'The lawyers were appalled at our naivete,' Olivia said as they sat at the dinner table. She had made her okra-and-tomato ca.s.serole, remembered to light the candles, to hold on to some kind of normality. 'They told us we should have expected something like this and taken steps to protect ourselves and Taxi long ago. I blame myself. I swallowed that Frenchman as father because it was easy.'

'Don't blame yourself, Mama,' Mac said. 'We were all naive.'

Madeleine L'Engle240 'Have you talked to a lawyer yet?ff 'Herb Morrison. You've met him, Mama. He's Pinky and Wiz's father, and I gather he's pretty tough.'

Olivia sighed. 'I didn't want you to take Taxi, you know that, but now-'

Mac lifted his fork, put it back down. 'I guess I thought if n.o.body spoke up in the first few months, n.o.body would. And the idea that a legal adoption might be a protection never occurred to me. We've been living in our own little coc.o.o.n, stupid beyond belief. It's time we left here.' His voice was harsh.

'Peace, Mac,' his mother said.

'We were stupid. I don't understand how we could have been so stupid.'

"Dr. Rowan, I don't understand," Raffi said blankly, slumped in the small enclosure of the dormitory phone booth. "Raffi, dear, I'm on my way to the airport. I've got to go to San Francisco to give a paper. I'll be back in a few days." "I need you now."

"Do you want me to refer you to someone else?" Dr. Rowan asked.

"No, dammit! I want you." "Sunday."

"You don't have office hours on Sunday."

"I get back from San Francisco Sat.u.r.day night. Come in Sunday morning."

"You do care."

"Of course I care, Raffi. Too much. I'll see you Sunday." Raffi left the phone booth and walked slowly past the living room to the stairs. "Hey, Raffi, you look sad."

Raffi shrugged. "Oh, PMS. It always makes me gloomy." "Hey, Raf," one of her friends called out, "did you see your dad's show today?"

A Live Coal in the Sea 241.

"It conflicts with my biology cla.s.s." She had made sure that she had to be in cla.s.s during the time of Taxi's show. "He was terrific, truly, the way he handled that terrible lawyer."

"Thanks, Dorry."

Someone else asked, "When he walks down the street, do people recognize him?"

She made a face. "All the time." "Like who?"

"People like you, policemen, pimps, politicians." "How does he take it?"

"Oh, he's gracious, he's really nice to them." Dorry, the adoring fan, said, "Of course."

"And your mom?" someone asked. "Does she get recognized?"

Raffi scowled, tried to turn it into a smile. "One day someone stopped my mom on the street to speak to her. We all looked surprised. Mom, Dad, and I. But this old gent remem bered Mom from when she was dancing, and it was obvious he knew nothing about TV. Dad thought it was hilarious, Mom being recognized instead of him." She stopped abruptly. She had been talking to cover up her feelings.

Had her father really been amused? He had been at his most charming, but had he just been acting for the benefit of the pa.s.sersby on the street? That night he had been in a down mood, snapping at her mother for putting too much salt in the salad ...

One of the girls who majored in economics said, "I suppose soap-opera actors get well paid?"

"Very," Raffi replied.

To you want to act, too?" Raffi shrugged."Are you going to try out for the spring play? They're doing a new play one of the seniors wrote, about the Brontes. Emily's the role you ought to try for.

She's the most interesting one in the family."

Madeleine L'Engle-24.2 Raffi kept her voice casual. "When are the tryouts?" "They're having preliminary ones in a few weeks." "Well, maybe," Raffi said.

"If you're in it, do you think maybe your dad might come up to see it?"

"Who knows. It would depend on his schedule."

"Or if he could even come to a rehearsal-it would be a terrific help."

"G.o.d, he's gorgeous." "You're so lucky."

'Do you believe in luck?' Noelle asked when she called. 'I know this is awful timing, and I'm sorry, but Andrew has to come to Atlanta for a conference at Grady, so the timing seems meant. I want him to come by and see you all.'

'But, Noelle-' -Are you crazy? This is one piece of unreason I can't cope with 'Hey, I'm not crazy.' (Had Noelle read her thoughts?) 'Or unfeeling or any of those things. We've heard what that Harriet has up her sleeve, about taking Taxi, she's a fiend, and if Andrew sees you and the kids, and how good everything is, that will give him some clout when he speaks to Dad, and Dad does listen to him sometimes.'

'Let me speak to her.' Olivia held out her hand for the phone. Camilla gave it to her. They were in the kitchen, cooking hamburgers for the children's lunch, at Taxi's request. The children were in the yard. Frankie had Quantum in her doll carriage, a baby hat tied askew on the cat's head.

'Calm down, Noelle, and speak coherently. Tell me what you have in mind.'

Olivia listened, and Camilla occasionally heard a few words as Noelle raised her voice.

'Mom is ... as though Dad needs more kids ... Harriet is a grasping, rich. .

Finally Olivia said, 'It does make sense, Noelle. Tell Andrew we'll be glad to see him. Have him come to dinner, that's the A Live Coal in the Sea243 best way for him to see what the family is like ... Thanks, Noelle ... Take care of yourself. Let us know when the twins arrive.' She put the phone down, turned to Camilla. 'It can't hurt. It may help.'

Andrew came, on a rainy spring evening. The children had a picture puzzle spread out on the living-room rug. Good smells came from the kitchen. Olivia was making one of her Greek dishes, which she could mostly prepare ahead of time. They sat in the living room, and Mac poured them a gla.s.s of wine. Taxi, deep in the puzzle, said, 'You give me all the blue pieces, Frankie. That's the sky, okay?'

'I want to do the green. The gra.s.s.'

'Okay, but let's get the sky in first, then the rest of it will be easier.'

Andrew said, 'That looks like a fairly complicated puzzle for those little ones.'

'It's not as hard as it looks,' Mac said. 'They've done it half a dozen times before. It does serve to keep them moderately quiet.'

Andrew pulled a small camera out of his jacket pocket. 'Okay if I take a few pictures? This d-doesn't need a flash.' 'Sure,' Mac said. 'The kids are usedto having their pictures taken by parents and grandparents and a.s.sorted friends.'

Olivia rose, and Camilla stood up, too. 'No,' Olivia said, 'you stay where you are. Everything's done. I just have to bring in the main dish and the salad.'

She looked at Andrew. 'The children help set the table, and since they knew we were having a guest tonight, it may be a little unusual. Taxi wanted to have a lizard in a jar at your place, but we persuaded him that wasn't a great idea.'

Andrew snapped a few pictures, then followed Olivia to the kitchen, returned bearing a heavy earthenware dish with steam rising fragrantly. Olivia carried the salad.

Madeleine L'Engle-244 Taxi looked up. 'C'n I light the candles?'

Mac said, 'You're not quite old enough yet, Taxi. You and Frankie can each blow one out after dinner. Pick up your puzzle.'

'C'n we finish it after dinners'

Mac paused. Then, 'Why not? But don't forget it later on.' 'I won't, Daddy.

Promise.'

After they were seated and had sung the blessing, Taxi said, 'The TV and radio keep playing sad music.'

Camilla murmured, 'Beethoven's funeral march. Every time we turn the radio on, that's what we hear.'

Taxi looked at Andrew. 'We're very unhappy because the President died.'

Frankie said, 'Mommy says the whole world is sad.' Taxi continued. 'He was killed. It was very bad.' 'Yes, Taxi. It was a terrible thing.'

'Pictures,' Taxi said. 'On the TV and in the papers. Why does the camera see upside down? Mommy says it does.' Camilla replied, 'Because our eyes see upside down, and then our brains turn everything right side up again.'

Taxi asked, 'It's an upside-down thing, isn't it, for people to kill other people.'

Andrew replied, 'V-very.'

Taxi looked at him. 'You took some pictures of us.' Andrew smiled at him. 'And I.

hope they'll be right side up.' Frankie held up her hand to get attention.

'Can every thing be made right side up again?'

Andrew said, 'That isn't always possible.'

Frankie slid down from her youth chair and went to Andrew, climbing up on his lap. 'I want it to be.'

Mac's voice was gentle. 'Frankie, go back to your chair. You can sit in Andrew's lap after dinner-after you help Taxi pick up the puzzle.'

'Okay.' She slid down and went obediently back to her place.

A Live Coal in the Sea245 Taxi said, 'Pinky-she baby-sits for us-says we're too young to understand.'

Andrew answered, 'There are lots of things grownups don't understand, either, Taxi.'

Taxi looked at him. 'Daddy says if we understood everything we'd be G.o.d. And we aren't.'

'Your daddy's right.'

With a small gesture Mac indicated to the children it was time for some grownup talk. He asked Andrew about Grady, about his practice in New York.

'And we'll be in New York soon,' Camilla said. 'I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. It's home for me.' 'I'm liking it more than I thought I.

would. Liz drags me to p-plays and I take her to the opera, so we're both happy.

And our practice is already as full as we can m-manage.' When they had finished eating, Olivia suggested putting the children to bed, but Mac said, 'Let them stay up fifteen more minutes. They need to put their puzzle away.'

The puzzle was quickly tidied up. Frankie went to one of the lower bookshelves and pulled out a book, which she took over to Andrew, looking up at him questioningly, then climbed back up into his lap. Taxi came and sat on the edge of the chair.

'That's a long one,' Camilla warned. 'One chapter,' Andrew said.

'Fine,' Olivia agreed. 'Then I'll take them up and finish it.' 'All of it?'

Taxi demanded.

'Until my voice gives out.'

When Olivia had gone upstairs with the children, Andrew said, 'I thought this idea of Noelle's was c-crazy, but having been with you for an evening, I can see what she had in m-mind. It would be criminal to disrupt this little family.

Taxi is obviously content and healthy. Both children are delights. But Taxi doesn't 1-look 1-like R-r-r-ose.' Suddenly his stutter interfered.

Madeleine L'Engle246 'No,' Camilla said. 'He looks like me.' 'But you look like your f-father.'

'Two of my mother's sisters were dark, and there's a picture of one of them when she was young that could be a picture of me. Genetic patterns can be surprising.'

Andrew nodded. 'I w-will do whatever I can. Noelle credits me with more influence on our father than I have, but I will t-try. It's too bad H-harriet can't have children of her own, but this is surely not the s-solution.'

Mac said, tiredly, 'She told us she believes this comes from G.o.d.'

Andrew made an irritated gesture.

Luisa called. 'My G.o.d, Cam, what's going on? Andrew's office is just around the corner from mine and I b.u.mped into him at his bus stop.'

'He told you.' Camilla's voice was flat, with no timbre. 'Why didn't you call me?'

Camilla spoke through a long sigh. 'Oh, Lu, it's all been so sudden. I was going to call. I'm glad you saw Andrew.' 'Maybe he can help, maybe not,' Luisa said.

'I'll certainly testify. I may not be a child psychiatrist, but I still may have some clout. No judge in his right mind would take Taxi away from you.'

ELEVEN.NO?.

Andrew's words didn't help, nor those of his childpsychiatrist friend. Nor Luisa's. Nor Herb Morrison, Pinky's father, the toughest lawyer they knew.

Nothing helped.

The story was all over the papers. With pictures. Columns and columns of words.

More pictures. Taxi being torn out of Camilla's arms as Harriet plucked him away. Pa.s.sionate opin ions, pro and con. Grange was the child's biological father. But Mac was the one Taxi knew as father. Camilla was the one he called Mommy.

Camilla took Frankie to Florida, to the beach house. Mac moved to New York, to the seminary. The farewell parties the parish had planned dwindled away.