later.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" she asks.

"Great," I lie. Things in my life have never been more f.u.c.ked up. Brooke has turned everything upside down. Life used to be simple: Play music, drink and get f.u.c.ked. Now all I think about is being with Brooke.

"Brooke's my best friend," she reminds me. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm just going to throw that out there."

When she finally lets go of my arm I hightail it out of her office. Even though she's younger than me, Harper is like the mother I always wanted and the schoolteacher who really cared about me all wrapped up in a hippie librarian's body. I decide there's got to be some crazy s.h.i.t going on in Rayne's head for him to want to f.u.c.k her. And he wants to f.u.c.k her all the time.

But at least I now know where my next tattoo is going.

"What's up with you?" Rayne glares at me because for like the sixth time in a row I'm late for the intro.

But my chest is burning from the new tatt. It was a lot of ink and I made him do it all at once. Now I'm paying for it.

"Sorry, Dude," is all I say.

He shakes his head, clearly frustrated. I know it's not just me. The entire new alb.u.m has been a struggle to get done. "Let's just call it quits for the day. We can start again tomorrow."

"What's going on, bro." Xander playfully knocks me in the chest right in the middle of my new tattoo.

"s.h.i.t. Don't do that."

He frowns. "I didn't hit you that hard."