He just shrugged, but there was no more debate. The men had just agreed that Nicky and Ares would go with Nathaniel and me. We were winning, so I kept my mouth shut and made a list of questions to ask later.

'We'll need a couple of things before we head out,' I said.

'More weapons,' Nicky, Bram, and Ares said at the same time.

I actually blushed a little. 'I thought that went without saying.' I turned to Al. 'Where can we buy the biggest dog collar you can find, and a good leash?'

'Why do you need it? Is he dangerous off leash in cat form?'

'No, but we're about to go into the woods with a bunch of spooked and tired armed men. Off leash he's a big, black, predatory cat; I don't want anyone shooting Nathaniel by accident. With me holding his leash they'll adjust to the idea that he's helping with the search and rescue like a dog.'

'We don't need to buy a collar or a leash,' Nathaniel said.

'I think Anita is right,' Al said. 'You on a leash will help everyone adjust to you helping out.'

'It's not that,' Nathaniel said.

'You brought yours,' I said.

He nodded, managing to look both happy and shy about it. Asher and I had bought it for him. Asher, who had been Jean-Claude's second-in-command, his temoin, which was the word for a second in an old French-style duel. Asher of the golden hair and the angelic face and the devil's own temper. Asher had been Nathaniel's dominant and my top when we played bondage games, but that was before Asher was exiled to another city for behaving like a spoiled, insanely jealous centuries-old master vampire. The collar had been mostly Asher's idea, but Nathaniel loved wearing it. He said it made him feel safe and loved. Me, a collar and leash would just piss me off, but what makes your lovers feel loved doesn't always have to make sense to you, only to them. Some women feel loved if you do the dishes without being reminded; some men feel loved if you'll play a video game with them, others if you buy them a collar and a nice leash and occasionally lead them around by it.

Micah smiled and shook his head. 'I'm not sure I'm going to feel up to helping you use it.'

Nathaniel gave him a solemn face, touching his arm. 'I know that, Micah. It makes me feel better to have it with me, that's all.'

Micah smiled and looked a little puzzled. I think Micah understood Nathaniel's enjoyment of the collar and leash even less than I did; at least I liked to be topped in the bedroom, and he didn't. He let Jean-Claude take blood from him, and to donate blood you had to be willing to submit. I actually found the two of them together incredibly erotic and proved it more than once, but I'd never asked Micah how he felt about the submission. It hadn't occurred me to ask until this moment. Of course, this was probably not the time to ask; uh, no.

'Is it in the bags in the SUV or the ones back at the hotel?' I asked.

'I'm not sure what bags are where. I didn't divide them up,' Nathaniel said.

'Which bag was it in?' Ares asked.

'If I say the small black one, will that help?' He smiled when he said it.

Ares shook his head, smiling, too. 'No.'

'Let's check the back, and if it's not there we'll hit the hotel,' Nicky said.

We all agreed it sounded like a plan, but that meant we had to leave Micah at the hospital. It seemed wrong to leave him behind to deal with his dad and everything. He touched my face. 'It's okay, Anita. I've got this.'

I hugged him, putting our faces close together and our bodies closer, so that we fit against each other like puzzle pieces. I breathed in the closeness of him, let my body sink against his, and felt him do the same. We held each other, and I said, 'I love you.'

'I love you more,' he said back.

Nathaniel came up beside us, wrapping his arms around both of us, so that we all leaned into one another. 'I love you most.' We opened our arms and drew him in to us, so that the three of us fit together and held one another for a moment.

It was Micah who moved away first. 'Go, I'll be all right.'

We each had one of his hands in ours. I nodded and let go of him. Nathaniel held on a moment longer.

'Be careful,' Micah said. He turned to Nicky. 'All of you,' and he gave the guy handshake that turned into a one-armed hug. 'Bring them back to me.'

Nicky smiled and said, 'Always.'

'It's okay,' Ares said. 'We can just shake.'

Micah smiled and shook his hand.

Dev stepped up to me and said, 'I want a hug.'

I smiled and shook my head at him, but I hugged him. I started to pull away, and he put his hand along my face, cupping the edge of my face in his hand. It made me look up at him. The look in his blue-brown eyes was way too serious for our Devil. I might have asked what was up, but he smiled and said, 'Go. I'll be charming to the local cops, since Bram sucks at that.'

Bram said, 'I'm good at my job, that's all the charm I need.'

Dev went back to joking with Bram in that guy way that is affectionate and also hides whatever else they're feeling. What had that serious look been about? If I'd dropped my shields enough I could have known what Dev was feeling and maybe what he was thinking. I could know what the look had meant, but first that was like peeking at someone's diary without permission, and second once I lowered my shields that much, it could open me up to all the men I was metaphysically tied to, and sometimes it was harder to put the shields back in place lately. We had civilians lost out there in the dark; they had to be priorities, or that was what I told myself as I followed Deputy Al through the doorway and into the hall beyond. Nathaniel slipped his hand into my left hand, leaving my gun hand free. Nicky and Ares trailed behind.

CHAPTER 22

Nathaniel's suitcase was in the back of the SUV, and so was my extra armament. The guards had kept my extra gear where I could get hold of it on purpose; that Nathaniel's stuff was with us, too, was a happy accident, but it meant we didn't have to go to the hotel for anything. I realized I hadn't even seen the hotel yet. There was a chance I wouldn't see it before dawn, but if we found the two missing Crawford men it would be worth losing sleep.

We followed Al's marked police car, though really it was an SUV, which made more sense for the area. Ares drove our SUV, Nicky rode shotgun, and Nathaniel and I had the backseat to ourselves. I was holding his hand, so warm and real in the dimness of the car as we drove away from the city and farther into the mountains. I wasn't worried about the two men in the front seat. I loved Nicky, but he could take care of himself. Ares was a good guy, but again, he could take care of himself. I'd insisted that Nathaniel go to the range with me until he shot well with almost any gun I could give him. After the bomber in the club, Nicky and I had insisted that Nathaniel learn self-defense. If the bomber had been as well trained as the rest of us we might not have won, but lucky for us he'd been an amateur. If he hadn't been, the man sitting beside me would have died.

I let the hard lump in my gut make me scared. I was taking him into the mountains, the forest, and trusting to his beast, his leopard, to keep him safe. It seemed like a bad plan suddenly. He meant more to me than two strangers. Funny, risking me was one thing, risking him was another. Even though because he was my leopard to call, when I was injured I drained his life to heal mine. For most 'vampires' if you killed their human servant they usually died with them, and vice versa, but animals to call were rarer even among the master vampires. The death of your animal to call could kill you, too, or just weaken you enough to make you easier prey for the hunters. So technically I endangered Nathaniel every time I endangered myself, but that was more abstract than him sitting here in the dark beside me. This felt way more real.

'You don't have to do this,' I said, my voice low not because I didn't think the men in the front seat would hear me but because something about a car at night always made me feel quieter.

He turned to me in the dimness of the car. I couldn't see his face clearly; more the outline of it, and some points, but most of him was lost to shadow. You always forget how dark it is without electric lights, but now he was just inches away and his face was almost blacked out. There was nothing but trees on either side of the road, with almost no lights of any kind but the headlights that plowed ahead into the darkness.

'I want to help,' he said.

'It's not your job,' I said.

'Anita, in leopard form I'm better than in human form.'

'Better at what?'

'Fighting, surviving.'

'Why?'

It was Nicky who answered from the front seat, turning so his yellow hair was a ghost-pale fall covering the shadow of his face. 'The beast lets us react more selfishly. We don't think of the better good or shit like that; we react, we survive. In leopard form Nathaniel will take care of himself more.'