That sonofab.i.t.c.h! Didn't even ask why. Wouldn't know or care, of course, today's my day to see Mandy.

She sat there silently for a couple of minutes. Feeling sad.

But jeez, it's like a poison in the system, hating your own father.

Too much hating, Jamie. Hating your father, hating your kid's father, hating the town fathers. Ah, s.h.i.t!

There must be decent men, men who feel good about their kids, men who are careful of their wives, their marriages, careful of their families.

Well, sure there are. Gordie Callister is one of the good ones. And Charlie Bitts, he was another. But jeez, they're so rare and you have to be so careful.

Like last night.

What about last night?

How would Cal Cameron be with a wife, with a kid? How much could you tell from the way a man holds your hand?

Not a good way to be thinking, Jamie. So he held your hand. And he let you talk your heart out, which you did, like a jerk. And what does all that mean? Could be you'll never hear from him again.

Her phone rang.

And Jamie jumped, really startled, and then laughed at her own response, as though she'd think for a minute there was some magical force out there in the world that would put Cal Cameron on the phone just as she was thinking about him.

She pulled out her phone, but it was only Charlie Bitts to let her know he had in fact come through for her and Jimmy would be by with the old Honda no later than eleven-thirty.

She could see the little blonde head in the window, bobbing up and down, even as she drove toward the house on Fourth East.

Inside, Mandy had been squirming impatiently for the last twenty minutes, kneeling on the sofa that stood in front of the parlor window, peering over its back. The moment she saw Jamie's car pull up to the house, she slid off the sofa and ran to the front door, her red tennis shoes slapping on the polished wood floor.

"Mommy's here! Mommy's here!"

Jamie was just getting out of the car when the screen door banged open and Mandy came running down the front steps and across the yard.

"Hey there, sweetie!"

Jamie held out her arms and knelt in the edged gra.s.s as Mandy's greeting almost knocked her over. The child locked her arms around her mother's neck, her white-blond head snuggled up against Jamie's, the corn silk of their hair mingling and shining in the noontime sun. "Let's go let Grandma know we're leaving now," Jamie said, standing up and taking Mandy's hand.

They went up the front steps and Jamie waited on the porch while Mandy ran to tell Edna that Jamie had arrived. Even Mandy knew Edna wouldn't willingly have Jamie in her home.

Edna came to the door, wiping her hands on a dish towel. Her distaste for Jamie marched before her, a gray rigidity that pinched her face and stiffened her back.

"Do you think maybe this time when you bring her back you could see to it she's not filthy dirty." Sniping at Jamie was the only way she knew to talk to her. "Last time I had to work for hours trying to get the stains out of her shirt. Finally had to just throw it out and buy her a new one."

Jamie rarely responded to Edna's jabs. Certainly not in front of Mandy. She let her eye meet Edna's hostile gaze only for a moment and then she looked past her former mother-in-law into the dark parlor where Ervil could be seen sitting in his usual straight-backed arm chair, pretending to read the newspaper. A steep shaft of mote-filled sunlight, the only light in the shadowed room, cast its musty beams into the corner behind Ervil and lit up a large and ancient rubber plant that had stood there for as long as anyone could remember. Edna's needlepoint pillows were all over the place and on the wall there was a cross-st.i.tched sampler.

The Lord's Blessing Dwells

Where the Righteous Reside

It was a tidy, hateful house, full of its own dry rect.i.tude and there wasn't a day that Jamie didn't suffer with the pain of having Mandy call this dark place home.

She took Mandy's hand in hers and together they turned to leave the porch. "Let's go, sweetie."

Mandy was already tugging her down the steps with Edna's voice crackling after them.

"And don't bring her back late! I'll have dinner on the table at six! You hear?"

Jamie let that slip past her and, as they crossed the yard, Mandy whispered to her, "I wasn't filthy dirty!"

"I know that, honey." Jamie leaned down to kiss Mandy's cheek. "I know you weren't filthy dirty." It was bad enough how much she and that wicked old witch hated each other. At least she could try to keep Mandy out of their war. "Grandma just really works very hard keeping everything super clean, so I guess even a tiny little bit of ketchup looks like a whole bottle to her."

She opened the rear door and got Mandy buckled into the car seat. Then she went around to the front and got behind the wheel. From the back seat, Mandy said, "I didn't mean to get dirty. Maybe if we got me a new shirt, Grandma would be glad."

Jamie started the car. "Tell you what," she said. "What we really need to do first of all is get us a big hamburger and a chocolate shake. How about that? And then we can go for a ride all the way to the Big Buy over in Butcher's Fork and we can get you a new shirt."

Then the old biddy can't complain about having to buy a shirt for her granddaughter!

"And if I promise I'll be real, real careful," Mandy said, "and I don't spill a single drop of ketchup, cross my heart, can I get some fries, too?"

"Oh, honey" Jamie slapped her hand impatiently on the steering wheel, her anger at Edna Nixon almost too great to restrain, "You can have all the fries you can eat, and you don't have to worry about the ketchup!"

At the plastic-topped table inside the IceeFreez, Mandy dragged the last fry through the puddle of ketchup on her paper plate, swirled it around a couple of times, and then held the soggy thing over her head, turning her face up to let it drop into her mouth. Jamie was glad Mandy had already forgotten about trying to stay spotless.

Such stupid nonsense. You can't expect a little kid to be clean all the time. Isn't that why G.o.d made washing machines?

And especially on her one day out of every fourteen that she got to spend with her mother, not even the whole day, she ought to be able to be just a kid!

Is it any different when she gets to see Ray? He can get to see her any time he wants and he wouldn't even notice if the child rolled around all day in a corral. What does Edna say then?

Jamie sipped at the chocolate shake once and then slid it across the table to Mandy, who took a long pull on the straw, almost draining the big paper cup.

And just how much time was she spending with Ray? And what did they do together?

"Sweetie, have you been over to Daddy's place lately. Do you get to see Daddy very much? Does he-do he and Tina-take you out?"

The cup was empty but Mandy kept sucking, sweeping the straw around and around the narrow base. She kept her eyes lowered, as though the inside of her cup had suddenly become very interesting. When she didn't answer the question, Jamie, concerned now, spoke as gently as she could.

"What's the matter, honey. Is there something you don't want to tell me?"

Mandy's fine little brow puckered up before she spoke, and she kept staring into the cup. "Mommy," she said finally. "I feel funny at Daddy's house."

"Funny?" Jamie asked. "At the trailer?"

"They act funny when I'm there."

What's going on? If that b.a.s.t.a.r.d is doing anything to hurt her . . .

"Who acts funny? Daddy? Or Tina? It's all right to tell me sweetie. I know you didn't do anything wrong."

Mandy's little face looked so serious and she was keeping her eyes away from Jamie. "Well, once when Grandma was real sick and Grandpa had to drive her all the way to Salt Lake City to go the doctor-"

Jamie hadn't known about that. But even if Edna was seriously ill, no one would have bothered to tell Jamie about it.

"I didn't know Grandma was sick. When was it? Was it after I saw you last time?"

"Yes. Grandpa had to take the day off from work to go with her. So I had to stay with Daddy and Tina and I had to sleep overnight."

Suddenly she got down from her chair and came around the table to climb into Jamie's lap. She started to play nervously with the b.u.t.tons on Jamie's shirt.

"They have a lot of parties, Mommy, and the people act funny. They sort of laugh a lot, and they cry too, and they run out of the trailer like they don't know where they are. And there was this one man, he wanted me to do something. I didn't know what he wanted. He said to me, Here, kid, sniff some of this stuff. It's real good stuff.' And Daddy was laughing and he said, Hey lay off her, she's only a kid.' And Mommy, I was scared. And then Daddy and Tina went away and I didn't see them anymore."

Jamie had to hold her tongue against the rage that blazed through her. Her arms went around Mandy who snuggled closer and put her thumb in her mouth, something Jamie hadn't seen her do for a long time.

"And Mommy," Jamie almost couldn't hear her now, "I got under the bed and slept there all night and I wanted so bad for you to come and get me. And the next day, there was only Daddy and Tina, and they were sleeping on the sofa, and they didn't even know I'd been under the bed all night." A couple of tears rolled down Mandy's round cheeks and her tiny chin was all dimpled and quivering. Jamie took a paper napkin from the tray and wiped the child's face.

"Mandy, honey, you were really good to tell me. Don't be afraid at all, sweetie. You didn't do anything wrong. Not a single thing. You were a good girl. You are a good girl." She pressed the napkin around the tiny nose. "Now, blow." The child did, and Jamie hugged her. "There. That's my good girl."

"That's not what Grandma says."

"What do you mean honey? What does Grandma say?"

"I don't think Grandma likes me very much. She's always saying I'm not good. Only she says I'm a no-good."

Jamie felt as though a hammer had slammed her chest. "Well, Grandma can't say that. You're a very good girl. Maybe Grandma just wasn't feeling well. Didn't you say she had to go to the doctor?"

"Why can't I live with you, Mommy?"

The pain in Jamie's throat was making it hard for her to talk. "Sweetie, Grandma and Grandpa love you and they'd be so unhappy if you didn't live with them."

"That's what you always tell me, Mommy, but I told Grandma I want to live with you and she said she was going to wash my mouth out with soap if I said that again. She said the devil was going to take me away and I'd never see anyone again. Why can't I stay with you, Mommy? I'd be so good. You'd see, I'd tie my own shoelaces and I wouldn't be any trouble. I know how to wash dishes. I'd wash all the dishes and you wouldn't have to. Please Mommy. I'd try so hard. I'd be such a good girl. You'd see, Mommy. Please!"

She had locked her hands around the back of Jamie's neck and her eyes were fastened on Jamie's.

I could just take her out of this place, just get into the car, and drive with her, far, far away, away from this d.a.m.ned nightmare. It isn't fair. Things like this shouldn't happen to innocent little kids. I should just put her in the car and go!

And we'd wind up fugitives. I can just see it, Mandy's picture in an Amber Alert. And then, after they drag us back, I'd never see her again!

She put her hands around the little face-G.o.d, was there anything sweeter than the velvet feel of your own little girl's face in your hands? She hoped the child could see the seriousness of what she was about to say to her. "Someday, you are going to live with me, honey. You'll see. I promise you, sweetie. I promise!"

Somehow, somehow I will make it happen!

"And I want you to make a promise to me. I want you to promise me you'll remember that you are a good girl, darling. You are a wonderful girl. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different!"

She held her tightly, almost terrified by the fragileness of the little body in her arms, and she pressed her cheek against the feathery fine hair.

"Now, you promise me," she said, "if anyone says you're not good, you'll say to them, Yes, I am. I am a good girl.' Promise me, sweetie?"

Mandy whispered firmly right into Jamie's ear.

"I promise, Mommy."

What am I going to do? I don't want to scare her, but she's not safe. I've got to see to it that Ray stays away from her!

And if I don't do it right, I'll make it worse for both of us!

She forced herself to put on a light-hearted face and hugged her little girl. "Now, sweetie, you and I are supposed to be having a good time today. So don't you worry about Grandma. It's going to be all right. And don't worry about Daddy's parties or going over there. That's not going to happen again."

Jamie hadn't a clue how she could stop them, but it was all she could think of to tell Mandy. "And right now, you and I are going shopping and we're going to find you the snazziest new shirt. Okay?"

Mandy sniffled a little bit, but her face brightened. She felt safe with Mommy and Mommy said everything was going to be okay. She put her plump little hand into Jamie's, and together they went back to Jamie's car.

Sat.u.r.day was family shopping day, the day when everyone from fifty miles around drove into Butcher's Fork to stock up. All the moms and dads and trailing-along kids, babies being toted or riding in shopping carts. The air at the Big Buy was filled with the sounds of piped-in music, the soft whirr of the air-conditioning, and the muted buzz of the shoppers.

Jamie and Mandy made their first stop, as they always did, to buy a bag of popcorn. Jamie carried the bag and Mandy had her fist crammed with popcorn.

"I want a shirt with h.e.l.lo Kitty on it, Mommy. Okay, Mommy? Can I have a shirt with h.e.l.lo Kitty on it?"

"For sure you can, if they have them." Jamie steered her toward the racks of children's T-shirts. "Let's see what's here."

Jamie was glad to have something silly to think about. One little corner of her mind could deal with h.e.l.lo Kitty on a T-shirt. The rest of her mind was being wracked with tough, tough problems. And she didn't have forever to solve them. Every day that Mandy was exposed to the Nixons, all of them, was another day for them to harm her daughter.

As she searched through the hanging shirts on the circular racks, with Mandy bouncing excitedly around her, she was trying to think of a plan. First of all, she would have to just sit down and think this through carefully. And the best way to do that would be to go to her favorite retreat. After she took Mandy back to Edna's tonight she could grab a sandwich and a coffee and head up to the canyon. A few hours up there would clear her head and help her figure things out. And don't even talk to her anymore about finding the strength to just bear her troubles. Those days had just come to an end.

But now the canyon wasn't hers only. She had allowed Cal Cameron to share it with her. A mistake? With everything else on her mind, there in the midst of the T-shirts, there was now also the sudden memory of him from last night, a good-looking cowboy, with the canyon wind blowing the trees and the gra.s.ses around him.

And the memory of how she'd run away from the touch of his fingers on her hair and the warmth of his hand holding hers.

"Here's one, Mommy! I found one!"

Mandy was reaching into the display of shirts above her head, excitedly trying to pull out her prize from amidst the ma.s.s of hanging T-shirts. "Is this my size? Is it, Mommy? Is it?"

"Hey, good for you honey. You found one all by yourself." Jamie came around the rack to where Mandy was bouncing up and down. "Let's just check the label and see if-"

She was brought up short, forgetting what she was saying. Far down the aisle, near the other end of the store, there he was!