Before th' first snow

Now they'll not run no more, oh

They'll not run no more!

Mr. Coot Hendrick said, "Mama has known and sung this song all her life, which right there ought to be proof the graves exist."

At press time, a spokesman reported that the town council has received a letter from Ms. Mallory's lawyer in Florida, stating that no proof of graves exists, and the matter is officially closed. He also said nobody could dig five graves with a mattock and a hoe, and that folk songs do not document real life.

A town council spokesman said, "I think it's a low-down shame to shoot people in their sleep, even if they are Yankees."

Ms. Mallory has issued a firm restriction against any digging or trespassing on her property, and has posted signs to that effect.

New Name, Location For Hair House Ms. Fancy Skinner, proprietor of Mitford's popular Hair House, is moving her beauty Salon uptown and changing its name.

Ms. Skinner, who currently operates Hair House in her basement off Lilac Road, stated, "It's time to go Main Street!!

"I and my customers agree this calls for a more uptown name. The new name will be A Cut Above."

Ms. Skinner is moving in over the Sweet Stuff Bakery, which means that all hair work in Mitford will now be concentrated in one building, as Joe Ivey barbers on the street level behind the Sweet Stuff Bakery kitchen.

A Cut Above will feature all hair services for both sexes, with cuts starting at $12 and up. Fancy's Face Food, a specialty skincare line with organic ingredients, will be available. "But don't even think about using it," says Ms. Skinner, "unless you want to look and feel ten to fifteen years younger and make an all-around better showing for yourself."

A grand opening will held on Tuesday, beginning at nine a.m. with sugar-free gum for all, and a door prize of acrylic nails.

Congratulations to A cut Above!!!!

Local Laughs

-by Anonymous

Seen the new sign in Percy Mosely's window?

"Shoes are required to eat in the Main Street Grill. Socks can eat anyplace they want to."

Then there's the sign on the door of the labor room at Mitford Hospital: "Push, push, push."

I guess by now everybody's heard about Evie Adams's midnight snail hunt. Seems she was out with a salt shaker and flashlight hunting down snails in her flowerbed, when one of Chief Rodney Underwood's officers rode by her house on South Main and saw this light bobbing around in her yard. The officer who shall be nameless parked up the street and tiptoed down to Evie's with his pistol cocked. He said the moon was out and he thought it was pretty odd that the burglar was wearing a chenille robe and hair curlers.

After he nearly scared the daylights out of her, Evie handed him an extra salt shaker and made him help finish the flower bed, all of which is to say Evie got the last laugh.

Well, that's it for now!! See you back here next week and don't take any wooden nickels.

Displaying her skills with the ability to fax directly from her computer, he found Emma's note at the office.