I sighed and squeezed her hand. 'I feel torn right now. I want to be with you but I have to find closure with Lucy somehow and I feel blocked.'

'Finding closure will take longer than a day or two. But you can tell me about her. After all, I hardly know anything about her.'

I felt a big lump rise in my throat and rather didn't want to talk about it. Fiona saw that I was struggling and kissed me tenderly but sensually on my mouth, what nevertheless stole my breath for a moment.

'I can't always be the weak and sick one and you the one to take care of me.' I said.

'That doesn't matter. But it can't be that our relationship fails because you are afraid of letting me in.' She was raising her voice now. 'Isn't it more important what I think of you? I know how you really are but it would be nice if you wouldn't always retreat into your sh.e.l.l, especially in hard situations. How shall I ever understand you, if you never want to tell me anything? I want to understand.' She stressed the last few words. Then she sighed. 'Sometimes I feel punished by you for not having cancer.'

'Why, how? I stammered confusedly. That was the last thing I ever intended.

'Because you automatically a.s.sume that I couldn't possibly know how you feel and therefore, you shut me out.' She threw her hands in the air. 'Sure, I didn't have to endure all the pain on my own body but I also went through h.e.l.l. Do you really think, that I never cried or felt lost?' A single tear now ran down her cheek. 'See, now I am crying as well.' She laughed to cover it up.

'I know that it has also been hard on you and it warms my heart even more that you are still here. Maybe from time to time I need it, that you tell me what I have to do differently. I've been on my own and with other sick people so much that apparently, I don't remember, how to socially behave.' I shrugged apologetically. 'It's easier for me to write thoughts down or draw them.'

'You can do that, too. I'm always happy about your letters and comics and I feel honored that I am one of the first who gets to read them. I just would like us to learn how to treat each other, when we are within close proximity and one of us isn't doing too well.' She reached for my hands again. 'It's always easy to be with people who are feeling great. But you are so important to me that I also want to make it through the bad times with you. Because with you I feel completely at ease.'

I softly traced my finger along her face. Her words were like a soft cloud that caught me in my fall into a dark abyss and the cloud was lifting me up again.

'Sure, sometimes it would be easier to have a healthy athlete as a boyfriend. But even with him, I would have problems, the past has taught me that enough. With you, I feel that you take me serious and I am convinced that we will make it far together.'

I squeezed her against me and kissed her on the spot between her neck and her earlobe. 'I love you, Fiona.'

She smiled up into my eyes and despite everything that was going on or everything bad that had been, I knew that we would be okay. More than okay.

Postcards.

The last two letters of Fiona's trip arrived regardless of the rollercoaster of emotions that was going on.

Hi Kev!.

Vienna is another amazing city where we can do everything we wish for. So, three days are not enough by far. We're Couchsurfing again. This time we're staying with 4 girls who share an apartment. I'd choose them as my roommates right away, they're totally cool! We went out together and everyone was sharing clothes and makeup with everyone and helping with the styling. Very practical and likeable.

Here, all the buildings are beautiful, too. They were built during the time of art nouveau and therefore there are many ornaments on the facades. We also visited the first house that was designed by the famous architect Hundertwa.s.ser. He made these houses with lots of colorful rocks and slant walls. I bought you a postcard of it.

Of course, we also went to the Prater, this little amus.e.m.e.nt park with the well-known Ferris wheel. We went into the "Fun House". It was a house with moving stairs, things you had to climb up or climb through and the whole time you had to wear these gla.s.ses which made you feel drunk. It was hilarious J !

Then, we went to the castle of Elizabeth (Sisi) and Franz-Joseph, the emperors. The park of Schnbrunn was vast and there was an impressive fountain. I'd have liked to visit the zoo but unfortunately, we didn't have time and it was rather expensive, too.

Yesterday, I went into one of the various art museums. There was an exhibition of surrealist Salvador Dali. His paintings are very bizarre but that makes them so interesting.

Amanda was taking a nap on one of the benches in front of the museum during that time, she was so tired J.

Now, we're on the train to our last destination, Budapest.

Much love, still missing you terribly.

Fiona.

The second letter was in the same envelope. So where the two postcards. One showed the colorful house she talked about and on the other was the view of some of Budapest's castles and churches by night.

My dearest Kevin.

Good that we went to the tourist information when we arrived because they told us about the free guided tours there are. It's offered by students and they take you to all the important sights and specialties of Budapest and they also give you some information about the history of the landmarks. It was very interesting and informative! Plus, we met some other nice Americans with whom we then had lunch. The city is very nice during the day but its real beauty only awakes in the dark. There were open-air music stages everywhere and people are just chilling with a beer wherever they can sit down. It was simply such a nice atmosphere! Unfortunately, it started pouring at 11 pm and everyone was running for shelter. It was a real summer storm, short but intense. Like the one that happened when we went mini golfing, remember?

We were undoubtedly lucky with the weather on this trip. Only slight rain in Venice and now in Budapest but other than that it was pretty much the perfect summer weather!

Now just one more night in our youth hostel. One more night of Europe and adventures. It was a great journey and I think I could go on for longer but not without you. I miss you and I'm very much looking forward to seeing you tomorrow (in American time J).

*kiss*

Fiona.

Epilogue.

Dear Fiona.

First of all, congratulations on your graduation from university! So much has happened in the past years. Together we walked through highs and lows and we surely aren't the same anymore, as we were in High School. However, one thing has not changed at all and that is, that I want to be with you. I am proud of you, that you have your teaching diploma and the children on Long Island will get fitter again, thanks to the best sport teacher they can have and I am looking forward to new adventures with you in our apartment at the beach. Enclosed you find a small novel experiment. If it's ok with you, I will publish it, because I think it's too good to just keep it to ourselves. But you can decide, after all I am already doing quite well with the dog comics.

But now, first I can't wait to go to Mexico with you for a well-deserved holiday.

I love you.

Kevin.

Chocolate Cake Recipe.

125 g b.u.t.ter 6 egg yolks.

125 g sugar 125g dark chocolate.

125 g flour 6 egg whites.

Mix the b.u.t.ter with the egg yolks and the sugar. In the meantime, melt the chocolate and then add it to the mixture. Mix again and then combine it with the flour. Then whisk the egg whites until they are stiff and carefully mix it with the chocolate dough.

Put the liquid dough into a cake form and put it in the oven at 180 degrees with circulating air for 60min.

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