'Oh, baby, you know we come home often. Rafferty needs to consult ... And I need to . . . But this time . . .' Her mother's voice was conspiratorial. 'Baby, do you have any news?'

'Whats' Camilla asked blankly.

'Do you have anything to tell me? Anything special?' Camilla held the phone away from herself, looking at it as though it were alive. She had not yet told Art and Olivia. Only Mac knew that she was pretty sure she was pregnant. She, who was regular as a clock, was three weeks overdue.

'Darling baby,' came Rose's voice, 'do you know what I mean?'

'Yes. I think so.' 'And?'

I'm sure she thinks is a Communist plot. Had Gordie Byrd been talking to heroV 'I think so.'

'That kid's a troublemaker, as bad as his father. No wonder the other kids don't trust him. They're the most reactionary family in the parish, and I'm going to have to get my Thesaurus and look up another word for integration.!

'Mac, your parents don't feel like this-'

'Of course they don't. But, as I keep telling you, they're special. Just hold off on science with Mrs. Lee and her ilk.' Camilla was defensive. 'She asked me.'

'Oh, my darling, don't worry about it.'

'I do. The kids are okay, but when I'm with the parents I feel they're speaking a language I've never heard before.' 'You'll learn it.' Mac's smile held a tinge of sadness. 'This is not going to be the easiest parish in the world for me, but I'm convinced that they need help, and that no one is beyond help.' He sighed.

'Hey, it's a lovely evening. Let's go sit under the big pine tree and have a gla.s.s of wine before dinner, or better yet-' 'Better yet,' Camilla said.

The pine tree was protected by a thick hedge which gave them both shade from the sun lingering in the west, and privacy. This evening there was a slight breeze to cool them off. She could not get used to the unremitting heat. They bought a ceiling fan for their bedroom, which helped a little, but not enough. Mac sifted rusty pine needles through his fingers. 'Darling, this heat is getting to you.

We should get an air conditioner for the bedroom.'

'We can't afford it. Nor what it would do to our electric bill.' Camilla was determined to live on what she and Mac made.

Mac, used to the South, used to the heat, used to the rhythmic nasal accent, did not wilt, and Camilla tried not to show how difficult it was for her to acclimate.

Madeleine L'Engle126 'Mother, I don't know yet. It's a possibility. How on earth did you guess?'

Rose sounded smug. 'Mothers know these things. How wonderful, how absolutely wonderful, oh, what fun!' Camilla interrupted. 'Mother, you haven't told mewhy you're in Chicago to see the doctor. What's wrong?'

'I wanted to see my very own doctor, darling. You see, oh, what fun! What fun we're going to have!'

'Mother! Please tell me what this is about.' 'Darling baby, I'm pregnant, too.'

Camilla was silent with shock.

Rose said, 'Oh, baby, it's such fun. Here, let me put your father on.'

Rafferty confirmed what Rose had said. 'It's quite definite, Camilla, and the doctor said everything should be all right. Rose is in excellent health, she's still in her early forties, women are having babies later and later-'

'Father. How do you feel?'

'At first I was stunned. Unbelieving. It's been so many years since you were born, and nothing-but perhaps this is just what Rose needs.'

'What about you, Father? How do you feel about it?V 'Numb. Perplexed. When nothing happened after you were born, when it seemed that for no physical reason we were not going to have another child, I stopped thinking about it.' 'But now?

Why now?'

'The doctor says that the psychological processes in a woman's becoming pregnant aren't very well known. Her pregnancy is perhaps an affirmation to Rose that she's still young. People used to talk. about menopausal babies. Or it may have some connection with your marriage, with her losing, as it were, her first child.'

'She lost me, as it were, a long time ago.'

'I know that, my dear. But she's happy. I hardly remember when I've seen her this happy. Maybe when you were little.' Camilla thought, bitterly, -Well, this may make her stay A Live Coal in the Sea127 faithful for nine months, at least. She said, 'It will make a big change in your lives, having another child.'

'I know. I doubt if Rose realizes it yet.' 'Father, is she psychologically capable of-'

He said, 'I've talked with the doctors, her obstetrician, her psychiatrist.

They agree that the balance is precarious, but that she should not have an abortion.

The obstetrician mentioned it as a remote possibility, and she had hysterics.'

'Father, do you want this child?'

A pause. 'Camilla, after you were born I desperately wanted another baby. I just wonder, now, after all these years, after all that has happened, is it fair to the baby? On the other hand, you've survived what Rose and I have done to you, and perhaps this child will have your resilience.'

'Mother says you're going back to Paris.'

'Yes. I could probably wind up my consulting job in a couple of months, but she has an idea that it would be romantic to have the baby in Paris. The obstetrician has given us the name of someone there she considers excellent.

And you, Camilla, you're pregnant?''Yes. I'm pretty sure.'

Her father sounded tired. 'I don't want this in any way to take away from your own joy.'

'Oh, Father, I'm like you. I don't know what to think.' When she said goodbye, Camilla put the phone down blindly. 'Mac. Did you hear?V 'She told me,' Mac said flatly. 'I suppose it's true?' 'Father says it is.

Mac, let's call Mama and Papa.' Mama and Papa. The affectionate names slipped out eas ily. Since Camilla called her own parents Mother and Father, she had slipped into calling Olivia and Art Mama and Papa almost without transition.

Olivia and Art came, as they often did, for a midweek 'weekend,' delighted at the news of Camilla's pregnancy, ac- Madeleine L'Engle-128 cepting calmly that Rose, too, was pregnant. Art laughed so hard at Camilla's trying to explain Mach's theory to Mrs. Lee that tears streamed down his cheeks.

Olivia a.s.sured Camilla that as soon as her pregnancy was known to the parish, she would meet with approval for doing what a good young wife was supposed to do.

'What about my mother?' Camilla asked. 'Her baby will be my baby's aunt or uncle.'

They were sitting in the rectory's living room, which was partly library because one wall was covered with Camilla's books, books on astronomy and physics, the mysteries which were her relaxation, and some general reference books. Mac's theological books were half in his odd, long little office, which had been made out of one side of the garage, and half in his office in the parish house. The living room was comfortable. Olivia had brought bright cushions which hid the shabbiness of the couch. Camilla kept flowers on the coffee table in, a pewter bowl Noelle had given her as a wedding present. Frank had given her a lovely antique shawl from Turkey with which she covered a scratched old sideboard too big for the dining room. Over the mantelpiece was a mirror in a gold frame. When Camilla had opened the package and read the card, With love from Edward Osler,' and asked Olivia, standing beside her, who he was, Olivia had answered, 'He was one of Mac's teachers, and important in our lives,' in a tone of voice which forbade further questioning.

When there was not something blooming, she managed to make arrangements from weeds and leaves garnered from her walks.

Olivia looked around the pleasant room. 'My dears, Rose's baby isn't going to make that much difference in your own lives. You are married. You have made the rectory into a charming home. And with a baby of your own on the way, you're going to have plenty to keep you occupied. And you, Mac, have a lot of sheep under your care.'

A Live Coal in the Sea>129 Camilla added, 'And I'd like to get my course work finished and my thesis at least started before the baby comes., 'Good, but don't push yourself,' Art said. 'You have time.'

'Camilla, my dear,' Olivia continued, 'there's a tradition in my family that every young mother needs help the first six weeks after a baby is born. I hope perhaps you would prefer me to a nurse.'

'Oh, Mama, yes, that would be marvelous. My own mother, well, even if she weren't pregnant with her own baby, she's used to being waited on, rather than-'

'Good. That's settled, then. Now. Art and I do have news, too. Art has been elected bishop of North Florida.'

They had known he was up for election, so the news was not a surprise.

'I think you ought to be pope,' Camilla said. 'Fortunately we don't have popes.'

Art grinned. 'I'm not sure I want to be a bishop, but I've prayed about it, and it seems to be what I'm meant to do next. It's Florida, and that's home for me.'

'Jacksonville,' Olivia said, 'where Art grew up.'

'On the wrong side of the tracks,' Art said. 'I'm not too excited about living in the cla.s.sy part of town in a mansion which will be a lot for Olivia to manage even with help. But it means we can spend time at the beach house, and you can come with the baby and get away from all the Mrs. Lees in the parish.'

Camilla hugged her father-in-law. 'Oh, Papa, I'm excited for you. I don't know much about what a bishop is supposed to do, but whatever it is, you'll do it superbly.' She turned to Olivia. 'Mama, are you happy?'

Olivia replied slowly, 'We've been in Nashville a long time. It's been our home.

But it's time for Art to move on. Yes, I think I'm happy, though I'll miss my friends.'

Madeleine L'Engle130 'You'll make new ones,' Art a.s.sured her. 'You have a great capacity for friendship.'

'And you.' Olivia turned again to Camilla. 'Are you making friends?'

'Dr. Edith Edison, my advisor at the university, is a good friend, Mama. And I'm getting to know some really interesting people in Athens.'

'Not in Corinth?'

'I feel out of place. I don't have the right accent. I don't do the correct things, because I don't know what they are.'

Mac laughed. 'Darling, don't sound so tragic. You're doing superbly.'

Art said, 'You go to church on Sundays and sit in the front pew where the rector's wife is supposed to sit. You're learning when to stand or kneel or sit.

It's a strange world for you, and you're doing n.o.bly.'

Olivia said, 'Give yourself credit, my dear. When I married Art it was a difficult transition for me, even though I grew up in the Episcopal Church.'

Camilla smiled. 'At least I'm not trying to explain Mach's theory to anybody but the kids.'

'The kids adore her,' Mac said. 'Pinky and Wiz Morrison never used to come to youth group, their mother told me, and now they're two of the most faithful.'

Mrs. Lee came to call again, bringing wine jelly, an old Southern remedy for anyone who needed strengthening, and surely Camilla, in her delicate condition 'It's too bad your parents are so far away, in 'Paris, did you say?'

'Yes.''A young woman needs her mother at a time like this. And your husband is very close to his parents, isn't he?'

'Yes. We both are. Mama-' She caught herself. Mrs. Lee would not understand Camilla's closeness to Mac's parents, her A Live Coal in the Sea131 distance from her own. 'Mac's mother is going to come when the baby is born.'

'Not your own mother?'

Camilla was not going to tell Mrs. Lee that her own mother was pregnant, would be having her baby almost at the same time as Camilla's. 'Paris is very far away, and Mac's parents are wonderful.'

'You're very lucky, sugar. Not all young wives get on well with their in-laws.'

'I know I'm lucky. I love them.'

'And I gather Mr. Xanthakos is about to become a bishop?' Mrs. Lee was already basking in reflected glory.

'Yes, he is.'

'That must make you very proud.' 'It does.'

'And you, sugar, how are you feeling?'

'Oh, I'm fine. I keep having tiny contractions, but I've had them all along.'

'I don't like the sound of that. You take care of yourself, hear?V 'Oh, I do, and Mac is taking good care of me.'

'And so he should.' She looked around the room. 'My, this is attractive. I like the way you've moved things around. Those chairs by the fireplace are shabbier than they should be. I'll speak to the ladies.'

'Oh, they're fine.'

'You just leave it to me, sugar. Now watch those contractions, hear?V 'I will,' Camilla promised.

But on Christmas afternoon the contractions became labor. 'At least all the services are over,' Camilla gasped.

Mac barely got her to the hospital before she lost the baby.

Olivia came to bring Camilla home from the hospital. The fetus had been developing normally, the obstetrician said; Madeleine L'Engle,132 there was no apparent reason for her to have miscarried. 'But it sometimes happens. Give yourself a couple of months' respite and try again.'

'Your body is going to rebel against this interruption,' Olivia said. 'You need petting and pampering. I know you're bitterly disappointed, we all are. But there'll be more babies for you and Mac.'

A cable came from Paris in TERRIBLY SHOCKED AND SORRY HER And then a phone call from Rose, full of murmurs of sympathy combined with exultation about her own pregnancy which left Camilla in tears. Tears of anger as well as grief.

Olivia said, 'Of course you're angry. Your mother is doing what you are supposed to do. The chronology is upside down. It's outrageous. Don't feel badly about your reaction. We all share it.'

Yes, it was upside down, as our eyes see upside down, as the camera sees upside down, and no way to right it. Camilla was ashamed at the intensity of her reaction, but there it was. Luisa helped by calling, angry about the loss of the baby, and outraged at Rose's pregnancy. 'It's absurd,' Luisa sputtered. 'Oh, Cam, if you're as angry as I am, you're raging.'

'Yes,' Camilla agreed. 'That expresses it.''Let it out,' Luisa advised. 'And if you can't, I'll do it for you. I'm infuriated for you. I hope you'll have twins next time. Triplets.'

'One at a time will be fine,' Camilla said.

E.

response to Camilla's letter: TRIED TO PHONE ALI. WELL On Sunday evening the youth group came, bringing a kitten, carried tenderly by Pinky Morrison. Freddy Lee brought cat food, and Gordie Byrd carried a bag of kitty litter.

A kitten to replace a baby, Camilla thought bitterly, but managed to smile, to thank them. The kitten was put in her A Live Coal in the Sea,133 lap, but immediately leapt off, dashed across the room, ascended into the air and onto the sideboard, then leapt onto the newel post, wobbled there, getting its balance, and catapulted itself back into Camilla's lap. She could not help laughing with the rest of them.

'Quantum!' she exclaimed. 'That's what we'll call it. It's surely making quantum leaps.'