His shirt comes next, and yeah, I'm still watching. Levi hits the light, giving us darkness. The bed shifts as he lies behind me, and then we both go to sleep.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

I wake up with Levi's arm wrapped around me, his warm breath on my neck. There's a minute where I just lay here, savoring it. The feel of a hard, muscled body against me, the fact that it's this guy in particular. That he came here to seek me out. Maybe it shouldn't, but it makes pride swell in my chest.

That's about when the hangover catches up with me, nausea churning my gut.

"I think I'm going to die." My head feels like there's a ba.s.s pounding inside of it.

"I still like the smell of your soap," he responds.

"You remember that?"

"Yeah."

Even though he can't see my face, I smile. "I bought a case of it."

A loud laugh falls out of Levi's mouth and right into my ear, making the ba.s.s get louder. "Oh s.h.i.t. Don't do that. My head is killing me. I need to take something." Rolling over, I sit on the edge of the bed, but then pause before going any further.

"I need some coffee or something. Can I make some?" Levi asks.

I nod, stand, and then say, "Yeah. If there's a guy out there with dark hair, tattoos and piercings, it's my roommate Xavier. If there's someone else out there, Xavier must have brought a guy home last night. I'll be back in a minute."

There's a pair of sweats on the floor, so I pick them up and pull them on. It's not until I make it to the bathroom that I realize I didn't tell Levi where the coffee or anything is. He'll figure it out, though. Before doing anything else, I grab some pain medicine from the cabinet and take two with a handful of water, then p.i.s.s, wash my hands, and brush my teeth before stumbling to the kitchen.

"Hey." I plop down at the table and see Levi standing next to the coffee pot in a pair of jeans. His brown hair is mussed, like someone had their hand knotted in it. If I hadn't felt like c.r.a.p, that would have been me. Or h.e.l.l, maybe I did muss his hair but I don't remember doing it.

"Is it bad that I'm enjoying this? I mean, you had to see me hungover, it's only fair that I see you that way, too."

"There's the Levi I know!" As soon as I say it, I wish the words back. He's going through enough, and I didn't want to remind him of it. But Levi just chuckles at my lame attempt to turn the subject away from me.

"Cups here?" He points to a cabinet. I nod and then stand.

"Sit down," he tells me. "I got it. I didn't get you a birthday present, so I can get you coffee."

Falling back to the chair, I watch him move around my kitchen, comfortable as ever.

"How do you like it?" he asks.

"Black."

"That's gross. It's bitter that way." He sets the cup in front of me, then looks in the fridge, pulls out Xavier's creamer. "Will he mind? I can buy some more."

"It's fine." I wave him off. Levi makes his coffee and then sits at the small table with me, sipping his drink. Maybe wishing he had a newspaper to read and bacon and eggs in front of him.

I should probably say something, but I don't know what, so I drink some coffee and pretend I haven't slipped back into "I slept in the same bed as Levi f.u.c.king Baxter" mode and that this isn't a big thing. If we're going to do this, I have to come at it like Levi is just some guy I met. It can't be about anything more than that.

"I didn't know you had a roommate," he says after a few minutes.

"There's probably a lot about each other that we don't know."

He nods. "True."

A noise comes from down the hallway. Xavier stumbles out of his room in his boxer briefs.

"I smelled coffee." He rubs his eyes as he comes into the kitchen. Levi watches him, turning as Xavier pours himself a cup and then looks in the fridge for his creamer. It always takes Xavier at least one cup to wake up and act partially human.

"Dude, am I out of creamer?"

Levi's still watching him, which is understandable-Xavier's a.s.s in underwear is a thing of beauty-but I also have the urge to grab Levi's face and turn it toward me.

"It's on the counter, man," I tell him. "You missed it." He looks up at me, then his eyes shift to Levi, noticing him for the first time.

"What's up?" Xavier nods at him, pushes his hair behind his ears and looks away. "I'm a p.r.i.c.k until I've had my coffee. I'd talk but then you'll just think of me as Toby's a.s.shole roommate, and you're pretty s.e.xy, so I don't want you to think I'm a douche."

After this statement, he doctors his coffee and stumbles back to his room. Yep, that's my roommate.

"He's um..."

When Levi doesn't finish his sentence, I do it for him, but probably not with words he would choose. "Going to get his a.s.s kicked." I'm down with Xavier's quirks but not so much with him calling my guest s.e.xy.

And...I totally need to simmer down on possessiveness here.

"Well, h.e.l.l. Look at you. There's steam coming out of your ears, Toby. You jealous because he thinks I'm s.e.xy? I mean...look at me. You know I am."

I grab a napkin off the table, ball it up and throw it at him. "f.u.c.ker. And I'm not jealous." I'm totally f.u.c.king jealous.

Levi takes a drink of his coffee before tossing the napkin back at me. "Good. You don't have to be. He's not my type."

Does that mean I am? Is that what he's saying? I mean, obviously I turn him on in some ways because I've had him, but that was just s.e.x. Still. "Men in general used to not be your type."

"But they are now. Obviously. Just like you're my type."

My pulse goes from normal to Mach speed in three seconds flat. "Are you saying you want to have s.e.x with me again?"

He shrugs. "I'm saying what I'm saying. Didn't we discuss this last night? I distinctly remember mentioning sleeping together."

He did, but last night I was drunk. Today I'm sober and in my right mind. It's too early and I'm too hungover for this, but still I answer with, "I thought it would be smarter to go with the friends thing. You know, because your brother is my best friend and I'm pretty intertwined with your family."

Levi leans forward, elbows on his knees, and looks at me, questions in the deep brown orbs of his eyes. "I think that's a s.h.i.tty reason. And have you ever had s.e.x with the same guy twice?"

I drop my head to the chair's back and look at the ceiling. It was weird having this conversation with the guy who used to threaten me with wedgies when I was a kid. "Why does that matter?"

"Humor me. Otherwise I'll call you T-Rex again."

"I'll kick your a.s.s. And can you really call someone that after they've been inside you?"

That makes him sit back. He crosses his arms over his chest, not looking quite as c.o.c.ky as he did a second ago. "Good point. Now answer the question."

But I don't want to, and I don't want to think about why.

"Come on, you know something about me that no one else in the world knows. You can't tell me who you've slept with? You know me-I won't shut up until you tell me. I like getting my way."

I laugh and it makes a pain shoot through my head. Leaning forward, I rub my temples. "No s.h.i.t on getting your way, and don't make me laugh." He doesn't respond, but I know he'll eventually keep bugging me until I do what he says. That's Levi. "One guy... It was only a few times though, spread out over a couple months."

"Wow..." He looks surprised by that answer. "Serious?"

"No. I told you I've never been serious about anyone."

"I didn't think so."

"f.u.c.k you."

"Hey! Not because someone wouldn't be into you. I'm just saying I have a theory when it comes to you, that's all. Why'd you guys stop sleeping together?"

There isn't a part of me who wants to do this with him. Not now, not ever. "I don't know. I just told him I was over it." I push away from the table and stand. "I need to take a shower to see if it helps me feel better. See ya in a few."

And somehow I have a feeling I just told him something he already guessed, and that he doesn't like the answer.

CHAPTER NINETEEN.

I take a long time in the shower. By the time I get out my fingertips are raisins but I feel a whole lot more human than I did when I got in. The alcohol really hit me last night. I'll be sweating it out all day.

After wrapping a towel around my waist, I cross the hall for my bedroom. When I open the door, Levi's lying on his back on the bed watching me. "I thought you drowned."

"Considered trying to make that happen. You comfortable?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with it?" He winks and I just roll my eyes at the b.a.s.t.a.r.d. "I considered getting in the shower with you. That would have been a lot more comfortable, but you're being weird. For someone who supposedly used to jack off to thoughts of me, you don't seem to want me around all that much. Or at least not naked. I think my feelings are hurt."

"Who left? Maybe we could have screwed our way through Christmas vacation?" I c.o.c.k a brow at him and Levi flinches. "And you don't have your feelings hurt. You just want to hear me say I want you. You've always had a big head like that." And honestly, that makes sense with what's going on in his life. Maybe he needs to hear something like that more than he wants to.

I walk over to my dresser and open the drawer, which puts my back to him. "You know I want you." I shrug. "Everyone wants you."

Plucking out a pair of black briefs, I drop my towel and pull them on.

"You have a nice a.s.s."

I'd be lying if I didn't admit my lips pull into a smile. When I don't respond, Levi continues, his voice a husky, s.e.xy rasp. "You're different."

"You're different, too."

"I like you this way. Confident. You've always been a little more quiet and shy, and when you did talk, it was usually some kind of joke."

Because laughing made it easier to be around him. h.e.l.l, to be around anyone. "That's what happens when you grow up. People change." My drawer gets off track when I try to close it. I rattle it a second, but then don't feel like s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g with it and open the bottom drawer for jeans, which I put on. "Maybe that's what happened to you. You grew up and you changed. Nothing wrong with that." Looking over my shoulder, my eyes catch his. I see the turmoil there, the confusion. "This doctor thing, it's not a big deal, man. That's not the kind of profession you go into if you don't have a love for it."

Levi huffs, pushes up and sits on the edge of the bed. His right leg bounces rapidly as though it's trying to get somewhere. "In a way, I do have a love for it. I respect it. But it's hard to give up on something I've worked so hard on. To ignore the money my parents have put out and the scholarships I've been given." He puts his hand on his leg as if to stop the bouncing. It doesn't stop-the mattress is shaking. "You and Chris didn't see the pressure Dad put on me. I know Chris thinks it's all f.u.c.king perfect in my world, but it's not. Dad accepted that Chris isn't going to follow in his footsteps. There's a freedom in that. It's always meant the G.o.dd.a.m.n world to my dad that I'd become a doctor. I didn't get the choice."

I watch him for a few moments quietly, letting his words sink in. "You're right," I say finally.

Levi winks. "I know." But then he fidgets, glances away, almost as though he's embarra.s.sed.

"But only about us not understanding the pressure you were under. The rest of it... You can still make whatever changes you want, Levi. I believe that."

The frown on his face says he doesn't agree with me. He doesn't argue though, just asks, "Can we chill today? Do you work or anything? h.e.l.l, I don't even know if you have a job."

When I don't answer right away, Levi picks up a sock and throws it at me. f.u.c.ker. "So," he says. "Hang out? Job? Are you in there?"

"Just a part-time job at a coffee house. I'm going to be screwed with student loans when I graduate, but it's worth it to me. And no, I don't work this weekend. What do you want to do?" A quiet buzz builds deep inside me, getting more electric by the second. It shouldn't feel this exciting to get the chance to spend the day with him. My reaction almost makes me want to say no, but this doesn't have to be a big deal. I've basically told him I'm willing to give this friends thing a shot.

"h.e.l.l, I don't know. We can stay here all day if you want. There's a beer festival, but I'm pretty sure you're not feeling that right now. We can play tourist and go hang out at Pier 39 or something. We're from Oregon so it's not as if we're not used to the dreary grey day and showers."

"Yeah, okay." I shrug. "That sounds cool."

I shove my hands in my pockets, trying to act all business as usual as I watch Levi stand. He pulls a small container out of his pocket, opens it, drops a pill in his mouth and swallows. "Can I borrow a shirt or something?"

I ignore his question and concentrate on breathing because my stomach's just filled with concrete. I can't believe how casually he's popped a pill. Right in front of me. I'm hoping like h.e.l.l it's a vitamin or ibuprofen or something and not what I think it is.

Levi glances my way and must notice I look freaked out because he says, "I take anxiety medication. It's not a big deal. Don't say anything. My parents don't know."

"It's not a big deal, but they don't know?" Sounds like he's making it a big deal to me.

Levi sighs. "There's a large population of people who take medication for anxiety. I'm one of them. As long as I take it, I stay even. I know enough to make sure I take it. That's all, man."

Logically, I know he's right. Levi's like a thousand-piece puzzle-you know he's going to take a while to figure out. But then when you open the box, you realize they must've mislabeled it and there's actually two-thousand pieces there.

"Shirt?" he asks again. "Or are you trying to make me grungy so you won't want me so much? By the way, I'm still trying to figure out what the problem with that is."

Levi's warm, smooth hand wraps around my wrist when I reach out to shove him. "c.o.c.ky motherf.u.c.ker."

"So I've been told." He gets a wide grin on his face that disintegrates the concrete in my stomach. He's too s.e.xy for his own good.

Jerking out of his grip, I say, "Let go of me so I can get you some clothes. There should be a new stick of deodorant under the sink, so you don't stink me out all day. And a toothbrush and razors. Xavier has what he calls a Post-Bang Survival Kit. You know how some people prepare for the world to end? Xavier stockpiles everything a guy needs the morning after."

A loud laugh jumps out of Levi's mouth. I haven't heard that sound much lately, and I turn around, digging in my dresser so he doesn't see how much I like it.

"That's awesome. Does he have a pre-bang kit, too? I mean, besides the obvious?" he asks.