But by the time he'd stowed the paint can and cleaned his brush he was feeling guilty enough to check the message.

"I hope you can at least come by today, if even for a few minutes," said Mom. "The girls are going to be disappointed if you don't."

Yeah, use the Steps to lure me over, thought Zach in disgust as he started for the shower. For the Steps he'd come. Which meant he needed to do some Christmas shopping. He couldn't go over there the day before Christmas Eve with nothing for the girls.

What to get them? For a moment he considered gift cards to Heavenly Lattes since they were both caffeine addicts, but the idea of turning into his mother, the gift-card queen, made him reject the idea. Well, he'd think of something.

He was just pulling on his T-shirt when Ray called. "Hey, your friend Merilee's on the Mandy Day show."

"What?"

"AM 770. She's talking about pet adoption and she's got some white cat she's trying to give away."

Zach barely gave Ray a chance to finish talking. He ended the call, ran to his computer, and started streaming the program.

Merilee's voice danced out to him, reaching for his heart. "Yes, the shelter is open today, and you can still adopt an animal in time for Christmas."

"Well, this little white kitty you've been talking about sounds adorable," said Mandy.

"She is. She'd make a wonderful addition to some lucky family."

Suddenly, Zach knew just the lucky family. As soon as Merilee was off the air he called her. "Did anyone take your cat yet?"

"No, but I'm sure someone will," she said, forced cheer in her voice. "I'm on my way to the shelter with her right now."

"No need," Zach said. "I've got someone."

"You do? Really?"

"Yep. I'm going to give her to my stepsisters for Christmas. They'll spoil her to death."

"Oh, that's wonderful," said Merilee.

Hearing the relief in her voice made him feel like a superhero.

"Zach, I don't know how I can ever thank you," she said breathlessly.

A kiss would be good. No! No kisses.

"If you meet me at my place I can give you all of Queenie's things."

And a kiss.

No! No kisses, no ... nothing.

He pulled into the parking lot of the Angel Arms just as Merilee was taking Queenie out of the back of her car. The way Merilee's eyes lit up at the sight of him made his heart swell with something he hadn't felt in a long time, something he refused to acknowledge.

"I'm so excited that you found a home for Queenie," she said as they loaded the cat into Zach's Land Rover.

"Glad to help," he said. No lie. He was genuinely glad to find a home for the cat. And come to Merilee's rescue. As a friend, a friend who wanted benefits. He gave himself a mental slap and put a civilized smile on his face as they walked together to her apartment.

Inside it was warm and cozy. He took in the little tree with its vintage ornaments and the tinsel garland she'd hung up. It made him think of old movies and women's magazines, in which everything looked perfect and enticing.

"This will just take me a minute," said Merilee. She bent and picked a cat toy off the floor, giving Zach a nice view of her curvy backside and making his mouth go dry. Then she was off to another part of the apartment, her voice echoing back to him, "I've got some extra cat litter left I can give you. And some cat food. Oh, and Queenie's toys."

How about a kiss? "Great," he called.

She had everything collected in a few minutes and soon Zach was standing in the doorway loaded up with cat litter, a cat box, and a bag filled with toys and cans of cat food, with nothing left to say. Well, he could think of things to say, none of them wise.

Good-bye. Say good-bye.

Merilee looked gratefully up at him. "I can't thank you enough," she said, and then she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

The next thing he knew the cat paraphernalia was falling to the floor and he was drawing Merilee to him and making sure her lips connected with his this time around. She was soft and s.e.xy and she smelled good and ... what was he doing? He broke the kiss and put her firmly away from him.

She stood staring at him, her eyes wide.

"Sorry, that was out of line," he muttered.

"No, it wasn't." She grabbed his arms and pulled him back to her and latched onto his lips.

How could a man be rude and step away when a woman wanted him? Zach gave in to temptation and kissed her back and his greedy hands started a sneaky exploration of her curves. She moaned and the scouting party grew bolder.

And then, some rotten spoilsport voice at the back of his head demanded, "What do you think you're doing? This isn't some good-timing bimbo. This is a nice girl. If you're not going to go all the way to the altar back off."

Of course, the little voice was right. Zach pulled away.

She looked at him, confused. "Zach?"

"That was a bad idea."

"I didn't think so," she said softly.

"Well, it was," he a.s.sured her, and knelt to pick up the things he'd dropped.

She knelt, too. "Zach, what you said the other night, is that the only reason you don't want to be with me? I mean, it isn't ... is there something wrong with me?" she finished in a small voice.

"No. Oh, G.o.d, no." How could he explain heart failure to someone with a perfect family and a perfect life, someone who was loved and obviously had no trouble giving love? He stood up, fumbling with everything and grabbing for the door handle. "Look, I've got to go. Uh, merry Christmas," he added stupidly, and backed out the door.

He left the apartment at a brisk pace and was practically running by the time he got to the parking lot. Once he reached the Land Rover he put the collection of cat goodies into the back and then fell in behind the steering wheel and let out a long breath.

Queenie meowed, reminding him that he had one more female to get rid of.

The sooner the better, he told himself.

Merilee collapsed on her couch and gave the cushion a furious slap. This wasn't right. How could a man kiss a woman with such pa.s.sion and then run away? And not just any man, the perfect man. It wasn't right. It was so ... un-Christmas.

A knock on the door brought her up and instantly off the couch. He'd come back. She knew he would! Dashing away her tears, she ran to the door and yanked it open.

There stood Mrs. Winnamucker, her lips pursed into a prim smile. "I just stopped by to see if you'd found..." She stopped mid-sentence, taking in Merilee's tear-stained face and unhappy expression. "Oh, my dear, are you all right?"

"Yes, I found a home for the cat," Merilee snapped. "And no, I'm not. Merry Christmas," she added, and shut the door in Mrs. Winnamucker's face.

The aroma of chocolate and cinnamon tickled Zach's taste buds the minute he walked through the front door of his mother's house. It smelled like Mom and the Steps had been busy baking. The aroma triggered memories from his early childhood, back when he'd had a mother and a father in the same house and his life had been coc.o.o.ned inside a false sense of security. Mom had always made cookies for Santa and then let Zach and David consume most of them.

That was another woman, another time.

This woman still looked like a stranger to him. Her brown hair was salted with gray and she'd gained a few pounds over the years. She was still a good-looking woman, though. Today she looked put-together in a simple black sweater and jeans. Looking at her, Zach thought of Martha Stewart (only without the ankle monitor).

"Thanks for stopping by," she greeted him. "Now it finally feels like Christmas." She kissed him on the cheek and gave him a hug.

He gave her a shadow of a hug in return, then broke away. The disappointment in her eyes made him feel guilty.

Except he had nothing to feel guilty about. He hadn't abandoned anyone. Anyway, he was here. That should be enough for her. He held up the cat carrier. "I brought a present for the girls."

She followed his lead, stepping away from the awkward moment and peering into the carrier. "Well, aren't you cute," she cooed.

"Think they'll like her?"

"Absolutely." Mom went to the foot of the stairs and called, "Kendra, Natalie, your brother's here."

It was only a matter of seconds before he heard feet rushing along the upstairs hall. Then Natalie was running down the stairs, blond hair flying. "Zachie!"

Behind her came Kendra, the oldest, her pace a little slower, but her smile just as big. "About time you came by," she said when she took her turn to hug him.

"Just dropping off your Christmas present," he said.

"I guess that means you have to work tomorrow," said Kendra, her voice full of disapproval.

"Afraid so." He bent to take Queenie from her cat carrier.

"Oh, my gosh, a kitty!" squealed Natalie, taking the cat from him and snuggling her close. "I always wanted a cat. You are such a smart brother," she added, beaming up at him.

That was him, Mr. Smart. "Her name's Queenie."

"She's adorable," said Kendra, running a hand along Queenie's head. "Thanks."

"Queenie. That's so cute," said Natalie. "Queen of the house. Queen of our hearts."

Gag me, thought Zach. Still, he was pleased that his present was a hit. Merilee would be glad to hear it.

Never mind Merilee. She is out of the picture.

But not out of his thoughts, where she was firmly camped out wearing that Santa hat.

He dragged his mind back to the moment at hand. "You've got to keep an eye on this cat," he warned. "She likes to try and go outside."

"Well, then, maybe we should let her," said Mom, as the girls danced over to the living room couch with the new baby.

Zach watched as Natalie pulled out her cell phone to snap a picture. "No. She'd get hurt out there. Anyway, outside cats can pick up diseases."

His mother c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. "You're becoming quite an animal expert these days. Where did you get all this information, anyway?"

"From a friend." The minute the words were out of his mouth he knew he'd made a mistake. His mother's radar had picked up something.

"What kind of friend?"

Zach shrugged. "Just a friend."

"As in n.o.body we get to ask about," Kendra translated with a c.o.c.ked eyebrow of her own.

"As in, go play with your cat," he retorted and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"I've got your gift in the kitchen," said Mom, starting to lead the way through the living room.

Zach balked. "I should get going."

"Just stay a few minutes," she urged. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."

Zach gave up. She'd managed to give him a few good years. He could give her a few minutes.

In the kitchen he saw the plate of cookies wrapped in red cellophane sitting on the oak table and his mouth watered like he was one of Pavlov's dogs. There were the chocolate b.a.l.l.s she used to make, the frosted Christmas trees, and the gingerbread boys.

She caught him looking at it and said, "Yes, those are for you."

He nodded, his neck stiff with embarra.s.sment.

"Sit down," she said, and he perched on the edge of a chair. "I'm so glad you could come by."

He couldn't think of anything to say to that, at least nothing that would ring true, so he simply nodded again.

She poured him a mug of coffee and set it in front of him, then nudged the sugar bowl his direction. "Sugar?" She bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't even know what you take in your coffee. How pathetic is that?"

"Pretty pathetic," he informed her. Just like her mothering skills.

Amazingly, she seemed to have done okay by the Steps. He took a sip of coffee. Bitter.

She sat across the table from him now, picking at a perfectly manicured fingernail. "You know my biggest regret?"

"No, but I bet you're going to tell me." Now he sounded snotty, just like he had when she'd first asked him what he thought of Al, like he'd sounded after she'd informed him she was leaving and he and David were staying behind with Dad. He frowned.

She sighed deeply. "My biggest regret is that I didn't make you come with me when we moved."

"Make me? You never even gave me the option. s.h.i.t, Mom, are we doing revisionist history here?"