She was at a loss for words. He could not remember ever seeing that before. He wanted to say something to show he understood and felt the same anger and loss.

He also thought, against his will and with a curious, sharp hunger, of all the things she had said about joy and not being alone, of having the opportunity to share with someone the bonds of honesty and familiarity which are the deepest of all friendships, the losing of the barriers of fear, which divide.

He reached forward and took her hands and held them in his, quite gently, feeling after a moment her fingers respond. It was not a strong grasp, not a clinging, just a knowledge of the other's being there, a gentleness for which there were no words, perhaps even a memory of many other times when they had felt the same but had remained separate.

It was a clatter of footsteps on the stairs which disturbed them. Hester pulled away slowly, turning to the door as Perdita came in.

"Oh!" she said, seeing Monk. "Oh, I'm sorry. Hester ... I don't know what to do. It's just impossible. I can't manage this!" She was obviously on the edge of tears, her face pink, and she was breathing rapidly. She behaved as if she had already forgotten Monk was there or simply was past caring.

Hester was on the very edge of losing her temper. Monk could see it in the rigidity of her body, especially her neck. When she spoke her voice was brittle.

"Well, if you really can't, perhaps you had better give up," she answered. "I don't know quite what that means. I suppose you do or you wouldn't have said it. Have the staff look after Gabriel, and you lead a separate life. I don't know whether you could afford it flnancially. Maybe Athol would help? Or if you ask him, Gabriel would release you from the marriage altogether. He offered to before. You told me that when I first came. Only then, of course, you said you wouldn't dream of it"

Perdita looked as if she had been struck in the face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth slack.

"I'm sure you could marry again," Hester went on ruthlessly, her voice getting harder and heavier. "You are very pretty-in fact, quite beautiful-and you have a very docile and agreeable nature... just what most men want-"

"Stop it!" Perdita shouted at her. "You mean I'm stupid and cowardly, and no use for anything but to do as I'm told! I'm fine when everything is all right. I can simper and smile and flatter people and be obedient. I can keep my place and make anyone feel comfortable... and superior. But when something goes wrong, and you need a woman with courage and intelligence, I just run away. I don't think of anybody but myself. How I feel... and what I want" Her lips were trembling, but she did not stop. She gulped and swallowed, glaring at Hester. "Then you can step in, all brave and unselfish. You know what to do, what to say. You're never afraid, never confused. Nothing ever revolts you or makes you want to run away and pretend it never happened!"

Her voice was rising high and becoming louder. The servants must have been able to hear her as far as the kitchen. "Well, I'll tell you something, Miss Perfect Nurse! n.o.body wants a woman who is never wrong. You can't love somebody who doesn't need you, who's never vulnerable or frightened or makes mistakes. I may not be half as clever as you are, or as brave, or know anything about Indian history or soldiers or what it is like to see real war... but I know that."

Hester stood very stiff, her back like a ramrod, her shoulders clenched so tight Monk felt as if he could see the bones of them pulling against her dress. He was not certain, but he thought she was shivering. This was what she had wanted, what she had intended to happen when she had provoked Perdita ... at least he thought it was. But that did not stop it from hurting. There was too much truth in it, and yet it was also so terribly wrong.

"You are lashing out in anger, Mrs. Sheldon," he said in a low, controlled voice. "And you don't know what you are talking about. You know nothing of Miss Latterly except what you have seen in this house. There are many kinds of men and many kinds of love. Sometimes we imagine what we must hunger for is a sweet and clinging creature who will feed our vanity and hang upon our words, dependent upon our judgment all the time." He took a breath. "And then we meet the harder realities of life, and a woman who has the courage, the fire and the intelligence to be our equal, and we discover that those joys far outweigh the irritations and discomforts." He stared at her very hard. "You must be true to the best in yourself, Mrs. Sheldon, but you have no grounds and no right to insult where you do not know the facts. Miss Latterly may not be loved widely, but she is loved very deeply indeed, more than most women can aspire to or dare to accept."

The color burned up in Perdita's cheeks. She was furious and overwhelmed with embarra.s.sment. She did not know what to say, and the rage boiling inside her was only too apparent in her eyes.

Hester, on the other hand, stood as if frozen.

Monk could barely believe he had said what he had. His first instinct, almost taking his breath away, was to deny it, somehow qualify it all so it did not apply to him. The desire to escape was so urgent it was like a physical compulsion.

He saw Hester's back and shoulders, the dress still pulled tight, her neck muscles stiff. As clearly as if he could see her eyes, he knew she was waiting for him to deny his words, to withdraw or disclaim.

If he did, would it be because they were untrue or because he was an emotional coward?

She would not know the answer to that, but he did. What he had revealed was not untrue.

"If you offer Miss Latterly an apology, I am sure she will accept it," he said more stiffly than he intended.

Hester took a deep breath.

"Oh..." Perdita sighed. "Oh ... yes. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm behaving very badly." Her eyes filled with tears.

Hester moved forward. "Not nearly as badly as you think. And you are at least partly right. We do love people for their vulnerabilities as well as their strengths. We must have both, even to understand each other, never mind anything more. Just keep trying. Remember how important it is." Her voice dropped. "Killian Melville is dead. It was probably suicide. Last night."

Perdita stared at her in horror, then her eyes flew to Monk's.

"Oh.. .I'm so sorry! Because of the case? Because of what he was, and because it is illegal?"

"More than that," he answered her. "Actually, Melville wasn't a man at all; her name was Keelin, and she was a woman. She dressed as a man and behaved as one in all respects, except towards Isaac Wolff, because it was the only way she would be allowed to practice her profession and use the talents G.o.d gave her." He used the word G.o.d G.o.d without thinking about it until he had said it. Then it was too late to take it back, and perhaps it was what he meant. without thinking about it until he had said it. Then it was too late to take it back, and perhaps it was what he meant.

Perdita did not move. Her face was filled, and changed with growing realization of what he had said, and something of what it meant. Then she shook her head, at first minutely, then a little more, then more again. Then she turned around and went to the door.

"I'm going back to Gabriel. I'll tell him. He'll be terribly sorry. It really is so-so final. It's too late to get anything back now, to ... say anything, mend anything." And she went out quickly, hand fumbling on the k.n.o.b to turn it.

Hester finally turned to look at Monk. Her eyes searched his.

He tried to think of something to say which would not be evasive, or ba.n.a.l, nor yet commit him to anything he would regret. His mind filled with Keelin Melville, and Zillah Lambert, and the tragic, destructive farce of beauty and the urge to be suitably married, or if that failed, to be married at all costs, anything but remain single.

"Now you are free to look for Martha's brother's children," Hester said quietly. "But don't run up a debt she cannot pay. Just do what you are able to."

"I wasn't going to charge her!" he said a little sharply. Why had she thought he would? Did she not know him better than that?

"And be careful what you tell her," she added anxiously. "It is almost certain to be very bad."

"Are you paying me?" he asked sarcastically.

"No..."

"Then stop giving me orders!" he retorted. He jammed his hands into his pockets. This was going to get worse if he remained. He was not saying what he wanted to, what he meant. He was raw inside with the knowledge of failure, of life and opportunity and brilliance and love wasted forever. Perhaps Hester was too, and it frightened her. "I'll tell you what I find out, if there is anything," he said aloud. "In a day or two."

"Thank you."

He went to the door and turned. He half smiled at her, then went out.

Chapter 9.

Monk set about the task of searching for the two children with a feeling of self-disgust for having been stupid enough to accept such a ludicrous case. His chances of learning anything provable were remote, and even if he did it would be something poor Martha Jackson would be infinitely better not knowing. But there was no escape now. It was his own fault for listening to his emotions rather than his intelligence. His fault-and Hester's.

There was only one place to begin: the last news Martha herself knew of them, which was the house where they were born and had lived until their father died. It was in Coopers Arms Lane, off Putney High Street, south of the river. It was quite a long journey, and rather than waste time in traveling back and forth he had packed a light bag and taken with him sufficient funds to stay overnight at an inn should there prove to be anything worth pursuing. He did not wish to spend any more time than necessary on this case, and to be honest, he wished it over with as soon as possible, consistent with keeping his word.

It was a very pleasant day, warm and bright, and if undertaken for any other reason, he would have enjoyed the journey. He arrived in Putney a little before half past ten and found Coopers Arms Lane without having to ask anyone for directions. The tavern after which it had taken its name looked a promising place for luncheon-and for picking up any relevant gossip.

First he would try the house itself, simply to exclude it from his investigations. After twenty-one years no one would remember anything. Probably they would not have after twenty-one weeks.

He found the right house, a modest residence of the sort usually occupied by two or three families behind its shabby, well-cared-for walls. The step was scrubbed and whitened, the pathway swept. The curtains at the front windows were clean, and even from the outside he could see where they had been carefully mended. It all spoke of ordinary, decent lives lived on the razor's edge between poverty and respectability, always aware that the future could change, illness strike with its unpayable bills, or employment vanish.

Had it been the same in Samuel Jackson's day? All the houses up and down the street looked like this one. He felt a wound of sadness as he thought how tragedy had struck, without warning and without mercy. He found he was cold, even in the sunlight, as he put out his hand to lift the knocker.

The woman who answered was not pretty in any conventional sense, but clear eyes and a gentle nature made her appearing. She spoke with a soft Irish accent.

"Yes sir? Can I help you?"

"Good morning, ma'am," he answered with more courtesy than he would have used in his days as a policeman. He had no power to demand anymore. "I am making enquiries on behalf of a friend whose brother used to live in this house twenty-one years ago. I realize it is unlikely anyone will know what became of him now. It is really his children I am concerned with. She lost touch...." He saw the look of concern and disbelief in the woman's face. Twenty years was too long to account for renewed interest now without an explanation. He made himself smile again. "Her own circ.u.mstances were difficult. She had not the financial means to employ anyone to seek after them, nor the time or knowledge to do it herself."

"And she has now?" the woman said, skepticism still evident in her voice.

"No," Monk admitted. "I am doing it as a favor. She is in service in a house where a friend of mine is nursing an injured soldier."

"Oh." The answer seemed to satisfy. "Twenty-one years ago, did you say?"

"Yes. Were you in this house then?" The moment he had said it he realized it was a foolish question. She could not be much more than twenty-five herself.

She smiled and shook her head. "No sir, that I wasn't. Sure I was still at home in Ireland then, but my pa was. He worked here, and he lodged over the road with Mrs. O'Hare. He'd maybe know who was here then. Missed us all, he did, and were terrible fond o' the little ones. If you'd like to come away in, I'll ask him for you."

"Thank you Mrs___"

"Mrs. Heggerty, Maureen Heggerty. Come away in, then, sir." And she backed into the pa.s.sageway, pulling the door wide for him to follow. "Pa!" she called, lifting her voice. "Pa! There's a gentleman here as would like to see you."

"William Monk," he introduced himself. She turned her back to him and was awaiting her father's answer to her summons, so it seemed inopportune to offer her a card.

"Welcome, Mr. Monk. Pa! Are you fallen asleep again now? It's only half past ten in the morning."

A man of about sixty came lumbering from the back of the house, pushing a large hand through thick silver-white hair. He was dressed in shapeless trousers and a collarless shirt with its sleeves rolled up. He denied it indignantly, but obviously to Monk, he had indeed been asleep. He looked like a bear woken from winter hibernation. He blinked past his daughter at Monk standing in the pa.s.sage, silhouetted against the light from the still-open front door and the sunlit street beyond.

"Sure and what is it I can be doin' for yer, sir?" he said pleasantly enough. He narrowed his eyes to focus on Monk's face and try to read something beyond his beautifully cut jacket and shining boots.

"Good morning, sir," Monk said respectfully. "Mrs. Heggerty tells me you lived in this street twenty-one years ago-in the house opposite this one?"

"Two doors along," he corrected. "On t'other side." His brow creased. "Why would that be interestin' to you?"

"I believe a Mr. Samuel Jackson lived here then," Monk explained. Mrs. Heggerty stood between them, the light on her fair hair, her hands tucked under her ap.r.o.n. "He had two children," Monk went on. "I am making enquiries on behalf of Mr. Jackson's sister, who is at last in a position to attempt to trace those children. Since she is their only living relative, as far as she knows, she has a care that if there is any chance whatever of finding them, she may be able to offer them some ... some affection, if that is possible." He knew it sounded foolish even as he said it, and wished he had thought of something better.

"For sure, poor little things," the older man said with a shake of his head. "A bit late now, mind you." The criticism was only mild. He was a man who had seen much tragedy of a quiet domestic kind, and it was written in his weathered face and his bright, narrowed eyes as he regarded Monk.

"You knew them?" Monk said quickly.

"I saw them," the man corrected. "Knew them'd not be the right word. They were only tiny things."

"Would you not like a cup o' tea, Mr. Monk?" Mrs. Heggerty interrupted. "And you, Pa?"

"For sure I would." Her father nodded. "Come away to the kitchen." He beckoned to Monk. "We'll not be standing here for the neighbors to stare at. Close the door, girl!" He held out his hand. "Me name's Michael Connor."

"How do you do, sir," Monk responded, allowing Mrs. Heggerty to move behind him and close the door as instructed.

The kitchen was a small, cluttered room with a stone sink under the window, two pails of water beside it, presumably drawn from the nearest well, perhaps a dozen doors along the street, or possibly from a standpipe. A large stove was freshly blacked, and on it were five pots, two of them big enough to hold laundry, more of which hung from the rail winched up to the ceiling on a rope fastened around a cleat at the farther wall.

A dresser carried enough crockery to serve a dozen people at a sitting, and in the bins below were no doubt flour, dried beans and lentils, barley, oatmeal and other household necessities. Strings of onions and shallots hung from the ceiling on the other side of the room. Two smoothing irons rested on trivets near the stove, and large earthenware pots were labeled for potash, lye, bran and vinegar.

Mrs. Heggerty pointed to one of the upright wooden chairs near the table and then moved to the stove to replace the kettle on the hob and fetch the tea caddy.

"What happened to the children, Mr. Connor?" Monk asked.

"After poor Sam died, you mean?" Connor resumed his seat in the largest and most comfortable chair. "That was all very sudden, poor devil. Right as rain one minute, dead the next. At least that's what it looked like, although you can never tell. A man doesn't talk about every pain he gets. Could've been suffering for years, I suppose." He looked thoughtfully into the middle distance, and on the stove the kettle began to sing.

Mrs. Heggerty scalded the teapot, then put the tea in it- sparingly, they had not means to waste-and added water to the brim, leaving it to steep.

"Yes, after he died. What happened?" Monk prompted.

"Well, Mrs. Jackson was left all on her own," Connor answered. "Seems she had no one else, poor little thing. Pretty creature, she was. Charming as the sunshine. Never believed those poor misshapen little things were hers. But o'course they were, sure enough. Looked like her, in her own way." He shook his head, his face sunk in sorrow and amazement. Absentmindedly he made the sign of the cross, and in a continuation of the movement accepted a cup of tea from his daughter.

Monk had already been given his. It did not look very strong, but it was fresh and piping hot. He thanked her for it and looked again at Connor.

"What happened to them?"

"Bleedin' from the stomach, it was." Connor sighed. "It happens. Seen it before. Good man, he was, always a pleasant word. Jackson loved those two little girls more, maybe, than if they'd been perfect." Again he shook his head, his eyes welling over with sadness.

Behind him, Mrs. Heggerty's face was pinched with sorrow too, and she dabbed her eyes with the corner of her ap.r.o.n.

"But always anxious," Connor went on. "I suppose he knew what kind of life lay ahead for them and he was trying to think what to do for the best. Anyway, it never came to that, poor soul. Dead, he was, and them no more'n three and a year old, or thereabouts."

Mrs. Heggerty sniffed.

"What did their mother do?" Monk asked.

"She couldn't care for 'em, now could she, poor creature?" Connor shook his head. "No husband, no money anymore. Had to place 'em and go and earn her own way. Don't know what she did." He cradled his mug in his hands and sipped at it slowly. "Clever enough, and certainly pretty enough for anything, but there aren't a lot for a respectable widow to do. No people of her own, an' none of his to be seen." He stopped, staring unhappily at Monk. "You'll not find them little mites now, you know?"

Mrs. Heggerty was listening to them, her work forgotten, her face full of pity.

"Yes, I do know," Monk agreed. "But I said I would try." He sipped his tea as well. It had more flavor than he had expected.

"Well, you could try Buxton House, down the far end of the High Street," Mrs. Heggerty suggested. "She must have been at her wit's end, poor woman. I can't think of anything worse to happen to a soul than to have to give up your children, and them not right, so you'd never even be able to comfort yourself they'd be cared for by some other person as you would have done." She stood stiffly, her arms folded across her bosom as if holding some essence of her own children closer, and Monk remembered the rows of small clothes on the airing rack and the doll propped up on the stairs. Presumably the children were at lessons at this hour of the morning.

He rose to his feet. "Thank you, I will." The tea was half finished. Leaving it required some explanation. "I know it's futile. I want to get it over with as soon as possible. Thank you, Mrs. Heggerty, Mr. Connor."

"Sure you're welcome, sir," she said, moving to take him back to the door.

A couple of enquiries took him to Buxton House, a large, gaunt building which in earlier days had been a family home but now boasted nothing whatever beyond the strictly functional. A thin, angular-boned woman with her hair screwed back off her face was scrubbing the step, her arms sweeping back and forth rhythmically, her dreams elsewhere.

When he rang the bell it was answered by another woman, so fat the fabric strained at the seams of her gray dress. Her florid face was already angry even before she saw him.

"We're full up!" she said bluntly. "Try the orphanage over the river at Parsons Green." She made as if to close the door.

Looking into her bleak, blue eyes Monk had a sudden very ugly idea, born of knowledge and experience.

"I will, if you can't help me," he replied tersely. "I'm looking for girls about ten or eleven, old enough to start work and easy to train into good ways. I'm setting up house a few miles from here. I'd sooner have girls without family, so they're not always wanting days off to go home. I could try city girls, but I've no connections." He could easily have been stocking a brothel or selling girls abroad for the white slave trade, and she must know that as well as he did.

Her face altered like sunshine from a cloud. In an instant the line of her mouth softened and the ice in her eyes melted.

"I'm sorry, sir," she said smoothly. "I'm fair mithered to pieces to take poor children I 'aven't the means ter care for, though G.o.d knows I'm willin' enough. But you can't feed 'ungry mouths if you in't got no food." She straightened her skirt absentmindedly. "It'd be a fair blessin' if yer could take two or three girls, sir. Make room for two or three more wot's infants an' can't do a thing for theirselves. I've got several as is both willin' an able ter please, an' comely enough. Jus' coming inter young ladies, like." She smiled widely and knowingly at Monk. Perhaps in her youth she had been buxom enough; now she was grotesque. His knowledge of her trade made her repellent to him.

He forced himself to look interested. It was difficult to keep the disgust from his face.