Lament.

Fell from paradise immortal race Fell from heaven the stars, fell with them grace.

Abandoned love's presence for beauty rare Beauty buried in waiting there Fell out from eternity and shackled to time The festering fouling deception sublime.

With them came each one his own: Each book of each life, written and shown.

With these they flew, and under sun crashed Free will's consequence immortality smashed.

Yet ebbed on, slow burning, against extinction survived Blaze intensified by love Secret offspring thrived.

Chapter I.

Boise, Idaho. Present day.

I woke with that horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach-again. I looked at the clock to see that it was time to drag my sorry b.u.t.t out of bed. School was the last place I wanted to be today and with the weather starting to get nice again, I dreaded being cooped up in cla.s.ses al day.

My feet hit the carpet and I sat on the edge of the bed looking at nothing in particular. My body was refusing to respond and it wanted nothing to do with this morning business . Come on Airel, no time to be dragging. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror that hung on the wal next to the bathroom door. Its rounded corners and unflinching honesty made me wonder if my idea of who I was and what I looked like actual y lined up with the truth.

My dark brown hair had just a touch of curl and fel just below my shoulders in crazy tangles. I had thought a thousand times about coloring it-I know, who doesn't nowadays-but never could bring myself to take that final leap. I was weird about some things and that was one of them. Not that I was against hair coloring or thought anyone who did it was vain or anything. I just liked to know that it was me al the way down to the core.

Dark circles surrounded my boring brown eyes. I had always wanted blue eyes, but oh wel . I rubbed at them as if doing that would help me wake up faster. I smiled at my reflection and looked at how my face seemed to light up, then laughed aloud at how ridiculous I must seem to anyone who might be watching. My imaginary fan club...

Whatever! I have a great smile and if I have to use it to wake myself up, so be it!

"Airel! Are you up? School is in ten minutes and you need to eat something. If you keep skipping breakfast then you... " Her words trailed off in a mom-ish rant on the importance of the first meal of the day.

My mom was just that-a mom. She and Dad had a great relationship, which was rare in the world today, what with divorce and deadbeat dads-and deadbeat moms for that matter-running rampant. I was glad at least I could depend on one thing in my life, or so I hoped.

I yel ed back, "I'm not hungry Mom!" then pul ed on my favorite pair of True Religion jeans and a dark blue shirt that I had picked up yesterday at the mal .

I ran my hand through my hair, pul ed half of it back and clamped it down with a funky clip I bought at a smal boutique downtown. I slapped on half of my make-up figuring I could finish with eyeliner and mascara in the parking lot before cla.s.s.

As I pul ed back the sheer curtain, looking past the gla.s.s and into the front yard, I was glad to see the sun would be making an appearance... wel , for today, anyway. Around here the weather was about as reliable as the people who reported it. I packed my backpack with the necessary books, make-up, and extra clothes just in case we had a running day in gym. Once a week we were forced to run and I ended up sweaty and gross. Ten minutes from the time my feet hit the floor I was in my trusty Honda and on my way to school... or as I like to cal it...Hel !

I didn't real y think it was hel , but it had its hel -like days. I was running a little late, even with my record time getting out of the house, and to top it off, I had a wicked craving for a coconut latte.

I looked at the time and decided to just go ahead and commit to my coffee obsession. After al , it was only high school and I had priorities. I pul ed into Moxie Java-I was a diehard fan. The gunko, -yep, gunko is not a 'real' word, but if I say it, then that makes it real in my world- they served at Starbucks would peel the paint off the wal s. I liked good coffee-not burnt gunko.

My car squealed to a stop outside the coffee shop, reminding me once again that I needed to have Dad do the brakes. I should have asked him do it last weekend, but it rained the entire weekend, leaving me stranded at home doing homework. To my dismay, the place was packed. Looks like 'late' just turned to 'criminally late.'

I looked behind the bar and saw that Lacey, my latte buddy, was working today. She smiled at me, feigning a panicked look and nodded to the line of sleepy people she was trying to serve. I came here often enough that she knew me and exactly what I'd be wanting. We had a good relationship worked out. She would have my drink ready before I made it through the line to the register and I always gave her a nice tip for her extra speedy work.

I didn't dare look at the time, but surprisingly, the line seemed to move rather quickly. With latte in hand, I turned doing the hair flip thing. It was supposed to look like I was a pro at the order-pay-and-I'm-out move, but as I turned to go someone walked through the door and everything in my world came to a screeching halt.

He was a tal boy-man-with spiky blond hair. As he walked in I felt my heart jump. It was like destiny. I felt something begin as he fil ed the doorway. It was like he and I were made in that moment.

He was so perfect and beautiful. He was so perfect and beautiful y manly. I could feel my face flush and my heart pound within my chest.

He walked past me as if I didn't exist and got in line. Al at once, I was moving-or fal ing, who knows. Al I know is that I rammed into some poor old guy and proceeded to dump my precious coconut latte al over his coat. "Oh. I'm so sorry. I, uh..."

The short bent-over man looked up at me with confusion and amus.e.m.e.nt as I pawed clumsily at his wet coat, looking around for some napkins. I felt my heart race even faster as a hand reached over my shoulder with about ten of them. I turned and fol owed the hand up the arm, and at the other end of that glorious arm was-him.

I then turned into a puddle of mush; a fumbling idiot. He smiled and I felt my face grow hot. "Let me... " He said, as he handed the old man the stack of napkins. I could feel my cheeks flush. I wanted to die. I just stood there like a moron with my mouth hanging open.

The old man took the napkins and cleaned up most of the mess. He insisted that it was no big deal. "Happens to the best of us!" he said. He was so nice and looking back on the terrible situation, I wonder who ran into who.

My legs were shaking now, and I was freezing. I looked around, then down at my feet where this ever-so-gorgeous-guy was wiping up the spil ed coffee.

Then he handed me my empty cup.

"Thank you! I, um..." There they were. My first words to him-oh, wow... what a line of bril iance. What words to utter in this moment. I stood holding my empty cup and he rose and nodded with a smile. Before I knew it, he was gone. Poof! Whoosh! Just gone. I somehow ended up back in my car and on my way to hel , and yes-today it was just about guaranteed to be hel . Argh!

I pul ed out my phone and saw that I was not late after al . I was actual y two minutes early. How did that happen? Weird. I considered the coffee splatters on my shoes and dismissed the idea that the coffee shop was al some kind of hal ucination. I pul ed my little Civic into the closest parking s.p.a.ce and shook my head. What was that? It was like he had this aura or something that reached into my very soul. I didn't believe in love at first sight. Wel , not necessarily . But this morning was making me think twice about a few things.

His eyes, so blue, and the way he looked at me! It was as if he knew me or knew what I was thinking-how I was feeling.

I ran my fingers through my hair, interlocked them, and pressed my thumbs into my temples. I didn't get headaches often, but I could feel one coming on.

Two boys that I never talked to... and never would... walked by, staring. Ugh. Some boys are just born clueless. I glanced at myself in the rear view mirror one last time, smoothed my hair, and took a moment-since I had one-to finish my eye makeup. I guess I do feel pretty today. Just clumsy, that's all.

I headed toward the main building of my school. Lip-gloss could be done on the way... if I didn't trip trying to walk and do something else at the same time.

The smel of golden leaves and morning dew fil ed the air, and I closed my eyes and took in the sweet fragrance as I walked. I loved fal . The colors, the smel s, the fresh rain in the morning made me want to break out into song. Lucky for anyone within earshot I kept my composure. No one wanted to hear my melodious voice. Just the idea of cooler weather made me forget my embarra.s.sing morning. I was glad that I would never see that boy again.

I was not what some might cal a beautiful girl but I could hold my own if the need arose. The invention of make-up was a great thing, and I was an expert in the use of it. My skin was pale. I guess a nice way to say it would be that my complexion was fair. I had a few too many freckles, though, not to mention the fact that I was short. Not like, "Wow, dude! Check out the circus freak!" But I was just short enough that I got teased relentlessly. I felt self-conscious, but would I ever admit to that? "Cheeya!" I said, out loud, and then checked to see if anyone had heard. I would never admit to it. The teasing would only get worse if I did.

My frame was pet.i.te and I had delicate features. On a bad day I would break the hundred-pound mark, so that was at least something. I might not be the hottest girl in school, but I never had to worry about my weight.

I was a little smarter than I let on. I didn't want to be the smartest kid in school. That was never good. The last thing I needed was to be labeled as a geek, even though I did adore a good book, and had my quirks. I stood out when I wanted to stand out, but blended in most of the time.

I liked to learn and I was a good student for the most part. I got A's and every now and then a B. None of my friends were interested in their grades because they were al too interested in their boyfriends or girlfriends and who was doing what with who, or who broke-up with who... Blah, blah, blah.

The walk from my car to my locker helped to clear my head. The walk and fresh air made me feel better about my day.

I had a few friends that I hung with but for the most part I used them like camouflage. I flew under the radar. I mean, I liked my friends, but only one or two of them were real. Everybody knows this except for dumb guys who can't even buy a clue. Sometimes I watched al the popular girls, wondering if they actual y had brains or if they just ran on batteries, plugging in at night to recharge their ever-so-perfect personalities. No bitterness here!

I made it to cla.s.s without incident. "Nice shirt." Kim, my best friend and shopping diva, gave me a mock glare and sat down next to me. "So. You see the new guy yet?" She looked around and lowered her voice as if it was a crime to be interested in someone new to our little school.

"Ah... no. And what does it matter? It's not like he's going to talk to us." I rol ed my eyes, a.s.suming some super-hot guy had just caught her attention, giving her something new to talk about. Kim loved to talk, that much I could count on. I opened up my history book and pretended to read, hoping she would drop the subject, but I knew better.

She was always so energetic. Most people had good days, bad days, and most people's moods could go from hot to cold... but not Kim. She was ful speed ahead, no on-off switch. I loved her for it! Besides, she helped to keep me looking on the bright side of life.

"Come on girl, when he sees you he'l fal madly in love and beg you for your hand in marriage." She giggled and then quieted down as Mr. Brashear started the cla.s.s. I didn't respond, and Kim didn't seem to notice. She pretended to read her history book and began texting whoever she was always texting.

Kim had friends at other schools and they literal y texted non-stop. I kicked her leg and she grunted, dropping her phone. It clattered on her desk and I smiled. She shot me a death stare and threatened me under her breath.

I zoned out like I did every time the word "history" came up. After al , this cla.s.s was al about what had already been done before. When it was over, I didn't have any idea what the teacher had said.

But there is one thing I wil never forget as long as I live. The person who changed my world forever...

Chapter II.

"Michael Alexander is new to the area. We as a cla.s.s would like to welcome you to Borah High." Mr. Brashear introduced Michael and showed him to a seat just one over from mine. It was as if the world stopped and everyone in the room froze. I somehow stepped out of time and s.p.a.ce. His blond, almost wheat-colored hair spiked up softly, wildly, in the most out-of-control, amazing way. As he moved through the motionless room, I felt his presence.

I was staring, but I was too numb to realize it. As he looked around the room smiling, I felt my heart speed up as his bright blue eyes fel on me. It was him, Mr. Napkins, the same guy I saw at Moxie Java. I was Miss Coffee Spil but I so wanted to be Mrs. Napkins. I turned my face away as I felt the heat rise to the surface of my face like boiling water.

Michael moved with smooth musical grace. I was gawking at him. I hoped he wouldn't notice my staring. This was so stupid. Why was I acting like this? I wasn't boy crazy. I knew, somewhere inside, it was not just because he was hot. Ridiculously, impossibly hot.

Something else drew me to him. Something that felt-dangerous. It wasn't 'I'm going to be suddenly hit by a bus while crossing the street' dangerous; it was more like biting down hard on an achy tooth. It was a delicious pain. It was as if the universe was not only cal ing my number, but that I realized I had been waiting in line al this time, and I was stunned to find the ticket in my hand. I held my breath without realizing it. The feeling was overpowering. Come on Airel, you don't believe in this sort of thing! Snap out of it-now!

He looked straight ahead and I shook my head ungraceful y. Just as fast as the room had stopped, it began to speed up and I felt a hand on my shoulder. Kim had a big dumb grin al over her face and her eyes were sparkling. "Wow, girl! You are as red as a lobster!"

"What?" I said, it came out like a raspy, forced whisper, but it was al I could manage. Kim was trying not to break out laughing. I slunk down behind my history book. "Shut up, Kim!" But she just smiled and blinked as if she had no idea what I was talking about.

The next thing I remembered was the cla.s.s bel ringing. I jumped up and rushed out the back door, desperate for the bathroom. I turned on the cold water and ran my wet hands over my flushed cheeks, trying to cool myself down and shake my groggy mind from this maddening fog.

"Aw, man!" My face looked like I just had my first kiss and then sat under a heat lamp for the fun of it. I didn't hear Kim come in but I could feel her stare as she stood by the door with her foot jammed at the bottom of the door to prevent anyone from coming in.

"So... you see the new guy?" She was trying to keep from laughing and her voice squeaked as she hugged herself.

I shook my head and rubbed the back of my neck. "Whatever! I was hot! That cla.s.sroom... it's always so muggy!" I pul ed my hair into a ponytail and splashed more cold water on the back of my neck. I was relieved to see that I was returning to my normal, somewhat pale complexion.

Kim just grunted and smirked as she looked down at her nails, inspecting them, and looked up at me in little s.n.a.t.c.hes of concern. "Wel I think he's ugly.

Besides, what kind of a name is Michael Alexander?" she said in a mocking tone. "It's like he has two first names." She was pushing it now and her face was calm. Much too calm. She was total y messing with me.

I smiled and his face fil ed my mind for a split second. I could feel the heat rising again. I thought of al the dumb 80's song lyrics that my parents continual y tortured me with. "Hey! You and I both know he's gorgeous. I don't know what came over me. The room was spinning and I lost track of time. It was weird."

I couldn't make my mind stop. It was racing, replaying every second of our first meeting. The coffee, his hand, his smile. He looked at me, looked me right in the eyes and I could feel him searching, as if he knew me. My heart fluttered and I had this insane desire to cry and laugh al at the same time.

Kim made a kissing sound and ran to grab me, but I brushed her off and locked myself in an empty stal . "Love, Airel! You so just went al googly-eyed over him."

I felt a pain shoot through my side, then a wave of warmth washed over me and I was instantly depressed. h.e.l.lo, rollercoaster! Wow, what's your name? Could it be Michael Alexander? Ugh. Or maybe it's just barf. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Loooove sick!" Kim was enjoying my discomfort, but I turned and instantly threw up, barely making it into the toilet. Oh, dear G.o.d. This is fun. I was total y heaving in the high school bathroom-not the best place to be sick. Kim snapped out of her taunting and rushed in to help me. After al , she was my best friend.

As I lost my dinner and yesterday's lunch and started to wonder if maybe I should have had breakfast after al -was that why I was al of a sudden so sick? Skipping breakfast? Kim held my hair and rubbed my back. I didn't know I was crying until I saw a stream of tears escape and fal to the floor. I'm crying! Why am I crying?

My stomach felt like a knife was plunged into it and my whole body convulsed as I stood up on shaking legs. Kim helped me to the nurse's station and I was soon on my way home, but this time in the pa.s.senger seat. Trusty Kim was driving my trusty Civic. Good thing Mom was at work and Dad was, too. I hoped I would be feeling better by the time they came home. They had a tendency to go overboard when I got sick. I think it's a parent thing.

Kim was in the kitchen making some chicken noodle soup for me. My arms tingled and I was cold. I needed to get some sleep. Even though it was the middle of the day I went up to my room and laid down.

Chapter III.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and dried tears on my face. I couldn't remember what had happened the rest of the previous day.

I had a vague recol ection of Kim putting me to bed, and Mom and Dad coming in at some point with that worried look pa.s.sing between them.

I remembered parts of a nightmare with a black figure, a horrible cloaked presence, walking toward me slowly, trailing black tar like some enormous, evil snail. I had to admit, that scared the c.r.a.p out of me. Dreams could be weird, that much I knew from experience, but I had never had any that were quite so vivid.

I lay in bed, processing, trying to wriggle out from the remains of yesterday. It had wrapped me up in a coc.o.o.n of thoughts and a tangle of blankets. I final y realized that I had swapped ends in the night; my head was at the foot of my bed and my feet were on my pil ow. Whoa, I must have slept rough -rougher than usual, anyway. After a few minutes, I pul ed myself up on my elbows and looked at the clock. Wonder of al wonders, I had time before school. I rol ed my eyes and struggled out of bed-backwards-and trudged to the bathroom. Guess bad dreams have good points to them. At least I have time for a decent start to my day. Maybe today will be better.

Inevitably, I thought about him. Michael Alexander fluttered into and around my thoughts and I started to blush. It was real y weird, because I could see his face just as clear as if he was standing right in front of me. Normal y I couldn't do that with guys I liked. Come on Airel. Get a hold of yourself. What a moron!

I turned on the shower to super hot and waited for it to kick in. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the dark circles under my eyes were surprisingly faint. Man, I would think after a night like that I would look like the corpse bride.

I flashed a fake smile into the mirror and that made me smile for real. I didn't real y think that I was al that, but I knew I had a few good things going for me. In this case, I was going to use everything I had. Jeez, Airel, what are you thinking? What, now you're going to ask him out? What if he didn't even really notice you? You're going to look like such an idiot when he turns you down, or worse...

After a long hot shower I pul ed on my blue jeans and my favorite t-shirt; the one with Bob Marley on it. I pul ed my hair back in a ponytail. I always had to do that after a shower, otherwise it would get frizzy and curl like no one's business. It would turn into a puffbal or a fro.

My house was like most houses. There were several bedrooms, a family room, and a kitchen. My dad liked to go overkil on everything though, so we had stone arches in between the living room and kitchen and the best, plushest, carpet money could buy. Upstairs was my room, my parents' room, and two spare rooms: one for guests and one for Kim.

Kim stayed the night at least three times a week. Mom had set up a room just for her, but most of the time she slept in my room. We would end up talking al night about boys, clothes, or whatever we happened to be thinking about at the time. So the spare room col ected al her junk and turned out to be more of a storage room than anything else.

I put two strawberry pop tarts in the toaster and noticed that it was raining outside. Great! One day of sunshine and I was sick all through it. I made a mental note to grab a light jacket before I left the house. I felt fine today, I noticed. Other than the bad dream, I felt good. I wanted to get out and do something after school, but that wouldn't be happening, not with this weather.

Boise, Idaho was like any other mid-sized town in the west. We thought we were a bigger city, but we stil had that smal , hometown feel. I liked that we got al four seasons; a good wet spring, a nice summer that would hit the dry hundreds for a few weeks, and a long fal with cool mornings, mild days, and changing leaves on some of the nicer drives, such as Warm Springs or Harrison Boulevard.