I disengage my arms from around her waist and lean back as far away from those lips as I can. Which is difficult because she doesn't seem to want to let go of me. I take in a long breath, searching for courage. "How do I start? I have a lot to say."

"You're so cute when you're nervous. I love when you let me read your expressions." She peers into my face. "What? Holy. You really are freaking out right now. How bad could it be?"

"That's for you to decide. I guess I need to begin with when I first met you. Do you remember meeting me, freshman year?"

She shakes her head. "I think I would remember meeting you-meeting those eyes anyhow. Or your voice. At the very least, that."

"We did meet. I actually formally introduced myself to you once. Like a complete dork. It went something like, Uh...h.e.l.lo...you're ...uh...uh....Jess Jordan, right? Duh...duh...I'm the biggest loser in the world? Something like that anyhow." I smile. "My voice wasn't quite changed yet. I'm afraid I still sounded like a choir soprano that year."

My chest thumps with fear, watching her face for any sign of recognition.

She furrows her brow. "There's no way. That never happened."

"Oh it happened. You destroyed me. Walked away with a, "Yeah, nice to meet you," and you never looked back. I had such a painful crush on you back then. One I've never truly gotten over. Obviously."

Jess tilts her head, her face still shrouded in disbelief. " If that's true, then why have I never seen you at school? You don't seem the type to give up after just one brush off? Or was I that mean? Why didn't you try again? I never even see you in the hallways. Did we have a cla.s.s together?"

"No. No cla.s.ses. I wanted to try to approach you again but...I...I...c.r.a.p! This is so difficult."

"What?! What is it?"

I put my arms back around her waist. My heart is racing so badly I can hardly speak, but I know that I can't chicken out. "Let me start over...forget about when we met. Let me start with now-with this summer. The internship. The boyfriend contract and why I agreed to do it." I brush the hair out of her eyes.

"Okay?" She shoots me a look that tells me she thinks I'm nuts, which is fine because I actually feel crazy right now. Crazy in love and crazy scared to lose this girl.

I start up again, hoping she can feel I'm giving her my heart and every inch of my honesty. "I never thought I'd get to have this moment with you. Let alone having just kissed you. Finally. Do you even know how many times I've wanted to kiss you, all summer long?"

"Well, that goes for two of us, then."

She flushes and looks away as I continue, "So you can see where this is overwhelming me. Tonight, with you admitting that you love me, I'm about to die of happiness. I don't want to chance losing you, I still don't. I love you so much. And I'm scared. If I tell you this the wrong way then there's a chance that you'll never even-"

A loud cough and then Corey Nash's telltale fake, overloud, "EHEM" explodes like a bomb on the other side of the willow tree branches.

"Porter. I have to stop you there. I can't have Mich.e.l.le hearing all this romantic talking about your feelings c.r.a.p. You're seriously turning into a freak. So, yeah. FYI. We're standing right here and I bet you DON'T want us to hear this anyhow. So...this is your official, shut-the-h.e.l.l-up, we've ruined your moment intervention."

Corey comes through into the alcove with a giggling Mich.e.l.le in tow.

"Aww, look at you two," Mich.e.l.le says, smiling at me. "Sorry for interrupting."

"Your timing sucks," I say, hating them both at that moment.

"We've been looking everywhere for you two." Mich.e.l.le is beaming from ear to ear and silently sending some sort of super-secret girl code to Jess. Jess unwinds her arms from my neck and pulls her legs off me. She's smiling and nodding, voicing some secret language back to Mich.e.l.le. If I weren't all tangled up inside my head and about to flip out right now, I'd swear Jess had actually given Mich.e.l.le the thumbs up!

"Guys. I just need a few more minutes to talk to Jess. Can we just meet you in the car? Please," I say, shooting my own super secret-silent-language to Mich.e.l.le. I mouth: Get lost.

Mich.e.l.le shrugs, her expression apologetic. "No can do. There's a possible Gran emergency. I'm sorry. It's serious."

"Gran? What's wrong?" I leap to my feet.

"She called through to Corey's phone. She just kept saying for me to find you and that you needed to come home right away. If she hadn't sounded so freaked I'd let you two have more time in the old love garden. But Gray, you'd have killed me if I hadn't found you."

"Yeah. You're right." Mich.e.l.le knows me so well. "Thanks," I tell her as I pull out my phone. The monitor's gone black. "Stupid battery. What if she's had a relapse? I should have stayed home with her."

"Gray, the doctor said she'd be fine. And Gran sounded okay. Just sort of panicked," Mich.e.l.le adds.

"I hope so." I turn to Jess. "We can try to talk in the car, but...I don't know if what I have to say needs to be said in front of these two. It's private. Can you wait?"

Jess relaxes against my shoulder. "I can wait for the talking part, but could we try that kissing thing again one more time before we go?" She grins. "You guys promise not to look, right?"

"Oh. No. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That," Corey groans. "I refuse to witness your sappy bulls.h.i.t and public making out with my best friend." He smirks, before going on. "But if Jess wants to kiss Mich.e.l.le in front of me...now that's different."

Mich.e.l.le socks him in the arm. "You freak. I don't kiss girls, ever. Our life is NOT like what you see on TV. Get OVER that stupid show you saw, or move to New York City and see if you can find girls to kiss in front of you. And good luck with that. Do something, Gray. He's so out of line."

I stand and punch Corey's other arm as hard as I can.

Corey winces. "Bullies. Destroyers of dreams."

I ignore his glare and put my arm around Jess's shoulders when she stands and shoots me a smile. Her cheeks are bright pink and her eyes tell me she's remembering our kiss. I pull her closer.

"Have I mentioned to you two how much in love I am with this girl?" Gray says.

"We know, dork." Mich.e.l.le laughs. "Now let's go."

"What have you done to my best friend, Jess Jordan? And when can I have him back?" Corey rolls his eyes.

"Never," Jess says. "He's mine, now."

I love the sound of that. But without finishing our conversation, I can only hope she means it.

Chapter Thirty-Four.

Jess I have no idea how I make it to Mich.e.l.le's minivan for the ride home. I can only float across the parking lot like I'm a helium balloon tethered gently to Gray's hand. My lips and cheeks burn as my mind replays and replays me kissing Gray! Gray kissing me!

Every inch of my skin is on fire. I swear I still feel his hands brushing against my cheeks, his fingers lingering on the back of my neck and running through my hair.

Kissing is amazing... weird... beautiful! Everything I didn't expect, but all that I'd dreamed about. My cheeks burn all over again. I know I've been in a constant state of *blush' since Corey and Mich.e.l.le interrupted us, but I can't seem to stop.

I don't want to stop.

"Tired?" Gray asks as we wait for Mich.e.l.le to find her keys and unlock the van.

For the first time ever, I feel no need to lie. "Yes. Very."

He smiles, but his eyes are dark, troubled. I can almost see the tension radiating from his expression.

"Don't worry. I'm sure your gran's just fine," I say, hoping to calm him. We open the van door. I call out to Mich.e.l.le who's on the other side of the car, "Mich.e.l.le, let Gray borrow your phone to call home. He's beyond stressed."

"Yeah...hang on," Mich.e.l.le says.

"It's not that," Gray says, lowering his voice. His eyes flash and cloud more. "I'm-I need to finish our talk. Really. I have to know we're on the same page here."

I brush a bold, quick kiss on his lips before stepping up into the van. "We are. I'm in. You win. I'll give it a chance. I'll trust you," I say over my shoulder. "Just call Gran first so you can talk to me without that weird, completely upset expression on your face."

I work my way past the bucket seats to the bench, grabbing the giant blue orangutan Gray had put in the car earlier. I shove the monstrous thing into some semblance of a ball while Gray makes it into the van and takes the seat beside me. "I love my new pillow. Thanks again for winning him."

Without a word he squishes the awkward stuffed animal half onto his lap. "This time, you buckle into the middle. I'm your pillow too. If you can't accept that, the monkey dies a terrible death."

Pleased, I rest my head on the monkey and lean my weight on Gray. I've never been so aware of how long his legs are. He smells like lime and warmth as usual. But this time he's got a cotton candy tinge coming off his shirt. I sigh, feeling completely safe and unbelievably comfortable. Happy, all over-again. I kind of want to scream.

OMG. I kissed Gray Porter and it was AWESOME. And he's my boyfriend!

Mich.e.l.le starts the car and turns to toss her phone to Gray. He catches it with one hand leaving the other on my hair. "We probably won't have signal until we get closer to Denver," she says.

"I thought you said she called Corey's phone. If there's no signal-how did the call come through?" Gray asks.

Corey pipes up, "We were making out in the sky ride-it's the only place that gets signal. We were at the turn-around point. Gran ruined my *hand-up-the-shirt-move'."

"Corey! Can't you just tell them we were enjoying the view?" Mich.e.l.le says. "As for your move, I sure didn't notice it."

"Oh, it was in full play. I was about to let my fingers enjoy the view of the lace on your shoulder strap and then, I was going to check out that little spot on the side of your neck that my lips like so much. And then I was going to look for more lace and try a little-"

"Shut it! Or you're about to enjoy this ride home from the b.u.mper."

Corey laughs, totally unashamed. "What? A guy can dream."

"As long as you keep them to yourself. Otherwise, my dad will be happy to help you adjust the dreams you have regarding me and the lace on my underwear any time."

One of them turns up the music, drowning out the rest of their flirt-argument.

I sigh. Enjoying the moment, the warmth of Gray's body so close to mine, and the goose b.u.mps travelling up and down my arms. Gray's hand-the one that had been playing with the ends of my hair-has wandered to my cheekbone. It lingers there a moment and traverses the length of my shoulders so he can gently rub my neck.

I completely relax. It feels so wonderful...

Nothing happened.

Let's get out of here.

You're a very lucky girl...lucky, lucky girl.

"There's someone in here."

The man's voice is far away. Suffocating white is the only thing I see.

My stomach flips and rolls with nausea. I need to find some air that's not overheated. Everything begins to spin. I try to roll over, because I think I might vomit, but I can't seem to move very far. Confused, I stare up at my arm. It's caught-tied-above my head. On the other side of the white thing that's suffocating me. My hand kills, and I can't move.

I pull down on my arm hard as I can.

And I remember.

I remember.

I'd already tried to pull my arm free hundreds of times. My latest attempt has finally cut into my wrist. Now blood is staining the sheet above me. My blood. On the sheet.

That's what the white is...a sheet. A sheet...

I stare at the long trickle of red that has soaked through. It's dripping a slow a line down my arm. I hear the voice again. "Appears pa.s.sed out. Wonder what the h.e.l.l happened in here..."

"Help," I croak. The back of my throat feels shredded-like it's been hit with a blowtorch. "Can you please get me out. Untie me. Please. I want out."

I look down at myself and realize I'm only wearing panties. No bra. My cheeks are wet like I've been crying for a long time.

Shame, panic, and absolute dread solidify the lump in my throat until I'm choking.

The fear has me frantically pulling at my arm again. I don't care that it hurts. "I'm over here. Is anyone there?" I call out again. Why won't my legs move?

"Please..." I hear keys, the clash of metal, and a strange, noisy static sound growing louder. Light hits my face like a punch, and I cringe against it as the sheet is pulled off me.

"What the-!" The policeman's voice is so loud it cuts through the air like pointed knives.

Cold slams into me and I close my eyes. I'm only able to turn slightly away from the police officer.

"You're safe now," he says. I feel the sheet come quickly back up to cover my nakedness, but he keeps my face clear of the fabric.

Only I wish he wouldn't.

I wish he'd hide my face. Make it so I can't breathe again, because now, I think I want to die. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here!

"Young lady, can you tell me what happened? How old are you? Do you know your name?" The voice is kind, but the reflective flashes of light glinting off his badge, his handcuffs, his belt buckle, and even from the small snap that hold his gun in place make it hard for me to find his face when I open my eyes again.

The static buzzing increases and blips. I realize it's the officer's walkie-talkie, which is right next to my ear. He kneels next to me, and shines the light right in to my pupils, then on to my tied my arm.

"This is O'Connor. I'm requesting female officer backup ASAP. Upstairs-master bedroom. I have what appears to be a 261 or 261A."

More loud buzzing, and then, a metallic reply: "Pulling up outside." It's a woman's voice. "Can you hold for two? Over."

"Will hold. Request ambulance to scene. Code 50. Basic transport. Victim is conscious and breathing. Wait for possible injury update."

"Ambulance dispatched," a third voice runs through his radio.

The officer leans closer. I can finally register his face. He looks worried. He's older than my dad. His eyes are kind. Safe.