aBoy, youare good with animals. Maybe we can take those two out for a ride tomorrow.a I motioned to the chestnut mares in the last stall.

aThat would be wonderful. I forgot you do know how to ride. We havenat done that since last fall.a aThatas true. Then weall definitely take them out,a I said as we started back.

aYouave been rubbing your neck since Iave seen you. Whatas wrong?a she asked as we walked.

I realized what I was doing and quickly put my hand down. aI hurt it a few years back. This weather bothers it,a I said frankly and shrugged.

Though I was grateful she didnat pursue ita"it didnat matter. Now I was thinking about it and I felt my body tremble. Donat start now, I begged the G.o.ds above. The ringing in my ears started. I know Maggie noticed. She notices everything, which for some reason, unnerves me.

The G.o.ds ignored me as I felt my palms getting sweaty and my hands shaking. I quickly put them into my pockets and we walked to the stone wall.

Maggie looked out at the ocean. aMagnificent. Iave seen the ocean from both sh.o.r.es back home. This, however, isa"a she stopped and looked at me.

I barely heard her. My mind was back to five years before. I blinked and shook my head, but I couldnat get the b.l.o.o.d.y images out of my mind.

aKate, are you all right?a she asked me.

I looked at her and nodded. aFine.a My voice cracked and I sat on the stone wall. I wiped my forehead again and she sat next to me.

aCamon, letas go in,a she said.

I buried my head in my hands, the anxious feeling rippling through me. I felt like breaking into a dead run. aG.o.ddamit! I canat do this. Maybe you shouldnat have come. Youare better offa"a I almost lost it. I took a deep breath. I was on the verge of a real crying jag. I felt the tears coming as the sweat dripped down my back.

aKate, take a deep breath,a Maggie said firmly as she rubbed my back. I obeyed immediately. aAgain.a I took another and it subsided a bit. I put a shaky hand to my forehead. aSorry,a I whispered, feeling pathetic.

She reached over and took my shaking hand. I felt her soft hand caressing mine. I was amazed at how rea.s.suring it felt and how I was instantly calmed.

aBetter?a she asked.

I nodded quickly and took a deep breath. aThanks,a I whispered. I donat know why, but a feeling of shame swept through me. aI-Iam sorry,a I said.

aThatas the second time in three minutes youave apologized. For what, Kate?a aI donat know. I just, I donat know,a I said and felt awkward. My hands were still shaking and I didnat know what to do with them.

Maggie reached over and held them. I stopped shaking when I felt the warmth of her hands.

aWhat is it?a I heard the soft plea in her voice. G.o.d, I wanted to tell her, but I couldnat look her in the eye. aWhatever it is, Iall understand.a I looked down at my hands as she held them tightly in her own. aI can help you,a Maggie whispered. I barely heard her; my mind once again had traveled back.

aIall help you, Liz. We can get through this. It was an accident,a I said and gently shook her. She blinked and looked up into my eyes.

aYes, it was, wasnat it?a I heard the hopeful tone in her voice and pulled her close.

aYes, it was.a I pulled back and cupped her face. aWeall have to go to the police, Liz. Donat worry, Iall be there for you, always,a I said. I saw the doubtful look flash across her face. aI will be there for you.a Maggieas soft hand on my cheek brought me back to reality. aCamon, letas get back,a she said.

By the time we got to the door, my panic attack had subsided. I stopped and turned to her. aThanks, Maggie. With all this going on, Iam out of sorts,a I offered the lame excuse as I opened the door.

aYou know Iall listen if you want to talk,a she offered and winked. aBut letas do it inside. Iam freezing.a After dinner, we sat in the library and had a delightful conversation of murder and Bridgetas banshee.

Charlie raised an eyebrow and asked, aSo which room has the ghost?a Teri laughed. aNone,a she replied. aSo far.a aWell, which room did you give me?a Maggie looked at me suspiciously.

Teri laughed. aYouave got the room next to Kateas. Charlie is next to ours. So at least weall be together if anything happens,a she said.

As I walked into my room, the connecting door was opened and Maggie and I stood there looking at each other. aI didnat know this was a connecting door.a I reached over and started to close it. aIam glad youare here,a I said and winced, knowing I had said that several times now. I looked down into those blue eyes, which Iave searched so many times before.

Maggie stood there for a moment. aThank you. So am I. Good night, Iall see you in the morning.a I stood there looking at the closed door. Visions of the previous autumn flashed through my mind as I remembered meeting this feisty woman and just how much I enjoyed Dr. Winfieldas friendship... But d.a.m.n those blue eyes sparkled.

Chapter 13.

The thunder and lightning was horrific and I lay there looking out at the show. Sleep did not come easy, so I sat on the window seat and watched the storm. I froze for a moment and held my breath when I heard the door creaking; it was Maggie standing there in her robe.

aWhatas wrong, are you all right?a I asked quickly, my heart beating like a drum. Why must this happen every time I see this woman?

aI hate thunder,a she said in a shaky voice. She was shivering, and as the thunder boomed, she quickly walked over to me. I met her halfway.

aCamon, sit, weall watch the storm,a I whispered. I grabbed the extra quilt off the bed.

She sat on the other side of the window seat facing me. The lightning flashed, and for a moment, I saw her face. She looked sad. I handed her the quilt and she wrapped it around herself. She brought her knees up to her chest. I inched closer and tucked the quilt around her feet.

aThanks,a she said.

aYouare welcome. I didnat know you hated thunder,a I said softly.

Maggie snuggled into the blanket. aWhen I was a little girl and it stormed, my mother would always let me climb into her big bed and hold me. I felt so safe and protected. When she died, I no longer had that feeling. Oh, Aunt Hannah was always there and she did her best. Buta"a aIt wasnat your mom,a I finished for her. My heart ached when I saw the tears welling in her eyes. aI am sorry, Maggie.a She sniffed and wiped her eyes. aI feel like a big baby. Iam a doctor, for chrissakes,a she grumbled and let out a nervous laugh.

aIt was hard for you growing up after Miranda died, wasnat it?a I asked and reached over and tucked the blanket under her feet again. It was perfectly fine; I just needed contact with her, I suppose.

aOh, I was fine. I was justaa she stopped and looked out the window and watched the rain.

aLonely,a I whispered and she nodded without looking at me. I didnat want her to be lonely anymore. However, I didnat consider myself the best candidate to comfort her.

aYou know, thereas quite a bit we donat know about each other, Kate. Why is that?a she asked and stretched her legs and put her feet on my lap. I smiled slightly and adjusted my legs.

aHey, your feet are freezing, even through these wool socks,a I said and rubbed her feet, avoiding her question. She knew it and repeated.

aWhy is it that weave known each other all these months and weare still strangers?a For some reason, that cut right through me. Were we strangers?

aWeare not strangers, we know each other. Iave been traveling and youave been at the hospitala"a aAnd now? Iam done with my internship. Soon, Iall be taking over for Doc at the clinic. Then what will be our excuse?a she asked and I didnat have an answer. G.o.d this woman was direct.

She sighed and looked out the window as the lightning flashed. aMaybe you and I are not... Youave got something on your mind. I know it has to do with your P.I. business years ago. Something happened to you. Iam your friend, and Iad like to help. You canat go the rest of your life carrying this in your heart.a She said this quietly, but the truth rang loud and clear.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I listened to the heartfelt concern in her soft voice.

Why not? Suddenly, I felt the inexplicable urge to tell her everything. Perhaps the soft worried voice eased my heart. Perhaps it was the fact that we were sitting in the darka"I felt safe there. And perhaps after so many years, it was time.

aI do want to tell you about this. I suppose now is as good a time as any.a I looked over at her and I could tell she was shocked.

aIave got to get this out,a I said almost to myself. Maggie was a good friend, that much was definitely true, and I knew I could trust her.

Pacing in front of the window seat, I started. aEddington, Elizabeth K.a I took a deep quivering breath. Maggie will never know how monumental that wasa"just to say her name out loud. aYou know I had a private investigation business. My partner was Bob Whittier. He was my fatheras partner on the police force. We started the business after my father pa.s.sed away. We struggled for a couple of years. When business was slow, Bob hired himself out in security. I had my freelancing. Then our reputation got around and business was good. We made a good name for ourselves, not a lot of money, but good honest work, and for nearly ten years, it flourished. Then Liz walked in and our worlds were torn apart.

aWe were hired to find her husband. I felt uneasy from the get go, but she offered a vulgar amount of money. Bob had four boys and a wife. So we took it,a I said, feeling as though I was defending my actions. I looked over at Maggie. She was watching me in the darkness.

aYou donat mind if we keep the light off, do you?a I asked. Somehow, I didnat want to see the pity on her face.

She shook her head. aThis is fine,a she said in a tender voice.

aTo make a long ugly story short, the whole mess was weird, and I shouldave used my head. Liz offered more money. Bob, he needed it, and we took it and...a I sighed and looked out the window.

aI fell in love with her. She gave Bob money and she gave me herself, plain and simple, no excuses. However, I made the sad discovery that her husband wasnat missing, she had killed him. She said it was an accident. I believed her. I was wrong. What she really wanted from us was to find some money her husband had embezzled. We found it hidden in the cellar. Instead of using my head, I used every other part of my anatomy,a I said as my anger rose. I took a deep calming breath. aWhen I put all the pieces together, I confronted her, telling her I would help any way I could. I believed her when she said shead give herself up. I was completely foolish,a I spat out, disgusted with myself all over again, aand I left her alone for an hour.a I was pacing in front of the window like a caged lion. My hands were shaking and I was perspiring as if Iad run a race.

aWhy canat we just leave? Thereas enough money here for your partner and his family. We take the rest and go someplace. Please, Kate, we can be happyaa I thought of Bob and his family. Surely, they could use the money. For a moment, I thought of doing just that. Who would care? It was an accident. John Eddington was an a.s.shole and Liz was finally out from under him. My heart said take the money, take Liz, and go. My hearta aLiz, we will be happy, but you have to tell the police. We donat need money, sweetheart,a I said.

Liz looked into my eyes and nodded. aCome back for me, Kate. I need to get a few things in order. I have to call my lawyer. You believe me, donat you?a she begged as she held onto my shirt.

aI love you, Liz, and I believe you. Now Iam going to call Bob and tell him everything. I should have told him sooner. You call your lawyer. Iall be back in an hour and weall get this resolved. I know a lieutenant in Chicago, he can help,a I said and kissed her deeply. aDonat worry.a I rubbed my eyes and glanced at Maggie. She sat there watching me, not saying a word. I could only imagine what she thought of me now. Probably what Iave been thinking for five yearsa"a pathetic loser.

aThatas what I am, Doctor,a I said as I paced in her hospital office. I turned around to see Dr. Tillman sporting a wary look and continued. aLook at me. I fell in love with a murderer and nearly helped her get away. Because of me, Bob is lame. Iama f.u.c.k!a I growled and slammed my hand on her desk.

aWhat happened, Kate?a Maggieas voice broke into my wandering thoughts.

I took a deep shaky breath and continued. aThat was enough time for her to get to Bob before I did. She told him I was hurt and in the cellar of her house. Her plan was to get both of us there and kill us, I imagine. It almost worked.a I stopped pacing, sat on the bed, and buried my head in my hands. I couldnat help myself. I took a deep breath and let out a sob. I could see Maggie start to get up and I said quickly, aDonat, please.a She stopped and said nothing.

I finished as if in a trance, staring out the window. aI was in the cellar. Bob came down with his gun drawn. When he saw me, he looked relieved and he lowered his weapon. I donat know where she came from, but she had a shotgun. The noise was deafening. I whirled around, and when I tackled her, the other shot fired aimlessly. I looked over at Bob, who now was lying in a pool of blood. His leg was covered in it. As I got up to go to him, I felt like I was. .h.i.t in the back with a hot poker and collapsed.a Suddenly, I was exhausted. All the ugliness, laid out in front of me, once again. aLater Bob told me that she had a sword or small saber. Her husband collected guns and antique weapons, whatever. I suppose she was trying to cut my head off. She missed,a I joked, as Maggie caught her breath. I finished quickly.

aIn the end, Bob was lame, his knee shattered. I was in the hospital for two months. We both decided to quit. Wise decision, donat you think?a I laughed ironically and gazed out the window. aBob lives in Arizona with his family and Iawell, you know what Iam doing.a Maggie spoke. aWhat happened to her?a aBob shot and killed her,a I said slowly. aIn twenty years on the force with my father, head never killed anyone. Then he works with me, and because I lost all perspectivea"a I let out a pathetic laugh. aSounds like something out of a dime novel, doesnat it?a aSo you blame yourself for all of it,a Maggie said.

I felt as though I was in Dr. Tillmanas office once again. Then lightning flashed and the rain continued. I peered at her through the darkness. aYes. I blame myself because it was my fault. I knew better. I allowed my emotions and pa.s.sion to control the situation. Never again.a I knew those words came out with a nasty bite.

Maggie graciously rose above my childishness. aWhat happened to you medically?a aShe missed my spinal cord by inches, but she did do some damage to my neck, which is why I ache in this G.o.dforsaken weather,a I said and continued. aNothing permanent, mostly emotional. Hence the anxiety attacks, which, as you know, I havenat been handling very well. I was seeing a hospital psychiatrist for a while,a I said with a shrug.

aWhy did you stop?a aI wanted to choke her,a I said and chuckled at her odd look. aI suppose she got too close and I got scared. I thought I could handle this on my own. Look, I donat want any pity from you,a I snapped at her again. Good, maybe sheall quit this and leave. I felt the tears catch in my throat at the thought of it.

aWhy did you tell me?a she asked, ignoring my anger.

aI wanted to tell you. You deserve an explanation for my actions for the past months...a My voice trailed off. I looked at her. aThatas not entirely true. I knew someday this would come out. Weare getting closer and I, well, I appreciate you listening and I value your friendship. Believe me, I canat imagine talking like this to anyone else. I value that,a I said, meaning every word.

aIam glad. Weave become good friends and I value it as much as you do,a she said as she stood. aThatas what friends do. They help each other.a She put her hand on my shoulder.

aG.o.d, Maggie, please donat pity me, I couldnat stand that.a aI donat pity you. Although I think youare taking way too much of this on your shoulders. Youave locked yourself up in this self-imposed prison, taking all responsibility, all blame. You seem to forget that you had a partner. Donat you think he feels his culpability in this?a Visions of the hospital psychiatrist saying those exact words flashed in my mind. I glared at Maggie in the darkness, knowing I couldnat choke her. aMaggie, he has a family, four boys and a wife. Now heas lame and struggling to get a business going. I think his culpability is...a I stopped and sighed. aI donat want to argue.a aI donat, either, but understand this: You were not alone. Yes, you fell in love and you werenat thinking straight. However, while you might have taken her love and lost all perspective, Bob took the money and did the same. You can get as mad as you want with me, but if you would stop blaming yourself for one minute, you might see Iam right.a When I didnat answer her, she continued. aOr you can be stubborn and think itas all you. Either way, Iam glad you told me. Maybe now, getting over it wonat seem so hopeless and your anxiety attacks will be less frequent. I hope so. You know Iam always willing to talk to you.a She caressed my shoulder and I looked up into her blue eyes. aNow get into bed. Enough for one night,a she said like the doctor she was, and without a word, I got into bed.

The lightning flashed and the thunder rolled. I saw her flinch and her small body tremble. I did something then I never thought Iad do again. Not in this lifetime, anyway. I scooted back in bed and pulled back the covers. aClimb in. I think both of us could use the connection right now.a Maggie looked at me, seemingly searching my face. I donat know what she expected to find. I certainly had no clue. Without a word, she slipped off her robe and I chuckled at the flannel pajamas. aNice, pjs,a I said.

aOh, shut up. I get cold easily,a she said and I heard the slight tremor in her voice.

Itas funny. I never thought Maggie would be nervous about this. I, of course, was petrified. Maggie slipped in and lay on her side with her back to me. I pulled the quilt over her and as I moved away, she reached back. aCould you stay close until I fall asleep?a I felt a pang of sadness ripple through me at the quiet plea in her voice. aSure,a I said and prayed to G.o.d I didnat faint as I felt her shaking body against mine. Itas been quite a while.

As if it were the most natural thing in the world, which scared the h.e.l.l out of me, I spooned behind her and wrapped my arm around her small waist. I felt her cold hand holding mine.

aThanks,a she whispered.

aSaokay,a I answered and closed my eyes, breathing in the fragrance of her hair. aWhat shampoo do you use? It smells like apricots.a Oh, no, did I just ask her what shampoo she uses? Apricots? G.o.d, Ryan, why donat you tell her she smells like a frickina fruit salad? So pathetic.

She chuckled and held my arm. aI donat remember. I bought it last week. It has a built-in conditioner.a There was a moment of silence as we lay in the darkness. Then we started laughing. aIam sure it was not on sale,a I said through my laughter.

aHeavens, no,a she replied and snuggled closer. aI spent a vulgar amount of money on it. What do you use?a aWhatever Walgreens has,a I answered seriously and she roared with laughter.

I reached up and put my hand over her mouth to quiet her. aShhh, youall wake the banshee.a She stopped laughing and I felt her warm lips against the palm of my hand. I quickly took my hand away. aI-Iam sorry. Ia"a aItas okay. Thanks for talking about this. I feel honored that youad let me in,a she whispered.

Sheas honored? Oh, Maggie, if you only knew. aThank you for listening.a I wanted to say so much more, but lying next to her was good enough for now. Actually, it was near overwhelming for me.

aAnytime, Miss Ryan,a she whispered through her yawn. aThanks for taking care of me,a she mumbled, on the edge of sleep. Her small body twitched as the thunder rolled in the distance.

I swallowed back a few tears and thought how nice this would be, if it were ever possible. The visions of Liz still held me captive as I felt my eyelids get heavy. I let out a deep sigh and fell sound asleep, holding Maggie.

Chapter 14.

I woke early, as usual, but not stiff and achy. I stretched and realized I had company. I was lying on my back with Maggie plastered to my side. Her arm was thrown across my waist and her leg across mine. I swallowed with difficulty and my body ached in a way I never thought possible again.

I glanced down and saw nothing but a ma.s.s of auburn waves and green flannel. Somewhere in there is a feisty doctor.

Maybe sheall be embarra.s.sed when she wakes up. Thinking that was a distinct possibility, I eased out from underneath her. She didnat even budge. I stood there and looked down at the comatose figure. Giving in to my inner child, I lifted her arm and dropped it. It hit the mattress with a quiet thud. Nothing, not one move, only a gentle snore. I shook my head, covered the slumbering woman, and gathered my clothes.

I showered and dressed and made my way down to the kitchen, limping. I couldnat figure out why I was limping until I remembered slipping on the rocks. I looked out the window. For something completely different, the morning was foggy and damp. At least it wasnat raining.

I made coffee and sat there lost in so many thoughts I gave myself a headache. My main thought for the moment was the night before. What was I thinking? Good G.o.d, Ryan, of course she had to sleep with you, you pathetic dope. I didnat even want to think about the shampoo debacle. I shook my head in disgust. Okay, the bus for Stupidville is leaving in ten minutes. Pack a bag. G.o.d, what an a.s.s.

aGood morning.a I jumped and spilled my coffee at the sound of Maggieas soft voice.

aHey, gamorning,a I said quickly and reached for a napkin. My face was red hot.

aAh, coffee,a she sighed and poured a cup and sat opposite me.

aHow did you sleep?a I asked casually.

aLike a baby. I didnat even hear you get out of bed. How about you?a I heard the smile in her voice.

aI slept okay,a I said with a shrug. aThanks for listening last night. It meant a great deal to me.a aYouare welcome. I was glad to be there,a she said.