'How was the movie?' 'Terrific,' Frankie said.

's.h.i.tty. I want milk and cookies,' Taxi announced. Camilla made no comment on his language. 'Help yourselves. One gla.s.s of milk, and one cookie each, understood?' 'Sure.'

Quantum slithered out of Taxi's grip, and the children followed him out, heading for the kitchen.

Luisa demanded, 'Are you taking Taxi to a shrink?V 'I will, as soon as we get back from the beach. Will you take him on?'

'No way. I'm your oldest friend. I'm much too close. I can give you a couple of referrals, and I'll check with Andrew. I'll be in the wings, always. You know that.'

"Oh, G.o.d, Grandmother, how did you manage?"

"The beach house helped, because it was familiar, because Mama and Papa were there, because Lu was there, because the ocean rolling in to sh.o.r.e always calms me, because there were lots of sh.e.l.ls for the children to collect."

"But you couldn't stay there forever."

"The ten days Luisa promised. I had to get back to Mac, and we had to bring Taxi to the apartment in the seminary and teach him that it was home. And we had to let him start school."

"How was it?"

"For the first few days he was terrified, but then he began to realize that he could read more easily than the other children, and the teacher had him show off a little, not too much, just enough to give him some self-confidence."

"And Aunt Frankie?"

A Live Coal in the Sea.157 "She was ecstatic to have him home. But it wasn't the same."

"Mom," Frankie said, "you sound terrible."

"Oh, darling, sorry, I'm just tired, and I'm so glad you phoned. You do have the most marvelous way of calling when my morale needs a boost."

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I've been-I've been thinking about how hard it was for you when Taxi came back to us after Grange and Harriet died."

"Hard on all of us."

"The first few days you painted in brilliant colors, but then you splashed purple and black onto the paper, painting out your confusion. We got Taxi an easel and paints, too, but once he had them, he wasn't interested."

"No," Frankie said. "He didn't want his own paints. He wanted mine."

"And you didn't understand. How could you? He was rough with you. You were bigger than he was and defended yourself, but it broke your heart."

"Aunt Luisa helped, more than the shrink." "Even the best shrink can't undo the past."Frankie laughed. "Taxi called Aunt Luisa all kinds of horrible names. He picked up quite a vocabulary while he was away from us. As I look back on it, Mom, you were really good about that. You paid no attention to it, you didn't get uptight, and finally he quit."

"Finally."

"When he wanted to, he could be so terrific, making me feel I was the only person in the world who was saving him." "In some ways you were."

"What charm, Mom, and it's real. That's why he's so popular on his soap. But it isn't all there is."

Madeleine L'Engle.158 "Does that surprise you?"

"No, of course not. I remember when he first came back his nose always ran."

"He got his feet wet and caught a cold, and, yes, his nose ran, and he had a funny little cough."

"Mom, don't brood on it. What's been done has been done. We have to live with it and let it go."

'We need to find a pediatrician,' Camilla said to Mac, holding a tissue to Taxi's nose and helping him blow.

'How?' Mac asked vaguely. 'Frankie had all her shots and everything in Corinth and Jacksonville.'

Mac was retreating. Not physically. Not running away. But retreating inside himself, which was almost as painful as literal absence. Camilla asked her neighbor across the hall about a recommendation for a pediatrician.

'Dr. Wickoff' was the immediate reply. 'My kids adore her. But don't you, have a doctor for Frankie?'

'Frankie's wonderfully healthy. Since we've been at the seminary she's had her shots and checkups in Jacksonville, where Mac's parents live. It's so much simpler there. Here in New York she hasn't had anything worse than a cold, so we've never needed to look for a doctor.'

'You'll like Dr. Wickoff. She's calm and rea.s.suring, and I can see that that little boy needs a lot of rea.s.surance. You're very brave to take him on.'

The seminary was as close a community as Corinth had been. Camilla wondered how much her neighbor knew of Taxi's history, and how much of what she knew was garbled gossip. 'He's our son,' she said.

'Would you like me to make an appointment for you? I have to call the office about Jesse's allergies anyhow.' 'Thanks. That would be very kind.'

'Would you like an appointment for your little girl, too? It's just as well for her to have a pediatrician here in the city.'

A Live Coal in the Sea.159 'Thanks. Thanks very much.'

Camilla tried to talk to Mac about taking the children to the doctor, but his eyes barely focused. 'I have to grade exams,' he said. 'You take care of it, Cam.'

At least he was still at home. At least he still.turned to her with pa.s.sion, both tender and strong in his lovemaking. That affirmation was all that kept her anxiety under control.

Her neighbor made appointments for the children, and Camilla took them uptown on the bus. She was glad that Frankie was included; it would be easier for Taxi if Frankie was along.

When they came to the office door Camilla stopped in shock. There were three names on bra.s.s plaques.

JAMES ANSLEY WICKOFF, M.D. ELIZABETH WICKOFF, M.D. ANDREW GRANGE, M.D.

How could she have forgotten that Andrew's wife was Wickoff, and that they were both pediatricians? The names on the door exploded at her. She had been so wrapped up in hurt over Mac's withdrawal, apprehension about Taxi, about Frankie, that she had not been thinking coherently. She wanted to turn tail and run, but the door opened and a woman came out carrying a baby, and a nurse in a white uniform saw Camilla and the children and beckoned them in. What would it do to Taxi and Frankie if she fled? Taxi needed a doctor.

She looked at him. He could read. He read aloud every sign they pa.s.sed on the street, showing off. He must have seen the names on the door. They seemed to have made no impres sion on him, one way or the other. Grange and Harriet had kept him abroad, and he had had little or no contact with Noelle or Andrew, who were a threat to Harriet. And now Red Grange and Harriet were dead. Andrew and his wife had no part in the damage they had done.

Camilla looked at Taxi, who was clutching Frankie's hand.

Madeleine L Engle,160 He was nervous enough. She did not want to add to it further by what would seem irrational behavior. The nurse gave her forms to fill out for each child, and led the children to a large box of toys and a bookcase filled with books and games. Taxi started to put a puzzle together, and Frankie was absorbed in one of the picture books.

When the nurse called Camilla, she said, 'Let me go in alone for a moment, please.'

Dr. Wickoff's office was large and pleasant, with bright walls and flowered curtains, and stuffed animals in several chairs, the kind of office designed to set a frightened child at ease.

'Dr. Wickoff,' Camilla said, 'I ought to have recognized your name when you were recommended to me, but I didn't-' Dr. Wickoff picked up the chart the nurse had placed on her desk. She sat back comfortably, her white coat open over a plaid skirt and red turtleneck. Her hair was brown and curly, and her brown eyes were smiling and inquisitive. For a moment her fingers tightened on the chart.

'Mrs.

Xanthakos! Oh!' The two women looked at each other.

'I didn't want to upset Taxi by rushing away, but if you think it's inappropriate for him-2 'No,' Dr. Wickoff said. 'If it's all right with you, I'd like to see him, and then we can make a decision.'

'Okay. Good.!

'Poor tyke, he's been through more than any kid should have to endure.

Perhaps the fact that I know what has happened to him will help me to treat him in the most effective way possible.!

'Yes,' Camilla agreed. 'And I want the best for him.'Dr. Wickoff spoke into the intercom. 'Bring the Xanthakos children in, please.'

She was easy with them, showing them the stuffed animals. 'See that giraffe, with no fur on its neck? That was-mine when I was a little girl. And that elephant, with its trunk A Live Coal in the Sea 261.

st.i.tched up? That was my very favorite, and my brother tried to tease me by skating on it.' As she chatted, Taxi visibly relaxed. 'Now, Frankie,' Dr.

Wickoff said, 'will you help me unb.u.t.ton your blouse so I can listen to your heartbeat? You can listen, too, Taxi, it's fascinating.' Whatever had to be done, she did to Frankie first, and Taxi did not even murmur as she drew blood from one of his fingers.

There was no question that she was a good doctor and that Taxi liked her.

When she was through with her examination of the children she asked the nurse to take them back to the waiting room, then turned to Camilla, her face tight and strained.

'Was that a cigarette burn on Taxi's back?' Camilla nodded. 'Accidental, I think.'

Dr. Wickoff sighed. 'He's underweight. Do you have a good psychiatrist for him?V 'Luisa Rowan has recommended a Dr. Hayes.'

'Yes, he's good. If it's all right with you, I think I can help Taxi and that feisty little girl of yours.'

'Thank you,' Camilla said. 'Taxi trusts you, and his sense of trust has been pretty well battered.'

As Camilla was leaving with Taxi and Frankie, she saw Andrew come out of a door at the back of the waiting room, tall, slightly stooped, as though from bending down to his small patients. His red hair was muted by streaks of silver. His white coat flapped about his legs. He squatted down before a little girl, who pressed her face against his chest.

This was not the time to speak to him.

That night, after the children were in bed, Camilla called Luisa and told her what had happened. 'Was I nuts to walk into that office once I saw Andrew's name on the door?'

'Both children were with you?'

Madeleine L'Engle-262 'Yes.'

'What would be the least upsetting for them?V 'To act naturally. If I'd fled-'

'Yes?'

'They'd have known I was fleeing, but they wouldn't have known from what. And Taxi needed to see a doctor. Dr. Wickoffs the pediatrician everybody at the seminary uses. I didn't know anybody else. I called you a couple of days ago, but you were at some conference in Philadelphia-'

'Who are you trying to convince, Camilla? Me? Or you?' 'Not you. What I want to know is if I should look for somebody else now. Taxi really liked Dr.

Wickoff, and he doesn't trust easily.'

'What does Mac say?' 'What?V 'What did Mac have to say?'

Of course it would have been the normal thing for her to have talked with Mac.

But Mac had come home to take a shower and change his clothes, and told herhe had a meeting with the dean. He took only a cursory look at Frankie's new painting, and didn't even see the hurt on his child's face. 'He had a meeting tonight. We haven't had a chance to talk.'

Luisa swore. 'He's walked out again, hasn't he?V 'No, Lu, he's here, he's just gone to a meeting.' 'He's walked out on you psychologically.'

'At least he's here. He'll come back when he's got it all absorbed. He always does.'

'Have you got it absorbed?'

'No, of course not. I'm taking it day by day, minute by minute. What I wanted to ask you about was Dr. Wickoff. I liked her. She gave me suggestions for a diet to help Taxi's allergies, and a couple of prescriptions. I thought she had an intuitive understanding of him. Of both of them. When she had to do anything that might be at all scary, she went to Frankie first, so Taxi would be less frightened.'

A Live Coal in the Sea263 'Did it frighten Frankie?V 'No. Dr. Wickoff was completely rea.s.suring.'

'She has a fine reputation, Camilla. She is, as far as I can see, not the problem. Did Taxi see Andrew?'

'He was in the waiting room when we left. I don't think Taxi knows him at all.

I.

mean, Grange and Harriet had Taxi in Europe all the. time, I don't think he's even met Noelle or Andrew. I'm not sure he even knows they exist.'

'What about you?'

'I certainly don't blame either Andrew or Noelle for their father. You know they did everything they could to help us-' 'Red Grange's kids are better than he deserved.'

'About Dr. Wickoff '

'I think what you want me to say is what I'm going to say. Stick with Elizabeth Wickoff. If she's established a good rapport with Taxi, that's enough to keep you from looking for anybody else. And the fact that she knows Taxi's story will help her in understanding his problems. Your kids won't see much of Andrew when they go to the office, if they see him at all. He has a full patient load of his own, and he's a tactful guy and won't want to give you any more pain.'

'Thanks, Lu. I feel better.'

'Just don't expect Liz Wickoff to do miracles. You have a wounded little boy and it's going to be hard.'

Raffi said, "I'm glad Dad had Liz and Andrew as his doctors."

"Mostly Dr. Liz," Camilla said. "He'd have seen Andy only if Liz was away."

"I adore Dr. Andy," Raffi said.

Camilla looked at her in surprise. "I thought Dr. Liz was your doctor."

"Oh, she was, and like I said, I was a healthy kid and didn't see much of her other than to get my shots. But one day Madeleine L'Engle264 when I was maybe nine I was skating in the park and I fell and broke my wrist.