The words threatened to choke him.

"When I woke up, I ... I didn't remember her. I thought I'd been heldagainst my will, so I got out of there as fast as I could."

"Then why did you come back?"

Alec couldn't turn away from the chimney, which stood as a hulki%o blackmonument to Ellen.

"While I was in the hospital, the rest of the memories came back. All ofa sudden I knew who Ellen was. I realized I felt something for her ...I'm not sure what. I guess I came back to find out and to see what shefelt for me." He couldn't bring himself to express the hopes he'd onceentertained.

Unable to stomach the. sight any longer, he pivoted w/thout a word andheaded back to the trail, stopping only when the ranger's words rang outclear.

"He did this, you know. That bastard Bartholomew got his revenge atlast."

Alec kept wall ring During the long hike back to the truck, be tried toprevent himself from thinking about anything.

Anything or anybody.

Like EHEN.

He struggled through the snow, unable to keep himself from comparingthis trip with the one he'd taken an hour ago. Anticipation and hope haddied so quickly it was hard to believe they'd ever existed in the firstplace. He tried to. blame the chill in his heart on the plummetingtempera-tares, but he knew the truth. Ellen was dead and it was hisfault.

Once he arrived at Reid's truck, he stripped off the backpack and tossedit onto the passenger's seat. At the moment, he didn't care about thephoto album or the happy childhood memories it reflected.

Regret, grief and. overwhelming guilt all combined to numb his mind.

He operated on sheer instinct as he drove down the snow-packed road.

' A couple of miles from the station, a dark blur darted in front ofthe' truck Alec slammed on the brakes, discovering that four-wheel drivedidn't necessarily mean four-wheel stop. He controlled the skid, keepingthe vehicle out of the snow banks on either side of the road. Once he came to a stop, he climbed out of the cab and stood on the rt-ningboard. Staring back, he spotted an object squatting in the middle of theroad. His stomach turned in recognition. "Hermitt?"

The black lump moved.

"Here, boy!"

The dog limped over the snowy ruts cut by the truck and squatted byAlec's feet, shivering.

"She's gone, boy." He ruffled the dog's ears.

"And you were left behind. I'm so sorry, Hermitt."

The dog whimpered, cutting through the last barrier Alec had erectedaround his emotions. He buried his face in the dog's smoky, smelling furand allowed the ars to express his grief. After a few gut-wrenchingminutes, Alec A Killer Smile A Killer Smile wiped his frozen tears onthe back of his sleeve, pulled himself to his feet and opened the truckdoor.

"C'mon, boy. Get in."

The dog slowly obeyed. Alec drove back toward the city with Hermittcowering on the floorboards. When he returned the truck to Reid, Alecthanked the cover of darkness for disguising his grim expression. Hepleaded fatigue to forestall his friend's questions and led the dog intohis own car without offering any explanation.

Alec drove straight home, stripped and took a-scalding shower to washaway the guilt and the regret. Before he collapsed in bed, he lit thegas fireplace for He . tt, but the dog refused to get anywhere near the brick hearth. "C'mon, buddy: Don't let the LIFE scare you."

Hermitt cringed in the opposite corner of the living room until Alecturned off the gas flames.

"Come here, boy. It's all right."

The old dog shook as he crawled toward Alec. Alec sat on the floor andcradled the animal in his arms. Once the dog calmed down, Alee broughthim into the bedroom, where Hermitt took his station at the foot of thebed.

Soon the dog settled into a twitchy sleep.

Alec leaned backin the bed with his fingers clasped behind his head.

Hermitt still reeked of smoke, and the odor bothered Alec, anuncomfortable reminder of the tragedy. He wanted to sleep,. but hefeared the dreams that might come to his unprotected, unprepared mind.As he battled sleep, he almost wished he were back in the hospital,where the nurse would come in and wake him freeing him from any unwantednightmares.

He stared at the ceiling. If only he'd gone back earlier, maybe he couldhave saved Ellen from the fire. If only he could have stopped Hank. Ifonly. Damn it--why don't I wish for the moon while I'm at it? Ill couldgo back, I wouldn't go back to the fire ... I'd go back to when theymet.

Think of all the grief she would've avoided if she had never met him .ill could go back . THE BF. ER FWED VREF. Iar, marijuana smoke f'dledthe air and the jokes were raunchy. Ah--college life. At first I didn'tknow where I was.

Then I saw her. She was younger than I remembered. Pretty but not quite'put together yet. I knew how age would mature Ellen features and turncoed cute to grown-up gorgeous. She was in deep conversation with a guywho looked as if he made up the entire defensive line of the varsityteam. I knew he was about to get fresh with her. I had no idea how, butI simply knew it was going to happen.

I tried to force my way through the crowd toward them, but a tipsynymphet grabbed me. 'lren't you a little old to be a frat? I bet you'rea professor here. Right?"

" Right, "I lied.

The blonde molded herself to my thigh.

"I'd take your class just to watch that wonderful, tight little tush of.yours[ What do you teach?"

"Self-defense. Fcuse me." I escaped from the cloud of alcoholic fumeshanging around her.

The football bruiser had his hand around Ellen's upper arm, pulling hertoward him. When she gave him a good jab in the stomach with her freeelbow, it was like the flea trying to beat up the dog. The big guy held up a threatening hand as if he was going to slap her.

I pushed through the last remaining barrier of people and wedged myself between Ellen and her attacker.

"Is this A Killer Smile A Killer Smile ., guy bothering you?" She gave

me a strained but grateful smile.

He grabbed her arm and jerked her closer.

"Butt out, creep" He smirked at me, evidently displaying the extent of

his expansive, collegiate vocabulary. Then, without waiting for my pithy

retort, he swung out one meaty ftst aimed at my nose.

I intercepted his hand, applied pressure against his fingers, then twisted his arm behind his back. Mr. Football Jock bounced between screaming obscenities and pleading for leniency.

I maneuvered him to the front porch and tossed him into a handy pile of

leaves.

When I returned to the party, another guy was standing near her, evidently offering his condolences. Something about him seemed both familiar and 'disturbing to me, as if he reminded me of someone I didn't like. I decided to intrude, cutting her new companion right out of the conversation: "You okay?"

Her smile was warm and honest.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. I don't usually interfere, but he had no right to hit

you.

No one does."

She nodded.

"I agree with you. My name's Ellen." She held out her hand.

I reached out to shake it but someone jostled me from behind, nearly pus

tung me into her. I suspected the culprit was the guy whom I had out-jockeyed for her attention. He certainly din't mean for her to end up in my arms like she did.

"It's getting crowded in here. Not to men lion smoky. Fe'ould you like to go sit on the. porch She was hesitant without being coy.

"Okay."

I blazed a trail to the front door. Outside we found an empty porch swing.

She gave me a penetrating glance.

"You're not a student here, are you?"

I blanked out. Fas I a student? l didn't think sonora professor, despite

my lie to Lolita. /1ll of a sudden, I knew why I was there, what I was supposed to do. Then I realized I'd already achieved my goal '7 came for

a friend."

" You mean with a friend?"

"Uh ... yeah."

"What's wrong? ,4re you feeling all right?"

in icy wave passed over me, making me shake.

"Not really. ' She put a hand on my forehead, then touched my fingers."

You're freezing. Let's go inside "No. That won't help." My teeth started chattering, and I began to lose the feeling in my legs.

"C'mon. I'll help you.," You c-can't. You're n-not there anym-more."

Her hands gripped mine, but I couldn't feel the warmth as I did before.

"You're not making any sense. Let me go get help."

"No. D-don't leave." Her ompassion touched me, but it could no longer save my life.

"N-no one can help me now. ' I knew I didn't have much time left. How

could I explain it to her?

How could I tell her I was freezing to death? How could l tell her that by saving her from a fated liaison, I'd destroyed my only chance for survival?

Since l prevented her from meeting her knight-in-tarnished-armor namedHank, she never had to run away from him.