"Good. Good. I am soon coming to most interesting part. Development of caterpillar track. Significant moment in history of mankind."

"Shall I put the kettle on, Pappa?"

"So tell me about the caterpillars," says Anna without irony.

"Aha! You see in prehistoric times, great stones were moved on wooden rollers made out of tree-trunks. Look." On the table he lines up a row of sharp-pointed 2H pencils, and puts a book on top of them. "Some men are pushing the stone, but others-after the stone has pa.s.sed over the roller-they must pick up the tree from the back of the stone and run round to put it in the front. In caterpillar track, this movement of rollers is done through chains and linkages."

Pappa, Anna and Mike take turns pushing the book over the pencils, and moving the pencils from the back to the front, faster and faster.

I go into the kitchen and prepare teacups on a tray, pour milk into a jug and hunt for biscuits. So where is she? Is she at home? Is she still hiding from us? Then I see her-a large blonde woman, sauntering down the garden towards us on high-heeled peep-toe mules. Her gait is lazy, contemptuous, as though she can barely be bothered to stir herself to greet us. A denim mini-skirt rides high above her knees; a pink sleeveless top stretches around voluptuous b.r.e.a.s.t.s that bob up and down as she walks. I stare. Such a wanton expanse of dimpled, creamy flesh. Plump bordering on fat. As she comes closer I see that her hair, which tumbles Bardot-style in a tousled pony-tail over bare shoulders, is bleached, showing an inch of brown at the roots. A broad, handsome face. High cheekbones. Flared nostrils. Eyes wide set, golden brown like syrup, and outlined in black Cleopatra lines that flick up at the corners. The mouth curls into a pout that is almost a sneer, drawn in pale peach-pink lipstick that extends beyond the line of the lips, as though to exaggerate their fullness.

Tart. b.i.t.c.h. Cheap s.l.u.t. This woman who has taken the place of my mother. I stretch my hand out and bare my teeth in a smile.

"Hallo, Valentina. How nice to meet you at last."

Her hand in mine is cold, limp, no grip. The long fingernails are varnished in peach-pink pearlised nail-polish to match the lips. I see myself through her eyes-small, skinny, dark, no bust. Not a real woman. She smiles at Mike, a slow, wicked smile.

"You like vodka?"

"I've made a pot of tea," I say.

My father's eyes are fixed on her as she moves about the room.

When I was sixteen my father forbade me to wear make-up. He made me go upstairs and wash it offbefore I could go out.

"Nadia, if all women were to wear paint on their faces, just think, there could be no more natural selection. The inevitable result would be the uglification of the species. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?"

Such an intellectual. Why couldn't he be like normal fathers, and just say he didn't like it? Now look at him drooling over this painted Russian tart. Or maybe he is now so short-sighted he can't see that she is wearing make-up. He probably thinks she was born with pale peach pearlised lips and black Cleopatra flick-ups at the corners of her eyes.

Now another figure appears in the doorway, a boy in his teens. A bit on the plump side, childish freckled face, chipped front tooth, curly brown hair, round gla.s.ses.

"You must be Stanislav," I gush.

"Yes I am." Charming chipped-tooth smile.

"Lovely to meet you. I've heard so much about you. Let's all have some tea."

Anna looks him up and down, but her face gives nothing away. He is younger than she is, and therefore of no interest.

We sit awkwardly around the table. Stanislav is the only one who appears to be relaxed. He tells us about his school, his favourite teacher, his least favourite teacher, his favourite football team, his favourite pop group, his waterproof sports watch which he lost at Lake Balaton, his new Nike trainers, his favourite food, which is pasta, his concern that the other kids will tease him if he gets fat, the party he went to on Sat.u.r.day, his friend Gary's new puppy. His voice is confident, pleasantly inflected, his accent delightful. He is perfectly at ease. No one else says anything. The heavy weight of all the unsaid things bears down on us like storm clouds. Outside, a few drops of rain fall and we hear thunder in the distance. My father closes the window. Stanislav carries on talking.

After tea I take the cups to the sink to wash up bjut Valentina gestures me away. She pulls on rubber gloves over her plump peach-pearl-tipped fingers, puts on a frilly ap.r.o.n, and whips up a lather in the bowl.

"I do," she says. "You go."

"We go to cemetery," says my father.

"I'll come with you," says Stanislav.

"No Stanislav, please, stay and help your mother."

He will be telling us about his favourite graveyards next.

When we get back from the cemetery, we have another cup of tea, and then it's dinner time. Valentina will cook for us, my father says; she is a good cook. We sit around the table and wait. Stanislav tells us about a game of football in which he scored twice. Mike, Anna and I smile politely. My father beams with pride. Meanwhile Valentina puts on her frilly ap.r.o.n and busies herself in the kitchen. She reheats six ready-cooked chilled meals, roast meat slices in gravy with peas and potatoes, and places them on the table with a flourish.

We eat in silence. You can hear the sc.r.a.ping of the knives on the plates as we tackle the stringy reheated meat. Even Stanislav shuts up for a few minutes. When he gets to the peas, my father starts to cough. The skins catch in his throat. I pour him water.

"Delicious," says Mike, looking round for a.s.sent. We all murmur in agreement.

Valentina beams triumphantly.

"I make modern cooking, not peasant cooking."

After dinner there is raspberry-ripple ice-cream from the freezer.

"My favourite," says Stanislav with a little giggle.

He tells us his order of preference for ice-cream flavours.

My father has been rummaging in a drawer, and now comes up with a sheaf of papers. It is the latest chapter of his book, which I have helped him to translate. He wants to read it to Mike, and to Valentina and Stanislav.

"You will learn something about the history of our beloved motherland."

But Stanislav suddenly remembers that he has some homework to catch up on, Anna has walked into the village to buy some milk, and Valentina is detained on the telephone in the next room, so it is just Mike and I who sit with him in the wide-windowed sitting-room.

In the history of Ukraina, the tractor has played a contradictory role. In former times, Ukraina was a country of peasant farmers. For such a country to develop the full potential of her agriculture, mechanisation is absolutely essential. But the method by which such mechanisation was introduced was truly terrible In the history of Ukraina, the tractor has played a contradictory role. In former times, Ukraina was a country of peasant farmers. For such a country to develop the full potential of her agriculture, mechanisation is absolutely essential. But the method by which such mechanisation was introduced was truly terrible.

His voice has become heavy, dragging along all the unwritten and unspoken words that are compressed into the words he is reading.

After the Revolution of 1917, Russia started to become an industrial country with a growing urban proletariat. This proletariat was to be recruited from the rural peasants. But if the peasants were to leave the countryside, how would the urban population be fed? After the Revolution of 1917, Russia started to become an industrial country with a growing urban proletariat. This proletariat was to be recruited from the rural peasants. But if the peasants were to leave the countryside, how would the urban population be fed? Stalin's answer to this dilemma was to decree that the countryside must be industrialised too. So in place of peasant smallholdings, all land was collectivised into great farms, organised on the factory principle. The name for this was Kolkhoz, meaning collective husbandry. Nowhere was the principle of Kolkhoz applied more rigorously than in Ukraina. Where the peasant farmers used horses or oxen to plough, the kolkhoz was ploughed by the iron horse, as the first tractors were called. Crudely built, unreliable, with slatted iron wheels and no tyres, these early tractors could still do the work of twenty men Stalin's answer to this dilemma was to decree that the countryside must be industrialised too. So in place of peasant smallholdings, all land was collectivised into great farms, organised on the factory principle. The name for this was Kolkhoz, meaning collective husbandry. Nowhere was the principle of Kolkhoz applied more rigorously than in Ukraina. Where the peasant farmers used horses or oxen to plough, the kolkhoz was ploughed by the iron horse, as the first tractors were called. Crudely built, unreliable, with slatted iron wheels and no tyres, these early tractors could still do the work of twenty men. The coming of the tractor was also of symbolic importance, for it made possible the ploughing up of boundary lands which separated the individual peasant strips, creating one large kolkhoz. Thus it heralded the end of the whole cla.s.s of kulaks, those peasants who owned their own land, and were seen by Stalin as the enemy of the revolution. The iron horse destroyed the traditional pattern of village life, but the tractor industry in Ukraina flourished. However, the kolkhozy were not as efficient, and this is largely due to resistance from the peasants, who either refused to take part in the kolkhoz, or continued to cultivate their own plots on the side The coming of the tractor was also of symbolic importance, for it made possible the ploughing up of boundary lands which separated the individual peasant strips, creating one large kolkhoz. Thus it heralded the end of the whole cla.s.s of kulaks, those peasants who owned their own land, and were seen by Stalin as the enemy of the revolution. The iron horse destroyed the traditional pattern of village life, but the tractor industry in Ukraina flourished. However, the kolkhozy were not as efficient, and this is largely due to resistance from the peasants, who either refused to take part in the kolkhoz, or continued to cultivate their own plots on the side. The retribution of Stalin was ruthless. Hunger was the tool he used. In> 1932 the entire harvest of Ukraina was seized and transported to Moscow and Leningrad to feed the proletariat in the factories-how else was the revolution to be sustained? b.u.t.ter and grain from Ukraina were on sale in Paris and Berlin, and well-meaning people in the West marvelled at this miracle of Soviet productivity. But in Ukrainian villages the people starved The retribution of Stalin was ruthless. Hunger was the tool he used. In> 1932 the entire harvest of Ukraina was seized and transported to Moscow and Leningrad to feed the proletariat in the factories-how else was the revolution to be sustained? b.u.t.ter and grain from Ukraina were on sale in Paris and Berlin, and well-meaning people in the West marvelled at this miracle of Soviet productivity. But in Ukrainian villages the people starved. This is the great unrecorded tragedy of our history, which only now is coming to light This is the great unrecorded tragedy of our history, which only now is coming to light...

He stops, and gathers together his papers quietly. His gla.s.ses are perched low on his nose, the lenses so thick I can hardly see his eyes, but I fancy I catch a glint of tears. In the silence that follows, I can hear Valentina still chatting on the phone next door, and a faint beat of music corning from Stanislav's room. In the distance, the clock on the village church strikes seven.

"Well done, Nikolai," Mike applauds. "Stalin had a lot to answer for."

"Well done, Pappa." My applause is more grudging than Mike's. All this Ukrainian nationalism bothers me-it seems outdated and irrelevant. Peasants in the fields, folk-songs at harvest, the motherland: what has all this got to do with me? I am a post-modern woman. I know about structuralism. I have a husband who cooks polenta. So why do I feel this unexpected emotional tug?

The back door clicks. Anna has come back. Valentina finishes her telephone conversation, and slips in to join in the applause, tapping her pearl-tipped fingertips delicately together. She smiles with satisfaction, as though she is personally responsible for this literary masterpiece, and kisses him on the nose. "Holubchik!" Little pigeon. My father glows.

Then it's time for us to go home. We all shake hands and put on an unconvincing display of cheek-pecking. The visit is deemed a success.

"So what was she like?" my sister asks, over the phone.

I describe the mini-skirt, the hair, the make-up. My tone is neutral, disciplined.

"Oh my G.o.d! I knew it!" Vera cries.

(And how I am enjoying my b.i.t.c.h-fest! What has happened to me? I used to be a feminist. Now I seem to be turning into Mrs Daily Mail Daily Mail.) I tell her about the washing-up gloves, the pink-pearl-tipped fingers.

"Yes, Yes. I see everything." Her voice wobbles with rage.

Our mother's hands were brown and rough from gardening and cooking. "I can see what kind of woman she is. He has married a tart!" (I didn't say it!) "But Vera, you can't judge someone by how they dress." (Ha! Look how rational and grown up I am!) "Anyway, that style of dress doesn't mean the same in Ukraine-it signifies a rejection of the peasant past, that's all."

"Nadia, how can you be so naive?"

"Not at all, Vera. I had a Ukrainian sociology professor visiting last year and she looked exactly like that. And she was upset that most of my friends wore no make-up and went around in jeans or tracksuit bottoms, when she yearned for designer clothes. She said it was a betrayal of womanliness."

"Well, yes."

My sister would rather be dead than be seen in jeans (apart from designer jeans of course) or tracksuit bottoms. Then again, she would rather be dead than be seen in high-heeled peep-toe mules and a denim mini-skirt.

I tell her about the pre-cooked chilled meal. We are on common ground here. "The sad thing is, he probably doesn't notice the difference," she murmurs. "Poor Mother."

The first crisis of their marriage comes shortly after our visit. Valentina is demanding a new car-not just any old car, either. Must be good car. Must be Mercedes or Jaguar at least. BMW is OK. No Ford please. The car will be used to drive Stanislav to his posh school, where other children are driven in Saabs and Range Rovers. My father has seen a second-hand Ford Fiesta in good condition, which he can afford. Valentina will not tolerate a Ford Fiesta. She will not even tolerate a Ford Escort. There is a blazing row.

"Tell me what you think, Nadezhda." He phones me in an agitated state.

"I think the Ford Fiesta sounds just right." (I drive a Ford Escort.) "But she will not tolerate it."

"Well, do what you like." He will anyway.

My father has a bit of money in the bank. It is his Pensioners Bond, which matures in three years' time, but what the h.e.l.l, the lady wants a new car and he wants to be generous. They settle on an old Rover, large enough to satisfy Valentina's aspirations, old enough for my father to afford. He cashes in his Pensioners Bond and gives most of it to Valentina for the car. He gives the 200 that is left to my daughter Anna, who has just pa.s.sed her 'A' levels with flying colours, to help her on her way to university. I feel bad about this, but not too bad. I tell myself that if he didn't give it to Anna for university, he would only give it to Valentina for a Mercedes.

"It is to make up the difference from the codicil," he says, "this money will not be for Vera's daughters, only for Anna."

I am uneasy, because I know Big Sister will hit the roof. But I want revenge for the codicil.

"That's great, Pappa. She'll need it when she goes to university."

Now he is spent up-he has no money left.

Anna is thrilled when I tell her about her grandfather's gift.

"Oh! He's so cute. I wonder if he gave some to Alice and Lexy when they went to uni?"

"I expect so."

Valentina is delighted with the Rover. It is sleek, shiny, metallic green in colour, with a 3-litre engine, leather seats that smell of expensive cigars, a walnut dashboard and 186,000 miles on the clock. They ride around town and park up beside the Saabs and the Range Rovers outside Stanislav's school. Valentina holds an international driver's licence issued in Ternopil, which is valid for a year. She has never taken a driving test, says my father, but she paid for the licence in pork cutlets from her mother's smallholding. They go to visit the Zadchuks and her friend Charlotte, and the uncle in Selby. Then the car breaks down. The dutch is shot. My father telephones.

"Nadezhda, please will you lend me a hundred pounds for repairs. Until I get my pension."

"Pappa," I say, "you should have bought the Ford Fiesta."

I send him a cheque.

Then he phones my sister. She phones me.

"What's going on with this car?"

"I don't know."

"He wanted to borrow a hundred pounds to mend the brakes. I said to him, can't Valentina pay for it out of her earnings? She's earning enough."

"So what did he say?"

"He won't hear of it. He's afraid to ask her. He says she needs to send money back to Ukraine for her sick mother. Can you imagine." Her voice is crisp with irritation. "Each time I criticise her he just springs to her defence."

"Maybe he still loves her." (I am still a romantic.) "Yes, I suppose he does. I suppose he does." She sighs a worldly sigh. "Men are so stupid."

"Mrs Zadchuk told her it was the husband's duty to pay for the wife's car."

"Duty? How lovely! How quaint! He told you that?"

"He asked me what I thought. Apparently being a feminist makes me an authority on the rights of wives." I'm not sure what my sister thinks of feminism.

"Our mother never liked the Zadchuks, did she?" Vera muses.

"I think it's his pride. He can't ask a woman for money. He thinks the man should be the provider."

"He's just asked you and me, Nadezhda."

"But we're not proper women, are we?"

Mike rings him up. They have a long conversation about the merits and drawbacks of hydraulic braking systems. They are on the phone for fifty minutes. Mike is silent most of the time, but occasionally he says, "Mmm. Mmm."

A month later there is another crisis. Valentina's sister is arriving from Ukraine. She is coming to see for herself the good life in the West that Valentina has described in her letters-the elegant modern house, the fabulous car, the wealthy widower husband. She must be met at Heathrow by car. My father says the Rover will not make it to London and back. Oil is leaking from the engine and fluid from the brakes. The engine smokes. One of the seats has collapsed. Rust has bubbled up through the dealer's patch and polish. Stanislav sums up the problem.

"Auto ne prestijeskiy." He says it with that little sweet smile that is half-way to a sneer.

Valentina turns on my father.

"You no good man. You plenty-money meanie. Promise money. Money sit in bank Promise car. c.r.a.p car."

"You demand prestigious car. Prestijeskiy auto. Looks prestigious; doesn't go. Ha ha."

"c.r.a.p car. c.r.a.p husband. Thphoo!" she spits.