*curtains close*

???: Why, h.e.l.lo there. If this is our first meeting, well, then this certainly shan't be our last. If I have met you before, well, welcome back. I hope that I won't be detaining you for long.

*curtains open. A man sits in an office room*

Host (offstage): Do not be startled. Yes, the good man may be questionable, and, yes, his motives are questionable. But, c'mon, there's no preventing his visits. Ladies, and gentlemen, I give you, Death.

Death: h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo. Now, before we get into what we do here in, well, what you would call "h.e.l.l". (Your casual use of that term is quite offensive by the way. I mean, how would you like if someone constantly compared your home to a sh*thole, without even visiting your home in the first place?) Now, I know you have questions. But before I answer them, I will, like any good CEO, introduce myself. I am an employer. I mean, you have all eternity here. You might as well pa.s.s the time by doing something. Sure, sure, you'll most likely work long, unfulfilling hours for little- sorry, I beg your pardon- no pay. It'll just be like working as an intern for a multinational. Except we won't take part in unethical practices. Most of the time. Now, let's meet one of our fine workers.

*curtains close*

Death (offstage): Alright, are you ready?

???: Wait, ready for what?

*curtains open. Rows of office cubicles, with Death leaning over one positioned in the centre*

Death: Here we

???: Sir, who are you talking to?

Death: Hush, child, hush. I'm speaking to our future clients and potential employees.

???: Why would you even need more employees? Besides, why do you even need employees?

Death: Have you seen the paperwork? Bad question. Let me try again: Do you think I can be bothered to go through all the paperwork? Tell me, Susan, was it? Tell me, what have you done today thus far?

Susan: Sir, my name's actually Sus

Death: Look, I really don't care. There's around 10 billion of your sort around here. Just answer my question.

Susan: Well, today I've filed doc.u.ments for 1000 mayflies, some 200 fish of varying species, and ten billion bacteria cells.

Death: NANI? Sorry, slip of the tongue. You know, I was quite popular back in Hiros.h.i.+ma.

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