"T-Rex..."

I squeeze my hands into tight fists, and take a deep breath so I don't lose my cool. "I swear to G.o.d if you call me that again I'm going to kick your a.s.s."

Levi doesn't reply. We don't say anything else to each other until we get home. When we pull up to my house, it's Levi who speaks. "Gimme a call about the play thing. s.h.i.t, you don't have my number. Oh, never mind. I called you this morning. Save it."

There's a brief second where I consider going with the idea we'll actually hit up a play together. He's trying despite the fact that I'm being a d.i.c.khead. Honestly, I'm surprised he is trying and can't really imagine him making an effort with anyone else, but then I think, what the h.e.l.l is the point?

"Why?" I ask him. "We both know you don't really want to go. What are we even doing here? You're Chris's brother. We don't even want anyone knowing we hung out today. And then we kiss which was obviously a big-a.s.s mistake. It just...it would make more sense just to go back to the way things have always been between us."

There's a pause and then... "Yeah... Yeah, I guess you're right."

I really didn't want to be right. My stomach twists, gets heavy.

"Thanks for lunch." I get out, and Levi doesn't say a word as I close the door and walk away.

CHAPTER NINE.

Levi calls me four times over the next two days and I ignore all of them. It's a weak move on my part. I know it, but I still do it. There just isn't a point in the two of us hanging out. He's going through some s.h.i.t, and I can sympathize. But if he only wants me around as a sounding board-and he's going to act like the whole world came crashing down because he had his tongue in my mouth-f.u.c.k that and f.u.c.k him. I'm not going to spend time with a dude who freaks out because he kissed me when he wouldn't freak out over kissing another guy.

It's early, around seven the day before Christmas Eve. My dad was banging around not long ago, getting ready for work and now, even though I'm willing my eyes to close, they won't. It's too f.u.c.king early to be up, but since my brain won't shut down long enough for me to pa.s.s out, I push out of bed and take a quick shower.

I'm brushing my teeth when I hear a knock at the door. Dad has to have left by now, so I spit, rinse my mouth and head to my room to find clothes. Who the h.e.l.l would be coming by before eight o'clock in the morning? They better be telling me I won a s.h.i.t-ton of money.

Pulling on a T-shirt and a pair of sweats over my boxers, I hear another knock. "I'm coming." They're obviously eager to hand me my check so I don't stop for coffee on my way to meet them.

Without looking through the peephole I pull open the door. Levi stands there with a cup holder filled with two cups and a bag. His hair's hanging in his face and he shakes it out before shrugging, like I'm supposed to be the one to tell him why he's here.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit my pulse goes a little wild at the sight of him. It's as though we're in some parallel universe where Levi Baxter gives a s.h.i.t about me.

"Hey. I couldn't sleep. Since you ignore my phone calls I decided not to give you a choice and came over here. But look, I brought sugar and caffeine. Points for me, right?" He smiles and d.a.m.ned if it's not contagious. I have to force myself not to return it. But then, that's Levi-he can get what he wants, even from me. There's a small part of me who hates him for that.

Jerking my head toward the house, I surrender to his power and take a step backward. Levi gets the message and comes inside. My house. Levi Baxter is in my house, and I'm stuck between the urge to tell him to leave and to pull him closer.

"I was worried I'd wake you up, but you look like you just got out of the shower."

"My dad woke me up when he was getting ready for work. I couldn't fall back asleep. You always rise with the sun now?" I lead him toward the kitchen. Levi hands me one of the coffees and I take it but don't drink any.

"Yeah, I've had trouble sleeping the past few years."

What the f.u.c.k? "Few years? Maybe you should have that checked."

Levi laughs. "It's stress-related. My doctor knows. It's not consistent or anything. It just hits every once in a while. Your phone break, or what?"

For some reason, I didn't expect him to call me out on not responding to his calls. "No."

"So this is what it feels like to get brushed off, huh? Who'd have thought?" When I roll my eyes he continues, "I'm kidding, Toby. I've gotten the brush off plenty. I told you that."

My stomach twists and I set the coffee down, not in the mood for it. Leaning against the table, Levi watches, waiting. He doesn't take his eyes off me, his stare so intense it finds every crack, every little sliver of a place it can seep inside me. I want to ask him what he sees. Want to know what I look like through his eyes. Does he see a half-black, gay kid without a mom? The one who doesn't leave Chris's side because he can't handle getting close to anyone else and risk losing them?

"I thought we settled everything the other day," I say finally.

"And I think that's f.u.c.king stupid. Why can't we hang out?"

I don't get why in the h.e.l.l he suddenly wants to get to know me. "What are you doing, man?" This isn't him. None of it.

"I don't know. Why are you so p.i.s.sed at me? Yeah you're Chris's friend but what's the big deal if you're my friend, too? I told you the kiss was a mistake. Why can't we just forget about it and move the f.u.c.k on?"

It's that last comment that pushes me over the edge. I shove away from the counter, my muscles coiled tight in anger. "Because you've been a d.i.c.k to us our whole lives! You always thought you were too good for us. You treated Chris like s.h.i.t and the whole f.u.c.king time I still had a hard-on for you. Jesus, I used to jack off to thoughts of you. That's what made me really realize I was gay. The whole time I hid it from Chris because it already p.i.s.sed him off that everyone thought the sun rose and set on your a.s.s. And then you come back and act like a totally different person. You want to spend time with me, kiss me and then say oh that was a mistake because even though you swing both ways, you're obviously still too good for me. You act like I wanted to marry you instead of just bone you, and then you show up at my house with coffee and donuts like-oh f.u.c.k."

Levi's body slams into mine. I stumble backward, hitting the wall, Levi squeezes my body between it and him. He smells like soap and coffee. His body's hot and hard, molded against me. He pushes forward, his erection rubbing against mine, the friction making pleasure thrum through me. I don't have time to form a clear thought before we're mouth to mouth the same way we're body to body. His tongue pushes in and I let it. Suck it, before feeding him mine as well.

There's a vibration when he moans; it radiates from Levi into me, making my c.o.c.k get even harder.

His hands slide up and he grabs the sides of my face. I squeeze his tight a.s.s, and my reward is a second moan from him as he kisses deeper, rubs off on me, so f.u.c.king close it's like he wants to climb inside me.

Levi's mouth slides down my neck. He sucks my skin into his mouth.

But then my stupid brain takes over when really I just want to turn the d.a.m.n thing off and follow my d.i.c.k's lead. "What the h.e.l.l are we doing?" I ask.

Levi just shrugs, still kissing at the tender skin of my throat. "You said you wanted me back then. The question now is do you still? Because I'm telling you, Toby, I don't know when it happened, but I want you now."

CHAPTER TEN.

I take a few seconds to let his words sink in before my brain listens to my d.i.c.k and goes quiet. It's s.e.x. We both want it and right now that's all that matters. Any weirdness it could cause is in the future and I'll worry about it later.

"Let's go." I lead Levi to my childhood bedroom, and I'll admit it's kind of strange to see him in my s.p.a.ce. The second we're inside, I close the door and drop to my knees. A slight pain shoots through my right knee when it hits the floor. It doesn't matter, though. Nothing f.u.c.king matters as I work the b.u.t.ton and zipper on Levi's jeans.

"You used to jack off thinking about me?" There's laughter in his voice, but I'm too h.o.r.n.y to return it.

"Shut up."

"I never f.u.c.king knew. I mean, I'm not sure how I would have felt about it back then anyway, but-"

"Shut up," I say again. If he's talking, he's thinking, and right now all either of us should do is feel so our brains can't tell us this is a bad idea.

"Holy s.h.i.t, this is so f.u.c.king weird. Seeing you on your knees. You're Chris's-"

"Can we please not talk about your brother?" And then I reach into his boxer briefs and palm his d.i.c.k.

"Oh f.u.c.k. Yeah, not talking. Put your mouth on me, Toby."

I slide my hands around to his a.s.s, palming it beneath his jeans and underwear before I push them down.

And then I do just as he said, suck him into my mouth, feel the veins with my tongue. All that hardness covered in soft skin that tastes of salt.

He holds onto the back of my head as I work him, as I show him what I can do. Levi breathes hard, moans, moves his hips as I take him as deep as I can get him. Drive him wild the way he's always done to me.

I feel him tense up, know he's getting close, and then he's pulling me to my feet and pushing his tongue into my mouth again.

"Do you have condoms?" he asks between kisses and I wonder why in the h.e.l.l he doesn't have any.

"Yeah." I grab my wallet from my dresser, pull a condom out and a small package of lube, then toss them both to the bed.

"Jesus, you've gotten s.e.xy." He pushes his hands under my shirt and I pull it off for him. Watch as his pale hand explores my darker chest, hiss when his thumb rubs my copper-colored nipple. This is f.u.c.ked up and confusing but none of that is going to make me stop it.

"Take the rest of your clothes off," he says.

Reaching out, I stroke him again, just because I can. He's long, slightly curved and full of thick veins that felt good against my tongue.

Levi pulls off his shirt, so I shove down my sweats and underwear. He's watching me, eyes glued to my body, dark and stormy with l.u.s.t. For just a second, I let myself revel in the thought of turning Levi on that much.

"Look at all that caramel skin." He winks at me, and this time I do laugh. f.u.c.ker.

"Stop talking and keep going," I tease.

"Holy s.h.i.t." Levi strokes himself, steps forward and flicks his tongue over my nipple, sucks it into his warm mouth and then does the same to my left. I'm so hard I feel like I could explode at any second.

We start kissing, eating at each other's mouths like we're starving as we tumble onto the bed. He pulls away when we're lying down, grabs the condom, and opens it before rolling it down my erection. "When I'm with a guy, I want to be pounded. That okay with you?"

I d.a.m.n near have to hold myself off from blowing my load and ruining this whole thing before getting inside him. My vision swims and my body gets tight like I'm amped up on something. I guess I am-l.u.s.t. "Stupid f.u.c.king question."

Levi goes down on his stomach, a.s.s in the air. I rub my hand over the creamy globes and watch him tremble, watch his back arch in a s.e.xy, come-take-me way. Ripping the package of lube open, I spread some on Levi and then on myself.

He moans, pushing toward me as I rub him, push a finger in, pull it out and then slide it back in again. "Just take me, Toby."

Well, okay, since he asked so nicely. I line myself up and then slowly stretch him, working my way inside.

"Oh, f.u.c.k. f.u.c.k yeah," he mumbles over and over until I'm buried deep. And then I just have to stay still so I don't f.u.c.king blow. He's tight, so d.a.m.ned tight. I need to come so badly I ache, and when Levi pushes back, I have to move.

I thrust into him, pull out and then do it over and over. Reaching around, I rub my finger over the head of his erection, stroke his hard length in unison with every slam of my hips. "You feel amazing." A tight, hot cave.

"So do you. Go harder."

He doesn't have to ask twice. I do exactly as he says, railing him the way he seems to need. Before I know it, he's tensing up, releasing, making each tug on his d.i.c.k glide more smoothly and then he shoots again. I'm right behind him, groaning out my o.r.g.a.s.m before crumpling down on the bed with him.

CHAPTER ELEVEN.

The room's quiet except the sound of deep breathing. It echoes in my headLevi's mine, Levi's mine, Levi's mine.

His left leg is thrown over me, the hairs rubbing against my thigh. I should say something...but what? I just screwed Levi-as in I honestly had my d.i.c.k in his a.s.s and didn't just dream it. I'm not sure the reality of it has sunk in yet.

I'd fantasized about having him for years. Lots of those fantasies included visions of how I would feel afterward-the satisfaction of having someone so far out of reach, of proving to myself I could have someone as amazing as Levi Baxter, always came with a certain amount of pride and chest-banging. The reality is different. I don't feel like bragging about a conquest or thumping my chest. Honestly, I can't say exactly what it does feel like, only that it's somehow more.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is scary as f.u.c.k.

"I needed that." Levi breaks our silence.

I pull the condom off and toss it into the trash. "Yeah, me too."

He pushes out of the bed, and I get this sudden pinch in my chest. I'm not sure why I'm surprised he's leaving. Not sure if I care either, or maybe I just don't want to admit that I do.

I watch his a.s.s move as he walks over to his jeans. Instead of putting them on, he reaches into the front pocket and pulls out a baggie. "Do you mind?" After opening the bag, he holds up a joint and a lighter.

Huh. Levi smokes weed. I don't know why I didn't see that coming. "Nope."

He climbs back into bed with me, lights up and takes a hit before pa.s.sing it to me. I don't smoke real often, but I'd say this is a good excuse to toke up. Neither of us speaks as we lie naked in my double bed, pa.s.sing a joint back and forth, the sweet burn deep in my lungs.

When we finish, Levi rolls onto his stomach, folds his arms and lets his head rest on them while looking at me. He has a calmness about him right now, a lazy grin on his thin lips.

"You a pothead now, Doc?" I tease.

His smile dims slightly, making me wish I hadn't brought up the doctor thing. "Nope. Calms me down, though. Turns out not knowing what the f.u.c.k you want to do with your life-even when you thought you had the whole thing mapped out-can make you anxious as h.e.l.l."

A tornado of guilt wreaks havoc on my insides. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't know. Plus, you screwed my brains out so you're forgiven."

He reaches over and runs a hand up my chest. It's like his finger is magnetic, and every good feeling in my body is a shard of metal, all drawn to where he touches, following his every movement as he makes invisible shapes on my skin. "What are you going to do?"

He doesn't pull his hand back, still tracing things I can't see. "I'm gonna finish what I started. That's who I am, Toby. I'll love it eventually. I have to."

Shaking my head, I let out a deep breath. "People change. I used to want to be a paleontologist, and now I don't. You used to only bone girls. Just because you used to want something, doesn't mean you always have to. You can't live your life doing something that doesn't make you happy."

Maybe it sounds dramatic but I feel like if Levi Baxter-a guy who's always lived life the way he wanted and enjoyed the h.e.l.l out of it-feels like he has to go into a profession that might depress him and give him anxiety, what hope do the rest of us have?

"Maybe it will."

"Maybe it won't."

"You're always trying to argue with me. I think you like it." Levi pinches one of my nipples and I swat his hand. He's the one who likes to argue.