A Sketch of What You Mean to Me.

S. L. Giger.

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

(Maya Angelou).

Acknowledgment.

This is a very special story to me because it is the first story I've started to write. I worked on some other books in between and therefore it's not the first book I finished but still, it was the story that ignited my writing spark. Or how would you react if you were 17 and one of your favorite people half around the world gets diagnosed with cancer? I was never good at talking about feelings and I felt stupid writing a diary but somehow, when packing the emotions into a fictional story, the words just kept flowing. Therefore, I thank my family Swiss and American for all the above all happy moments we shared and which gave me the ability to come up with something imaginary. I, a student for whom essay writing was torture. Thank you for giving me the time to write and letting me work on my laptop for hours. Then, I want to thank my editor, James, who turned my initial outburst of emotions into a coherent story with depth. Further, I thank my beta readers Marina, Elsbeth, Mirella and Cornelia for their great inputs which also helped to make the story better. And I thank my proofreaders Pat and Lizzy for spotting the mistakes and turning the ma.n.u.script into something professional. And at last, thank you, reader, for choosing this book, I hope you'll like it.

Prologue.

How did I get here? That's just one of the questions that circled in my head. Losing my dad way too early had taught me to spend time with family and friends while you have them and let them know that they are important. My mom had done a good job in raising me to a decent young guy, who you could count on and who is true to his word. So, how could I purposely disappoint someone so much? How could I have been so cruel to the person I loved most? The only person I ever truly loved. I knew that by what I had done, I had made our separation final. I would never expect her or anyone to forgive me for that. But, how and why did I let it get to this point?.

Chapter 1.

'Hey Kev, long time no see!' With this phrase and a vigorous slap on my back, I got welcomed by my best friend Eric as soon as I stepped out of my pickup truck onto the crowded parking lot of Baldwin High. Of course, his statement wasn't true. While he did spend a lot of time with his girlfriend, Lea, we also helped working on a house together during vacations, to upgrade our pocket money.

'Yeah, weird to be back on school ground after almost three months of freedom.' Since we were seniors now, we automatically moved up to the parking spots closest to the school this year. I observed how a group of new 9th graders left the bus and walked to the entrance huddled together as one pack, clinging to the straps of their backpacks which looked somewhat too big on them.

'Were we that short when we started?' I asked.

We watched how Roger, a hockey player from our grade, walked past them and waved, which lead to a lot of giggling between the girls.

'I don't remember but if we don't get into the game soon, Roger might get ahead of us.' Eric answered as we started walking towards school. We had this tradition at our school where we'd accidentally send a new student to the chorus room in the attic if the room he was looking for actually was right near the entrance. We didn't do that because we were bad people. That's mainly how it was and always had been at our school. When I started high school, the seniors were our kings and queens and that year it was our turn.

'I'm more excited about the first meet of the season.' I said. Like every fall I joined the cross country team. I was a great runner. It had never been a problem for me to run a long distance. When I ran I could free my mind of anything that was bothering me. It was my balance to my daily life. I am not sure where I had this from. My mom certainly was not a runner. I don't mean to say that she was lazy, she only didn't seem to like it somehow. So I probably inherited my dad's genes. But he died of cancer when I was two and therefore hadn't been a big influence in my choices.

'Is it against Freeport High?' Eric asked.

'Yes. We won last year, so we have to win again this year.' I underlined. Freeport High School was our neighbor school which naturally meant that we were the biggest rivals on whole Long Island.

'How about girls? Will you give Chloe another chance?' Eric winked at me.

'No way.' I punched him in his shoulder. 'Chloe is just too much work to be fun.' I rolled my eyes. 'How is Lea?' I changed the subject. He had been going out with the same girl for over a year. Therefore, we did not spend as much time with each other as in our childhood, where we were practically inseparable. Also, I was more the sporty kind of guy and he was the actor. In the school play every year. I did not understand much of this acting stuff but he honestly cracked me up sometimes, when he slipped into a role.

'Good. However, during the past week, she started to make comments about colleges. Now that the school year has begun it will only get worse. She won't give me a quiet minute until we are both accepted somewhere, of this I'm sure.' He frowned.

'Yeah, rather you than me.' I nodded at him. 'I think I'll just go to community college around here. I love Long Island. I like that we have four seasons despite being next to the ocean and that the climate in three of these seasons is great for jogging. Plus, we get less rain than NYC. Why would I want to move away from here?'

'I might stay here as well. Going to another school than you are attending will be weird anyway.'

'Lea has a bad influence on you. It's the first day and you are already talking about separation.' I smiled at him as we greeted some of our other cla.s.smates in the hallway. For now, we parted company. The only cla.s.ses we had together this semester were calculus and gym we didn't even have the same lunch period. I followed Angelique into the English cla.s.sroom, thinking that somehow, she had gotten better looking over the summer. In case the cla.s.s got too boring, I'd at least have somebody interesting to compare notes with. I made it through that lesson and when by the fourth lesson, my homework agenda was already filled up for the week, I thought that vacations could have continued a little longer.

My favorite part of the school day started after school when we met for track.

'Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all had a nice summer.' Our coach greeted us. 'I also hope that you didn't give your fitness too much of a break during the past months,' there was a bit of a mumble going through the team, 'because we only have seven training sessions until the first race. Therefore, let's get started.' He clapped his hands. '30 min of light lap jogging for a starter.' He blew his whistle and started to jog the first round as a role model. One after another, we started following him, most of us still talking to each other.

'Your new shoes look comfortable.' I said to Steve, who was running next to me.

'They are great. It's really like walking on clouds. I just wished I hadn't eaten so much ice cream over the summer.' He puffed his cheeks.

'One is always smarter afterward. I kept up a regular schedule with Josh. His dog gave us a good excuse to go running.' Indeed, I felt like this would be another good season for me.

'Good thinking. We need to beat these Tigers.' He replied. The meets were supposed to be amicable, but against our neighbors, it was predestined to be a nasty fight. The rivalry between our schools' Eagles and their Tigers had been going on since ever I could remember.

So, on the first meet of the season, the coach had some words of encouragement before the race. 'Let's go boys. Control your breathing. Don't get too excited. We killed them last year and we can repeat it again this year.'

I knew the course and felt confident, so that wasn't much of a problem. Plus, from training together during vacations, Josh and I were a good team. We kept close to each other and could switch to be the wind breaker. Two of the Tiger team managed to stay in our group and for a while it was the four of us competing against each other but in the end, Josh and I had most energy left and could break away.

'Great job, Kevin!' Josh high-fived me after we crossed the finish line.

'Well done yourself. That was almost too easy.' I breathed, trying to get my pulse back to normal. Some friends from school who had come along cheered and clapped on our backs. With our spirits high, we walked to the finish line of the girls' race and waited behind the red tape at the edge of the track. The girls had started after us and should be appearing on the home stretch soon as well. However, the first girl that appeared wasn't wearing our school colors. Despite that, it was as if my eyes were magically glued to her and all the surroundings suddenly became unimportant. It was like someone slowed down time or turned off all the noises. All my eyes noticed was this beautiful girl at the front who was leaving everyone else behind. d.a.m.n, she was good looking. Never ending legs were coming out of her sports shorts. Her brown hair was tied together to a ponytail, whipping back and forth with every step she took. Her skin glowed in the soft afternoon sunlight. Never had I noticed her before. I stared at her open-mouthed until she crossed the finish line. And then she jumped right into the arms of her boyfriend and I got suddenly brought back into reality. If the world had background music this would have been the moment where the record player was running low on battery, or the disc had a scratch. But of course, how could I believe for even a second that someone like her was single. And her boyfriend wasn't just anyone. He was the captain of the Tiger's football team. He used to be a runner too, but in 10th grade he switched because footballers are the ones with the broader shoulders. Even the girls of our school thought that he was s.e.xy. Didn't they realize that his "I am the funniest guy"- smile was fake and all these muscles came from eating too many steroids? A little overrated for my taste. The girls on my track team once described me as the Ryan Gosling type but without the beard. Plus, I usually covered my thick, dark blond hair with a baseball cap. I was naturally slim and somehow no matter how active I was, my muscles wouldn't grow much. Nevertheless, I had had enough dates to build up a healthy self-confidence, being told that I had a nice smile or pretty sparkling green eyes. Granted all that, at that moment I did not know what to do. I kept watching the pretty girl. She talked to her friends and they laughed at something she had said and then their coach exchanged a few words with her and she nodded quickly and determined. I wanted to get to know this Tiger girl. I needed a plan, a good one. Or just a little luck. Therefore, I first tried to squeeze some information out of my friends at school.

'I heard that she is after a scholarship and obviously has good chances of getting it. We will hear more about her this season.' Said Rob, one of my runner palls.

'What's her name?'

To my surprise, he also knew that answer.

'Fiona.'

'Why do you know such things and I don't?' I said, thinking that Fiona sounded exotic.

'I talked to Brittney. She was a bit upset about losing and somehow girls are always informed about everything. But if you are interested in her I have to warn you. Even you should have noticed that she is with Ryan.'

I swallowed and shook my head. n.o.body had to know about the excitement every thought of her provoked in me. Fiona. How could I see her again?

Maybe Sunday evening could help on. It was very important to my mom that she and I had at least a few meals a week together, when we'd spend time in each other's company and talk because when she was at work as a secretary in a law firm, I didn't see much of her during the week. But we only had each other and our 16-year-old chocolate lab, Brownie, and so we had a quite good bond.

However, it became a habit that Eric would come to dinner every Sunday evening as an extended family member. Perhaps he would have more insight into my dilemma with Fiona. Eric was the person I trusted more than anyone, sometimes even more than my judgement.

So, on Sunday, Eric came to dinner. When everybody was served and knives and forks were tinkling, my mom broke the comfortable silence.

'What's the next performance we can enjoy you in?' She asked Eric. My friends thought I had a pretty mom. Due to her work, she was always dressed smartly and her tight hairdos made her face look smooth and the few wrinkles disappear that had started to show in the past years. But at dinner, she was just my mom and I saw above all the kindness in her eyes.

'Actually, I will be on the real theater stage this winter.' Eric said after chewing and swallowing some lasagna.

'What do you mean by real theater stage?' My mom asked.

'At the Na.s.sau Performing Arts Center.' I said. 'He even has a line.'

'Oh, wow, great.' She raised her eyebrows. 'What play?'

'Kiss me, Kate. I'm a stage hand and only carry ladders and buckets across the stage. But the good thing is, I get paid $8 for every show.' He grinned.

'Soon, you will be rich and won't even have to go to college anymore.' I glanced at him.

'Good keyword.' My mom was speaking to me now. 'I ordered some brochures. Have a look at them next week and pick a few you like.'

'Wow, you can't wait to get rid of me, hm?' I said mockingly.

'Of course not. They are all from around here. I know you don't want to leave the state. But it's good to have options.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Good for you, Eric. You will forge ahead in the drama department.' My mom addressed him again.

He shrugged modestly but enjoyed the compliment.

After dinner, we went to my room.

'When you met Lea, why were you sure that she was worth the effort?' I sat on my office chair, which rolled back and gently crashed into my desk.

Eric lay on my bed. 'She is beautiful. And I can talk to her. She is like a second you but better looking.' He laughed.

'How did you get her to talk to you?' I asked.

Eric looked at me in a funny way. 'Since when are you interested in sentimental things?' He was right. Over the years I dated a few girls but I have to admit that I was above all interested to have fun and try new things. Consequently, the relationships never lasted long. However, once my eyes had spotted that Tiger girl, I knew that my usual moves probably wouldn't work with her.

'Are you in love?' Eric probed.

'No.' I chewed on the flesh at the inside of my cheek and stared at the ground.

'But?'

I breathed out. 'But I've seen this stunning girl at the track meet. You wouldn't believe your eyes; she was like from another world. She goes to Freeport High.' My shoulders sagged.

'Aah, I see. Well, if she is a runner, she must go jogging a lot. What if you then accidentally ran into her?' He smiled, satisfied about his pun.

'See, Eric, I know why you are my friend.' His point was obvious but it probably would have taken me ages to come up with that idea.

So, what I did to get close to the Tiger girl was, I started jogging in and around Milburn Creek Park, basically on Tiger territory.

After two weeks I finally got lucky. I ran on an isolated forest trail and then she appeared about 50 yards in front of me, jogging in my direction. Did I point out that she was alone? Okay, maybe I should have thought about what I was actually going to say to her beforehand. A good pickup line would have been quite convenient. On the other hand, I was not a big fan of pick-up lines. Most of them are stupid, have been used a hundred times and usually don't suit the occasion at all. But I had to figure something out, fast, before we pa.s.sed each other without having said a word. There probably would never again be such an easy possibility to make myself visible to her. My heart was pounding a lot faster and what concerned me also louder than normal. I was so nervous that I almost had troubles breathing, which is very unusual for me, a well-trained runner, who knows all the breathing techniques. So, I slowed down and shortly before she crossed me I opened my mouth, took a chance and said hi. No reaction at all. Might be because she was wearing headphones and hadn't heard me. I gave it another shot, a little louder this time. 'Excuse me,' I said, still with a dry voice. It seemed like I tore her out of her imaginary world. She gave me this puzzled look while at least slowing down and taking off her headphones. For my part, I hate it when my footfall rhythm gets interrupted. Way to start off with a good impression... Too late now, she required me to say something.

'You might not perchance have any water with you? I miscalculated the route because I usually don't run around here and I probably won't come much further with such a dry throat.' Great, now she thought that I was some charity case. I could have kicked myself for starting with that line. But then I looked back into her eyes and got completely lost in them for a moment.

'Um, sure.' She answered and began fumbling in a small bag. But then she hesitated, tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear and had a closer look at me. She did that all so gracefully and made me secretly want to kiss her then and there. Yet, I was still in this awkward situation.

'I am sorry; I don't generally throw a complete stranger off guard. I should have brought a bottle. I am Kevin by the way.' I held out my hand, first she wiped hers off on her blue sweat pants, then gave in to shake it.

'Hi, it's okay. It's just that I haven't expected anyone to see here. It is so to speak my secrete spot. Not a lot of people run on this trail.'

'Yeah, it was more as luck would have it that I landed on this route. You go to Freeport High, don't you? I saw you kicking our girls' b.u.t.ts two weeks ago. You were great!'

'Thanks!' She smiled. 'So, you were at the race too?'

'Yes, I have been on the x-country team since I started High School.'

'It's my first season, I only always did track in spring but I am actually trying to get this scholarship and to improve my chances I also needed to do x-country this year.' She turned her gaze to the ground and took a deep breath.

'Why this sigh?' I asked. 'With your ability, you should get this scholarship without any problem.'

Her eyes looked back into mine and holy cow; she couldn't have opened them more perfectly. It was like in a commercial for mascara but she just did this naturally.

'That's exactly the point. It's all becoming so real, you know?' She said and started chewing her lower lip.

'I know what you mean. I'm not so sure what I want yet.'

We stood there for a moment in silence until she started lightly jumping from one foot to the other, remembering that I had interrupted her jog.

'So, are you still thirsty?' She waved the bottle in front of me.

'Yes, please. And would you be so kind to reveal me your name?'

With a bright smile appearing on her face, which showed her flawless white teeth she handed the bottle to me.

'Reveal me your name, what are you, a poet?' She chuckled. 'I am Fiona.'

I felt my blood rush to my head. Somehow my mind didn't work properly around her and only created weird phrases. I tried to overplay it though. 'Fiona, a beautiful name. But my little cousin Samantha wouldn't think it suited you.'

'Oh and why would your little cousin think that?'

'Because, Fiona comes from the Gaelic name Fionn which means bright, white and blonde. If you use bright as smart, it might describe a character trait of yours but I don't know you well enough yet to decide that. Regarding the other words, your hair is brown. And I only know this because one of my cousin's favorite movies is 'Shrek' and there Princess Fiona has reddish hair, which in my cousin's opinion is the wrong hair color for a princess to have.'

'Ah, good to know, if I ever meet your cousin I will tell her the truth, that I was much blonder when I was a kid and that my hair simply turned darker and darker over time. The color I have right now is supported by henna by the way.' And she bestowed another beautiful smile upon me.

I took a sip out of her water bottle. Not that I was dying of thirst, but I had to play the game now. Afterward, I put the lid back on and handed it back to her.

'Thanks a lot.'